Tuesday, July 31, 2012

One last class together

Tonight is Ravebaby's last mommy and me class at the gym. I find myself getting emotional about it. One last mommy and me class before she moves on to the big girl level. Once she moves up that is it. I will no longer be on the may with her. I'll be in the gallery next week and from now on. I'll be just another mom watching.

Between the potty learning, sleeping more and more in her own bed, and now moving to the big girl class, she is growing up so fast! Seems like I was just in the birthing pool holding Baby Bud and now I have Ravebaby on the verge of being Ravegirl. The time just flys.

I don't think watching the Olympics is helping. I look at her and I see all the potential in the world. Ravebaby can be anything, can do anything, and yet what I want is to make sure she is happy, what ever that means. Next week I start sitting in the gallery after that maybe we can finally conquer pooping in the potty.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The 40hr working momma

So two weeks ago I had the opportunity to cover for the other secretary and worked all day. I pulled 40 hrs and let me tell you at the end of this all I was really wondering how I use to do it every week. I felt like I never saw Ravebaby the whole week. I would get up go to work come home for lunch and go back to work and then home by 6:30. Nothing hard or anything that I hadn't done before but since I stopped working full time back in March it was the most time I had spent away from Ravebaby.

I hadn't realized how much I missed by working full time. I missed so much by working full time for those first two years and I thank God for the chance to try to make up for the lost time. I've been looking at full time jobs. Wondering if I should go back. Wondering if the next to nothing bank account means that I need to go back. After the 40 hr week I'm just going to have to buckle down cook and not spend money. I make enough to cover the bills and in the end we okay. I know Ravebaby doesn't care about money. I know she wants time with me. Right now God is giving me the chance to give my child what she actually needs and that is what matters. Are there things I would like to buy? Yes but material stuff won't bring any closer to my goal of being a good mom so it time to buy less crap and spend more time on the family.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The list that changed it all

I was cleaning a bit yesterday and I came across DH's allergy report from 2003. So many emotions rushed over me. I know it's time to redo the tests; some of DH's allergies seem to have gotten worse while others better.

The overwhelming feeling was actually one of gratitude. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I truly shutter to think what would have happened to Ravebaby if we hadn't have known about DH's wheat allergy. The mind, body, and food connection is one I can now see so clearly. That my child goes from healthy running everywhere toddler to sickly fussy baby when she or I have wheat. It is not just a sick kid, her attitude changes. She's a great kid with tantrums few and far between unless she has wheat then she melts down at every little thing. Even DH seems more clear headed and sharp when he stays off the wheat and other allergens.

I watch my child and I wonder how many bad kids are just in pain from an untreated allergy. Since going totally wheat free DH can wear polyester. Growing up he could never wear it without breaking out. Maybe the breakouts where wheat related? If Ravebaby has been allergic to wheat since conception then maybe DH has too. Maybe all of his health problems as a child were actually major allergy reactions. The human body is a hard working vessel but it can only handle so much. One month of wheat exposure put Ravebaby in the hospital for 3 days. The official diagnoses was UTI but I know my baby never even had a cold before we let wheat back into our diets. We kicked wheat back out and have lived happily ever after.

I am not saying that everyone has a food allergy. I am not advocating everyone go wheat free. I am saying that talking to, reading about, and living with people with food allergies that those forever runny noses and/or never clearing rashes seem to have an underlaying cause and that maybe an allergy could be it. Even the best of the allergy eliminating moms can have an allergen slip in to the diet when running around. Ravebaby and DH have both had allergy attacks from thing that should be wheat free, like a milkshake. Don't be afraid to ask what is in something. Don't be afraid to demand and answer. You have the right to know.

I've read articles and blog pieces from parents who only wish they had the chance to ask. "It was just a mild allergy so we never asked what was in the food and now my child is dead. All we had to do was ask." A mild allergy can turn fatal and even mild exposures can start a chain reaction. I hate asking. I am so shy. My child needs me to be brave. My shyness does not give me the right to torture my child. Too many nights have I just assumed the food was okay and then watched her scream in pain all night.

I use to think eastern medicine was bunch of hooey. I totally see it now. We are what we eat. In America we have no clue what we are eating. It looks like a hamburger and taste like one so it must be one for $0.99. Then we wonder why feel sick all of the time. The .99 hamburger has little beef and wheat and lots of wonderful labs worthy ingredients. So I am going to work more towards cleaning our diets. More towards eating whole natural foods. I've complained about the cost in the past but really which cost more the organic apple or the three night hospital stay? We'll see how we do with trying to eat better. I see a lot more label reading and cooking in my future.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Never dream big enough

Yesterday was the Groom's wedding. We had many trials and tribulations watching the Groom's face as he caught sight of his lady walking down the aisle made it all worth it. The joy and absolute happiness on his face really did make it worth the trip.

Without talking too much about the past, I will say that yesterday was the best I had ever seen the Groom look. When I first met him 9 years ago, he was so fragile looking. Yesterday, I saw a man who was happy and healthy and ready for a life full of anything that can be thrown at him. Truly the Lady has been good for him. They make each other shine.

There were several times that I fought back tears. The Groom's vows made me and most of the crowd cry. The blending of sand to symbolize the blending of the family was also a tear jerker. I saw several people crying during the first dance. The moment that got to me and I mean I was crying hard was watching the Groom dance with his youngest "step"-daughter. I was struck by the sweetness and joy of that moment. I was also struck by the thought that I had dreamed too small for the Groom. In my prayers, I prayed for God to put the right woman in the Grooms path. I remember saying God please send this man a wife. He is such great guy and he deserves to be happy. When Briana and I would talk about the Groom we always talked about how he needed a good wife. We focused on a wife for him. I think DH said it best, " What God sent him was a life.".

I wish you could see the Groom's changes. I wish there was a play the pictures of transition from my head. He was always a great guy. Really the type of friend that you wish every friend would be. Maybe that was really the problem, he was so busy caring for everybody else that he let himself slip through the cracks. Yesterday I saw a man who knew what to do to make himself happy. He grabbed his life, his future, and his happiness.

I am not sure when I'll see them again. I am not sure we'll ever make this trip again. I know that this ends the Danville chapter. I got here 9 years ago kicking and screaming and fought to leave until we finally moved back to Texas. I never dreamed of all of the things I got from the Danville adventure. I never dream big enough. I always want the minimum and yet God always provides to the maximum. Yesterday the Groom taught me that the surface isn't enough. We deserve the whole fullness of life. I asked for the Groom to get a Wife but God knew better and sent him a life.