Wheatless Mama

Sexy

2012-01-30T09:10:00.000-05:00

DH and I had a long discussion yesterday after my "Feeling Fat" post. He of course argued that men don't feel like that. They don't allow the media in like that. He's a big guy and if the clothes don't fit he just moves on. Okay, but men also don't have really have the skinny vs fluffy debate to deal with. If I want something sexy I have to go to a specialty store. Big Girls 'R Us ain't on every corner. A fluffy girl has to know where to shop. We can't just go into any store and expect to walk out with something. If the store doesn't have a "Plus-size" "Today's Woman" "Womens" or another random for the fluffy girl term section then you are shit out of luck. With men tending to buy big, thanks to the horrible show your underwear fashion, they can usually find something even if it is just undershirts. Not true for the fluffy girl. If I want something other than perfume, Victoria's secret is not for me. By the same token, if you want something from Lane Bryant and you are under a size 14, they go nothing for you. Women are set up in a vs fashion. Skinny bitches vs Fluffy goddesses; what is up with that!?

Anyways, I'm still on the hunt of a garter belt and stockings. I've gone to the interwebs and have found a lot of stuff. I'm a bit worried about the budget but only because I found some to die for steel-bones corsets. Too bad I don't blog toward fashion or might could talk some of these companies into letting me try and review. LOL. The quest continues.

I am sexy. My clothes don't really mean anything. My feelings about myself are all in my head and on this blog. Yes, there are times I feel fat. There are also times I'm walking around thinking I'm the hottest thing ever. Most days I'm just happy in my own skin. So with or without the corset, garter belt, stockings, and sky-high pump, I'm sexy and I know it!

Feeling fat

2012-01-29T17:30:00.000-05:00

so yesterday I went to Victoria's Secret. Needless to say I now feel super fat. Since losing weight with the wheatfree diet, I've been having a crisis of body image. Strangely, I was more comfortable being bigger. I felt sexy. Now I just don't know how to feel about me. I'm about a size 16. Basically I'm back to my high school size, not my high school weight but size. I feel too fat for "regular" sized clothes but the "plus" sized stuff fit too big. I'm in a no woman's land.

As part of my trying to reclaim me, I'm trying to evolve my personal style. I want to be a bit more pin-up and less sweatpants mom. I want to feel sexy, strong and beautiful all the time instead of feeling so slouchy. The make-up I can totally handle. While I tend to be more clean faced, I love eyeliner. I am in search of the perfect red lipstick but that is a blog for another day. I am struggling with the clothes. I want to wear things fitted but then my muffin top shows. I want to wear things that are breastfeeding friendly. I've actually had a lot of luck with that.

One area that is actually working for me is shoes! Since I have to wear pumps and "fancy" shoes to work, I am finding for the first time in my life I can wear high heels without a problem. So this leads me to Victoria's Secret. I love wearing a garter belt and stockings. They feel sexy. They are classic pin-up. It's like a sexy secret since it's under the dress and only I know I have it on. None of my old garter belts fit and I don't have any stockings so off I got to buy some. I headed to the Secret in hopes of finding something. Instead, I left with my ego super bruised. I feel fat. Oh well, I'll feel sexy another day.

Scary ain't it :)

50% of my life

2012-01-27T08:45:00.000-05:00

So DH and I recently crossed a milestone of togetherness; we've been together as a couple for 50% of our lives. So half of my life has been spent as part of this couple. Pretty cool and it makes me think about how we spend our lives. I mean in the grand scheme of things Audrey's babyhood was a blink of an eye. This 2 year+ of breastfeeding are nothing. I mean if I live to be 100 and then I would have spent like 4% of my life breastfeeding Audrey (if she weans by age 4).

Time has been on my mind. I'm not that old, all of 32, but I don't want to be old one day looking back and going I waste x amount on my life hating my job or caring about what person x thought of me. I'm in a good place. I love what I do. I love my family. I am still madly in love with my husband. Is my life prefect? No but I'm happy. Good days and bad days, I think all balance out to 75/25 when it's all said and done. So 50% of my life has been with DH. I guess from here on out everyday tills the balance to more DH than no DH. Interesting.

Wordless Wednesday: guess who wants to drive

2012-01-25T09:23:00.001-05:00

100 things to eat before you die - my turn

2012-01-15T15:32:00.001-05:00

So this list has been making the rounds for a few years. I got from Chew on That blog. So I'm marking things in red if I've eaten it, plus making my own random comments.

1. Venison - we call this deer meat
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros - I'm Mexican so yeah, I've eaten this most mornings.
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile - I've had alligator, does that count?
6. Black pudding - I'm not a fan of blood things.
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari - I miss calamari.
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses (A French cheese)
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (one of the hottest peppers in the world)
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - I've have both but not together
33. Salted lassi - I've had mango lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - Again had both but not together
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects

43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Single Malt whiskey
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea Urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal - Grew up on these but those days are long gone.
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkil
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef - they called it Kobe beef, not sure if it was.
86. Hare - Same as rabbit?
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake - I honestly don't remember

My total = 54 things.

I like the list. It includes simple everyday stuff and them some harder to find things. I'm hoping to cross off more this year. DH has 70 or so on the list. His family traveled the US when he was younger. I have a I'll eat it once philosophy. I think part of it is growing up poor. I don't come from people that turn their noses up at food. If I'm hungry then I'll eat. We'll see how many more I get to cross off!

Time for me

2012-01-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

I just got a haircut. It had been a good 5 months since my last haircut. Strangely, I felt a bit guilty taking the time to do it. Like, I shouldn't be in a stylist chair but next to my DH watching Audrey play. I have to get over it. Audrey is getting to be more independent. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. She has never been a high needs baby but we do love to be together. I work full-time; I"m away all day 5 days a week. I need to spend time with my child but at the same time I need to spend time with myself and with DH. How do moms with more than 1 kid do it!?

I have been talking with DH about stepping back in my career once he finishes his Masters. We want to homeschool and I want to spend time with Audrey without the pressure of work. I want to be a mom. DH points out that I have never been good at taking time off. I have to have my time filled up. He thinks staying at home would be the death of me. Maybe he's right. Can I be happy just being a mom? But would I just be a mom? I want to step up my commitment to LLL. I want to teach my daughter. I want to work more on my blog. Oh yeah and have more kids. I think my day would be full. I also want to go back to college and take some classes but that is a back-burner kind of thing.

We'll see what happens. Right now, I'm trying to balance what I have.

Breastfeeding Goals met

2012-01-08T15:04:00.000-05:00

So if you look at my breastfeeding timeline at the top of my blog, I have met my breastfeeding goal. When I found out I was pregnant and thinking about breastfeeding, my research brought me to the idea that I wanted to breastfed my child for at least 2 years. 2 years is the minimum recommended by WHO. I had read and heard from other moms that toddlers are picky eaters and breastfeeding would mean that I would know my child was getting the right food. So 2 years was my goal.

DH was not thrilled but as a researcher himself, he understood my reasons for setting the goal. Like everything else with my parenting style, he just goes along as long as DD is happy and healthy. Now it's been a few months that we passed the comfortable with breastfeeding in public phase. It kinda wigged us both out for a bit but after seeing so much controversy surrounding NIP, I think we're both back on the NIP bandwagon. If you want to say something to my big black DH go for it. So we're NIP to help other couples with NIP. So I proudly breastfeed a 2-year-old in public without a cover.

At this point, DD and I are still nursing. My mom told DD no more boob and DD had a total meltdown! I mean a serious panic attack. Needless to say she's more attached to the boobs than before. So I don't think we'll be weaning anytime soon. In case you are wondering, DD nurses about 5 - 6 time a day. Perfectly normal and totally do able. Some days she might nurse just 4 times, some days it can be like 8. Everything from here on out is golden. When will we stop nursing? I have no clue. Moving forward it's all on DD. We'll stop when she is ready. I met my goal so now I'll just listen to my DD.

Photo taken by AMZ Photo of Lufkin, TX.

10 years of wededness

2011-12-28T08:42:00.000-05:00

Dec 28, 2001, I married DH. So we are celebrating 10 years of marriage. I think we have both worked our asses off when it comes to staying married. We both look at marriage as a job. Like any job, you have days that are wonderful and days that are off. Days were you can't believe you have the privilege of being with this person for the rest of your life and days were you can't believe you are giving this person the privilege of being with you for the rest of your life.

Marriage is marriage. We both have said that divorce is off the table. We will make it work or die trying. I find this mentally has worked very well for us. When times have been hard I don't look for the out; I don't toss out divorce to get my way. I know the bad times are not forever. If we work at it the good times will come back around.

I think the best advice on marriage I ever got was to "move away from home and learn to cling to each other." I've heard it from couples who's marriages/relationships didn't make it. "We just did learn to depend on one another. We always turned to other people first.". So DH and I moved to Virginia in July of 2003. It was the best decision we ever made! I had to trust that DH had my back because I had no one else. We became a family. I know that if we hadn't have made that move we would have been divorced a long time ago. So even though we are back in Texas and back with family, we know that our first family is now each other. Home is where we are and family is us.

Senior Prom '97

So today I celebrate 10 years of marriage. They have been everything DH promised they would be: good/bad, sickness/health, rich(relatively speaking)/poor, funny/sad and so much more than I could have or would have thought. The gift of our Audrey 2 years ago and the addition of Snoopy and Jasmin 3 years before that just added to the love in our family. I think we both would like to expand the family with a few more children but we're learning to let God be in control and just enjoy the ride.

So to DH: I love you. I thank you for everything. We've gone from 16-year-olds with nothing but dreams to 33-year-olds with a real family of our own. I know we don't always see eye to eye but as long as you're willing to work at it I'm willing too. I promise you I'm more stubborn and will always win at the "willing to work at it" game. We celebrate 10 years of marriage but I hope that when we are looking back from our 50th that we'll see just how stupid and childish our views of ourselves were and how we have finally grown-up. I look forward to many more years of dancing and singing and in general embarrassing of Audrey. I pray that God blesses us with more children. I can't wait to see the things that God has in store for us. Love you always, Martha

Random recipe: glutenfree cheesecake

2011-12-12T15:28:00.000-05:00

So this cheesecake is the result of my need for cheesecake and my random trying of various recipes I have found on-line. It combines two different recipes all while making it my own. Things to note: read the ingredients on all of your items to make sure there is no gluten in them and if at first you don't succeed, you still have a decent enough cheesecake so enjoy. :)

Preheat oven to 325. You'll need a 10-inch springform pan.

Crust:
1 box Betty Crocker Gluten-free Yellow Cake Mix
1/2 cup butter softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
1 teaspoon cinnamon (I love cinnamon so I try it in everything, so it makes more like a Snickerdoodle crust)

Mix everything in a bowl until a soft dough forms. mold into your 10-inch springform pan. Go up about an inch or go all the way up and have an extra bit of cookie crust. Now time to make filling.

Filling:
3 packages of 8oz cream cheese, softened
1 & 1/4 cups sugar (regular stuff)
2 teaspoons vanilla
4 eggs

Beat cream cheese and sugar together on slow until blended. Beat in vanilla and eggs one at a time. Pour into crust. Bake for about 65 - 75 mins until puffy and light golden brown. Let cool and enjoy!

I think the hardest part is the crust. The dough doesn't always want to stick to the pan or will try to fall apart. It's gluten-free so keep in mind it's not exactly like 'regular' cookie dough. Play with the recipe. Add chocolate, avoid the cinnamon, but most importantly enjoy. I've made this three times and each time it goes faster than the first.

Wheat challenge - Round 2

2011-12-11T15:19:00.000-05:00

So Audrey's birthday is in 6 days! So hard to believe I'll have a 2 year old in less than a week. But this leads us to wheat challenge - round 2. Audrey's allergist suggested we challenge the wheat-free diet around Audrey's 2nd birthday. I guess 2 is the magic allergy number. So we decided to head to Olive Garden and order whatever we wanted!

I was excited. Order anything! Eat a breadstick! Not worry about what I"m eating, sign me back up for that life. I wish it was that easy. Having been strictly wheat-free for almost 2 years, plus off an on for 6 years prior, it's hard to go back to eating without worry. I don't know why I thought I would go back to old me in one trip to the Olive Garden. I still asked for the gluten-free menu. I wish they had an ingredients list. We do eat gluten-free since it makes life easier but strictly speaking we're wheat-free. Having something with a little MSG don't kill us so if the ingredients are clear of wheat we eat it. The Olive Garden's gluten-free menu is small and they have one penne pasta that is gluten-free. But I'm sure they have other things that are wheat-free that we can probably eat.

Anyways, we were going with a challenge so I start looking at the regular menu. What to have, what to have? Alfredo? Eggplant parm? Nope I start looking at Herb Salmon. Yep, even in my eat anything I'm still going toward the gluten-free stuff. I finally decided on the Chianti braised short-ribs. Not gluten-free but not pasta either. It comes with risotto. Where the gluten is in the dish I know not. We also ordered calamari. Audrey got a children's gluten-free penne with marinara. We didn't want to push her too much.

I got a bite of calamari. Strangely it wasn't as good as I remembered. I got a bite of breadstick. So disappointed. Why had I been pining for this stuff? Did we hit the Olive Garden on a bad day? I think DH said it best. "You're just a wheat-free girl now!" Laughing with glee. Evil wheat-allergic man! I did get mad. I don't like the food anymore. I didn't want the breadstick; I wanted a piece of Udi's with garlic butter. The calamari was just sad. My ribs were good. I guess the wheat is in the "gravy." Audrey ate some calamari, a bite of DH's spaghetti and lots of penne. Later that night we let her have a bite of "real" brownie. We had a wheat-filled day! or what we think of as a wheat-filled day.

So last night, 3 am, Audrey is crying. She's passing gas like crazy. She's rolling around unable to get comfy. Guess what, the kid is still allergic to wheat! She kept nursing but since I had had wheat she was just pouring more allergens into her system. Today she is all broken out. I think we can call this done. Audrey has a wheat allergy. Is it deadly? Thankfully no. If she decides to eat a piece of regular pizza, I won't panic. I don't be taking her to Mikey Dee's anytime soon but I think I can let go of some of the panic I've had in the past.

As for me, I am realizing that wheat-free isn't a diet or a change for now but a change for life. I'm learning to bake wheat-free. I"m longing for my food past less and less. I'm finding that "bread" doesn't appeal to me like it use to.

Wordless Wednesday: two snowflakes

2011-12-06T21:31:00.002-05:00

Pic from the Christmas parade

Sid the Science Kid

2011-12-02T21:04:00.000-05:00

So if you have a child and watch PBS, you know all about Sid the Science Kid. It is a fantastic show that helps teach children about science and asking questions. They have great catchy music on top of teaching kids about science. It is a favorite of mine and Audrey's. DH loves that it teaches about science; I guess the whole part about DH being a physicist plays a part in the love of Sid.

So I just got a heads up that Sid will be featuring EMMY^®-award winning actress America Ferrera (one of my favorite actresses) as the voice of marine biologist Dr. Rosalinda Cordova starting on Monday, December 5 on PBS KIDS^®. They will be doing a entire week of shows for "Technology and Engineering Week" that focus on inspiring young girls to take an interest in science. I know not everyone has a DH that lives and breathes science, so it's good to see a a show focus on getting our girls hooked on science.

Here is a brief description of what to expect this week on Sid:

“I Want to be a Scientist!” Premieres Monday, December 5

Sid whats to know, “What kind of scientist investigates animals?” Fortunately for Sid, his class is going on a field trip to the Science Center, where a special guest greets them—it’s Gabriela’s Mom, Dr. Rosalinda Cordova (America Ferrera). She is a marine biologist, and tells the kids about her exciting job SCUBA diving with whales. Completely enthralled, Sid wants to know if scientists investigate other kinds of animals, too.

“The Amazing Computer Science Tool!” Premieres Tuesday, December 6

Every time Sid's parents' computer “dings” Mom and Dad run to check their computer, so Sid wants to know what computers do. Mom volunteers to show Sid’s class how a computer works, which helps Teacher Susie demonstrate the amazing way scientists use computers as a science tool.

“The Big Cheese!” Premieres Wednesday, December 7

While surfing the Internet with his Mom, Sid finds a funny picture showing that the moon is made of green, glowing, cheese. Sid thinks this is amazing, and when he goes to school, he relays his newly found moon information to his friends. When they tell Susie what they learned, Susie explains something very important—not everything you find on the computer is true.

“Sid Wings It!” Premieres Thursday, December 8

In his backyard, Sid shows off his homemade cardboard wings. He’s wearing them because he wants to fly, just like the bird he has been watching all morning. But his flight plans don’t work out so he heads to school to investigate. Susie announces that the class is going to visit the Science Center to check out a special exhibit about FLIGHT. Sid and his friends are thrilled to discover how people learned how to fly by observing birds in nature, just like Sid did.

“Sid Engineers A Solution” Premieres Friday, December 9

Sid has a big, big, big problem. He’s trying to grab a cereal box located way up high on the kitchen shelf, but he just can’t reach it. At school, Sid and his friends encounter another problem. They need to get a ball down that got stuck in a tree. Susie has an idea. If they have a problem, it’s time to “engineer a solution.” The kids work as a team, brainstorm some ideas, draw pictures of their ideas, and then try building their ideas.

You'll have to check your local listing for times but as the mom of a young girl, I'll be making sure we tune in each day. If you don't believe my high praise then just so you know, Sid has 5 EMMY nominations to it's credit. It's from the Jim Henson Company, so you know it's fun and kids will watch. I will warn you that the songs are catchy so be prepared to be singing them for the rest of the day!

I'm so happy to have found Sid, and if you don't know Sid then you are really missing out. Check him out on PBSKIDS.org/sid and don't forget to watch next week!

5 things I should be ashamed of but I'm not

2011-11-27T01:39:00.000-05:00

1. I love Hootie and the Blowfish. Yes, they are so 1990 but love is love. Saw them in concert a few years ago. Made my life at the time complete. DH HATES THEM. Oh well. :)

2. I hate Pink Floyd. Don't get them don't want to. DH LOVES THEM. Again, oh well.

3. I am a Texan who has never been to the rodeo. It was an animal ethical treatment thing for awhile but now I just don't want to go.

4. I find smoking soothing, which is why I don't smoke. It is a horrible nasty habit but taking just one drag can just calm my nerves then I begin to hack and my lung hurt for literally days. So not worth it.

5. I find the smell of pine to be the most soothing scent ever. It was even my birthing scent. My dad has always worked in a sawmill so pine is soothing and reminds me of my daddy coming home from work.

So there you go. You know my not so secret shame.

Someone's youtube video from the Danville, VA concert, which I was at. I was right at the stage in front of Darius! I didn't see me in the video but I was there!

So much to do

2011-11-26T01:18:00.000-05:00

So I am coming up on my busy season. I have Audrey's birthday, Christmas, my 10-year wedding anniversary, and DH's birthday. December just tends to cost a lot of money. Money which I don't really have but we'll make it work somehow. We are having Audrey's 2-year portraits done next weekend; it will be a bit pricey but we are so happy we booked AMZ Photography. Can't wait to post some pictures. DH and I have decided to forgo a huge party for Audrey. We are doing a cake and a trip to the zoo with her favorite cousin.
Christmas will be on a budget, as usual. DHa nd I both agree that Audrey doesn't really need much so we are going to do a few presents for her. Thankfully Audrey is a happy kid so things aren't important to her. I have no clue what to get DH. He wants things way out of the budget. He wants a tablet computer but the budget is $100 so the table is out. Wish I had won one but Rafflecopter hates me. I haven't won anything since most people have moved over :(
DH and I also have no real clue what to do for our anniversary. We have always talked about having a vow renewal and then big party but it just not in the budget. I was thinking about having a "wedding" session with AMZ. I fit my wedding dress and DH could get a tux. My friend H took our wedding pics but we never got professional shots made so that might be an idea. I think we could do a quick vow renewal followed by a romantic dinner. I know DH would love to run off to Vegas but Audrey isn't weaned and I'm just not ready to leave her overnight.
So much to do and so little time and money. So any ideas for any of these things?

Picture from the night we got engaged, May 2001.

Wordless Wednesday: bubbles in her hair

2011-11-23T19:23:00.001-05:00

Gout, the other disease

2011-11-20T12:51:00.000-05:00

So doc confirmed on Thursday that DH has gout. I'm not sure about the scale but DH was 3 points above normal. He's now on a med for the next 4 months to reduce the uric acid. In 4 months he goes back for labs and possible med adjustment.

His blood pressure was high in the office but has been good for the last week at home. Doc thinks it was being in the office since at home it's good. He is still on the blood pressure, again adjustment to come in 4 months. Seems weird to have a standard refill order on the books for him. We're only 32. Besides I thought I would be on something long before him.

So what does this mean for the next 4 months? DH must take three pills per day. DH must drink 8-16 glasses of water per day. DH and whole family is going on a beef-less/high veggie diet. Honestly we need more veg anyways. I think the problem is we are looking at it as a diet. DH has to lose weight; that is the key to going off the blood pressure med, according to the doc. Losing weight means diet.

A diet is a horrible thing. However, a lifestyle change is doable. I know it's just words but words so mean something. I tweet about a lifestyle change and nothing. I tweet about a diet change and I get tons of replies to links on weight loss drugs! Anyways, we're making adjustments in our diets. I'm dropping sodas in favor of water, tea and coffee. I'm finding that with the wheatlessness and breastfeeding I'm going back to losing weight mode. Not a bad thing but I just bought new pants and they are already starting to be too big. Hate that!

Of course along with a food lifestyle change comes a change in activity level. I need to exercise. I keep feeling derailed on my goal to ran a 5K. First the hip and now I"m out of the habit. I keep saying that once I get a car I'll start going back. It's just hard to make the time. I want Audrey to have a stable bedtime. Right now she's hitting 10 pm. So I'm thinking I need to pick up Audrey (so my mom can go off to do her thing) and put her in the gym's daycare for an hour while I work-out. They charge $4 a session. I can handle that. By the time it's all said and done, we would be home at about 7:30. Not horrible; a little late for dinner but we'll adjust, right? I must get off my ass. If I get off of mine, then DH will get off of his. Can't lose weight if you don't move. I love DH as he is. I think he's sexy and hot. I really don't want him to change but if losing weight means I'll keep him longer than off to the gym we go.

I"m thinking a big blog on New Year's resolutions will coming. DH and I will be celebrating 10 years of wedded bliss next month. 10 years is not nearly long enough. So if going wheatless, meatless, sodaless and whatever less is required, then I'm in. For better or worse, in sickness or in health . . .
I'm beginning to think we should have added something about food or allergies into our vows. :)

DH and Audrey on her 1st Christmas Eve.

Wordless Wednesday: Mom's eye view

2011-11-16T09:08:00.002-05:00

Just a warning: these pictures are of a toddler breastfeeding. View at your own risk.

I'm not that good a mom

2011-11-15T19:55:00.000-05:00

So I read Healing Anaya: Rainbow Day yesterday and I cried, just cried. How in the world can a person have the strength to do and then share something like that. She is a much better mom than me. I was talking to DH about it and he said that sometimes that is part of being a good parent. "Sometimes letting go is the only way to show your love."

I think I am a bad parent. I have to admit I would be selfish. I can't let go. How could I ever let go? I know I shouldn't say that. If something happened to my Audrey and letting her go was require, I honestly don't think I could. I would hold on tight and refuse to let go. I would put me first. I would be selfish. I am a bad mother. I think I would let go eventually but not until well after when I should have. I don't do selfless well. It is hard to think that I won't let go. That I would put me first. Maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I would grow up in that moment and realize what I needed to do but I don't think so. God willing I'll never find out. God willing most of us will never have to find out.

I am praying for Anaya's family and the many other families that have to live through things like that. I know God has a plan and his timing is perfect but we are all human and seeing the bigger picture is hard. So for all those parents that were selfless and put their child first I send a big virtual hug. For the ones that have shared their story I send a big thank you for sharing.

DH's health

2011-11-15T19:40:00.000-05:00

So DH is doing well. He goes to the doctor on Thursday and we've heard nothing from the blood test so I'm going with no news is good news. His blood pressure is coming down. I'm happy about the down turn in the blood pressure but I think this also means that he needs blood pressure meds. I'm still hoping that a change in diet and a major change in activity level will help him lose a few pound and he'll be able to come off the meds. I guess we'll know more on Thursday.

The gout meds have helped a lot. He is down to one does a day for the pain. I think this is another time that we'll have to wait for the doc to see if he needs a med for the gout to help him get rid of the acid build up. Still seems weird for him to have gout. DH is just a few months older than me so he's 32. Not exactly 'gout age.'

I'll keep you posted. I'm hoping for good news on Thursday.

Busy 7 days

2011-11-07T21:16:00.003-05:00

We've been so busy over the last week. We started with Halloween. I work until 7pm and then had to run Audrey to see her grandparents. Poor kid was exhausted from her trick or treat time in the afternoon so she was not in mood play. She kept laying down and demanding to go to bed. Then she was so tired it took her forever to go to sleep.

My little flamingo princess.

Over the weekend DH had starting suffering from a lot of big toe pain. After a visit to the chiropractor, DH concluded he must have gout. He would be seeing the doctor on Thursday for high blood pressure and now gout. Thursday was a long way away. I took half a day and went with him. Good news/bad news time.
Good news: It's gout and we can treat it.
Bad news: The medicine will make your blood pressure go up so he's now on a blood pressure med. Also a major change in the diet since DH must lose weight. (So on top of wheatless, nothing fried and cut down/out the sugar!)

Friday was spent waiting to hear how DH's medicine was working and labs. We won't hear on any lab results for 2 weeks! That seems like forever but that should give enough time for all of the medicine to work and if anything that requires attention before that she'll call us in. Still it's a long wait and it's hard to watch DH constantly taking his blood pressure and me freaking out with every up tick on the meter. So needless to say it was hard weekend but DH is doing what he needs to and I'm proud of him for stepping up. I'll keep everyone posted.

Schar Samples! - Glutenfree bread :)

2011-10-31T02:01:00.001-04:00

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Schar for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

So if you are wheat-free or gluten-free like me you know how hard it can be to find bread that you like and that doesn't taste or feel like cardboard. This is an endeavor that can be very costly; $5 for a bad loaf here, $6 there, it can add up quickly! So what if I told you can try some gluten-free bread for free and that after you try it you wouldn't end up hating it?

If you can haven't heard of Schar, they are one of the big names in gluten-free around the world. I was pleasantly surprised to find them on the shelves of my local grocery store. They are relaunching their brand of Sub Rolls, ciabatta rolls and even a bagette! I don't know about you but I miss bagettes and ciabatta. I can't wait to try them out. I'm thinking bagette with brie and summer sausage and a glass of wine. My favorite back in my wheat-filled days.

Okay so to the free part: Schar is offering a new Schar club. You sign-up and get the latest in products, tips for gluten-free living and for a limited time a free sample of the ciabatta bread. So you'll need sign-up then go to your toolbox and click on giveaways. How easy is that? Warm fresh ciabatta to dip into your soup on a cool fall day. Sounds like gluten-free heaven :) No more looking longingly at brie cheese and wishing for a gluten-free bagette, just open your Schar gluten-free bagette.

This is perfect timing in my opinion. With winter around the corner and soups back on the menu, gluten-free bread is a must and Schar is and answering the call. Just heat, serve and enjoy. So what are you going to try first? Leave me a comment with your plans for the new Schar breads.

Hipster?

2011-10-30T22:46:00.001-04:00

So, I've been called many things. Most recently a hipster. DH has become obsessed with the concept of being a hipster. He keeps saying I'm a hipster. That is so hipster. See you are a total hipster.

Before I can really decide if I am a hipster, I need to know what the hell is a hipster. So I googled and here is what I found:
Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.
That is the beginning of the definition on Urban Dictionary.com.

I am 32 and a woman so I'm fitting the def so far. Do I value independent thing? Doesn't everyone? I don't think I'm counter-culture. I mean I cloth-diaper, homebirth, and breastfeed but those aren't exactly counter-culture, are they? Progressive politics, who knows what is progressive these days? An appreciation of art and indie-rock, I'm pretty with the crowd. I love pop music; doesn't sound very hipster to me. Value intelligence and witty banter, again doesn't everyone? Are there people in this world that think thinking is bad? And who seeks bad conversation? If you can banter and have fun talking then why even open your mouth?

At the end of the definition, it mentions a liberal arts degree. DH has me there. I do have a BA from my beloved Hollins. I think having knowledge in a little bit of everything is a good thing. The definition also has a large section talking about style. It mentions a couple of stores that I've never been in but then style isn't my thing.

Am I a hipster? If I am is that a bad thing? If I take this label do I lose my hippy label? I have no clue what to think. I guess I am a hipster. I guess it's not a bad thing. DH does say that hipsters are douches so maybe it is a bad thing. If that is what he thinks then why would he want to call me that? Am I a douche? Think this is a topic that will be coming back.

Random Favorite things

2011-10-30T02:49:00.000-04:00

Just writing a list of things I like/love. Not in any particular order or rhyme or reason.

Favorite Band: The Killers
Just love them. Everything about them rocks.

Favorite song: Triangulo by Los Babys
Reminds of drives to Mexico to see my grandparents.

Favorite sports team: The Pittsburgh Steelers
The why is complicated but they are my team. In good times and in bad.

Favorite Athlete: Troy Polumalu
He's a Steeler. He's one of the best at his position. He's a good guy and a real role model.

Okay that's the list for now. I'll be back with more stuff later!

Wheat-free not Calorie-free

2011-10-27T00:51:00.000-04:00

Okay so the number one thing I hear about going wheat-free is "Wow, I hear you can lose a lot of weight doing that." I guess people just want to be positive; you know find the silver lining. I think it doesn't help that I've lost about 30 lbs since I went wheat-free. But the research actual shows that usually people that go wheat-free/gluten-free gain weight.

So why the gaining of weight? I think it comes down to this: wheat-free is not calorie-free. People are always looking for the easy fix, which means buying things labeled wheat-free and stuffing your face til you are so full you can walk. What's wrong with this approach? Well it is wheat-free but not calorie-free so you are still overeating and not exercising so you gain weight. Processed food is processed food so you get calories from the sugar and the other stuff in the food.

I think the only reason I lost weight is that instead of buying lots of replacement gluten-free versions of processed foods I was eating homemade items and lots of fresh fruits and veggies. Basically I was eating healthy without wheat. It's only been in the last few months that I've been buying gluten-free bread, muffins and cake. Weight loss has stopped since I discovered processed gluten-free food. I make this wonderful fat-fill wheat-free cakes and stuff my face. Not going to loss weight by eating chocolate cake, even if it wheat-free. So in closing, wheat-free is not calorie-free. Even we wheat-free peeps have to watch the calorie counts and use portion control. Just because my Carl's Jr burger is half the calories since it has no bun does not mean I should eat 2 to make up for it. Maybe I'll try the tofu noddles, I hear those are wheat-free and almost calorie free too but they are pretty price so we'll see.

Wheatfree Chocolate Cake, my downfall

Random Recipe: Wheat-free Cinnamon Pecan Pancakes

2011-10-22T15:42:00.002-04:00

So I'm starting to get more adventurous with my cooking. I'm a follow the recipe kind of person but I'm trying to adapt my old recipes for wheat-filled things for my new wheat-free life. I'll be posting my experiements, successes and failures. We learn from everything so we'll see how much I learn :)

I have always loved pecan pancakes. So I dusted off the recipe and gave them a wheatless whirl. Word of caution, I'm labeling things wheat-less not gluten-free because I live in a mixed house. Cross contamination heaven to say the least. Besides I read labels and look for wheat not gluten so read your labels!

Martha's Wheatless Cinnamon Pecan Pancakes
2 cups Bisquick Gluten-free Mix
2 cups Whole Milk
2 eggs
4 Tablespoons vegetable oil
3 teaspoons Cinnamon
1 teaspoon Nutmeg
3 handfuls of pecans chopped via food processor

Mix. I added the pecans last but I don't think order really matters. Cook and serve.
This yielded about 14 pancakes.

I put lots of butter and syrup. I would post a pic but I was lucky to get any to eat so forget the pics. My personal feelings where they were great but next time I will add a bit of sugar and a dash of vanilla. My dad and DH both said for me to cut the pecans out. My mom enjoyed them plain with nothing but a bit of butter and normally she hates pancakes. So that's the skinny on the pancakes. Let me know if there are tweeks or suggestions to make them better.

Wordless Wednesday: on daddy's shoulders

2011-10-19T00:09:00.001-04:00

Read anything and everything

2011-10-15T22:40:00.001-04:00

So as a librarian, the question I get asked most often is how do I get my children to read or to read more? My first question to them is what does your child like to read? Usual answer, nothing.

So what is up with the lack of love of reading? Is it a new thing? Can we blame the internet? Personally, I blame parents. Okay okay, hear me out. Not every parent is to blame for their child's lack of love of reading. The love reading is complex thing. Well in reality, all love is complex but anyways.

How can a parent help their child read/love to read/read more? I think, this is totally just me, no research, just an opinion, parents need to read. Your child needs to see that you read. If the parent reads then the child will see that reading is important. They see reading and then they begin to think that should read. Simple, right? Be the change you want to see.

Many times when I ask parents for a topic for books for their children, the parent has no clue. Well I think she might like a book on fairies. Do you have anything for a 3rd grader? Reading level has nothing to do with developing a love of reading. I have read things above my head (anything Shakespeare) and things that super easy but keep my attention (Don't let the pigeon drive the bus). Telling a librarian a grade level doesn't really mean much unless your only goal is AR points. (I hate AR but that's a post for another day).

I know the next problem is my child is behind. My child has a special issue. My child can't read so how can they ever love to read? I have watched children who are mentally handicapped enjoy books. Looking at the pictures and being read to are things anyone can do and love. To bring your child's reading level up read with and to them. So again the parent needs to have an active role.

My own reading journey starts with my dad. My dad is a reader. My grandfather was a reader. I am a reader. My child is a reader. How do you have a line of readers? You read. It is not unusual to see DH, Audrey and myself reading in front of the TV. Yes the TV is on and no one is paying it any attention.

I know that in schools the focus is on testing and that makes reading level most important. Your child's reading level should not be the only focus when you choose a something to read. READ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Read a cereal box at breakfast. Read the funny pages. Read the Wall Street Journal to your baby. The what is not important. Reading in and of itself is the important thing. Please let your child read a manga/comic book. If they are excited then let them read it. Parents read, read to your child and read with your child. If you want a reader in your house then you have to be the example. If you talk about how horrible reading is or how dumb it is to read then don't be surprised when you a child that hates reading.

Please ask the school and/or public librarian for help. We love to help people find the right book but don't look at us cross eyed when we ask you for help. We're librarians not mind readers. Find your library and use it. Choose graphic novels, picture books, long fiction books, maybe even a magazine and take them home. Don't force it. If you put the example and read something then your child might just start picking through the pile and read something too.

Do I have to?

2011-10-09T20:51:00.000-04:00

So yesterday, DH and I took Audrey to the Cadwell Zoo in Tyler. We had a blast. Got to see an elephant pretty close. I think Audrey was actually disappointed to not see a hippo; Cadwell doesn't have one.

While there Audrey asked to nurse twice. The first time she got distracted by pine straw and a friend so she forgot she wanted to nurse. The second time, we found a rocking chair at the entrance/exit and sat right down and got to nursing. I was a bit worried that someone would say something but no one even noticed. It was busy so no one had time to notice.

We decided to take Audrey to a hibachi place since we had been missing good hibachi since we moved from Virginia. I must say this was at about 5pm, which is prime Audrey nap time. We knew as soon as we got her in the car for 90 min trip home she would fall asleep so we decided to try dinner with a sleepy baby. Almost as soon as we sat down she started fussing for "BOOB!"

I so did not want to nurse her at the table. At almost 22 months and super active, she is not one to allow me to be discreet. If I lift the shirt a bit then she will lift it up above my head, or at least try to. What to do? What is a lactivist, LLL leader, committed breastfeeding mom to do?

I had put on a nursing tank so at least no one would see my rolls and I nursed my toddler at the table. I'm mean what else was I going to do? It was either nurse or suffer the wrath of Audrey. I know the people at my table didn't want me to nurse but once food started coming out Audrey turned her attention to the food and we had a pleasant dinner. I know if I had fought her off the boob, dinner would have been horrible. At our table, there were two pregnant women. DH said that yes they noticed but that they just blew it off. Considering the turn around in Audrey's behavior, I would say that they had a positive impression. So maybe women who would have never thought about breastfeeding might give it a second thought and try.

So why didn't I want to breastfeed? Well at a hibachi table you are sitting very close to other people. When we are in a non-hibachi eatery, I have no issues whipping out a boob. But with strangers at your table it's a bit different. Maybe it shouldn't be but it was. So why did I breastfeed? Well I'm a walk the walk type of person. How can I tell mom's to NIP if I won't? So out came the boob and Audrey's world was safe and calm again. If I can NIP a toddler at a table with strangers without a cover then anyone can NIP. Just take a deep breath and remember that baby comes first.

Horrible person

2011-10-05T23:55:00.000-04:00

So I am a horrible person. Hear me out. I don't mean in general but in one specific area. I am not happy for one of my friends. I am trying to be happy for him but the harder I try the harder I find it.

This friend of mine is B's husband. As you might remember B died in childbirth just a little over a year ago. I have really struggled to come to terms with her death. Everytime I think I'm "over" it, something just snaps me back to how not "over" it I really am. Just an example, I got an Averett University magazine. B and I both earned MEds there. Just flipping through the mag and got to the "Deaths" secetion and there was her name. It's been a year but it hit me like it was yesterday. I dropped the mag and cried. So not over it.

So back to B's husband. He's getting married. I'm sure she is a wonderful person. He is a good man and I have no clue the pain and struggle he has had. To lose your wife on the day your first child is born. I can't even image. So I should be happy that he is happy. I am happy for him. I really am. Baby J will have a great mom. But it feels bad to happy for him. Like I'm giving up on B. I don't really know how to describe it. I want to go on his Facebook page and congratulate him but I can't. Everytime I try I just backspace it all and close the page. I don't know how to be happy for him without feeling like I am betraying my friend. She can't be there. She is gone and he deserves to be happy. I am horrible person. When will I be okay with it?

Wordless Wednesday: babywearing win

2011-10-04T22:45:00.001-04:00

Super dirty baby

2011-10-03T20:29:00.001-04:00

Okay yes I am a lazy mom. If you have read any of my other posts, I fully admit and accept that about myself. Along with being lazy, I think I'm a pretty good mom. My child is by my side and she is filthy. She is happy. She is calm. She is giving me kisses. I too am filthy; covered in fingerpaint and sweaty from teaching Audrey to play catch with our dogs Jasmin and Snoopy. Oh yeah I forgot we both have bubble solution in our hair since I ran the bubble machine. Filthy and happy. I like it. Okay, I love it.

I don't understand moms that refuse to let their children get dirty. I feel bad for children who get yelled at for playing with dirt. (My own nephew has a mother like that. Kid just about has a nervous breakdown when he gets dirty.) Growing up I got to get dirty. I'm thankful for parents that understood and appreciated the value of a good mud fight.

I could keep Audrey inside all day. I could hide all of the pens and pencils and refuse to buy her fingerpaint but what would that really do? Kids need dirt! So I have a super dirty baby. I have a wash and wear baby. It is amazing the things soap and water can clean :) Let your kids be kids. Bring on the dirt!

Birth goddess

2011-10-02T23:05:00.000-04:00

I am a birth goddess. I am tired of people telling me that I'm not.

So where do I even start. I had a homebirth. I had no medication. I had no doctor at my DD's birth. DH almost didn't call the midwife in time because I was convinced that I wasn't in labor yet. DD was just under 7 lbs. I'm thinking I had about 12 hours of active labor but again the pain only got overwhelming during transition. I am a birth goddess.

So why do people feel the need to poopoo my birth? I tell them I had an amazing homebirth and then I tell them that DD was almost 7 lbs and then I get the hand. "Oh well my baby was 8 lbs so I had to have pain meds." I am not competing with you or your birth. You feel like you had to have pain meds, okay. Your body your choice, I have no clue what you were going through so I believe you.

It makes me mad that people want to diminish my birth. I had to push DD out. It would not have matter if she was 10 lbs; she was coming out. One way out during a homebirth so I was going to birth until she arrived. I have met many a mom who birthed a 10 lb at home. I remember I once asked my midwife if it was true that more homebirth babies were over 8lbs. In her experience, homebirth babies were bigger.

I get mad and then I feel bad for them. Like maybe they are just trying to justify their own birth to themselves. If they put me down then they feel better. I don't want to feel bad for them. I mean their birth is/was their birth. But I feel bad because I feel like most of them didn't choose but were told how to birth. I know TV shows birth as all pain but dude thrush was worse than birth. My bursitis was worse than birth. So I am a birth goddess. Just had to get it off my chest.

30 days down

2011-10-02T14:25:00.000-04:00

So Saturday was Oct 1st and the first thing I did was brush my hair straight! I had missed the look but after I did it, I missed my waves/curls. I think the waves are going to be more apart of my everyday style. They are easy to do and take no time at all. It also seems more natural. No heating up my straightening iron, no worrying about Audrey grabbing the iron. Just towel dry, add curl creme, scrunch and go.

So what have I learned. That I look good with curls and straight hair isn't all that. I think Spanish telenovelas are to blame for my obession with straight hair. There are no "good" women with curly hair. The "good" girl has straight hair, shiny stick straight hair. What is up with that? Why do we listen to TV so much? Well anyways. I like my hair. I like it wavy and curly. I think I'm going to save the straight iron for special occasions. Most excellent way to spend 30 days, falling in love with my hair.

Wordless Wednesday: Toes!

2011-09-27T23:36:00.001-04:00

Diva Cup for me

2011-09-19T15:30:00.000-04:00

So I started the project to green my period about 7 months ago. I had a two part reason for it.

One, I was sick of the accidents. I'm 31 years old and I'm still having accidents like a 15 year old. I mean seriously, it's embarrassing.

Two, I was a bit jealous of Audrey's cloth diapers. I was sitting on a plastic pad five days a month and she was on comfy on soft cotton. Surely I can get that comfy feeling too.

My first step was the Instead Cup. I could buy it at the store and go. I liked it okay. You can read my full review here.

My next step was to bite the bullet and buy a Diva Cup. I say bite the bullet because I had to go online and order it. I decided to order from Luna pads so that I can support a small business and to get a package deal of a Diva Cup and a couple of Luna pantyliners. I wanted to slowly wade into the land of mama cloth (cloth pads).

I have been using the Diva Cup for about 5 months now. I love it! When I first opened the package, I thought wow this is so small! Then I tried to use it and then I was like wow this thing is huge! In truth with a bit of practice, I've mastered the Diva Cup. It did take a bit of practice but after one cycle I would say I had it down; unlike with the Instead cup where I have yet to get it in the right place. I will say if you want to have sex during Aunt Flow's visit, you'll want to go with an Instead since you can insert it up high. The Diva Cup sits in the vagina so there is no room for other visitors unless you remove it. My only real complaint about the Diva cup is that it doesn't have an easy way for me to tell when I have rotated it. I would love if it had just a couple of numbs so that I can tell if I have rotated or not. For the most part, I can tell but still it would be nice.

The only accidents I've had since my switch are when I don't listen to my body. It sounds strange but I can tell when I need to empty my cup. On my heavy day, I have to empty three times. I actually only use the Diva Cup for the first three days of my cycle. With the Diva cup, my day 4 is next to nothing so I just use a cloth pad. My cramps are gone. I've cut a day off my period from 5 to 4.

For me there has been no down side to switching. I can't image going back to plastic pads. I also recently got a stash of mama cloth from a WAHM so I'm set with my green period. I'm so glad I switched. I can't believe it took me so long to go green.

I have not been paid for this review. The folks at Diva Cup, Luna Pads, and Instead Cup have no clue who I am. I'm going green and sharing.

Hip, Hair, Hooray!

2011-09-19T13:16:00.001-04:00

So my hip is better! I'm stopping the ibuprofen as of today. Not sure about running yet. I want to see how I do without any medicine before I stop jogging again. I guess I need to start slow. We'll see.

I'm loving this haircut! I just use a little water and a bit of curl creme and off I go. It's so easy! Why didn't I do this forever and a day ago. I must admit I still miss the sleek look of my straighten hair but the wash and go ease of this hairstyle is hard to beat. With a 21 month old, the whole bed head look is tops.

I had a wonderful first LLL meeting on Thursday. I had two leaders and four moms. I did the ABC's of breastfeeding and we had really good discussion. Even carried the meeting on to the local coffee shop and closed them down. It was nice to have a girl's night out. I did miss having my Audrey but it did me a world of good to go and hang with girls. I can't wait for my meeting next month.

Wordless Wednesday: Story and Crafts at the library

2011-09-13T21:21:00.001-04:00

2 weeks of natural hair

2011-09-11T13:20:00.001-04:00

So I finally got my haircut on Friday!
Before:

This is my before shot. My hair is fine and thin. There is a lot of natural wave but after years and years of the flat iron it tends to just be lifeless. So no hair products or blow dryer, just plain hair

After:

I lost a few inches. Gone is my traditional angled bob. I love the new length and it has been easier to bring the curl out. Stylist put Kendra Curl Creme or something like that on it.

We'll see what the boss thinks tomorrow. If it is professional enough for the library. I really do like it but I'm struggling to get the curl back into the back of my head. The front curls up very easily. The stylist did say it might take my hair a bit to get the curl memory back after so many years of straightening. So far so good. I'm bringing curly back.

More Tracfone love

2011-09-11T01:02:00.001-04:00

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of TracFone for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

Can you tell I love Tracfone. My mom and dad only use Tracfone. Tracfone just makes it so easy to stay on budget and get great service. I actually have called the customer service line and the representatives are always helpful. While I think the service and phones are easy to use for my parents, the customer service line is a life-saver.

With no contracts, no credit checks, no activation charges or cancelation fees, great nationwide coverage and excellent reception/connectivity, Tracfone is great way to connect to people and stay connected. With their excellent customer service, Tracfone is an every better deal. Here is what Real TracFone customers have to say.

You can find brand name phones from leading manufacturers like Motorola, Kyocera, LG, Nokia and Samsung with So many features You can go super high tech and get a Bluetooth®-enabled "Smart" phones or go with a super budget-friendly simple "Candy Bar" phones. With phones as low as $10.00, you can afford to get everyone in the house their own phone.

While you might think that Tracfone is only pay-as-you go, they do offer several monthly plans and options. So you can hit up the local store and buy a card to add minutes; you can go online to add minutes; you can add directly from your phone; or go old-school with a monthly plan that gets added directly. Tracfone also offers cool packages that gives 1 year service cards, double minutes for the life of your TracFone, and 800 minutes, for only $119.00. Lots of the phones now come with “Double minutes for the life of your phone” or you can buy it separately for only $19.99. My mom loves watching her 200 minute card become 400 minutes on her "Double minutes for life phone." So she is getting 400 minutes for like $30.00!

If you need to make international calls, Tracfone is the only wireless service where you can call internationally, for the same price as any other call. Talk about savings and a good way to control your budget! Call over 60 international destinations directly from your TracFone at no extra cost! With the International Neighbors program, you can provide family and friends in Mexico or Canada a local phone number in those countries to reach you at your TracFone in the U.S.

I'm always a fan of things that keep people on budget. With today's move fast world, a cell-phone is a must. Tracfone give everyone a way to have a sleek phone without the hassle contracts and/or budget busting monthly bills.

My mom has the LG420 phone. Honestly, it's more phone than she needs but she loves it. See why:

Wordless Wednesday: Photobooth is my best friend

2011-09-07T08:50:00.002-04:00

Bursitis of the hip

2011-09-06T16:46:00.000-04:00

So the official diagnose is bursitis of the hip. Doc gave it a more specific name but I didn't catch it enough to repeat it. I know it's the top bursa not the lower bursa (whatever that means).

I really like my doctor. She is super down to earth. She's a breastfeeding mom and a runner so she totally gets me. Never had a doctor that got me before. She gave me three options: 1. 800 mg ibuprofen/3x daily + rest (2 weeks) 2. Oral steroids 3. Steroid shot in the hip with a huge needle. After much discussion with doc, I went with option 1. I'm not a take meds kinda girl but huge needles and steroids sound like overkill. Hopefully I won't have to turn to the other options in two weeks time.

The problem with having a diagnose is access to the internet. I've been searching non-stop for the last few hours and it's freaking me out! So many people talking about pain for years! Pain even after treatment and surgery. Martha needs to lay off the internet searching and just rest. So the question is this does bouncing a toddler count as high-impact exercise? I was rocking Audrey to sleep, which requires bouncing her in a mei-tai, and I had a bit of shooting pain in my hip. I guess I should have asked doc. Oh well, maybe I'll call doc and ask.

Finally vacation

2011-09-04T17:43:00.000-04:00

I'm finally on vacation. My first in three years. My plans so far are a bust. Thankfully I don't mind. Instead of going to the zoo with my Audrey, we are enjoying the rain from Tropical Storm Lee. We have been needing the rain!

My 30-day hair challenge is going okay. I'm struggling with frizz and how to fix my hair. I am really hoping for a trip to the hairdresser soon. I've gotten lots of recommendations on products and am still trying to decide what to buy. So many different things to try!

On Tuesday I will be going to the doctor to see about my hip. My right hip has clicked since a couple of days after Audrey's birth but never in pain. After my first attempt to go from couch-to-5K, I think I finally super injured whatever had started before. I remember being in pain for two weeks but it got better so I was just dealing. The clicking is worse and now painful. The real issue is the pain at just about all times. Not fun when you are trying to deal with a toddler. Not sure what I am hoping hear other than rest it. I'm thinking the worst news would be surgery or never run again. I want to run again. We'll see and I'll report.

30 Days to love my natural hair

2011-09-01T19:34:00.000-04:00

So I hate curly/wavy hair. Yeah I said it. Yeah I know I have wavy hair. Yeah I know my biracial child has curl beyond curl. Yes, that is the reason I'm going natural.

I don't know why but I have always wanted straight hair. To me wavy and curl is not professional and doesn't belong in the office. That is a Martha issue. I don't want it to ever be an Audrey issue. So I'm going natural. I'm going to love my hair. I'm going to put up the flat iron and get over myself.

So today was day 1, I put mousse in my hair and scrunched. Actually came out pretty good, I was nervous about wearing it to work. I wanted to flat iron it so badly! I took a deep breath and out I went. The boss actually liked it. I did put a hair barrette in but by the end of the day I was almost digging it.

So what is the point? Honestly, I hope to learn to love me as I am, waves and all. I really don't ever want Audrey to look in the mirror and hate her reflection. How can I expect that from her if I don't feel that way? Why my hair is an issue to me I really don't know but I'm locking away flat iron and maybe even the blow dryer. I am already discovering that I need a haircut. I think I'll get more bounce with a little less length and a few more layers. I'm thinking I might need different hair products too. I'm going to do it. I'm going to go natural and love it, right?

Wordless Wednesday: Wheatless spaghetti

2011-08-31T08:54:00.001-04:00

Sunday - Suspicions and Spaghetti

2011-08-30T00:40:00.000-04:00

So Sunday I decided to get Audrey out of the house. She stays at home with my mom and doesn't hang too much with other children so I try to get her out of the house when I can. With the super hot Texas summer, cool places are hard to find but luckily the local mall has an indoor playland. Off to the mall we went.

It was like any other trip to the mall. She played and insisted I take video. She had a grand ol' time. After a walk around the mall, we headed back to the playland. It was packed. Kids everywhere! She was having fun. I soon as we got there I was scoping out parents and kids. Seeing who belonged to who; checking to make sure the older kids didn't hurt Audrey or the other smaller kids. A couple, I'm thinking a mom and son, caught my eye. No children were going up to them. They weren't calling after any kids. They were just sitting there. Part of the reason I noticed them is because they looked 'mixed' like Audrey but there were no 'mixed' children playing besides Audrey. I noticed they were watching Audrey and me. I got a bad feeling. I got Audrey and we headed home. Maybe they were super nice but tired people and just needed a place to sit (there were four benches within 10 feet). Maybe they planned no harm to my child. I was taking no chances. It felt bad so we left. Better to be over protective than have a regret.

After the mall and church, my DH had lovely gluten-free dinner for us. Spaghetti! Audrey and I love pasta (I know, it is so cruel). We're lucky that we have found a rice pasta that we love from Tinkyada that I think is just like the real thing. So we were enjoying family time with spaghetti and Udi's bread with garlic spread. I said to DH, " you know if anyone came in right now, they won't be able to tell we are eating totally gluten-free." It was a nice feeling to feel like a regular Americana family. Toddler in the high chair grubbing and wearing spaghetti. DH and I fighting over garlic bread. We were normal.

So that was Sunday. Suspicions and spaghetti, I wonder what the week will bring.

Tracfone for you?

2011-08-26T15:01:00.000-04:00

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of TracFone for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

So I am all for Tracfone. My parents both use TracFone and I have friend who has had TranFone for years. For a few months to keep expenses down DH and I also had TracFones. In fact I wish we still had TracFone, this contract thing is for birds! Here are some more real TracFone customers just follow the link to learn more.

Why go with a pre-paid wireless? The cost! Surprisingly the coverage with TracFone is great and because I know the number of minutes I have left I can budget my time and money. Here are real TracFone customers signing the praises of no surprise phone bills. TracFone offers the least expensive way to own and use a cell phone in American!

If you have children, the TracFone allows you give your kids a phone without worrying about blowing your budget. They have phone but you have control. The kids get a brand name phone like a Motorola, Kyocera, LG, Nokia and Samsung and you can pick a simple "Candy Bar" phone to a Bluetooth-enabled "Smart" phone and not go over budget. Because there are no contracts, no credit checks, no activation charges or cancelation fees there are also no surprises! We're talking phones with so many features and did I mention no contract!

Here are some of the awesome features:

Monthly Plans:

• Pay as you go online or with cards available at thousands of retail stores across the country.

• 1 year service cards give you so much more. Receive double minutes for the life of your TracFone, and 800 minutes, for only $119.00

• “Double minutes for the life of your phone” is a feature that can be purchased separately for only$19.99, but some phones include it!
• Choose monthly plans with 200 minutes for under $30.00, and as low as $9.99 for 50 minutes.

International Long Distance:

• This is the only wireless service where you can call internationally, for the same price as any other call.

• Call over 60 international destinations directly from your TracFone at no extra cost! My parents use theirs to call family in Mexico.

• With the International Neighbors program, you can provide family and friends in Mexico or Canada a local phone number in those countries to reach you at your TracFone in the U.S.

Phone Selection:

• Simple phones for simple needs, calling and texting capabilities for under $10.00

• Great phones packed with features like camera/video recorder, web access, app capabilities, mp3 player, and full QWERTY keyboard, for $29.99

So many choices, so little money. I say give TracFone a look if you are in the market for a wireless phone.

Here's a youtube clip on the reliability of having a TracFone. Just because you have a contract doesn't mean you always have service. Just saying :)

Here is a short video on the LG Tracfone phone. My mom has this phone and loves it!

Just a short video on the cool features of the Samsung phone:

Wordless Wednesday: I love Daddy!

2011-08-23T20:43:00.000-04:00

I am a breastfeeding nazi?

2011-08-21T22:55:00.000-04:00

I am a breastfeeding nazi. I am a breastfeeding nazi!

So I bet you can guess what has been on my mind lately. The first week of August was World Breastfeeding Week so my facebook feed had a lot of breastfeeding articles and I also attended a W.B.W event at the local WIC office. I was just being me and I guess that means that I am a breastfeeding nazi. At least that is how some people see me. I'm militant. I'm in your face. I'm opinionated. I'm judgmental.

Strangely I just don't see myself that way. I mean yes I am big into breastfeeding. Yes I am an open lactivist. I have never jumped on a mom for using formula. I have never told a mom she's evil for not breastfeeding. I have never done those things because I don't believe those things. I know that everybody is just doing the best they can.

Now with that said, I will never say that formula is as good as breastmilk. There are trues and that is one of them. Breastmilk is the normal food for babies. I like the way that Dr. Darcia Narvaes said it, formula is emergency food. So if my scientifically backed assessment of formula means I'm a breastfeeding nazi then sure I'm a breastfeeding nazi. I know "they" mean it as a bad thing but I just look at it to mean that I stood up for my belief and that bother someone else. Their problem not mine.

I won't back down to make someone else feel better. If you formula feed then that is what you do. I know that the formula companies thank you for your money and hope that you will always turn to formula. If you have children in the future and you want to try breastfeeding please do. Just because you formula feed one child doesn't mean you can't breastfeed the next. I'm hoping that women will make decisions for themselves rather than let the formula company or the doctor or the hospital make it for them. Do what works for you not what someone tells you to do.

I would love for every baby to get at least colostrum. Every ounce counts. I would love for people to be open to the idea of extended breastfeeding. I would for people to realize that just because I'm pro-breastfeeding doesn't make me a nazi but I'm sure I'll win the lottery first. Anyways, that's what has been on my mind.

Wheat filled panic

2011-08-16T08:04:00.000-04:00

Last Friday I had a moment of panic followed by a moment of being overwhelmed. We were at the indoor playarea at the mall. Since Audrey doesn't go to daycare I try to take her places where she can meet other children and play and with the Texas heat it needs to be indoors. She loves the slide in the area and just climbs and slides, climbs and slides. Love to hear go "WWEEEEEEEE" during each slide and of course the instant clapping and fit of giggles.

So the panic was this, there is a TV area where Audrey likes to see and watch herself on camera. I noticed and then she noticed that there was something orangy on the floor next to her. First thought in my head "goldfish." I instantly grabbed it to make sure she didn't pop it in her mouth. Now how long this orangy thing had been there I have no clue. It was a top, no wheat but nothing something that any child should be eating. I panicked; I dashed; I tried to make sure my baby would be okay. After a moment of relief, I just had a moment of being overwhelmed with the whole allergy thing. I hated that I was so worried. I hated that no other parent had freaked out and grabbed this thing. I hated that it felt so unfair. I should have worried that she would choke on a piece of plastic not that she would eat a damn goldfish. I hated the whole situation.

After my little pity party, I got some clarity and then later a true reality check. I mean I am so lucky. Audrey's allergy isn't going to kill her. There are so many moms that have to deal with deadly allergies and all I have to worry about is a horrible stomach ache and broken out skin. But it is a big deal to me. I don't want my daughter to hurt. If I can prevent the pain then I try to. Later that night on the way home we got milkshakes. No big deal, right? Well Audrey and DH both spent the night in agony. So there I had been worried about a goldfish and the turned around and fed her wheat anyways. I didn't even think to ask about the milkshake base. Yeah, I worry and things still get by me. I guess you can say I'm still learning the ropes.

1 year wheatfree

2011-08-11T22:15:00.000-04:00

So Audrey and I are celebrating our one year anniversary of being totally wheat free. Which means it's been a year since Audrey was released from the hospital for a UTI. While the doctor never said so (since she's a twit and doesn't believe in the food/body connection) I totally believe it was our eating wheat like it was going out of style for the two months prior that lead to the UTI.

To be honest, I had been ignoring the signs of her allergy. The broken out skin, the gas, the night fits, I had my head in the sand. Thinking back now, I don't know why or how I could do that. I was upset about the move and all I wanted to was feel normal to eat like a normal person. So I did. So we did. So Audrey paid for it. All my fault.

Once we brought our baby home I went totally wheat-free. With the exception of communion each Sunday, I've had no wheat for the last year. I do miss wheat. There are times I watch people eat doughtnuts or hamburgers and think man I really want to eat one. Just one bite can't hurt. But it does so I don't.

I got a Facebook comment from a momma who is going gluten-free for her child. I could hear the stress in her comment and it made me realize that I don't talk too much about my wheatless life, anymore. Once I came to see it as my normal, once I stopped fighting it, I just stopped talking about it. I'll try to remember to talk about the struggles. To remember that helplessness I felt when I first when wheatfree and the joy/calm that still comes over me when I meet other wheatless folk. So I'll try to share tips and reviews and the such.

So tip number 1, if you have just gone wheatless/gluten-free know that you are not alone. Know you can do it. Know that it is okay to morn the loss of wheat.

Wordless Wednesday: I think I like your bed better

2011-08-10T09:05:00.001-04:00

All breastfeeding ends

2011-08-05T22:58:00.000-04:00

So with this being World Breastfeeding Week, I've been thinking alot about breastfeeding (shocking I know). I was thinking that all breastfeeding ends. As you can see by my breastfeeding timeline, I've been nursing for close to 20 months. That means I'm starting to get looks and have been getting comments like really, gross, well different strokes for different folks. I don't mind the last one. I mean everyone is different and for everyone breastfeeding ends. If you go 1 week, 1 year or until baby/child stops it all ends. Nobody breastfeeds forever.

So that brings me to my breastfeeding journey. My plan was to make it to 2 years. 24 months is the minimum recommendation from the World Health Organization. So I've always wanted to make it to two years but past that I really don't know. I know many women who are comfortable with a 3 year breastfeeding but not many that go past 4 years. Where is my comfort level? I want to be the momma that lets Audrey decide when to stop. I want to be okay with going 4 years plus but I just don't think I'm that woman. I think once we start pushing 4 years, I will begin actively weaning. Does that make me a hypocrite?

If I preach baby-led weaning does me actively weaning mean I am not practicing what I preach? I mean my feeling might change. I might not actively ever wean. Audrey could quit tomorrow. You would think that I would be actively trying to wean Audrey even now. I've been wheatfree for a year! But don't think the thought hasn't crossed my mind. No one would blame me for weaning. No one would think twice about me telling Audrey to get over and shoving a doughnut in my face but I wouldn't be able to look at myself. When my Audrey was born I looked at her and said I would give my life for her and that is what I'm doing; granted for now it's wheat but you know what I mean.

So anyways, yes Audrey is still breastfeeding. At lunchtime, when I get home from work, and a few times at night. Very normal for a toddler her age and nothing I can't handle. I know there will be a time when I offer and she'll turn to run after the dogs instead (heck she does that even now). I won't see it coming or maybe I will. I might even actively pursue it. After all all breastfeeding relationships end at some point.

Wordless Wednesday: Multi-tasking Toddler

2011-08-03T09:27:00.001-04:00

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I present Audrey nursing and using the iPhone!

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

2011-07-31T23:07:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to share a little song with you. One of my favorites when it comes to promoting breastfeeding. So in honor of World Breastfeeding Week:

Bittersweet Birthday

2011-07-28T11:37:00.000-04:00

Today is Baby J's first birthday, which means it's Brianna's one year death anniversery. As DH said, it's a bittersweet day. When I realized what today was I had to hold back tears. DH also pointed out how many almost bittersweet birthdays there are in our families. He almost had a bittersweet birthday; his nephew and my brothers' too.

I know prior to Audrey's birth, DH's father was very worried about my survival of a homebirth. Both of his parent's mother's died in or right after childbirth. Childbirth is natural and death is natural but that doesn't mean we don't worry.

Today I say a prayer for all of the people with bittersweet birthdays. Today I also plan to give my Audrey extra hugs and kisses. I want to live to give thanks to God for Audrey and for the opportunity to raise her. Instead of getting mad that she won't go to sleep or that she knocked my glasses off my face, I'll smile and thank God. I know not all of us get the chance to complain about sleeplessness. So here's to you Brianna. With your life you taught me to be kind to the least of God's children and with your death you taught me to be grateful for each day. Happy Birthday Baby J.

Thrush Again!

2011-07-27T20:55:00.001-04:00

So you know I'm passionate about breastfeeding. Part of the reason so many mom's give up on breastfeeding is the lack of help when it comes to dealing with problems. The problem that almost sunk my breastfeeding was THRUSH! I hate thrush.

I first got thrush when I had been breastfeeding about 3 weeks. I leaked and still leak like a loose faucet and I decided to save money by buying cheap thin nursing pads. So cheap that they trapped the milk next to my skin and I developed a yeast infection on my boobs, thrush. Yes, it's just like a yeast infection in your vajayjay and it is treated about the same.

My problem was that I didn't get help as soon as I had a problem. I thought it was my latch. I thought it was not nursing enough. I didn't ask for help. By the time I got help I was literally on my knees at night crying for hours the pain was so bad. One time Audrey tried to latch and I screamed and then she screamed and we both cried for an hour. It was bad.

I ended up going to my gyn/ob for an RX for diflucan (sp?). I had to go through two rounds! I also used Grapefruit Seed Extract and coconut oil. It was a good month before it was totally gone. Don't wait! If you think you might have a problem ask for help. Ask a friend, a local La Leach League leader, heck send me an email but don't suffer to the point of quitting, besides it hurts!

Here are some links that I found very help and that I turn to, even now going through thrush for the 4 time!

Dr. Jay Gordon: Identifying Thrush and how to use Grapefruit seed extract

KellyMom: Thrush Resources

Coconut Oil for Thrush Treatment

La Leche League - Thrush

Hope a momma with thrush finds this helpful.

Seven "Siete"

2011-07-27T20:19:00.000-04:00

Ruby from Growing up BLACKXICAN tagged me to participate in this new Tag named Seven "Siete"
So here we go:

The rules are to share a blog post in each of the following seven categories:

#1 Most Beautiful Post

The sweetest moments

#2 Most Popular Post

Fear of Birth

#3 Most Controversial Post

Sons

#4 Most Helpful Post

Giveaways to know about

#5 A Post Whose Success Surprised Me

Cloth diapering on the cheap

#6 A Post that Didn’t Get the Attention I Felt It Deserved

When you stop fighting

#7 Post I'm Most Proud Of

Shut your pie-hole Crunchy Bitch

Now to tag 7 people: (okay so I'm tagging 7 blogs worth your time)

1. Naturalmente Mama

2. Growing up Blackxican

3.The Marci Factor

4. Party of 5 and counting

5. Blacktating

6. The Mahogany Way

7. Mom's Depot

Go check these blogs out. They are awesome!

Wordless Wednesday: Dino dig

2011-07-27T19:57:00.001-04:00

Coming out of the closet

2011-07-26T15:48:00.000-04:00

Okay so not really that kind of news but it kinda is. I have officially finished all of my work towards becoming a LLL Leader! I have my letter in the mail and then I will be official official. It's nice to be able to say it out loud! They ask us not to talk about ourselves as leader applicants so this is my official coming out.
I'm excited about starting to host meetings and helping moms. While I've always helped moms, I have more questions in my inbox about breastfeeding than anything, I hope that now that I have some training I might be more help.
I know that I can come across as militant but really I just want to help mom's reach their personal breastfeeding goals. For me that goal is 2 years, anything past that is gravy. I know for some moms it's 1 month. But whatever the goal, I'm here to help. Really that is every LLL leaders goal. I know there are some leaders out there that confuse the situation and try to make everyone a militant AP mom but that ain't me. I can live no one else life and they can't live mine. What works for me, won't necessarily work for anyone else. We all do what we can, the best we can.
So anyways, I'm here I breastfeed ask away :)

Parenting style

2011-07-18T15:26:00.000-04:00

So DH and I were discussing the type of parents we want to be. I know it seems a little late but everything you think you know about parenting is no where near close to what you learn about yourself and your child once you actually are a parent. So now that we've been doing this for 19 months, what do we think?

Part of this discussion is DH constant need to monitor Audrey's health. I don't mean just watch and keep notes but obsess. I think having been burned by a few doctors as a child (he nearly died) and a couple of bad doctors for our Audrey, he just wants to make sure nothing passes him by. Me, I try to be chill. Not every fever means death or horrible disease. The older she gets the less bad disease and the such are, right?

He did say something that scared me. He said he wanted to be a helicopter dad! Scary! I understand what he means. I want to be watchful. I want to be careful but I need to also let go. No calling college professors to ask about grades. No calling the boss to ask about performance reviews. So how do you raise an independent child but make sure they grow up fairly healthy and protected?

Not sure about this one. The Casey Anthony trial and the little boy in New York plus way too many E! specials on young murders just makes me freak out and want to never let her out of my sight. DH is very pro-public high school. Me, I don't like the idea of public schools at all (9 years as a public educator ruined it for me). We've talked about unschooling her. As is Audrey has like 80 words down and is learning her ABCs and 1, 2, 3s just by chatting with her. But again it's about her being safe not really education. Is she safe at a school? Is she safe anywhere? If not then what does that mean for our family? Being a parent is such a balancing act between freaking out about everything and letting go. Much harder than I thought originally. So what is our parenting style? I'm going with work in progress for us all.

Wordless Wednesday: Jaba the Baby!

2011-07-13T13:51:00.001-04:00

Finding local support

2011-07-09T19:45:00.000-04:00

So I work with the public at my day job. I get to meet so many cool people. Nothing rocks my world more than meeting people that know where I'm coming from both as a wheatless person and as a crunchy momma. I think it's really helpful to know you are not alone. Yes, you can go online and find out that you are not alone. But when you meet a person in real life, that lives where you live, it just makes you feel less alone.

I feel like less of a freak. I've joked about starting a support group but at the same time I'm not joking. I know there are other people who feel like I feel. The person I met today was so interested in talking and sharing tips. Tips that make my life easier, like where to eat and where to shop locally. Maybe I will start a group. I could do a group for the local wheatless folk and another for the crunchy/crunchy-ish parents. Do you think anyone would show?

Wordless Wednesday: Bucket Baby

2011-07-06T08:47:00.001-04:00

I am an asshole

2011-07-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

So it's been a year since I moved to Texas. I've tired to get over being mad at DH for the way the move went down (it was total chaos). I've tried to let go of the sadness over things lost in the move (Audrey's birth certificate).

Since the move, three of my VA friends have become mothers. One passed away in childbirth (B). She is one that has made me appreciate my life more. So why the asshole thing? Immediately after B's death I made a promise to keep in better contact with people. She was there one moment and gone the next. I never got to thank her for all of the help she gave me after Audrey's birth. She checked on me. She cooked for me. She made sure I wasn't so alone when I could not have felt more alone.

An yet I'm a total asshole. I don't call people. I don't write. I barely blog updates anymore. I want to blame my job. I want to blame DH. I want to blame Audrey. I'm a professional woman by day, a mother to a toddler by night and at some point it would be good to be a decent wife. Between all of that when could I possibly have time for anything else.

I have two local friends that I have been dying to see. I moved back to Texas a year ago and still haven't seen them! I moved back to Texas a year ago and I have only been to San Marcos/San Antonio once so my friends in that area haven't been visited in almost a year.

Yep, I'm an asshole. At some point I have to put the blame in the right place and that is squarely on my shoulders. I finally have some vacation coming up. I'm thinking it's time for a trip to SM/SA. I'm going to make lunch plans with my local girls. I'm going to finally return some phone calls.

One year ago today

2011-06-30T23:48:00.001-04:00

So a year ago today we left Virginia, well we left Danville. We wound up spending the night in Roanoke that night so we actually left VA the next day.

We had moved three times before and yet this was the first time we actually had friends to help us. Don't know what we would have done without K & L!

DH asked me why I was sad when I was thinking about the move. I'm not sad. There are few things I miss about Danville. Outside of my friends from Southside VA I have everything I need. But it marks the last time of many things. The last time I ever saw B/will ever see her. The many friends who promised I would see them at least once more we left. The last time we would ever be in the house where Audrey was born. My whole changed in that house. I became a mom to two fur-babies and then a real baby. I finally found a job I loved and friends. I grew up.

When we moved to VA we were kids with nothing to our names but degrees. We came back to Texas as parents, as grown ups. I do miss parts of my life in Virginia but our move to Texas was beyond the right thing to do.

I didn't want to want to move back. I thought I meant that I had failed. Turns out it means that I was letting go and Letting God take the wheel. The move is a success. I hope we'll make a trip back soon but I know we'll be going back next summer for K & L's wedding. I can't wait. Virginia was nice but I'm a Texas girl at heart.

Audrey's words

2011-06-25T10:58:00.000-04:00

Now that my little baby is all toddler I have decided to type up a list of her words.
So here we go:

No
Eyes
Hair
Ears
Nose
Cheeks
Teeth
Eyebrow
Arms
Apple
Juice
Water
Out
Side
Walking
Boob
Gibby (which is what she calls her pacifier)
Barney
Mama
Daddy
Puppy
Yasmin (our dog Jasmin)
Noopy (our dog Snoopy)
Sleepy
Peepee
Poop
Please
Thank you
Wecome (Welcome)
Amen
Elephant
Pig
Cow
Fish
Duck/Dog (She is still confusing these two)
Mouse
Sheep
More
Night (short for good night)
Bye
Agua (water in Spanish)

I think that is just about everything in her vocabulary. Of course her number one word is "No!" The rest she uses as needed. Pretty good list, I think, but then I am a bit biased :)

The wheat challenge

2011-06-14T08:14:00.000-04:00

So about a month ago, Audrey visited the allergist. She had the skin tests done, everything was negative. She also had blood tests done about a week later and those results also negative. So what is a mother to do? Challenge the diet.

You would think I would happy and jumping for joy. No more wheatlessness, horray! Not really. I remember the screaming, the horrible skin, the baby that was so unhappy. Why would I want to do that again? But you have to take the plunge, right?

We decided to try it. First just Audrey having a little bit of wheat. She had a chicken nugget from Chick-fil-a. Her reaction that night, not too bad. She seems more irritable than normal but no midnight screaming fits. That was Saturday; Monday she had a tempuraed shrimp. Again nothing bad that night. So we move on to Friday, now it was time for me and Audrey to both go back to wheat. I had onion rings and a crawfish salad (crawfish were breaded). Audrey was allowed to eat anything off our plates, as usual. That night, not so good. She was not a happy child. No screaming fit but she was scratching all night. The next day her skin didn't look bad but by Sunday the poor baby had her whole back covered in eczema.

We are wheatless once again. We are also sleeping pretty close to the whole night. We are unsure of what do. Tests say no allergy but her skin is reacting. DH has a wheat allergy so being wheatless really should be a must for him. Honestly I'm feeling a bit clueless. We go back to allergist next week. I guess we'll see then what the next recommended step might be.

Store Brand Formula

2011-06-07T10:02:00.001-04:00

This post brought to you by storebrandformula.com. All opinions are 100% mine.

So I'm sure your are wondering why a Lactiavist, La Leche League member, and proud breastfeeding mom is talking about formula. Well it comes down to this, I think all women should research anything they are choosing for their children. So if you decided that formula is right for you, then you chosen the right formula for your child.

Now I think that it is unfair for moms to be given formula at the hospital. I mean whether they mean to or not, it is basically an endorsement by the hospital/doctor/staff of whatever brand they place in a mom's hand. I mean if the doctor gives it to me it has to be the best, right? Even I was given formula by my pro-breasfeeding doctor! Formula samples are everywhere. So with so much free name-brand formula how is a mom to really chose the best thing for their child

I don't endorse formula. I don't use formula. But I will say this, from my research, store-brand formula and name-brand formula is the same thing. Even a U.S. Circuit Court upheld a $13.5 million false advertising claim against Enfamil maker Mead Johnson basically for claiming that Enfamil was better than store-brand formula. So it is legal precedent that store-brand and name-brand are basically the same. Here is what the judge said:

“As the litigation history of the parties demonstrates, despite having twice been restrained from disseminating misleading advertising, Mead Johnson [maker of Enfamil] continued to do so,” Circuit Judge Andre Davis wrote. “PBM [company that brought suit/formula maker] cannot fairly compete with Mead Johnson unless and until Mead Johnson stops infecting the marketplace with misleading advertising.”

The court found that Enfamil’s advertisements of superiority to store brand formulas were false and misleading because store brand formulas offer the same nutrients at the same levels as Enfamil. So name-brand has better advertising not a better product. Think about it, when was the last time you saw an ad for store-brand formula. Now think about the last time you saw one for name-brand. I'm watching TV now and can't get away from formula ads.

So basically my take is this: research. Don't let the free sample sway you. Don't let the TV ads sway you. If store-brand and name-brand are basically the same then save those hard earned pennies. There is no reason to pay the extra money for a fancy name.

Click here: for more information

or go to storebrandformula.com

Wordless Wednesday: co-sleeping fun

2011-06-01T12:00:00.001-04:00

Just a few minutes before the day starts.

The great baptism debate

2011-05-26T23:56:00.000-04:00

So I'm Catholic and in theory so is Audrey. DH is not Catholic. He was raised Baptist but is currently without church. I like most cradle Catholics was baptized as a baby. Audrey is 17 months old and is still not baptized. This is a point of debate for DH and I.

DH is actually okay with us baptizing Audrey. I've been the issue to this point. See a few months back DH and I were debating circumcision for any future sons; DH is pro-circ and I am anti-circ. We reached a compromise! DH said that if our sons were going to choose to be circ-ed later in life then they should also be able to choose to be baptized. I can live with that. If I want my future sons to make the decision to be circumcised then I can understand that they should also choose to be baptized.

But this leaves the issue of the girls and right now Miss Audrey. If the boys get to choose then shouldn't Audrey? I grew up with visions of choosing baptismal gowns that would be passed down to grandchild. But should I really impose that on Audrey? I love being Catholic. I have my issues but I like going to Mass. I love the prayers and the rituals. Audrey goes to church with me. Audrey has missed Mass maybe twice since we started going out at week 3 postpartum. If I go, Audrey is with me. The kid is Catholic. One of her words is "Amen" and she knows to say it at the end of a prayer. She is learning to cross herself and hold her hands together to pray. Does she need to be baptized at this point in her life?

At first I didn't get Audrey baptized because we lived so far from family. They missed my whole pregnancy. They missed newborn Audrey. I wanted them there for her baptism. We have also been at an impass over Godparents. Who do we chose? We knew very few practicing Catholics and even less that we would trust with Audrey's religious life. So I have no clue what to do. I am praying and staying open to God's plan and hoping for guidance. I feel like the window for baptizing her is closing. If we wait til she's 3 then why not just wait til she wants to be baptized. I just don't know!

It is amazing what you can do when you don't have a choice

2011-05-26T00:21:00.000-04:00

So I've heard it so many times, "I couldn't do it. I have no idea how you . . . "

The . . . can be just about anything in my life. The wheat-freeness, breastfeeding a toddler, babywearing, co-sleeping, or the homebirthing. I think in this country we have been TV fed the idea that we can't do things. We can't wear a baby it's not safe you must have a stroller. Breastfeeding, why would you do that when you can just give the baby formula. Home birth, are you stupid? Only a doctor is qualified to deliver a baby. You'll die without an epidural; you can't handle the pain. Why do we buy into all of those things? It is amazing how powerful we are as humans, as women, as moms.

Now I'll admit that I have chosen my crunchy wheatfree life. Yes, I could have gone to the hospital and had an epidural. Yes, I can stop breastfeeding and kill a hamburger. Yes, she would cry but I could move Miss Audrey to her own bed. Why not buy a stroller? These are choices that I have made and therefore I am choosing to live my life this way. But what about things that you don't have a choice about?

I have a friend who had PUP, which if you don't know what it is Google it. She actually told me that she didn't know how I live wheat-free. I am in awe of her. She had PUP and let her baby be born on his own time. Most women with PUP have an induction at 38 weeks, the stress on the body and the mental strain are incredible. She ended up going for almost 42 weeks, a full month more than the norm. She is incredible! If she can do that she can do anything. Makes going wheat-free seem so small.

So what can we do if we 'have' to? People have super human strength when they need to save their child. We are amazing creatures. You could go wheat-free. It's not that hard. People are doing it for fun. If your health depended on it, you could do it. Don't even get me started on the crunchy life. Trust me you can do it. Life is all about choices. My choices are my own and yes they are not for everyone but just because you didn't doesn't mean you couldn't.

Time flies

2011-05-24T23:13:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about the passage of time. This year is my 10 year college reunion. So hard to believe it's been ten years! I loved my Hollins days but I won't be able to make it to reunion this year. Between the new job (no vacation) and lack of fundage there will be no traveling to Roanoke this year. Maybe next time.

This time of year has so much meaning for me. My birthday is Thursday. I'll be 32. This is time of year also marks the 14th anniversary of my grandmother's death. Hard to forget that one since it was right before I graduated from high school, right before my birthday. So there are lots of things on my mind and yet nothing to write about. Funny how that happens.

Wheatless no more?

2011-05-14T15:40:00.000-04:00

So on Tuesday, Audrey saw an allergist. I was not impressed with the doctor and I was most certainly not impressed with hour long wait. You could tell the doctor doesn't work with many little children. But anyways, as part of the visit Audrey was subjected to allergy testing, the one where they rub the allergens on you. She did not react to a single one. Not one!

Good news? I've been processing the news for a bit. The doctor has ordered blood allegry tests. She said that food allergens can hide in the blood and not show up in the other kind of testing. We are still avoiding wheat until we know for sure. The doctor also said that Audrey has very senstive skin and dry skin so we need to lotion her twice a day everyday. My parents took the news as a good sign. They have a normal grandchild. I think they are making plans for a "real" cake. I still worry about her. The eczema is still real. The gas pain in the middle of the night is still real. What is the cause?

My greener period

2011-04-29T18:16:00.000-04:00

So I've been slowly trying to green up my life. I figured that it didn't make sense to cloth diaper but use disposable pads myself. Besides I was getting so sick of missing my pad all together so I decided to try to Instead Soft Cup.

Why the Instead?
Reason 1: I could buy it right off the store shelf. I had just missed my pad again and I was not going to take it laying down. I had to do something now! I headed to CVS and bought a box. About $7 for 14 cups.
Reason 2: I had used them before. Way back in my Hollins days, I had heard some girls talk about the cup and I tried. After leaving my bathroom looking like a murder scene I gave up.

Findings:
Well this time around I tried for two periods. I did use back up, a pad, but didn't need it, mostly. I did struggle to put it in place properly. I think with more practice I"ll get it down. My second month I got it in place twice! Now the placement is very important but I found that even if I didn't place it just right I still didn't get the horrible bloody butt of shame that comes from an accident. I would just pour/empty directly into the toilet. It was much easier. The times I got it in place just right where wonderful. Nothing on my pad. Nothing in the toilet. It was like not having a period at all!

I did also notice that my period was shortened by a day. Instead of my five day cycle, using the Instead soft cup I only had four days. I have no clue why. I know that other women have reported the same thing. Maybe it just because you are catching it at the source instead of just running out of you so you have one day less of mess. Whatever the reason I was super happy.

I didn't have any issue with putting my fingers in there or touching my period. That is so high school! I've given birth at home in my livingroom. No point in getting grossed out now! :) I know it would bother some people but I was cool.

I feel like it was worth my time and money. I will have to buy more before my next cycle since I don't have enough to last me but they are at my local CVS and Walmart so I don't really have to plan ahead.

I am hoping to buy a Diva Cup. I hear it sits lower in the vagina so the placement is easier. We'll see. Unfortunately, the Dive Cup does require some preplanning since you have to order it. I am also hoping for kit from LunaPads. I really want to ditch the disposable pads. If Audrey gets cloth then I want some too!

We'll see how my greening efforts go.

PS This is totally my opinion. Instead did not pay me :( to say anything for them. I bought the box and just wanted to report my findings. On to the Diva Cup!

My self esteem/downsizing my pants

2011-04-27T00:06:00.001-04:00

So on Saturday I headed to Old Navy to find a new Easter dress. I had no luck finding a dress but while there I decided to try on some new pants. Since going wheat free I have lost close to 40 lbs and nothing fits. I'm cheap so I hate to spend money on clothes but people have been making comments so I have to break down and buy some new pants.

So anyways back to Old Navy, I grabbed the size 16 and to my surprise they fit. I wasn't ready for that. For some reason that really shocked me. The pants did just fit they fit! Like the holy Grail of pants, I looked great, felt great, and had no camel toe. I left the store without them. I'm not ready for the 16s in my head. In my head I'm still a size 22 and I'm not sure about my new reality.

I feel good. DH likes me at any size. I know I need new clothes. My jeans fell off my butt while I was jumping with Audrey! I guess what I also need is a reality check. My butt is smaller that doesn't mean anything other than my butt is smaller. Great now that I ran from the prefect pants, which were on sale, I'll never find them again. But even worse, I'll have to pay full price! Anyways, that was my Saturday.

Wordless Wednesday: Brush your teeth

2011-04-20T23:40:00.001-04:00

Spot the Crunchy Mama

2011-04-18T14:33:00.001-04:00

So I have been thinking about how I've changes since high school. Now that I live in my hometown I run into folks from high school but needless to say I ain't the same chick. Back in the day I wanted to be mainstream, all-American, and normal. I've moved to the other direction since Audrey's birth so how is the man on the street suppose to know that offering me a cut in on half-price formula could earn him a kick to the balls? So I have made a small checklist, how to spot the crunchy mama (while you are doing your once over.).

The list is not at all scientific or researched just basically my musings. So in no particular order:

As you approach do you see

Or maybe

You might have a crunchy mama. This is known as babywearing. Notice there is no stroller but baby is on mama's back sound asleep.

You might also notice that baby has a necklace made of amber. This is known as an Amber teething necklace. It helps with teething and growing pains. Yes it works why would crunchy mama spend the money otherwise? Here is a pic:

Does the baby have a very big butt? This could be the sign of a cloth diaper! Yes they make them and people buy and use them. Most crunchies who cloth diaper can't believe anyone would choose to use disposables, what a waste of money and talk about bad for the environment! Beware discussing cloth vs disposables, a crunchy has researched this topic and can talk for hours!
Big butt:

You might also notice the lack of bottles or pacis. Many crunchies refuse to use either. This crunchy uses both but if I'm with baby you won't usually see a bottle cause I just wipe out a boob to feed the baby. You might just see a boob or two if baby/toddler is very active. Do not be afraid. We don't mind and are use to it. Please ask away but be ready for lots of info! This too is a topic of research!

See by no means a complete list. See what else comes to mind? How can we head a mainstream mama spot the crunchy?

Wordless Wednesday: glutenfree pineapple upside down cake

2011-04-06T22:10:00.001-04:00

I'm a loser

2011-04-05T14:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I've got several friends who have babies and I've noticed many talking about sending the baby to granny's for a night. I have not spent the night away from Audrey and she's 15 months old so needless to say I began feeling like I was a weirdo or really a loser. What is wrong with me? Why haven't I sent my baby away for an overnight visit? She should have time to bond with her grandparents, right?

So I did what every modern mom does, I hit Twitter up with the question, when did you first leave your child for the night? I mean maybe I"m damaging my child. So the responses were overwheleming at least 2 years old and one mom said 4 years old. This made me feel less like a weirdo. I'm not the only momma refusing to leave her baby for the night. But I was thinking about it. Is my sample actually "normal"? I mean I follow and am followed by people who think like me. Most of the people I follow are AP parents, lactivist, and homebirth activist, not exactly mainstream America.

I don't think I'm any closer to finding out if I'm normal or not with question to the whole leaving your baby thing. I guess I have to fall back on the old, "it feels right to me." I guess I also need to do some research on "normal" ages that children spend the night away from their parents. I know for me, Audrey spending the night down the hall won't happend until she's nightweaned. She still searchs for boob at least twice a night. I"m in no hurry to wean her at all so it may be a while yet. So when do you think it's okay to leave baby for the night?

Did you know?

2011-04-03T13:30:00.001-04:00

Did you know that soy sauce has wheat? It is usually the second ingredient after water and before soy! Should be called wheat sauce :)

Did you know that premixed cornbread mixes have wheat? Again, usually list wheat flour before cornmeal. But you can make from scratch and use just ground cornmeal.

Did you know that some hair products have wheat? That one caught me totally be surprise. We got a hair oil for Audrey from my MIL and began using it. Made her hair look great but we noticed her head was breaking out. Stopped to read the label and it was the last ingredient! Seriously, why put wheat in there?

IHOP omelets also have pancake batter. I love their omelets but they have wheat so IHOP is totally off of our list of places to eat.

Just thought I would share.

Wordless Wednesday: sleeping beauty

2011-03-30T22:53:00.001-04:00

When you stop fighting . . .

2011-03-29T14:33:00.000-04:00

So people who don't know me very well are always asking me about my homebirth. "How in the world did you do that?" My response is always the same, "When I stopped fighting the pain, the pain went away."

Saturday, DH and I had a long talk about our current & future wheat-less life. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "When you stop fighting the pain of being wheatless, it will become normal." He's right. Now that I've stopped fighting being wheat-less, I am finding it easier to be wheatless. I'm actually okay with the idea of being wheatless for the rest of my life.

So I guess everything I ever needed to learn I learned during my homebirth. Okay not really but still, there is a big life lesson. Stop fighting and go with the flow. Trust that everything will be okay; trust that if you let go, it can be okay. As a friend of mine always says, "Let go and Let God."

Slipping thur my fingers

2011-03-27T22:13:00.001-04:00

Yes, the title is a reference to the ABBA song. That song played in my head today. Today I put up my pump and Audrey's bottles. I sobbed. I'm crying even now.

I find it so hard to believe that it is that time. I should have put it all up a month ago but I just wasn't ready to let it all go.

She is growing up so fast! I still feel that newborn being placed on my chest for the first time. Now she's 32 inches tall! Where did the time go? Does always move so fast? I keep thinking that I going to turn around and she'll be graduating from college.

Slipping thur my fingers always comes to mind when I think Audrey going up. The time is moving so fast, slipping thur my fingers in deed. The song always makes me cry. I remember how hard I sobbed listening to the song when I was pregnant. I think maybe I cry too easily.

I'm not ready to see Audrey grown up. I want my baby but there is no way but forward. Audrey is no newborn; she is a toddler. I thank God for each moment with her. I know I don't deserve this wonderful girl. So yes it feels like it is all slipping thur my fingers; all moving so quickly.

Wheatless for life?

2011-03-26T23:43:00.001-04:00

Can I really do it? Can I really stop eating wheat for the rest of my life? If I commit, can I see it through?
DH and I had a long talk about this topic today. We have decided that our house will be a Wheatless house. We will be a Wheatless family. DH said that we should not kept Wheatless when nit around Audrey. That her allergies are her allergies and no matter what I eat or don't eat I'm not allergic to wheat. His point being i can't suffer for her. He is right. If I keep strictly Wheatless after she weans then it needs to be because I want to not because Audrey has an allergy.
A Wheatless family but not a Wheatless life. Not sure if that makes sense but I'm starting to understand this new phase of my life. While yes my life would be easier if my Audrey didn't have a food allergy, this allergy really has made me a better mom. I don't just shove food in Audrey's mouth or my mouth. I stop and think. I spend time thinking about and reading over food choices. I don't just hand her a cookie. I stop to search for a good wheatfree snack. Honestly, the allergy slows me down and I need to be slown down. I tend to just hurry up and get things done but now I have to stop and read. I know I'll eventually learn what to buy and my shopping and feeding will speed up. So for now I am thankful. Thankful to slow down and focus. Thankful the allergy isn't deadly. Thankful I have my Audrey, allergies and all.

No guaranty on a baby

2011-03-23T22:55:00.001-04:00

So the other day my mom told me that I can only have a second baby if I can guaranty the baby would be normal. I know she is joking. She can't wait for me to have another baby but at the same time I can hear the stress that having a wheat-free grandchild has been for both of my parents. On more than one occasion my dad has said that he wishes he could take Audrey out for chicken nuggets and French fries.

I do wonder about the next baby. Will all of my children have a wheat allergy? What was the likelihood that my first child would have DH's allergy? Even if all my future children are "normal," can you have a split house? Everyone but Audrey eating pizza; I don't think that would work. Honestly, I'm beginning to think that I need to think about being wheat-free for the rest of my life. In order for Audrey to be normal being wheat-free needs to be our normal.

DH's parents were also telling us to stop having children. But they were saying that in terms of looks. According to them, Audrey is so cute that any other kids/daughters would not be as cute. Not sure what to say about that one. Maybe Audrey will be the homely one. Maybe my other children won't be as cute.

No baby comes with a guaranty so God willing we'll roll the dice and have another child within the few years. Will the child be 'normal'? Will he/she be as cute? Will we be able to handle more than one child? So many unknowns but then that is what makes life worth living. If I knew all of the answers then there would be no point to living. We must live and learn.

Wordless Wednesday: the car

2011-03-23T13:41:00.001-04:00

Swirly Audrey

2011-03-18T13:57:00.003-04:00

So yesterday, Audrey decided to whirl herself around and around. She could do about two full rotation before falling over. I had heard of toddlers doing this but it was Audrey's first go. It was so funny to see her whirl and fall over and whirl and fall over. It amazes me how much energy the kid has!

The side car solution

2011-03-14T22:23:00.002-04:00

So I'm finally posting about my side-car solution. I've been asked about how I made my side car so here is the how.

First thing is that we bought a convertible crib. We bought ours at Babies r us but that is neither here nor there. Convertible cribs are great for this purpose because they are made to be used without the front. Normally you would do that to make the toddler bed but hey it works for this too!

Second you need to measure your crib and bed and find a wall in your room so that you can use the wall as the brace for your side car. You will be placing the crib next to the wall and pushing your bed next to it. This will keep the crib from moving. (At that step alot of people will also use bungie cords to secure the bed and crib together. I didn't have bungie cords so I didn't do it. Although, I think for a newborn this is a good step, again you can't be too safe.)

Third you need to see how much of a difference in height there is between your bed and the crib mattress. There are a couple of ways to deal with this. My solution was to use bricks under the crib legs. Many people go to the craft store and buy foam cord cut to the right measurements. It may take several layers so you'll have to measure and measure before you buy. I had extra bricks so I just used what I has on hand.

I know the picture isn't great but you can see that I have two bricks on top of each other. I have done that for all four legs.

The next step is actually pushing everything together or if you are good without the measuring tape you can measure to find the gap between the crib mattress and your bed. Remember that you have removed the front of your crib so you will have a bit of a gap. My solution was to roll up towels and placed them on the side next to the wall. That keeps the crib mattress from sliding and leaving a gap for baby to get caught in. This is super important. You cannot have a gap! The most important thing is baby's safety. I have seen that some people will create/make a special blanket that covers the seam between the crib mattress and your bed. Now that Audrey is older I don't worry about the seam but when she was younger I would lay a blanket across the seam.

Again the picture isn't great but you can see that our bed is brown and her crib is green and they are touching. It looks like there is room between the two but I think that is the crappy picture because trust me I struggle to change the sheets since it is so tight between the two.

The final step is using it. It does take time to set up but it is well worth the effort. I know many people buy an arm's reach co-sleeper and then a crib. Why spend the extra money? The convertible crib and be sidecared and then it can be your toddler bed or your child's full size bed frame. But again you have to do what is best for you.

If you have any questions or tips to add feel free to leave them in the comments and I'll try to add them to the post. Others have great write ups on putting together a side car. Google them up and see the variety that is out there. Honest it's not that hard.
So one last pic, you can see Audrey is sleeping in our bed. Most nights she uses her crib but she ends up in our bed for a few hours each night. We love it. Audrey has her space and we have ours but every night we are together.

Neutral face

2011-03-13T16:46:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I had the need to practice neutral face. You might ask what is neutral face? That's easy; it's when someone says something shocking and because of the who or where you cannot express your feelings so you keep a neutral face.

As a crunchish mama, I am finding the need to perfect my neutral face. I am finding that a lot of very smart people do things that require my neutral face. I don't want to pass judgement. They parent their way and I parent my way. I have seen many a person have neutral face with me. It's cool and thank you for being kind enough to use your neutral face.

So go practice your neutral face. You will find it very handy.

The sweetest moments

2011-03-11T22:50:00.001-05:00

So today Audrey feel asleep on my chest. It always reminds me of Audrey's first nap. It makes me miss my baby.

Audrey doesn't let me hold her to rock her to sleep anymore. She'll nurse and then roll her back to me. She prefers to sleep in her sidecar.

I will never forget the sweetest moment of my life: Audrey's first nap. It was two hours post partum. Debbie, my midwife, had cleaned me up and with Ray's help put me in bed. They handed my Audrey to me and we got comfortable. She relaxed and fell asleep. I had a moment before I fell asleep were I felt peaceful, whole, beautiful and that everything was right in the world. I will carry that moment with me always.

Everything she goes to sleep on my chest, I breath her in deep and I go back in time. She was new and I was new to motherhood. We had just had life transforming moments. We had worked together and now we were resting together. She hadn't been given a bath yet so she still smelled of amniotic fluid. I hadn't taken a bath yet so I had the smell of amniotic fluid on me. It was perfect. We were perfect.

The attached parent

2011-03-10T13:41:00.001-05:00

So this whole style of parenting thing is still on my mind. Like I've said before I'm not into labels. Do I fit the label of attachment parenting, yes. I babywear, I breastfeed, I bed-share, I'm against CIO and I love my Audrey. I dislike the idea that people who aren't attached parents are dettached parents. The label is awful and misleading. Like my parenting is better or more in-tune.

I think part of what bothers me is that it implies that I set out to be an attached parent. I'm going to be honest. If I could parent anyother way I probably would. I mean I don't really like having a baby kick me in the kidneys at 3am but I can't image her sleepping in another room. I didn't like leaking all over myself but I'm too cheap to spend money on formula. I would use a stroller but I'm terrified someone would steal Audrey when I turn around to look at something. I didn't set out to be attached; Audrey just kinda got attached.

I can be a bit of a controlfreak so the idea that I can control my diet and therefore Audrey's diet (via breastmilk) was a need in me. I can't trust a formula company; it is just not in me. I can't trust people to keep their hands to themselves. I want to know where Audrey is at all times. I don't want people touching my kid and having her on me (literally) means no strange hands. The bed thing, well after carrying her for 9 months in me, the idea of her down the hall just didn't work. We tried to do the crib in room but she was so little and she cried and I couldn't handle it so she moved into our bed and has been there ever since.

So maybe I'm attached but it wasn't a choice. It really did just happen but I am more than a label. Like any parents attached/dettached a label is not the whole person. We do the best we can.

I think my weekly habit is killing my kid!

2011-03-07T23:57:00.001-05:00

Okay so as you might know I'm Catholic. Since I am Catholic I attend Mass weekly. As part is Mass, I receive Holy Communion, which is a disk of wheat. So every week, I have wheat. It's not much wheat but yes I, the Wheatless Mama, have a bit of wheat each week.

This has not seemed to be an issue with my breastmilk; I guess in the grand scheme of my diet it is next to nothing. The problem I am noticing is a kiss sized rash on Audrey's cheek. It seems to appear on Mondays; the day after I normally take communion. I'm thinking I am taking communion and then kissing Audrey. Is it possible that she is reacting to such a small exposure? DH doesn't react when touching wheat but I was using a hair oil on Audrey that had wheat and her scalp broke out! Poor thing, I think her allergy is worse than her dad's.

With Lent starting on Wednesday, I have a lot to think about and pray over. Can/should I be taking communion if I am Wheatfree? Is it possible to still feel connected with my faith if one of the most important parts (communion) is missing? Audrey vs Jesus? This is going to be difficult.

Shut your pie-hole crunchy bitch

2011-03-06T12:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so how does one give advice to a parent that has a different parenting philosophy than you? I don't really label myself as any one parent philosophy but let's face facts, I'm more or less an Attachment Parent. I hate that label, makes it seem that I"m calling other parents de-ttached.

I want to share the lessons I've learned but I know that my life works for me. I don't live anyone else's life so how can my lessons really benefit them? I can talk in general but it is hard to give an example without making people feel singled out. If I talk about letting a baby "cry-it-out" and how I think it is horrible then someone will think I'm talking about them. Besides, how do you talk about something like that without passing judgement. Yes I think letting a baby cry themselves to sleep is horrible. How can you stand there and listen to your child cry? But then that is me. I can't do it. Maybe you can and may you raise the Supreme Court justice and I raise the serial killer. Who is really to say?

I think a classic example is babywearing. I babywear (shocking right?). I think there is a right way and a wrong way and there is definitely a deadly way. Yes, there is research to support my way but wrapping isn't for everyone (most days not even for me) or MeiTeis or SSC or ring slings. Maybe the Baby Bjorn is the best thing for that family. Anything else could result in dropping the baby or never wearing that baby. Which is worse? Never wear or wear in a Bjorn? I had a Bjorn! I thought it was great. Then I got my Moby and I hated my Bjorn. Then I did research and attended some babywearing meetings. I decided that for Audrey I would Bjorn no more. That doesn't make me a better parent. It made me a better parent for Audrey. Happy Mama = Happy Baby?

Even that statement, happy mama + happy baby makes me think twice. I would love to out drinking with my friends, getting my nails done and spending money on me. That would make me happy. I don't think that would make Audrey happy. I could shove formula in her face so I can get drunk but that would not make either of us happy (I'm not a big drinker). But there are mamas who are happier giving formula. Breastfeeding makes them feel trapped. Happy Mama = Happy Baby? I just don't know.

So to the point, I will not shut my pie-hole but please don't assume I'm talking about you. I will live my life and you will live yours. I don't feel guilty about my choices and neither should you. We are all doing the best we can and it is a crap shoot. My happily attached cloth-diapered breastfed Audrey could wind up a murder on death row and your happy Bjorn formula baby could cure cancer. I'm thinkin' it's a crap-shoot either way.

EcoNuts Soap Nuts

2011-03-04T18:39:00.001-05:00

So a few weeks back I won at giveaway from Naturalmente Mama. I won some EcoNuts Soap Nuts. I was excited. The first time I had heard of soap nuts was at a Triad Tot Toter meeting and some of the moms swore by them. They just raved about how easy it was to wash with them and how easy they were to use. Needless to say, easy is what caught my attention. So when Maybelline at Naturalmente Mama had the giveaway I had to sign up.

I got the soap nuts and at first I was scared. It was literally a box of berries! How in the world do I use these things!? Lucky for me they came with instructions. You put five in a cloth baggy (which was included) and toss in the wash. It was that simple. I gave them a real challenge, period stained underwear! They came out spotless. First time I've ever had that happen. I'm in love! I highly recommend soap nuts!

Just as a note. Maybelline nor EcoNuts paid me to blog about them nor was that a condition of winning. But since I liked them I thought I would share.

Changing my name but keeping the ring

2011-03-03T20:56:00.001-05:00

So you might have notice that Martha is a First Time Mommy is now Wheat-less Mama. Why the name change? Since Miss Audrey B. is now over a year old and my blog is almost two years old, I thought a change might be good but also the focus has changed a bit.
When I started blogging, I was just keeping an online diary of my pregnancy for my family and friends. Now I've expanded to my family life in general and affects of a wheat-less life on me. Wheat-less Mama just makes sense at the moment. I'm a mama and thanks to the funny twists in life, I'm a wheat-less one. I hope you'll keep reading as I babble on about motherhood, womanhood, and wheat-free living.

Wordless Wednesday: smoothie please

2011-03-02T13:37:00.001-05:00

I'm jealous

2011-02-27T11:28:00.002-05:00

Okay so yesterday I was in the grocery store and I randomly looked at a women's cart and I felt a stab of jealousy. Her cart was full of processed foods. I was jealous because next to her was her son. She was a mom and her cart was full of Mac and cheese, oreos, and bunches of other crap.

Yes i was jealous. Not of the "foods" she had but of the carefree nature of the cart. That mom did not think she just dumped. Her concern, can i afford is? Will we eat this? Not will this hurt my child. I don't mean to sound hateful but yes for a minute I was green with jealousy.

I never pictured my life with food allergies. When DH's food allergy test came back with wheat and yeast (among other things), I was upset. It meant a change in our diet. We tried to go totally wheat free but 8 years ago the wheat free food was hard to find and it was mostly horrible. So DH just dealt with the pain. As a grown man he can choose to eat what he wants so our diet didn't change as much as it should of. Basically we would go wheat free when his allergies were just too much.

So it was part of our lives but not the focus. I totally never thought my children would have to deal with allergies. I mean DH was 25 before his allergies were 'discovered.'. So when Audrey was screaming in pain nightly at 3 weeks old, I discovered a new phase in my life, the wheatless phase.

As long as I am breastfeeding I am wheat-free. That might be two years maybe four tops depending on when Audrey totally weans but I'll be a concerned label reading mama for the rest of my life. I'll always have to ask what is in that before Audrey eats it. I won't have that carefree grocery cart, I don't think i'll ever have that carefree cart. So yes I was jealous. I love Audrey and DH and that means I'll always have a semi-wheat-free life. But if my choices are bread and Oreos or Audrey and DH then I'll never eat and oreo again.

Wordless Wednesday: Dryer Balls!!!

2011-02-23T18:22:00.001-05:00

Giveways to know about:

2011-02-19T10:47:00.002-05:00

Just a couple of giveways to share:

Party of 5 and Counting is giving away a Baby Bond nursing cover. Here is the link:
http://partyof5andcounting.blogspot.com/2011/02/baby-bond-review-and-giveaway.html
It closes on Feb 25th so hurry over and enter to win.

Mommy is Green is giving away a GroVia Diaper! Here is the link:
http://www.mommyisgreen.net/2011/02/glass-baby-bottle-grovia-cloth-diaper.html
It closes on March 2nd so get over there! I love Gro Vias! This is a prefect giveaway if you want to start a cloth diaper stash! You can also go to the sponsor: The Glass Baby Bottle if you just want to buy one to try out.

Mommy is Green is giving away Tropical Traditions Organic Coconut Flour! Here is the link:
http://www.mommyisgreen.net/2011/02/tropical-traditions-organic-coconut.html
That one will be open until March 6th.

Naturalmente Mama is giving away Tropical Tradition Organic Coconut oil! Here is the link:
http://www.naturalmentemama.com/2011/02/tropical-traditions-gold-label-virgin.html
That one will be open until March 5th.

While I am not a big fan of dried coconut, I don't like the texture, I love love love Coconut oil for baby's skin and to treat/prevent thrush. Both ladies just posted the giveways so get in there and get your name in the bag.

There is also another give away on Naturalmente Mama! She's got Plant Wise snack bags! That one will close on March 2nd. Here is the link: http://www.naturalmentemama.com/2011/02/planet-wise-bag-your-snack-stuff-resena.html