Gluten and allergen free Expo - Dallas: Review - how I felt

How much would you pay to feel normal? How much would you pay to relax when you didn't realize just how tense you were? How much would you pay to finally see that you are really not alone? My cost: $40 for tickets and $130 in gas.

When DH and I first started talking about going to Dallas on Sept 8, it was just to see Social Bliss play a show. Then about 3 weeks ago I realized that the Gluten & Allergen Expo would be in town, I just had to make it happen. Dallas is a 3.5 hr drive so it could be a day trip. Kill two birds with one stone; expo for a couple of hours and then Social Bliss. Sounds like a great day to me!

Wednesday my allergies began to kick my ass. By Friday I looked like hell and DH was wondering if we should be going anywhere. By bedtime my voice was walking out the door. Saturday morning, my voice was gone and thoughts of staying crept in. 9am I woke DH up and started getting dressed to go. He still had doubts. Ravebaby woke up and didn't want to go anywhere. About an hour away DH got car sick. We were really wondering if we had made the right decision.

We found the conference center and as we walked up the energy changed. We started to relax. Once we got to the Udi's table and Ravebaby focused on pizza and brownies, I relaxed. It occurred to me that I didn't need to freak out about what DD was grabbing to eat. She could eat everything! There in that place we were normal. There in that place we were just like everyone else. Every single person in that expo was dealing with living without.

After having two incidents in the last two weeks of telling Ravebaby no, it was liberating to say yes to everything. It was a bit overwhelming to realize that I didn't have to ask if it had wheat. No wheat allowed. No need to ask. There was pizza, sandwich bread, pita bread, cake, pie, chips, crackers and the list goes on. There in that place for the first time in almost three years, I could relax.

Wa the trip worth it? It feels like a MasterCard commercial:
Gasoline for the trip: $130
Entrance fee: $40
Finally feeling normal: priceless

To be continued: up next - products

Proud member of Steeler Nation

So as a Texan, I take a lot of heat for not being a Cowboys fan. How can you live at close to Dallas and like the Steelers? Are you from Pittsburgh? Is your family from Pittsburgh? How can you like the Steelers?! Dallas is America's team!

Well the story is pretty simple and a little embarrassing. So I'm going to tell you but don't spread it around. My love of the Steelers is all Coach Bill Cowher's fault. How can it be his fault? Well back in the day, my family lives out in the booneys, the sticks, BFE, you know out in the middle of nowhere. My parents could not afford a satellite so we were had one channel, ABC, which meant watching Monday Night Football. I was not a football fan but it was noise so we had it on. One day the Steelers were playing and they showed Coach Cowher on the screen. My first thought: Sgt. Slaughter! That's all it took, seriously, I've been a Steelers fan since. I've come a long way from those days under DH's tutelage I've learn I made a smart choice. My tram is awesome. I can talk football with the guys and even make some smart calls.

I own a terrible towel, which I bought in Virginia Beach, VA. I have my very own Troy Polamalu jersey. Love me some Troy on the field. Love watching him bring people down and stripping people of the ball, so hot. He is my top freebie.

So in short the Steelers became my team on a fluke and the need for glasses. The Groom is a huge Steelers fan; he wore a Steelers tie to his wedding. Really before the Steelers '06 super bowl win, I didn't let the Groom know I liked the Steelers; it was just too much fun to tease him. Yes I am a member of Steeler nation and yes I love in Cowboy country and no I don't mind.

Am I the only who thinks these guys look a little alike? :)

Wordless Wednesday: Read with me

Ravebaby reading with a friend. To protect friend's identity, since you shouldn't post pics of other people's children, I'm using the pictures I took with Photo booth on my iPad. Still cute.

Tear away stripper pants: Part 3 - converting regular jeans

Sorry this post is like 3 months late! Here is the link back to making the stripper pants from a pattern.
What do you need:
1 pair of pants
Hook & loop/ Velcro
Snap pliers or snap press
2 snaps
Strong sewing machine needle (I was sewing jeans so I went for extra strong)
Thread to match pants

Pick a pair of pants that are just a bit loose. Not gigantic since you can't wear a belt but loose enough you can afford to loose about an inch in the waist.

Step 1: use a seam ripper to rip up the outside leg seams

Step 3: once you have both outside leg seams you will need to cut the waist. This is were you lose an inch or so. You'll notice that there is no extra material in the waist. There is about half an inch on each side in the seams but nothing in the waist.

Step 4: time to add the hook and loop/Velcro. I use 1/2 inch Velcro and use one long continuous piece on the jeans for Jailbait that was about 36 inch per leg. You don't want to go all of the way up. Stop at before the waist. You want the softer fuzzy part on the butt side and stiffer hooks on the zipper side. The tricky area will be around the pocket snaps. I suggest just sewing as close as possible but not stressing if it isn't straight like the rest of the seam.

Step 5: the waist snaps. At this point you should be able to put on your pants and them stay on but the waist all open. My suggestion is snaps. I have snap pliers and you should be able to buy them at your local crafting store.

I used "S" snaps for sexy! These are stripper pants after all! You should be done.

This is pretty simple. Rip, sew, snap, strip! Enjoy the show!

Reflections on running and betrayal

I've run 9 miles in three days. On Saturday, DH kicked me out of house and sent me running. The air was hard to breathe; it was so caked with water but there was no rain in sight. I hate summers in East Texas. Back in my high school days this would have been the opening years race. Always the hardest one since you can't breathe and are still getting back in shape. Back then I would have only run 2 miles. That was the race and that was my end point. Saturday, I ran 5 miles. I was so slow. It was so difficult but it got done and I felt great after I ate. I managed to run it in about 70 mins. Honestly not that bad and I ran it instead of doing a walk/run combo. My longest run ever! Today I went for a 4 mile run and the weather was a bit better and I took a less hilly route. I managed to shave a minute off my last 4 mile time.

I keep getting up and going for my runs. I try for 3 times a week and average about 2.5 miles per run and I manage and turtle pace of 13:45 per mile. I don't look pretty at any point, before, during, after. I doubt myself before and during and I always feel like I could go a bit farther after each run. I feel stronger and more centered. What do I think about for 2.5 miles? I get my mind ready for my day. I let go of the past. I try to meditate on the lessons life is trying to teach me. Honestly for most of the run I am trying to talk myself to keep going. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

It's just a run. It doesn't really change the world but at the same time, I am a changed person. I smile more. I'm a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I don't hold on to things/thoughts. The runs don't leave room to hold on to negative thoughts. I have to believe in me and my body and I can't be worried about gossip if I'm facing a hill and 4 miles to go.

So what does that have to do with betrayal. I mean that is the real reason you are sticking with this post, the dirt! There really isn't much dirt to share. The last week has brought betrayal back to the forefront of my mind. Yesterday's sermon was about reaping what you sow. Oprah's life class was about betrayal among women. A close friend of DH's was dealing with some betrayal his life. From all of this I see this: each betrayal is a lesson about me. They teach me to be more careful in who I trust. They teach me to analyze my own motivations in sharing information. They teach me.

I am a very hard headed person. I have had some friends that taught me that I trust too easily. I give too much. I require too much. Because I don't listen, these are lessons that I've had to have repeated exposure to. I am a trusting soul. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I look as everyone as my friend. Jeffery Duhmer and I would have been tight right up until he killed me for opening the fridge. DH really keeps an eye on who I hang with because I just trust everyone. However, I am learning to keep my mouth shut and listen more. I don't blab my whole life to everyone anymore. I am learning that I am me and I only control me. Just because I help someone move doesn't mean they will ever return the favor and that is my issue not theirs. I can not expect someone to react the way I would react. I have to accept people for whom they are and not who I expect them to be. I am learning. I am trying to be more zen and just roll with the hills of life. All past betrayals are forgiven but the lessons are not forgotten. I am learning.

Just a photo from my local running group. Seems to apply to a lot of my life not just running.

Wordless Wednesday: Clean soul

Wordless Wednesday: the future of rock

Random recipe: Wheatless 'playdough'

So as you Wheatless folks know regular dime store playdough has wheat. There is a Wheatless product called Moon Dough that is safe for Wheatless kids to use. It I find it get everywhere. I love the texture but it is so hard to keep together. I will say I've only used the old formula so it is possible that the newer version does not have this problem.

After a bit of researching I came across a recipe for glutenfree playdough on About.com. I have tweaked it just a bit since mine kept coming out too gummy. Here is my final version:

1/2 cup White Rice Flour
1/2 cup Cornstarch
1/2 cup Salt
2 tsp Cream of Tartar
1 tsp oil
3/4 cup of water ( they called for 1 cup)
Food coloring

Mix then put over heat until it forms a ball, about 3 mins. Cool then play!

I found a recommendation to use hot water and I find that cuts down on the time over heat. One person said they don't have to heat it at all if they use hot water. I out mine in the fridge to cool off but don't leave it too long as it will dry out. Learned that the hard way!

Have fun.

Wordless Wednesday: last mommy and me

One last class together

Tonight is Ravebaby's last mommy and me class at the gym. I find myself getting emotional about it. One last mommy and me class before she moves on to the big girl level. Once she moves up that is it. I will no longer be on the may with her. I'll be in the gallery next week and from now on. I'll be just another mom watching.

Between the potty learning, sleeping more and more in her own bed, and now moving to the big girl class, she is growing up so fast! Seems like I was just in the birthing pool holding Baby Bud and now I have Ravebaby on the verge of being Ravegirl. The time just flys.

I don't think watching the Olympics is helping. I look at her and I see all the potential in the world. Ravebaby can be anything, can do anything, and yet what I want is to make sure she is happy, what ever that means. Next week I start sitting in the gallery after that maybe we can finally conquer pooping in the potty.

Wordless Wednesday: Darth and some spaghetti

The 40hr working momma

So two weeks ago I had the opportunity to cover for the other secretary and worked all day. I pulled 40 hrs and let me tell you at the end of this all I was really wondering how I use to do it every week. I felt like I never saw Ravebaby the whole week. I would get up go to work come home for lunch and go back to work and then home by 6:30. Nothing hard or anything that I hadn't done before but since I stopped working full time back in March it was the most time I had spent away from Ravebaby.

I hadn't realized how much I missed by working full time. I missed so much by working full time for those first two years and I thank God for the chance to try to make up for the lost time. I've been looking at full time jobs. Wondering if I should go back. Wondering if the next to nothing bank account means that I need to go back. After the 40 hr week I'm just going to have to buckle down cook and not spend money. I make enough to cover the bills and in the end we okay. I know Ravebaby doesn't care about money. I know she wants time with me. Right now God is giving me the chance to give my child what she actually needs and that is what matters. Are there things I would like to buy? Yes but material stuff won't bring any closer to my goal of being a good mom so it time to buy less crap and spend more time on the family.

Wordless Wednesday: Babydoll wearing

Ravebaby wearing her Babydoll in my new BabyEtte silk ring sling.

The list that changed it all

I was cleaning a bit yesterday and I came across DH's allergy report from 2003. So many emotions rushed over me. I know it's time to redo the tests; some of DH's allergies seem to have gotten worse while others better.

The overwhelming feeling was actually one of gratitude. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I truly shutter to think what would have happened to Ravebaby if we hadn't have known about DH's wheat allergy. The mind, body, and food connection is one I can now see so clearly. That my child goes from healthy running everywhere toddler to sickly fussy baby when she or I have wheat. It is not just a sick kid, her attitude changes. She's a great kid with tantrums few and far between unless she has wheat then she melts down at every little thing. Even DH seems more clear headed and sharp when he stays off the wheat and other allergens.

I watch my child and I wonder how many bad kids are just in pain from an untreated allergy. Since going totally wheat free DH can wear polyester. Growing up he could never wear it without breaking out. Maybe the breakouts where wheat related? If Ravebaby has been allergic to wheat since conception then maybe DH has too. Maybe all of his health problems as a child were actually major allergy reactions. The human body is a hard working vessel but it can only handle so much. One month of wheat exposure put Ravebaby in the hospital for 3 days. The official diagnoses was UTI but I know my baby never even had a cold before we let wheat back into our diets. We kicked wheat back out and have lived happily ever after.

I am not saying that everyone has a food allergy. I am not advocating everyone go wheat free. I am saying that talking to, reading about, and living with people with food allergies that those forever runny noses and/or never clearing rashes seem to have an underlaying cause and that maybe an allergy could be it. Even the best of the allergy eliminating moms can have an allergen slip in to the diet when running around. Ravebaby and DH have both had allergy attacks from thing that should be wheat free, like a milkshake. Don't be afraid to ask what is in something. Don't be afraid to demand and answer. You have the right to know.

I've read articles and blog pieces from parents who only wish they had the chance to ask. "It was just a mild allergy so we never asked what was in the food and now my child is dead. All we had to do was ask." A mild allergy can turn fatal and even mild exposures can start a chain reaction. I hate asking. I am so shy. My child needs me to be brave. My shyness does not give me the right to torture my child. Too many nights have I just assumed the food was okay and then watched her scream in pain all night.

I use to think eastern medicine was bunch of hooey. I totally see it now. We are what we eat. In America we have no clue what we are eating. It looks like a hamburger and taste like one so it must be one for $0.99. Then we wonder why feel sick all of the time. The .99 hamburger has little beef and wheat and lots of wonderful labs worthy ingredients. So I am going to work more towards cleaning our diets. More towards eating whole natural foods. I've complained about the cost in the past but really which cost more the organic apple or the three night hospital stay? We'll see how we do with trying to eat better. I see a lot more label reading and cooking in my future.

Wordless Wednesday:Rash Watch 2012

I've had a beautiful rash for 6 days. Here are pictures.

Wordless Wednesday: Wedding Day

Just a few pics from The Groom and Lady's wedding. They are in the last picture.

Never dream big enough

Yesterday was the Groom's wedding. We had many trials and tribulations watching the Groom's face as he caught sight of his lady walking down the aisle made it all worth it. The joy and absolute happiness on his face really did make it worth the trip.

Without talking too much about the past, I will say that yesterday was the best I had ever seen the Groom look. When I first met him 9 years ago, he was so fragile looking. Yesterday, I saw a man who was happy and healthy and ready for a life full of anything that can be thrown at him. Truly the Lady has been good for him. They make each other shine.

There were several times that I fought back tears. The Groom's vows made me and most of the crowd cry. The blending of sand to symbolize the blending of the family was also a tear jerker. I saw several people crying during the first dance. The moment that got to me and I mean I was crying hard was watching the Groom dance with his youngest "step"-daughter. I was struck by the sweetness and joy of that moment. I was also struck by the thought that I had dreamed too small for the Groom. In my prayers, I prayed for God to put the right woman in the Grooms path. I remember saying God please send this man a wife. He is such great guy and he deserves to be happy. When Briana and I would talk about the Groom we always talked about how he needed a good wife. We focused on a wife for him. I think DH said it best, " What God sent him was a life.".

I wish you could see the Groom's changes. I wish there was a play the pictures of transition from my head. He was always a great guy. Really the type of friend that you wish every friend would be. Maybe that was really the problem, he was so busy caring for everybody else that he let himself slip through the cracks. Yesterday I saw a man who knew what to do to make himself happy. He grabbed his life, his future, and his happiness.

I am not sure when I'll see them again. I am not sure we'll ever make this trip again. I know that this ends the Danville chapter. I got here 9 years ago kicking and screaming and fought to leave until we finally moved back to Texas. I never dreamed of all of the things I got from the Danville adventure. I never dream big enough. I always want the minimum and yet God always provides to the maximum. Yesterday the Groom taught me that the surface isn't enough. We deserve the whole fullness of life. I asked for the Groom to get a Wife but God knew better and sent him a life.

Wordless Wednesday: Monster Bash

So tried of crying

In case you haven't noticed I spend a lot of time talking about my feelings. In 6 days we'll be in Virginia for a very special wedding and the timing of the wedding is exactly 2 years from the day we left Southside Virginia. So I am feeling all kinds of emotions. Not too long ago I blogged about the significance this wedding and the special place that the Groom has in my heart so not going over it again. But last night I was sitting at Standpipe and it occurred to me that in 7 days I would be celebrating the wedding in VA. Then you guessed it I started crying. God I hate to cry in public!

DH asked me why I keep crying. A good question and something to think about it. On the way home it occurred to me why I keep crying. I feel guilty. The last time I saw Briana, I hugged her and wished her luck on the final month of her pregnancy and that I couldn't wait to meet Baby J next summer. I didn't know we would never see each other again. I never got to thank her for all of the love and friendship and kindness. I didn't say those things because I felt guilty for leaving and moving back to Texas.

In the months before we moved, Briana and I had talked about why DH and I had decided to moved back. One of the big reasons was we wanted family near by. I remember saying that having Ravebaby had taught us just how alone we were and how you can't count on your friends to drop everything for you like you can family. If you have an emergency you have to hope a friend can help but with family you know you have someone. I remember her saying she was nervous about not having family around. She said that she had been thinking of moving back closer to family too. I remember saying that if I were staying then I knew she would at least have me and I knew that I could always count on her. I said that was the hard part leaving at the time she would need me most. She assured me her mom would be down and everything would be okay. How could we know? How could either of us think that we could give such assurances?

So that's why I keep crying. I cry for the guilt that kept me from thanking her. I cry for the guilt surviving giving birth when she didn't. I cry because I lost my rose colored view of the world when Briana died in childbirth. I learned that very bad things happen to good people.

I try to be grateful for everyday I have. I know nothing is promised and nothing is owed to me. I know that my tears solve nothing. I know that my guilt is a waste of energy and emotion. No matter how much I cry, how much I pray or how guilty I feel Briana is gone. Nothing changes the events of July 28, 2010. I still wake up hopeful and ready to get calls about the arrival of Baby J and instead I get calls of sadness telling Briana didn't make it and Baby J is touch and go. Nothing changes. Life must move forward. Baby J will be two and it will make two years since Briana died. I'm going to stop crying and I'm going to let the guilt go. Nothing can take me back to June 29,2010 and let me say what I need to. Even if I could nothing would change.

June 30th, I'm going to hug the groom and congratulate him and I know Briana is going to be there looking down and enjoying the scene. She would have been so excited for the groom. So life goes on. We grow, we learn, we mourn and we celebrate. Saturday we dance and cry tears of joy. The Groom marries his lady. Everything is as it should be.

Fantasy vs Reality: Brandon Flowers

So Saturday at the Standpipe was an odd day. They had no electricity. That meant no coffee :(. But they still had their musical act; they are awesome!

However that is not the point of this blog so hopping on to the point. Since there was down time I had the chance to sit and have a real conversation with Jailbait. How real? Debatable, I think I was more or less just clearing my mind and he was in the vicinity but like a good barista he listen enough to respond at the right time and I just kept talking. So on to the point, as part of this talk, I mentioned that I would leave DH for Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers. It isn't a secret that for the last 4 years or so I've been singing The Killers' Sam's Town Album. So it only makes sense that the lead singer would earn a special spot in my heart.

Later on I was sitting with DH recounting my semi-conversation. As part of this conversation I starting thinking about the actuality of leaving DH for Brandon Flowers. It wouldn't be easy. In my mind's fantasy, it would be like a movie. I would be at a concert and we would lock eyes and then fade out with 'Bones' playing in the background. You never see the end. The messy reality is always hidden in the credits. So again more or less just thinking out loud, I started talking out the messiness of such a move. Here is my list of issues:

1. Brandon is married and so am I. Number 1 saying in my book: If you can steal him then he can be stolen. There would never be trust.

2. Brandon is Mormon and I am Catholic. Talk about a never ending fight.

3. The kids. I forget how many he has and of course I have Ravebaby. Trying blending that together. I can also image how nasty the custody fight with DH would get.

4. Again Brandon is Mormon and I'm Mexican. As far as I know race mixing is very taboo in the Mormon church. This would cause him to have internal strife ensuring he would treat me like shit but also providing much inspiration for fantastic music. I lose but you would win :)

5. I would have left my DH and that would cause me internal strife. I'm not artist but you would get lots of blog posts! That might up my traffic. People love a good car crash and to hear about the real lives of stars. This could be a win for everyone!

I'm sure the list could go on. I might turn this into a regular blogging feature. Fantasy vs Reality - X star. Could be fun. Anyway, if you made it to the end of this post sorry for bringing a dose of reality to the end of the romantic movie. The grass maybe greener but you never see the water bill; as good friend of mine says. File this under random thoughts. So who would you leave your partner for?

Running for the fun of it

So I had a major breakthrough on my running journey yesterday, I ran my farthest distance 4.2 miles and it was my fastest non-race pace to date:12:36 /mile. I was so excited. I know I'm not fast but I am finding that I am stronger than I thought. I can set a goal and reach it. I can pick a pace and maintain it.

I am still struggling with balancing my runs with time with my Ravebaby. I know the running helps me distress and in the end that makes me a better mom. I keep trying to remember that being away from my daughter for a hour to exercise does not make me a bad mom. I know that everyone does parenthood differently but I still feel guilty.

Wordless Wednesday: The Factory family

She did it to herself. I just took the picture. 

 In the picture: Uncle Max (front man for Social Bliss), Ravebaby, and DH.

Finishing the last VA project

In 20 days were going to Virginia to be at the wedding of two really good friends. It will be exactly 2 years to the day we left Danville, VA. I've been really looking forward to the trip. I've also been avoiding my thoughts of my friend Briana. Next month will be the two year anniversary of her death in childbirth. I've been thinking a lot about her lately, especially when I run. As I've written before, Briana's death has been very difficult for me to deal with and going back to VA and knowing I won't see her is almost more than I can handle.

The groom is actually a good friend and co-worker of Briana and me. I remember having long conversations with her about trying to find the groom a wife. I know she would have been sitting beside me being that the groom was finally getting married to the perfect woman. I know there will be other coworkers from our old school there for the wedding and I know we're going to be feeling the hole her death left.

I was talking with DH about it today and he said that this wedding the end of our Danville life. It was the last project we had to finish and then we could close that chapter. The groom's wedding has been a long journey in faith for all of us. Faith that God has in the right place at the right time. We never wanted to live in Danville. We moved there with the plan to leave ASAP. 8 years later our Danville adventure was over. I know the only reason the groom met his lady was because I found her. As soon as I met the Lady, I said to myself she's perfect for the Groom! 2 years later I finally got them to meet up and the rest is history.

DH is right; this wedding is the last thing. I have a goddaughter and lots of friends in Southside Virginia but this was my last reason to go back. Ravebaby is from Danville and I'm sure we'll go back again to show her her hometown. This trip feels final. A final goodbye to that chapter of my life. A finally goodbye to Briana. A final goodbye to the girl that I was and a final acceptance of the woman I am.

The stripper inside

So in the last 12 months I seem to be on a quest to check things off of my bucket list. I've eaten snails, drank expensive scotch, got a henna tattoo, got my nose pierced, and run a 5k race. Suddenly like divine inspiration I found out Lufkin has a gym offering pole dancing classes. Cool right? I was all like I'm totally going to do it and the was like dude no way I'm going to do it. That lead me to why don't I want to do it? What exactly am I afraid of? I've been on a quest to get my sexy back for the last 2 years, why run the opposite direction now? So I signed-up for Attitudes Intro a 90 min classes that covers floor, chair and pole dancing. You know a introduction for beginners, stripping 101 if you will.

Since I'm so private about everything, I posted on Facebook. I know people think I over share but hey that is why you read my blog, the over sharing and pictures of my boobs. But this time the sharing was about accountability. I am chicken. I'm yellow. I run in face of danger. I am in a deeply committed relationship with my comfort zone. So if I post it I have to do it. Do I really want my friend razing me of my chicken-ness?

I had so much fun! Really it was a greats atmosphere. The instructors were nice and easy to get along with. The rest of the ladies in the class were all supportive and we bonded. (My only complaint was that I was by myself; everyone else had a friend with them.) It was also a really good workout. The class was two days ago and my arms are still sore from working the pole :) I had fun. I was timid but by the end I was okay. I was letting go and getting into the groove. I just signed up for a Sultry Chair class tonight. Really I need the workout. I like running but I hate weights and stretching and this makes me do both with really doing either. I highly recommend going to Attitudes and/or checking out class in your area. If I can do it then anyone can.

I'm going to attempt running and the strip classes in a every other day type of rotation. I'll have to see what my budget and my schedule will allow.maybe I can even talk a friend or two into going with me.

Mama failure

I sent an ugly tweet into the public sphere about Jailbait teasing Ravebaby with a cookie. I called him a jackass and I was wrong to do it. But after a bit I started thinking about why it bothered me so much. Ravebaby sees people eating yummy looking wheat filled things all of the time. So why did this bother me?

Honestly just the day before DH and I had a serious discussion about Ravebaby's skin reactions. Seems like this nasal allergy season has made the food allergy go into overdrive. I hate giving Ravebaby medications. I want her on nothing. We had stopped giving her her allergy med over the winter and it seemed she was doing well. We aren't totally wheat free but the amounts of wheat are tiny. Her skin was clear and no itches. Now her elbows and stomach are covered. We give her the maximum amount Zyrtec that she can have. I treat the spots with Angel Baby Bottom Balm from Earth Mama Angel Baby. We keep it pretty controlled with just that. So far we haven't had to use the steroid cream and I'm trying to avoid it. I just don't want to overload her system. But I'm beginning to think it's time to change our approach. Her skin is not getting better.

Ravebaby keeps saying that she is eating bad cookie; my dad loves cookies and he's not wheat free, we call them the bad cookies. DH thinks that she might be telling us the truth. We can't control everything she eats since we are not with her 100% of the time. I know he is right. I know my parents aren't going wheat free anytime soon so the mixed house is here to stay.

Her skin is making me feel like a failure. On top of that is my inability to get Ravebaby to take a nap. She will got up to my mom and say Nap time! She'll settle right down and nap. What is the problem with me? Why can't I get her to sleep? Even bedtime is starting to become a problem. She has always gone to bed late. Typically she has a 10:00 pm bedtime, that is when the routine starts. She will usually fall asleep around 11:30 pm. That is so late! I really struggle to stay up long enough to see her go to sleep. I've tried to start the routine earlier but we just start earlier and go to sleep at 11:30. I'm lost. I'm a failure at being a mom. That is all.

Running a little longer

Yesterday was my first beyond 5k run. I ram 3.5 miles. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, only .4 miles longer but every step counts. I ran it in 46 mins also not fast I was happy with it. After I finished I felt good. I felt like I could have run another half mile or so. I'm working my way to 6+ miles and adding half a mile at a time seems like a good way to get there. I'm not worried about how fast I run just building the endurance. I like working on keeping a steady pace. I keep finding myself starting slowly and speeding up as the final mile approaches. It makes me happy.

I am finding that little voice that tells me to stay on the couch is getting easier to ignore. Every run is a struggle in getting off my ass. Every ounce of my being still fights right up until I finish my run. Lazy Martha is alive and well but Get Off Your Ass Martha is kicking her ass. I am enjoy the time to think, the time to let go, the time to listen. My runs are turning into meditation sessions. I am a much happier person post run.

The one thing that does bother me is the lack of weight loss. I know I've lost 2 dress sizes since my running started back in February but I would still like to see that damn scale go down. My focus is endurance not weight loss. I can be fit at a size 14. I mean no one thinks size 0 super models are the perfection of health so why even worry about it? I feel like I trip myself up. I am hungry all of the time. I have found that without wheat in my life I just always feel hungry. I don't have that bread base to help stuff my belly. There are times that I eat a filling healthy meal and then I'm hungry again in 30 mins. No wonder my weight is steady. I will just be happy building up my endurance and having time with my thoughts.

Wordless Wednesday: Ravebaby @ The Hates

Ravebaby rocking out at The Hates show at The Factory.

Birthday gift to self: Hole in the Head

I've wanted to get my nose pierced for along time. I wanted it done in college but my mom would have freaked out. Then after I got I was working as a teacher so couldn't do it. Yesterday was my birthday so I decided that it was time to check it off of my bucket list. I've been working a lot on that list lately! (My parents still haven't seen it so I might edit later with a reaction)

5k rundown and birthday lowdown

So exactly 7 days ago I ran my first 5k.  I did well for me.  I ran 36.24!  I had set a goal for myself of 36 minutes.  Then as I got closer and it seemed I was clocking closer to 40 mins in training I back my goal to 40 mins.  I wanted to push myself but not discourage myself.  I also most hit my original goal!  I didn't use my iPhone during the run so I was running blind.  There weren't any markers for how far I had gone.  We finished on a track so I knew I only had 1/4 a of mile left and I kicked into high gear for my finish.  I felt so good!  I really couldn't believe how well I did.  I'm hooked.  I want to train up to a 10k, half marathon and eventually in the future a marathon.  I love the accomplishment I feel when I finish.  I love setting a goal for the run and then meeting it.  I don't think I'll ever be a fast runner but I am a runner.

I've been a bit MIA from blogging lately.  I've got a new part-time job plus I'm enjoying my life.  I use to blog in my free time and now I'm running or running after my Ravebaby.  Life is really good.  Yesterday I had the chance to see The Hates, a punk rock group from Houston.  I had a blast.  On Thursday, I got a henna tattoo, my first.  I had been wanting one and then someone just up and offered to do them so that people could have them for The Hates show.  I love it! 

Today is my birthday.  I've had such a good year.  I feel like I'm finally where I need to be.  I'm not working myself to death for a paycheck.  I'm reaching goals that only a few months ago seems impossible.  What will this next year bring?  God only knows.  What do I want?  I want a baby.  This baby quest has a direct effect on want #2 which is to finish a 10k.  Since I'm not running a 10k yet, I think a baby would derail the training but it's a derailment that I would gladly welcome.  I want to continue to listen to the universe and to learn to keep going with the flow of life.  I want a lot, don't I!  I'm looking forward to seeing everything that comes my way.

My henna tattoo

New job and snakes on the trail

I started a new job today.  It's pretty low key so far.  I feel like I don't know anything, which I don't.  It's part-time and flexible, which is perfect for now.  I'm excited to be working at my church.  I'm giving back while earning just enough to pay a few bills.

My first 5k is Saturday!  I'm so excited and scared.  I'm running every other day.  My best 5k was just over 32 mins on an indoor track.  My best outside trail time was just over 39 mins.  I want to hit 36 mins for the race.  I'm going to keep running.  I'm training in the afternoons in the Texas heat.  I'm hoping that since the race is first thing in the morning, this training time will come to be an advantage.  We'll see.

My last run yesterday I saw a snake!  I don't like snakes.  I screamed.   The snake was going into a tree stump.  Then as I passed a tree something suddenly shook in the tree and I screamed bloody murder, again.  It was a squirrel.  As I rounded the trail near where I had seen the snake I started freaking out and rightly soon.  It was sunning itself!  I screamed again and ran as fast as I could to get away.  Needless to say by the time I needed to kick to finish strong, I had no kick left.  Between screaming and the running away from the snake, I was gassed.  I hope there are no more snakes on my path!

Copy Kids - Review and GIVEAWAY - *CLOSED*

So I was recently given a copy of Copy Kids: Eat fruits and vegetables. I was so excited to review this DVD. I don't know about you but Ravebaby has become a little bit of a picky eater. For the most part we eat pretty healthy. DH and I are always trying to model good eating and with the wheat free aspect of our life, we really have to work hard now to lay a good foundation for healthy eating.

The concept of the DVD is pretty simple; it features children eating fruits and veggies! Why didn't I think of it? Children are natural copy cats. (Again the whole reason parents need to model good eating habits.) So I put the DVD in, selected Carrots and I waited to see Ravebaby's reaction. She kept her eyes on the screen the whole time except when she looked at me and demanded a carrot. Well Ravebaby likes carrots so I thought it was a fluke. We watched Broccoli. Again same thing, "broccoli, please.". Okay Ravebaby use to eat broccoli so again another fluke. The big test Tomatoes! DH and I hate raw fresh tomatoes. We never eat them and never buy them. Would Ravebaby eat a veggie that she knows we hate just because she sees random kids eating them? Answer: Yes!  Well she would have if I had had any on hand.

So this leads me to my one critique of this DVD, it needs to comes with a warning to make sure you have the veggie and/or fruit on hand ready to eat! Seriously, be prepared!  I had to run to the fridge and get a carrot.  The only broccoli I had in the house was frozen; that didn't go over well since the kids on the DVD were eating fresh bright green broccoli.  I didn't have any tomatoes in the house as all; Ravebaby was not pleased!  The length of the sections is perfect; each sections is about 6-8 minutes long. Long enough to get the kids interested, eating, and then over before they can get bored! Love this DVD!

So Ravebaby and I highly recommend this DVD. Just be for warned, your child is going to want to eat their fruits and veggies so make sure you have them ready to eat! She is still asking for carrots and she wants to watch more of the DVD.  I foresee a trip to the veggie section of the grocery store.

The lovely people from Copy Kids want to give a copy of their DVD to one of Wheatless Mama's readers!  This is Wheatless Mama 1st giveaway!  I'm so happy to be able get this DVD in the hands of one of my readers.  I'm using Rafflecopter so it might take a minute to come up.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclaimer: I was provided a free copy of the DVD for my review.  Copy Kids is also providing a copy for one of my readers for free. My review is based solely on my opinion.  You know me, I could lie if I tried. :)

C25k over

I finished c25k on Thursday. It felt anticlimactic. I was so sore from pushing so hard on Tuesday that I ran slower than slow. I did getting done. The worst part was that later that day I felt great. I guess I had worked the soreness out! I'm proud of having stuck it out. I finished 5 days later than my original goal. I lost 3lbs but 2 pants sizes. I feel good about myself. I really started c25k at a low point. I was happy in my job, I wasn't feeling like a good mom or wife. As I ran each session I just felt better. It was my mediation time. I stopped hearing everyone else and I could listen to me and to God. I feel like I'm finally on the right road. So if you want to be a runner then I'm totally recommending C25k. There are lots of versions; just find the one that works for you. I'm signed up for my first 5k. May 19th I'm running! It's been almost 16 years since I ran my last race. I can wait. Now that I'm running again, I plan to keep running. Up next, I need a jogging stroller so I can take Ravebaby along with me. I wonder if I can get DH out there with me too?

Wordless Wednesday: Rave On!

Ravebaby with the lead singer of Social Bliss. She loves Mr. Max! First time with a ponyhawk!

I'm a super loser at life

Okay not really but I haven't run in nearly a week!  I had a fubar on Thursday's C25k.  I accidentally turned the app off and didn't realize it until after I had run a mile.  I was so mad!  I just left the gym in total disgust with myself.  I ran a 1 mile for nothing!  So the wrong attitude to have. 

After a bit of reflection I realized that i lost focus.  I'm doing C25k.  My mile time should not be my focus, which is how I turned the app off to begin with, I was trying to check my 1/3 mile time and then again at 1 mile.  Fast is not the point!  Just running for the 30 mins and then I can worry about the 3 mile time.  I've got 18 days to get my ass in gear and be ready to run a 5k.

I'm running tomorrow.  I have to.  I need to.  I need the stress relief.  I need the runner's high.  I need to accomplish a goal.  I have 2 days of C25k left.  I can do this!