Mama failure

I sent an ugly tweet into the public sphere about Jailbait teasing Ravebaby with a cookie. I called him a jackass and I was wrong to do it. But after a bit I started thinking about why it bothered me so much. Ravebaby sees people eating yummy looking wheat filled things all of the time. So why did this bother me?

Honestly just the day before DH and I had a serious discussion about Ravebaby's skin reactions. Seems like this nasal allergy season has made the food allergy go into overdrive. I hate giving Ravebaby medications. I want her on nothing. We had stopped giving her her allergy med over the winter and it seemed she was doing well. We aren't totally wheat free but the amounts of wheat are tiny. Her skin was clear and no itches. Now her elbows and stomach are covered. We give her the maximum amount Zyrtec that she can have. I treat the spots with Angel Baby Bottom Balm from Earth Mama Angel Baby. We keep it pretty controlled with just that. So far we haven't had to use the steroid cream and I'm trying to avoid it. I just don't want to overload her system. But I'm beginning to think it's time to change our approach. Her skin is not getting better.

Ravebaby keeps saying that she is eating bad cookie; my dad loves cookies and he's not wheat free, we call them the bad cookies. DH thinks that she might be telling us the truth. We can't control everything she eats since we are not with her 100% of the time. I know he is right. I know my parents aren't going wheat free anytime soon so the mixed house is here to stay.

Her skin is making me feel like a failure. On top of that is my inability to get Ravebaby to take a nap. She will got up to my mom and say Nap time! She'll settle right down and nap. What is the problem with me? Why can't I get her to sleep? Even bedtime is starting to become a problem. She has always gone to bed late. Typically she has a 10:00 pm bedtime, that is when the routine starts. She will usually fall asleep around 11:30 pm. That is so late! I really struggle to stay up long enough to see her go to sleep. I've tried to start the routine earlier but we just start earlier and go to sleep at 11:30. I'm lost. I'm a failure at being a mom. That is all.

Running a little longer

Yesterday was my first beyond 5k run. I ram 3.5 miles. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, only .4 miles longer but every step counts. I ran it in 46 mins also not fast I was happy with it. After I finished I felt good. I felt like I could have run another half mile or so. I'm working my way to 6+ miles and adding half a mile at a time seems like a good way to get there. I'm not worried about how fast I run just building the endurance. I like working on keeping a steady pace. I keep finding myself starting slowly and speeding up as the final mile approaches. It makes me happy.

I am finding that little voice that tells me to stay on the couch is getting easier to ignore. Every run is a struggle in getting off my ass. Every ounce of my being still fights right up until I finish my run. Lazy Martha is alive and well but Get Off Your Ass Martha is kicking her ass. I am enjoy the time to think, the time to let go, the time to listen. My runs are turning into meditation sessions. I am a much happier person post run.

The one thing that does bother me is the lack of weight loss. I know I've lost 2 dress sizes since my running started back in February but I would still like to see that damn scale go down. My focus is endurance not weight loss. I can be fit at a size 14. I mean no one thinks size 0 super models are the perfection of health so why even worry about it? I feel like I trip myself up. I am hungry all of the time. I have found that without wheat in my life I just always feel hungry. I don't have that bread base to help stuff my belly. There are times that I eat a filling healthy meal and then I'm hungry again in 30 mins. No wonder my weight is steady. I will just be happy building up my endurance and having time with my thoughts.

Wordless Wednesday: Ravebaby @ The Hates

Ravebaby rocking out at The Hates show at The Factory.