Saturday, December 12, 2009

Fears, regrets, and doubts

1. Black people hair - Ok there I said it. I'm afraid Bud will have his dad's hair. I know I've had 8 years to prepare but instead I've sat in fear. I have no clue what to do with black people hair. Ray has never had to do much to his but get it cut. Basically if we have a girl with black people hair then I'm screwed.
2. Snoopy and Jasmin - My dogs have been my babies for the last two years. I do worry that the adjustment will be too big for them. I know Ray is ready and willing to get rid of them but that would just leave me broken hearted so I'm hopeing for a smooth transition.

1. No pictures of me pregnant - there are no actual pictures of me pregnant. I go to the doctor's office and I see these wonderful portraits of couples with their hands on the pregnant belly and I really regret not getting any done. We tried but everytime we would schedule something it would fall thur. Oh well maybe next time.
2. No journaling enough - I haven't kept a super good record of things. I've kept this blog but with the carpal tunnel, I haven't been writing as often in this last trimester. What if I forget everything?

1. That I can be a good mom - I'm just worried that I've spend all of my mothering on kids that aren't my own and that now that I'm about to have a child I don't have anything left.
2. That I'll be able to balance motherhood and work - I think all new working mothers have this one. How can I do both well? I guess my job will just take a back seat to being a mom.
3. Caring for a newborn after I go back to work - thanks to the required rest from my doctors, once I do go back I will have no sick, vacation, or personal days. How will I handle appoints for the baby? What will I do if the baby gets sick? February til June is a long time to go without any days to take off.

That's the short list. The things that are keeping me up at night, aside from being kicked in the ribs by Bud's little feet.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Oh what a day

So today has been full of adventure! It actually started Tuesday. I started seeing little white flashing floaters in my vision, which I told Ray about. He sent me to the nurse to have my blood pressure checked. Once I finally got to the nurse my blood pressure was 142/92. Not good but the nurse recommended I rest and that we would take my blood pressure again in the morning, basically don't freak-out just rest and we'll see. Once we got home we called our midwife. She told us to eat heavy proteins to cut out early preeclampsea and to rest.
So Wed, I get up and my feet aren't swollen and I'm feeling good. No headache or swelling outside of my hands. I'm thinking life is good. I had my blood pressure checked at about 8:45 or so. I had basically just gotten to work and had just turned on lights and computers, nothing heavy. My blood pressure was 156/101 then 143/100 then just to make sure the nurse took it a third time 132/99. Okay now it's time to worry. She sent me to call my OB immediately. I left a message with all the info for the OB and got a call back telling me to report to the doctor's office at 11:15. Once I got to the doc's office my blood pressure was better, 152/80 but that is still high. So I was sent to the lab for blood work and then home to rest.
So today, I was to have a follow-up visit for a plan of action, if needed. I was again feeling good but hungry. As Ray and I head out the door, I begin to vomit. Not a big deal, no food for hours does tend to make me nausea so I clean up and get to the car. Guess what! We have a totally flat tire. So we head to the gas station, the dang tire won't hold air. So we put on the spare and head to buy a new tire. I do have to give Sears a shout-out. They checked the tire found a nail in it, patched it up, put back on the car and sent us on our way with-in one hour!
So we are like 75 mins late for the doctor. Once we get back to the doctor, we get hit with some news. Hey your liver looks good but your platelet count is low. So we were sent to the hospital! We had more blood work done, blood pressure checks for like 2 hours, and a non-stress test.
I was teriffied. It was very scary. I was being poked and basically told these test would determine if I was going to be having the baby sooner rather than later. Listening to the baby's heartbeat was soothing but the blood draw was awful. I was stuck three times for three tubes! It hurt really badly. After everything, I was told that my platelets had come up a little and my blood pressure was lowering to normal so I was to go home and rest. I will have to go back to repeat the tests on Saturday. I'm hoping for good news and expecting that Bud and I will be given the all clear to return to work.
I'm still eating proteins like crazy and trying to keep my feet up. I have to much to do and orders to do nothing!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Moving the Bud in

Well we are finally done painting and flooring Bud's room. Now we are moving things in. We need to buy the crib but when we went to order the crib, the shipping cost was a $100! So we have decided we are going to buy something local. It may not be the crib of our dreams but for an extra hundred we can get a pimped out crib rather than just a plain crib via the interwebs!

I can tell I am running out of room in my belly! On Friday, the baby managed to wedge into such a horrible position that I was crying from the pain. Finally Ray got Bud to move by talking to him/her. Bud seems to follow Ray's voice so Bud flipped over and I got some relief. I can also feel that head butting up against me. When I walk it hurts! Just feels like the baby's head is ready to pop out. I know it's not that easy but still that is what it feels like.

I am also suffering from major baby brain. People have to keep reminding me that I am graduating from Averett in two weeks. I totally forgot to order my robe and hood so I'm going to borrow one and wear my robe from my other graduation.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Almost there (the room anyways)

Well, Baby Bud's room is almost ready. If we can get some good weather then we'll be able to stain and seal the floor and then time to move stuff in. Now that the room is Bud's color, it feels more real. Like we are really making room for Bud in our lives.
I know that Bud keeps me up at night and makes sure that I eat on schedule. You would think my frequent trips to the bathroom and the ever present wrist splints would make Bud real but it's still hard to think of Bud outside of me. What will Bud look like? Is Bud a boy or a girl? So many questions and now only like 6 weeks. Time is really flying!
yesterday Ray and I attended a breastfeeding class at Morehead. Ray was the only man there. I was glad he was there. After taking some notes my hand went numb so he took notes for me. I don't I realized how nervous I was about breastfeeding. I think my nervousness is really about the returning back to work aspect. I want to breastfeed for at least 2 years but with me returning back to work after just 6 weeks, I'm not confident that I can keep it going.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bud's schedule

So I am beginning to notice that Baby Bud has a schedule. Up around 6am (just like me), ready for lunch around 11:30, snack time: 3:30 or so, dinner is around 6:00 and then party time is 10:30 (just like Ray). I'm sure there are other time that Bud is active but maybe I'm just too busy to notice. I do wonder if the pattern will continue once Bud is out of the womb? I don't want to see Bud mix up the day and night. Ray is still mixed-up and he's 30!
Ray and I have come to the gender crossroads. He thinks Bud is a girl. I'm still convinced that Bud is a boy. I know a lot of people have been irritated that we didn't go ahead and find out the sex of Baby Bud but now the whole surprise thing is especially fun. We can debate and people chime in. We read old wives' tales. It's just fun to wonder. I mean right now Bud can be anything. I don't have an image of Bud boy as a lawyer or Bud girl as a pilot; Bud is still very abstract. Who and what Bud will become is a total mystery. With about 7 weeks to go I am getting more and more excited about meeting Bud and discovering who this little baby is!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

the shower

Yesterday my friends from work held a baby shower for me. It was so much fun! I don't like being the center of attention but opening presents was fun. I didn't get a chance to talk to everybody, which made me feel kinda bad. I wanted a chance to thank people for showing up but since it was right after school we have lots of teachers just running thur and going back to meet with students and parents. One of my friends from my first VA job made it up for the shower. I was super excited to see her. It just seems like I'm so busy and don't get a chance to keep up with people! I don't think that will change once the baby comes but I'll dream anyway. I am not looking forward to writing the thank you notes. I'm not use to thank you notes, not a very Mexican thing to do, and with carpal tunnel writing is going to be fun! I wonder what I should do for the wonderful people who threw the shower for me? A thank you note just doesn't seem like enough!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Classic Pregnancy Carpal Tunnel and my face is spreading

Well I have classic pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome. I've never had issues with carpal tunnel before so it was a little scary to see my fingers swell so bad that I couldn't straighten them. Saturday morning was rough. I woke up at 6:30 with my right hand pointer and middle finger so swollen that I couldn't straighten them and I was very scared. My fingers finally went down so I went back to bad only to wake up at 8 am with three fingers so swollen that I couldn't stand it. I was crying and shaking my hand trying to get the swelling down and feeling back. Luckily we called the midwife and she told me to wear hand braces for carpal tunnel basically 24/7. It's hard getting use to it but it does help. Last night I managed to make it thru the night without any swelling, thanks to the braces!
I have also noticed that my nose is spreading :( Ray warned me that it happened to his sister-in-law. I don't recall it happening to his sister but it is happening to me. I noticed it in the mirror yesterday. So far my feet are holding steady, they only swell if I'm on my feet for a long time so so far so good. I wonder how much of my body will go back to pre-baby shape after I birth my child?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Heartburn and nightmares

Well I have entered the everything gives me heartburn phase of pregnancy! I am not a fan of heartburn and there doesn't seem to be a pattern to what gives me heartburn. I wish there a list then I could just avoid those things but so far it just seems to be everything. I am getting better about snacking since I can't eat big meals, those always cause heartburn, I am turning to eating smaller meals more often. I still don't really want to eat and it is very rare that something is appealing. I miss the days that I really craved something good to eat. Now I feel like I eat just because I have too.
I also had a nightmare the other day about Baby Bud. I was dreaming that the baby arrived early and nothing was ready. The room was still empty and the diapers were all still in gift bags in the dining room and I could not find a blanket. In the dream the baby was freezing and I couldn't find a blanket! I know it's just me worrying about being ready. For most things in my life, I just go with the idea that what didn't get done didn't really need to be done but some how that doesn't seem to apply here. With Ray's ban on me working on the room still in place, I'm worried that the baby will be here and the crib will be in box because the floors aren't ready. I'm not use to be so out of control!

Friday, October 23, 2009

"OMG, Momma has belly worms"

Well I've blogged several times about my dogs Snoopy and Jasmin. Today, we'll talk about Snoopy! I have always treated my dogs like babies. I love to snuggle with them and often have them in my lap. Jasmin is not one to relax in my lap. If she's in my lap, she wants to lick my face, which is not my favorite thing. Snoopy on the other hand will get in my lap, flip over and happily take a long belly rub.
So yesterday, Snoopy decided to be a good dog and let momma give him belly rub. He was all relaxed with his head on my baby belly. He was so cute! But then the baby started to move. At first Snoopy just seemed confused and then he was terrified! He jumped off of me and ran to the other side of the couch. My dog is scared of my baby!
Ray tells me to think of it from his perspective. He was relaxed and then something started moving in momma's belly. To him, I just have a deadly case of belly worms or something equally terrible. The dog has been avoiding me and looking at me with a sad look on his face. I'm not too sure what to do. I don't want Snoopy to be scared of the baby but I don't think I can really explain to him that I have a baby, which is a good thing, not worms in my belly.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Unpleasent surprise

Well yesterday I was helping Ray clean the backroom so that he can finish refininshing the floor and so we can start painting. As I pulled off a picture from the wall some of the paint came with it. No big deal right? Well I noticed that there was brown spot on the wall. I asked Ray what it could be? His response mold.
I'm not happy about this discovery. I'm glad we found it now and not after the baby was already living in the room. I would hate to think what that would do to a newborn! But it does mean we are in the process of stripping the paint in the room to see where the mold is and to clean the mold. I'm also puzzled as to how the mold got there in the first place. I can't see any water damage and the wall is not currently wet so how do we have mold between the paint and the wall? Well anyways, we have a lot of work ahead. Must more work than we had thought but we'll do what we have to for a healthy baby.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Went to the doctor today . . .

We saw the doctor today. I was shocked to find that I had gained 5 lbs in one month! I guess it's normal to put weight on at this stage. The doctor and nurse seemed to indict it was ok. I think the most interesting part was the visit itself. We had our first meeting with Debbie last week and she made sure we knew everything that was going on and why she was asking. The doctor didn't ask me anything and didn't really seem in the mood to talk. I know he was tired. I was the last appointment of the day. He had a long surgery earlier that day but that's not my fault and I'm a first-time mom so I would like some attention. Last time I was in the office, I came home to find a message about starting iron pills, this visit he didn't even bring it up. I had to ask if I need to continue taking the pills. When I mentioned the morning sickness was back, he said it was just reflex and that I need to elevate my head in bed. Like I said the visit was short and it felt short. I was also informed that I have to start coming in every two weeks! Man I hope the doc is in a better mood next time.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Met with Midwife and had Lamaze class

On Thursday, Ray and I had our first pre-natal visit with our midwife, Debbie. It was a wonderful appointment. Unlike meeting with the doctor, I wasn't afraid to ask stupid questions. Debbie didn't treat any of my questions like they were stupid and tried to reassure me that everything was going well and that I was in fact normal. I think the best part of the visit was getting results right away. I know my ob/gyn sees lots of people a day so 90 min appointments are possible and getting my blood work back especially if it is normal is not a top priority. But it was good to get the blood work back while Debbie was here and to talk to her about the results. My iron is still a little low but Debbie said that was normal at this stage and we'll just keep monitoring it. What was not so good was my blood sugar. It was low. So again, I have to work and make sure that I'm eating just about every two hours.
I think the biggest difference was just a feeling of peace that I had after the appointment. I usually leave the doctor's office wondering if there was something I should have asked or worried that I'll get a call later to tell me that I need to come back in there was something wrong with my blood work. I remember after my last appointment, we got home and we had a message that I need to call the doctor because my iron was low. How low? What does that mean for the baby? Did I need to do something different with my diet? All of those questions were left unanswered. With Debbie, she was able to tell me right away what was going on and what we needed to do to try to fix it.
Lamaze was a bit disappointing. First we were the oldest people there! We are all of 30 but believe me, we were the oldest couple there. Second, I don't think I learned much. We did three breathing exercises in like a 15 min span and that was it. Most of the class was focused on what we would be feeling and seeing at the hospital. We talked about birthing positions and very barely touched on visualization techniques and no other methods of relaxing during labor. I do think the childbirth educator was trying to encourage people to go into labor and try to do it naturally. She did talk about the dangers of medical interventions, which so of surprised me. I figured that at a hospital we would be taught how to best help the doctor out. Well, after Lamaze I did feel like our decision to have Baby Bud at home is the right one. I want the freedom to walk around and eat during labor. While Morehead does try to let you have freedom it is still a hospital. So, so far so good. We go to the doctor on Thursday so we'll see how that goes.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Morning sickness again

Okay, I think the reality of situation is starting to set in. I have morning sickness again. I thought the food thing was the problem. If I just eat more often then I'll be fine. It worked for about a week. I was dry heaving just in the mornings until I got some food in me but that is no longer the situation. Now I have the dry heaves and nausea more or less all day! I hate the nausea.
I think it's much worse now than in the first trimester. Now I have heartburn and indigestion along with the nausea. I have to eat because the baby needs food but I don't want to eat because I'm afraid I'll hurl.
Today I had a scary moment and it also help me see that my students do actually care. I was sitting at the circulation desk and suddenly felt the need to hurl. I thought I was managing to hide it but that was not the case. One of my students looked at me and said, "Mrs. Coleman are you alright?" They covered the desk while I ran to get food and despite the feeling that I need to hurl, I was actually alright. I felt sick for a few minutes but otherwise I was fine.
Pregnancy is so much harder than I thought it would be. I never knew that nausea was so hard on the body. I hate the sudden heaving and overwhelming need to eat all at the same time! Maybe I'm just a wimp.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Bud wants food

Okay by far the hardest part of being pregnant is the required eating. I have to eat every four hours or so. If I don't I start to dry heave. Today was a big reminder that eating is a must. I was walking down the stairs and I started to heave. I ate some lunch and felt so much better. Then I was planning on skipping my afternoon snack and then I started to heave.
I'm not a snacker. I don't like to eat outside of my three square meals so this is a huge change for me. I must eat for the baby. It's really strange having to eat around the clock. I think the hardest thing is the eating in the middle of the night. I wake up in the middle of the night and eat. I can't believe how much eating I have to do. I wonder how much weight I've gained?

Friday, October 2, 2009

We have a midwife

I think last night was some of the best sleep both Ray and I have gotten. I don't think we realized how much the issue of finding a midwife was really weighting on us.
I think you have to let the Lord lead you and you will be given exactly what you need. We were led to Debbie. We meet with and talked to Debbie for over an hour yesterday. She is exactly what we were looking for, a comforting presence and an experienced midwife. She told us of the most common complications she has seen and what she has done to handle the situation. She has a very nurturing aura and I think with her help I can bring Baby Bud into the world in the comfort of my own home.
We have our first prenatal exam with her next week. So I'll be being seen by my Ob/Gyn and Debbie. I don't think you can really have too much prenatal care and we think that if the worst does happen and we have to transfer (and have time) then we'll already have a relationship with the hospital.
It's hard to believe that I'm at 27 weeks! Baby Bud is moving and kicking around like crazy. It is fun to call Ray over and have him lay his hands on the baby and feel the movements. I'm surprised by how strong the kicks feel. The heartburn isn't fun but it's a small price to pay. Strangely the part I'm really struggling with is eating. I'm not really hungry and it's hard to force myself to eat. I think eating breakfast and eating in the middle of the night are the hardest. I'm not a snacker normally so the this whole eat every few hours is tough!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Can I handle the pain?

Since I have several friends who are pregnant or have recently had a baby, they too are blogging and asking questions to the on-line community. It is interesting to read the responses that they get. There are actually a couple of other pregos out there that want to do the natural thing. I'm surprised that there is actually not that much support out there for going natural. Many people have expressed the need to let the doctors takes over and just trust your doctor. Some people have the idea that there is pain medication for a reason and you should take it.
I'm beginning to wonder if I am missing something. Haven't women been doing this for hundreds of years without pain medication? If the pain was too much to handle I don't think the human race would still be here. Surely my body can handle the pain. How long can it last? Five days at most? The pain won't be forever. But I think the whole idea of giving all of my trust over to my doctor is the most disturbing idea. I trust my doctor but questions need to be asked at each step and with each intervention. Besides, my doctor is limited by the hospital. The hospital sets rules and the doctor has to follow them. Martha is not obligated to follow anything the hospital wants so Martha better be paying attention and asking questions.
I'm scared of the hospital. People go in healthy and come out dead. All I want to do is have a healthy baby so the hospital seems like a super scary place. I'm due in the dead of winter and the height of flu season. There will be lots of sick people all over the hospital. I guess I just don't want to leave with something besides my baby, you know like the flu.
So anyways, we are meeting with a midwife on Thursday. This one is local! I'm excited. I like the first midwife we interviewed but she is two hours away. Again being due at the end of December, I'm thinking weather might be a factor. We'll see who we like best and move forward from there. The doula search is not moving forward very quickly but I'm hoping the local midwife might have some names for me. So much to do and think about.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Homebirth hiccup

Well in talking about planning a homebirth, I have hit a bit of a snag. It has to do with my backup hospital. The hospital is like a 5 min walk from our house. So it's not a worry about making it to the hospital on time but I am worried about the level of care I would receive. That was the reason we chose to go to North Carolina for our Ob/Gyn, to avoid DRMC.
This weekend there was a huge write up in the newspaper about how horrible DRMC really is. People discussed 8-hour waits in the ER. If something were to go wrong, DRMC is the hospital we would run too. I don't know that I would have time to wait. There is part of me that is very worried that DRMC would be the reason that either I or the baby didn't make it. Long before I got pregnant, people warned me about labor and delivery at DRMC. We were told to go elsewhere if we had a choice. Now with the idea of a homebirth, I wonder if we would be better off just planning a hospital birth. To hire a doula to help me labor at home as much as possible and then just run to Eden to have the baby.
I am not against hospital births. I know doctors save lives but they cause c-sections and try to force drugs to make it easy on themselves. Right now as it stands, I'm doing well. My baby and I are good candidates for a nice normal birth so why take time away from women who need to have a c-section or need medical intervention? I believe my body can do this and I believe that I can birth my child without drugs, without an IV, eating a cheeseburger, while watching Love Actually.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


This morning I watched an hour-long special on FreeBirthing. I know that people think my decision to have my baby at home is crazy but at least I'm going to have help. Freebirthers go it completely alone or at least without any trained professionals at all! Am I crazy or does that sound crazy to anyone else? I believe that my body can give birth to Baby Bud just fine. I believe that I can do that at home safely but I still want someone who has been professionally trained to be around. I've never had a baby before and even if I had, I don't know nothing about birthin' no babies!
Some of the women in the special also didn't have any professional prenatal care. That is also crazy to me. I mean I don't want to sound like a judgmental ass about the whole thing but that just doesn't sound safe to me. It just sounds crazy. All of the woman in the special had had a bad hospital birth so they were going to the extreme of freebirthing. Why not have a midwife there? Why not get prenatal care? I know those women were doing what they felt was right for them and their babies. But I don't think I would be supportive of such a decision. I would hope that someone would sit me down and try to talk me out of freebirthing.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Week 25 - The Check-up

Had a check-up with the doctor today. It went well. My weight is under control. I've only gained 3lbs! The doctor said that Baby Bud should weight about two pounds so most of my weight gain is actually Bud. My blood pressure is also very good. I did have my glucose test done today but will have to wait until tomorrow to get the results. Once I got home I did have a message from the doctor's office letting me know that my iron was a little low so they are starting me on an iron pill. All in all, a good check-up.
Baby Bud is super active these days. Bud is kicking like crazy! I've heard that all that kicking means that I will end up pooping my pants. Something about one well timed kick to the butt and I'll be unable to control it. I've been warned to keep a change of clothes at the office. Needless to say I'm not looking forward to pooping my pants.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Home Birth

Our dream of having a home birth are closer to coming true. We are talking to a midwife that we like and feel that we can trust. She is a Hollins girl! She has extensive training and has been to over 100 births. We are still in the talking phase since we have to figure out the cost and how to pay the midwife. If we have a hospital birth the the insurance will cover most of it but they cover nothing if we go with a home birth. I'm pretty sure that a home birth is cheaper than an a hospital birth but they cover one and not the other.
We are finding that we are having problems with the family. Ray's side is not very supportive about it. I haven't talked to my mom yet but I'm sure she won't be against since so many of the woman in my family have had home births. We'll see. I can't believe that his family is so against it. I think the shocking part was that they think that we haven't researched and really thought about this decision. Anyone that knows Ray and I knows that we don't do anything without research and really thinking about it. I'm not anti-hospital but why risk the flu and unnecessary interventions? So far, I'm in good health, Bud is doing well so we are good candidates for home birth. If Bud is breech or some other complication comes up then we'll head to the hospital. I'm not trying to risk my baby or my health which is why having the baby in my own home is such a great option! Nothing is set in stone yet and hopefully we'll work it all out.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The blog about . . .

Well I feel like I've gotten into a pregnancy groove. I'm not as tired now that work as settled down. I am getting achy but too badly. The baby is moving like crazy! Baby Bud likes to kick my hips. I remember when I use to wonder what a baby moving would feel like and now my wonder has been satisfied in abundance! All in all, pregnancy at this stage is good.
I have one weekend of classes left! Once I turn in my portfolio on Saturday I'll be done with the second masters! I can't wait.
Tomorrow, Ray and I will be headed to a midwife and discuss having a homebirth. We're not sure what we will do but meeting with the midwife is the first step in opening up some options.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Baby Bud get political

I try to keep this blog about Bud and my progress thru this pregnancy but today I have to talk about politics, specifically health care. Why health care? Well first it is in the news but also I'm pregnant and now that I need my health insurance more than ever it's time to think about it.

A few weeks back, I got a statement of benefits from my insurance company stating that since I had not met my deductible yet, they would be not be covering any pre-natal care until I met the $5000 deductible! Folks, for a split-second I totally freaked out. It honestly crossed my mind that I could not keep this baby. Where would I come up with $5000 dollars plus the money for the birth! I was really lucky. When Ray got his new job he added me to his insurance so I'm covered by his. With his health insurance I'm only paying $15 for all of my prenatal care!

So what's the difference? Well he works for a major corporation and I work for a small school district which means I pay way more for crappier health insurance! So because I have chosen to work with kids instead of making the big buck in the private sector, I get punished. It's not fair!

Baby Bud deserves prenatal care. Every baby and pregnant woman in this country deserves prenatal care. But more than that every person deserves health care. I work my ass off everyday and my health insurance doesn't cover anything! What if I didn't work and had no health insurance? I know that without Ray's health insurance I would be in a major financial hole right now. I know that there are working people in this country that are one major disease away from being homeless. It's not about Democrat or Republican, its about working Americans getting fair coverage.

I keep hearing people saying that they don't want the government to run their health insurance. They should get to choose their doctors. I guess these people have great insurance to begin with. With my old health insurance (I've dropped my work coverage for Ray's), they choose my doctor. I could go to people in-network or pay the super high price. Sure I have a choice, between Dr. A or Dr. B but what about the wonderful doctors in North Carolina. Nope those were off limits, they are out of network. Some people are saying that they don't want the government to pick what procedures they can have. Well my doctor ordered a CAT scan but the health insurance would only pay for an MRI. So who picked my procedure? In the end, I choose to do neither because I would have to meet my $5000 deductible before they would cover anything.

I know the health care debate is so much bigger than me and Baby Bud. All I can do is share my ups and downs with health insurance. I don't have a solution but I know that sitting on our hands is not going to help. I hope there are some people out there with good solutions because there are too many people dying from preventable diseases for "freedom" of health care choice.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Birth is only ~19 weeks away

Well the major topic of discussion at our house is birthing. Our current plan is to labor at home as much as possible and then head to the hospital in Eden. I know some people think it is weird to travel 30 mins to a hospital when I have one around the corner but DRMC just ain't a real option. I've heard too many horror stories from ex-staff to trust my newborn to them. Besides the whole giving birth in one room then moving to the next to recover and then moving to your final room is bs. After having a baby I don't think moving from room to room (around sicky to the next sicky) is best thing.
So far I've been very happy with what I've seen at the Eden hospital and many people sing the praises of the staff there. But I can't help but wonder about the idea of giving birth at home. Ray and I both had traumatic births. No staying in the room with mom and being held and cuddled. Both of our moms nearly died after having each of us. Neither one of our moms had envisioned nearly dying rather than holding us but life happens. I know that even with the best made plans, things can go wrong. I do trust that my body will be able to handle getting Bud into the world but at the same time, what if?
Strangely since finding out I am pregnant, I've backed off home birthing and moved more toward the hopsital. Ray has actually moved the other way. He wants to catch Baby Bud. He wants to be the first hands to hold Bud. He wants Bud to be at home. Since we are 19 or so weeks away, it feels like we need to make some decisions. I'm happy with my current plan but what about giving birth at home? Just setting up the birthing tub in the livingroom with a fire going in the fireplace. Ray helping me breath as we have a midwife encourging me all the way. I love that idea. I love the idea of taking Bud to my bed afterward and knowing that I don't have to recover and get out in a day. It will be late December or early January and the height of flu season, doesn't my baby deserve the best birth possible and the warmth of his/her own home?
So much to think about!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tired is only the start

Well I think I would have an energy surge if I didn't have to work like a dog. I blame Bud for the tiredness but I think Ray is right, I'm just so busy at work that all of my energy is just gone at the end of the day.
It's fun to feel Bud move around. Bud mostly kicks my butt (literally). I'm looking forward to sharing the feeling with Ray. I want him to be able to put his hand on my belly and feel Bud move. I feel like it is difficult to involve him in the pregnancy. I know the ultrasound helps him see the baby but I still want to involve him more. Any ideas?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Baby Bud picture assassin

In our house no one or dog likes to have their picture taken. Apparently, Baby Bud agrees that pictures suck. We had our second and possiblely last ultrasound today. According to Ray just as I turned my head to rest my neck, Baby Bud looked directly at him and as soon as the tech was about to take a 3D pic, Baby Bud turned his/her head! I totally missed the whole thing. After that Bud hid behind the placenta! We could see the little face in 2D but 3D was a no go.
We did have good news today. My weight and blood pressure are right on target. Baby Bud is also right on target. Bud is also breech! The head was in my belly button! It was fun to watch the baby. Because everything is going well we probably won't have another ultrasound, unless Bud doesn't turn.
Hopefully the hard part of work is over. It's been a crazy two weeks. I've been running up and down the stairs and building hooking up computers and fixing other technology issues. I'll be running the whole media center by myself for the next two weeks so I'm nervous but still the teachers know to be nice so I think we'll be okay. I'm also getting better about putting my feet up. I've been having huge sausage toes at the end of the day! We'll see how things go. My next project is to clean the room for Bud!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Baby Bud is moving!

Well I've been feeling Baby Bud move! It was a little confusing at first. I first felt the movement about a week ago. It felt like three quick knocks. Since then I was thought Bud was just resting but I had noticed a lot of gas bubbles, well basically I'm stupid. I had read in my baby books that the baby's movements can feel like butterflies or gas bubbles. Well my dumb self just realized Friday that maybe it wasn't gas but in fact Baby Bud. Since then I've been paying attention and realized that it is baby movement!
It feels so strange! Ray asked me what it feels like and the best way to describe it is like something scratching me on the inside. It doesn't hurt, yet. Just feels like butterflies. We go to the doctor on Friday and have another ultrasound! I can't wait but I do hope that the technician won't spill the beans on Bud's gender.
I also had my first baby shower today! I really had fun! I had been missing my friends and today we got to hang out and talk with Robyn, who is going to get married on Saturday. Talking with Robyn reminded me of when I was getting married. It doesn't seem like that long ago but come December it will be 8 years! It was nice to reflect on the beginning of my marriage now that Ray and I are on the verge of parenthood. I have to admit I never thought it would take 8 years for us to have a baby of our own but as usually, if you trust in God you will always be given what you need if not always what you want.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Second hand stuff

Well i asked my mom for advice yesterday on what should be on my gift registry and I got a long lecture on not getting things second-hand. I'm not the sort of person that asks people for things. I hate the idea of the gift registry. It feels like begging! But I know that when you have a baby you need all the help you can get and besides people want to help. I know that I always want to buy at least something small for people when they are having their first baby, anything after that is begging!
My mom offered to buy us the crib since that is what she has bought for all of the other of her grandchildren. I said thank you and buy whatever you want. I don't like to tell people what to get me. It is rude to demand and cribs aren't cheap. But my mom has good taste, better than me, so I want her to have the liberty to buy for her grandchild whatever she wants. I casually said that she could buy me something second-hand if she found something she liked. Then she went into the tirade about buying things at Goodwill and swamp-meets. Okay, I do understand her point, which was that you can't always clean things well and you do not know what kind of house the stuff has come from. This is a good point. I don't want something from a smoking house and if the baby was sickly I probably shouldn't use that with my own child. She did say that I need to know where stuff is coming from if I getting second-hand. Don't risk you baby just to save money. I guess my mommy does have a point but I will be taking second-hand stuff from friends so anyone trying to get rid of stuff just hand it over here!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Feeling out of sorts

I think that is the best way to put it. I just feel out of sorts. I feel like I don't know myself anymore not that I have a baby growing inside of me.
I can't eat what I want or drink what I want. I have to think about Bud. I can't sit for too long, stand for too long or lay down on my back or stomach. I have to think about Bud. I have pain in my back and pelvis but I'm afraid to take anything. I have to think about Bud.
Bud is just about the only thing on my mind. I wonder if all first-time moms feel that way. It's hard enough to take care of me but it's not just me anymore. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I don't have anything to wear but I can't seem to find anything to buy. I want to feel sexy and confident like I did before Bud.
I think the strangest part is for all of the anxiety that I feel about being pregnant, I'm most afraid I'll wake up tomorrow to find out it was all a dream. That Bud was all in my head and I'm still in the middle of a struggling to get pregnant.
I'm a ball of hormones. I don't think I ever expected that pregnancy would be this hard. I guess I just didn't know what to expect.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The pain of it all

So I've been in pain for the last few days. My back hurts. My abs hurt. I'm so tired. I think it's mostly from the stress of comps. I spent 2 days working on the stupid exam and won't find out the score for at least 2 weeks.
I'm not sure when I'll have a day off. Ray is having his wisdom teeth cut out on Friday so that means a weekend of feeding the husband milkshakes and changing his ice packs! Then next weekend I have class, the weekend after that I have wedding to go to then I'll have class again! So resting in August is a no go. I guess I could take a day and chill but I'm trying to save my days. We'll see what I do.

Friday, July 31, 2009

We're creating a monster

I have one day until comps! Needless to say I would love a good night's sleep. In order to accomplish this task I went to be at 8pm on Wed. Ray came in and we prayed and I got settled in but Ray refused to say good-night to be Baby Bud. He said the baby was not ready for bed so he would be back to wish the baby a good-night. Well I didn't fall asleep until after Ray wished Baby Bud a good-night 2 hours later!
In fact I honestly believe that Ray's refusal to say good-night to the baby was reason I started to hurt that night, Baby Bud's feelings were hurt. I was sleepy and feeling pretty good. 8pm seems like a good bedtime for a pregnant girl and for a baby too. In my house, growing-up, we always wished each other a good-night. Since we've been married, Ray and I always pray together before we go to sleep, or better said, I go to bed and he stays up til like 1am. I like the ritual of wishing each other a good-night. It feels like family. I'm guessing that Baby Bud is growing to like our nightly ritual too. Every night since we found out there would be a baby, Ray has talked to Baby Bud and usually sings too. Baby Bud must have his good-night kisses from daddy. If this kid is this way in utero, I hate to see how demanding he or she will be out in the real world. Considering the demanding nature of this child, I am beginning to think it is a girl!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The pleasure of being pregnant

Okay this is sort of embarrassing but I'm here to share so here it goes. I woke up in middle of the night on the verge of an orgasm. I had read in on of my books that it was possible to have an orgasm in the middle of the night while you are pregnant. I didn't think anything about it.
We haven't been having much sex because I'm so tired! I have noticed it is easier to orgasm and they last longer but one in the middle of the night that was different.
I think the most embarrassing part is that I was dreaming of eating curry! Totally nothing to do with sex, no cute waiter, nothing, just getting curry from a buffet! Even weirder is that I could smell the curry and the jasmine rice. It was a strange moment all the way around!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Planning for Bud

Well we have decided on infant care for Baby Bud. The place we've chosen has a great reputation and I've talked to several people about the place. It's one of the cheaper options but has really tight security so I don't have to worry about anyone stealing Bud. They are also supportive of breastfeeding so I can pump and leave breast milk for them to warm up for Bud. I'm glad we have at least that much figured out.

I've also been in touch with my sister-in-law via Ray for advice for stuff. It's nice to be able to ask people who actually know for advice. Books are good but books aren't everything.

I have my first baby shower scheduled! One of my friends who lives out of the area is here for the summer and wanted to throw a shower for me before she had to go back home. It's great to think that someone cares enough to throw me a shower. I know it can be a pain to plan but I'm trying to be laid back about the whole thing. Once I have Bud in my arms am I really going to care what the theme of the shower was? Showers also bring up a feeling that I'm begging people for stuff. I know it's my first baby and you only get showers for the first one so I should be hitting everyone up but at the same time it's my responsibility to pay for the baby. I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is. What is the price limit? Is there a limit to how many showers I should have? I'm also wondering if I should ask my mom or mother-in-law to have a shower in Texas for me. I want people back home to feel like they can be involved but I hate to ask people for things. Would it make me greedy if I had a shower in Texas even though I won't be there?
I just don't know. I don't want to seem prideful but I don't want to seem greedy either. Where exactly is the line?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

2 years of Jaz

Today is the 2 year anniversary of our adoption of Jasmin, our beagle/terrier mix. When I think of Jasmin from day one to today, I can hardly believe that she is in our lives. Unlike Snoopy, Jasmin has had a hard life and her eyes and body have a hardness that Snoopy will never know. If Snoopy is our pampered pooch, then Jasmin is our street-wise fighter.
It amazes me how Jasmin came into our lives to begin with. After having Snoopy for about a week, we knew he needed a playmate, dogs need a pack. We searched at the local animal shelters and even contact private dog rescues and nothing. If we liked the dog, Snoopy did not. If Snoopy liked the dog then we did not. Then one day I found myself on and found a posting for a 9 month old beagle/lab mix female and I thought perfect! She'll be close to Snoopy's age and beagles and labs are both known for their friendliness. Snoopy and I drove the hour to meet Jasmin. Was it love at first sight? Not really. Jasmin was shy but once we stepped inside the house, Jasmin was in foster care, Jasmin and Snoopy began to play. So Snoopy quickly decided that Jasmin was the one.
We don't know much about Jasmin's history. She was found, pregnant, behind a local fast food joint, fighting for food. The girls at the restaurant asked the local dog rescue lady to take her. So Jasmin had just finished weaning her last puppy and was spayed the week before we adopted her. She has at least two bb gun pellets in her body. She was already house broken and had great doggy manners. She must have been someone's pet. Why would anyone dump such a sweet girl? When we took her the vet, we also found out that she was no where near 9 months nor was she a beagle/lab mix.
Jasmin was nothing we were looking for and yet everything we needed. She has become Ray's little girl. If Jasmin our dog has him wrapped around her paw, I can just image what a Baby Girl Bud will do to him. Jasmin definitely taught us to look beyond the physical and just plain old give people, or dogs, a chance.
It has been a long process in winning Jasmin over. But as she has gotten more comfortable she has had less nightmares. She no longer sleeps with her legs straight out, like she is ready to fight. She is happiest with us, whether outside or inside. She treats Snoopy like her baby brother, which means any dog that thinks of hurting him has to go thur her first. She is truly a wonderful dog and even though we've had many offers to adopt her from us, I know we would all be crushed if we were lose our Jasmin. I don't think Ray could handle it and Snoopy would go crazy with grief.
So that is the story of our 5-6 year old beagle/terrier mix. When we adopted her we thought we had a 25-lb 9 month old beagle/lab but God knew better. She is a chunky 40 lb dog, who brings us all joy and sanity. After a crazy day there is nothing better than relaxing on the couch with Jasmin in your lap.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Sleeping on my back

Sleeping on my back is another thing I can no longer do! Who knew? Why aren't people telling me these things? I know other pregnant women complain about getting advice and stories but no one is telling me a thing! No motherly advice, no mother-in-law calling me up, no sisters, no sisters-in-law! No one. I kinda feel alone in the whole thing. Just me, Ray, and Bud, and none of us has ever had a baby before. I find myself asking my puppy Jasmin about being pregnant. She is only one in the house who is ever had a baby, well puppies. Give me advice people! For once I have no answers, only questions. I can do lots of research but something tells me that talking to other woman might be more helpful. Besides crazy advice would make a great posting for my blog!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

things I miss

Okay, why doesn't anyone ever tell you all the things you have to give up just by realizing you are pregnant? I'm not talking about alcohol or smoking, I mean the normal everyday things that you enjoy on a daily or weekly basis, such as chocolate. I know I spend a lot of time whining about being pregnant but I have found that this is one time that I can whine with being called a whiny-baby so I'm taking it.
But back to my point, no one told me that mint could or in my case does lead to vomiting and added nausea. I love peppermint! Now I can't even chew mint flavor gum without throwing my stomach into fits. I miss soda and sweet tea. While you can actually have about a cup of coffee daily without any problems, I have really tried to cut my caffeine consumption to nothing. I do make de-caf sweet tea at home but it's difficult to find de-caf soda or tea in the real world, outside of Lemon/lime soda, which I have already stated piss Bud off since Bud hates lime.
Lots of other things I've had to give up come mostly from being me and being pregnant. Things like fried chicken and limes are not a general pregnancy thing but a Martha pregnancy thing. Not that that makes them suck less but at least other woman can take heart in knowing that they won't have to suffer with those food aversions, they will have their own.
I think the part that I find most upsetting is the feeling that everything is changing. Yes, I knew that things would change for me but every woman in my family got to have carefree pregnancies but I get to suffer. Just doesn't seem fair. I was watching ABC the other day and they were running a special on teen pregnancy and this 16-year-old girl was crying and saying, "It's just not fair. Everything is changing for me and nothing is changing for him!" I laughed at first but now I kinda understand. I watch Ray eat fried chicken and wish I could enjoy one with bite but it's just not worth the vomit fest that would follow. What has he had to give up? Ray is a good man and I know his life is changing too but all I want is to enjoy my two boxes of Thin-mints! Truly, life is not fair.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Emergency Trip #1

Well on Tuesday, we made an emergency doctor run. It turned out to be nothing but nothing will put the fear of God in you quite like thinking you might be losing your baby or that something could be wrong with your baby. While I had fear that something was wrong, I also felt strangely calm so I was pretty sure that everything would be ok.
On Tuesday while at work I had pink discharge. Not a bad sign on it's own but my back was and is hurting and was hurting very badly on Tuesday, which could indict a UTI. So down to Eden we ran! I think Ray was more freaked out then me. He tends to panic. I am usually at my best in a crisis. My head gets very clear. I freak out well after everything is done. It wasn't until yesterday that i cried about the whole thing. I think my brain shuts the emotions out so that I can just get done what needs to get done. I guess that's a good thing. I have had many chances to manage a crisis and I image that having a newborn will lead to many mini-crisis moments. But I hope this is not the beginning of a difficult pregnancy. I like to stay busy. I hate to sit all day. I know that I need to take it easy but that is so hard to do!

Sunday, July 5, 2009


I was recently speaking to a friend about his grandmother. She has been on a steady decline and they expect she'll pass any day now. But this really got me thinking about my own grandmother, who died in 1997. She lived in Mexico but we saw her usually twice a year at the least. My parents always worked hard to make sure we didn't lose our connection to Mexico and to the family there. Now I find myself in a similar situation. How do I make sure that Bud knows his/her family?

Since moving to Virginia, we have made a few trips back to Texas. I know the situation is a little different. Mexico was an eight or so hour drive and Texas is an 18-24 hour drive depending on the traffic. But I still wonder how will Ray and I ensure that Bud knows the rest of the family. I guess the easy solution would be to move back or at least move closer but we are happy here. I think Ray and I have finally found our place in the community and we feel like we have support enough to raise a child. If we moved now we would have to start that process all over again. I know our parents would love to see us move back. Maybe someday we will but for now we're staying put. So how do we raise our child to know about the family when we have no family around?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Welcome to your 2nd trimester

Well today I officially entered the second trimester! I'm hoping this is going to be mean an end to morning sickness. I already feel like I have more energy. But this big milestone means that I'm 1/3 of the way done. In 6 months Bud will a baby in the world and no longer attached to me.
It seems that the time is flying! I'm sure I'll be ready for Bud to come out in December. I can't wait until the next ultrasound to see how much bigger Bud is.

Monday, June 29, 2009

A day of headaches

I have a headache. In fact I've had it for about two days. I hate headaches. They are not fun and I don't like to take anything for them since I'm always hoping it is just a lack of water and if I drink enough water I'll be fine. So far no luck but I do think I'm finally getting enough water.
The morning sickness is letting up! That is good news for me and Bud but food aversions are still going strong :( No fried chicken or peppermint. Oh well. I hope this headache will go away and that I begin to feel perky again.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bud in Pictures

Today we had our first ultrasound! It was an amazing experience. I didn't expect them to find Bud so quickly. I couldn't help laughing/giggling when they show us Bud. Everytime I saw Bud move I laughed. I know I ruined a few pictures but when Bud moved he looked like he was laughing. Just the thought of the baby laughing just tickled me.
Ray was complete overwhelmed by the whole thing. I think seeing the baby for the first time just took his breath away. It was overwhelming for me too. I just couldn't believe that that was my baby. I think I have been holding back on really connecting with Bud. Like since I hadn't seen the baby, the baby didn't really exist. Well no more. Baby Bud is in there!
Just a funny thing about the ultrasound. They had me empty my bladder in the middle of the ultrasound session in hope that that would make Bud move more but actually Bud when to sleep! The tech had me move around to awake Bud up! Ray and I both had to talk to Bud and try to get him to move! It was funny.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Grapefruit Juice

I've had people ask me about craving and up until about two weeks ago I didn't have any. I've had food aversions for a while, like no bread and nothing fried, especially chicken (I can't believe this child is actually mine and Ray's, no fried chicken?) but I've just started to have a craving for grapefruit juice.
Why grapefruit juice? I do like grapefruits. Having grown-up in Texas, I've had the privilege of having access to some of the best grapefruits in the country if not the world, no grapefruit compares to a fresh ripe grapefruit from the Texas Rio Grande Valley. However, I've never been one to drink grapefruit juice. The juice seems like cheating, like I'm too lazy to dig into a grapefruit. But now I'm craving grapefruit juice all the time. I honestly feel like a junkie. I'm totally unable to concentrate on anything until I have grapefruit juice. My sister-in-law said that grapefruit juice with a pinch of salt soothes the stomach. I'm no sure how soothing it is but Baby Bud won't let me do anything until I have a glass of grapefruit juice. I never know when the need is going to hit but when it does, I must have grapefruit juice with a pinch of salt. Oh well, that's pregnancy!

Monday, June 22, 2009

No trip to Texas

Well after much debate and soul-search, we've decided to stay put. There seems to be much turmoil going on and I just don't need the stress. It's amazing how even though we live 20 hours away, people still try to suck us into their problems. Can I really do anything for you from Virginia other than listen? Is there a reason for you to dump your problems on me?
We both love our families. No family is perfect and God knows ours are no exception but something I really have to wonder how it is that we were all raised in the same family and can turn out so differently?
I hope that we'll go to Texas next summer with a 5 or 6 month old Baby Bud. While my child will never be a Texan, he/she should still see what makes Ray and I so Texan. Baby Bud is a Virginian by conception and will be a North Carolinian by birth. Poor kid, he/she will just be all messed up.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

12 weeks down

Well I've made it to the 12th week. I'm still nauseous most days. I hope this is not a sign of things to come. They say it will lessen once I hit the second trimester but then other folks have said they were sick all the way thru. We'll just have to wait and see.
My cousin is getting ready to have her baby. I finally talked to my aunt about the whole thing and apparently she lost 40 pounds while she was pregnant! That is so dangerous, for her and the baby. At least she started gaining back some weight in the last month or so. So now I am waiting to hear how everything goes for her. And by the way, outside of losing weight, she had no other symptoms.
I double checked with my mom and my aunt, neither had nausea. So again, this whole nauseous thing seems to be Ray's fault. If my baby were Mexican instead of Mexican and Black, I would not be suffering. (Dude, totally kidding, here, please no hateful comments about being mixed race.) Actually I talked to Ray's mom, she didn't have nausea either. Vomit is a special bond that Bud and I are sharing! The joy!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

When do you have to be responsible?

I have a difficult choice to make. I can either go home to Texas and see my parents, it's been over a year since I've been to Texas and seen the parental units, or buy new windows for the baby's room. There is the part of me that wants to be a responsible parent and buy the windows. With the baby due in December, I know new windows will be needed. Honestly we need to redo the whole house but I have just enough money for the two in the baby's room, right now. But also as a child, I miss my mom. I'm pregnant, feeling alone and a bit scared and I want my mommy. If we don't take the chance to go now, it could be close to two years before we have the chance to make the trip to Texas. I know my mom will try her hardest come up and help once the baby is born but that in December. That's a long time from now. Truly I'm torn.
Be a child and see my mom or be a parent and get new windows for the baby?

Monday, June 15, 2009

Snoopy, my doggy child

I know it seems strange for me to blog about my dog on a blog about getting ready for my baby but Snoopy has been a big part of my journey in getting ready for an actual human child.
Today is the 2-year adoption anniversary of my Snoopy. The day I found Snoopy in the Piedmont Shopper was my last day at Kirkman Park. After a horrible 2-year stint at KP, I was finally going to be free! I had finally finished my MLIS, my 90 min daily commute to High Point was finally going to be over and we had a house with a fenced yard so it was time for a dog. Ray and I had both grown up with dogs and missing having one but as long as we were in an apartment we knew it would be unfair to get a dog. Dogs need room to run and play. Anyways, the Piedmont Shopper comes out every Thursday and the online edition would post at noon every Thursday so on-line I went. There was an ad for a Cavelier King Charles mix 15-months old so I called. I was the first person to call and I could offer a fenced yard so he was ours if we wanted him.
I called Ray and asked him to meet the dog. If Ray was okay with the dog then I know I would love him. Well once I arrived to meet the dog, Ray was set that Snoopy was ours. Me, I didn't like him so much at first. He was super excited! He was trying to jump on me and I wasn't sure if he would ever calm down enough to be a nice dog. But we took him home and he immediatly became my child. Snoopy changed me in ways that I didn't know I needed to change. I could no longer just pick up and go away for the weekend, I had to think of Snoopy. I remember the first time we were going to leave him alone, Ray and I were both in a panic! Do we leave him inside? Do we leave outside? What if it rains!
I know that Snoopy is not a child. He is a dog. A wonderful dog that I just can't image my life without. But I think he has helped change some of my selfish ways and I think that has gone a long way to getting me ready for a child. I know my life is going to change in ways I can't even image right now. I know that dogs and children are not the same thing but Snoopy completely changed my life for the better and I know that I'm going to be a better mom since I was able to "practice" on him.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Puke and other things not fun

I've got one day til I hit 11 weeks. After 11 weeks things are suppose to get better. Puking and nausea should lessen and be all but gone after week 14 or so. After paying homage to the porcelain god this morning, I swear week 14 can't get here soon enough.
I hate this up and down feeling. I had a great day yesterday! I was able to walk and geocache without any problems. I felt good. No nausea at all, no cramps, just a great day and then this morning slapped me in the face. Do I want to be sick 24/7, not at all but this whole wonderful day followed by awful day isn't fun. It also makes it hard to plan. I have school work to get done and no energy to do it.
Tomorrow also starts a new phase of Bud's life, fetus! I hate that term, fetus. It just sounds awful. Bud is a baby. Has been since well like Easter so going from embryo to fetus doesn't mean anything to me but I know that in medical terms its a big step for Bud. With each passing day, Bud gets stronger and is less likely to jump ship. I think I read that the placenta will also be starting to function once we hit week 11. Big steps that will hopefully mean I spend less time puking and more time getting Bud's room together.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Cramping again

Today, I cramped for forever! Okay not really forever. More like 90 minutes but still I was hurting and worried. I broke down and called the nurse and asked for advice. Basically there is nothing to do. Unless the pain got worse than period pain or I started bleeding than I just needed to put my feet up.
Putting one's feet up at work is not exactly the easiest thing to do. Luckily now that the kids are out and most teachers are out, I could actually lay down and just wait the cramps out. They did eventually go away, Thank God! But it was very scary.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I'm cramping!

I am cramping like crazy. I thought that cramps would be out with my period. They would be something of the past until after the baby. I asked the doctor at my appointment today and he said they are perfectly normal. One of my friends also confirmed that cramps are normal. As long as there is no blood then everything is fine. so far so good. no blood, just cramps and nausea!

The new doctor was awesome! I really like him. The nurse was great. Both actually took time to ask questions about our lives. Where do we work? Are we excited? Was the baby planned? Dr. Disappointment didn't even realize that he had seen me before. I have much better feeling about this practice. I felt kinda bad I didn't have more questions. This doctor had actually craved out time to talk to us. We don't get to see the baby until June 24th. It's a long time to wait! The doctor did try to let us hear the heartbeat but it was still a little to early.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The business of being born

If you haven't seen this film, you need to watch it! I finally bought it today and watched it. I started crying as I watched each birth. Ever since my days at Hollins, I have wanted to have a natural childbirth. I believe that I am strong enough to have a baby without drugs.
As a woman, I believe that God has given me everything I need to bring my baby into the world. Pregnancy is not a sickness. I am not ill. I am pregnant! Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time without doctors. Women all over the world give birth everyday without drugs.
I know that rather than being interviewed by the doctors, I am interviewing doctors. I decide what happens to me not the doctor so the doctor has to be willing to work with me not against me.
I'll be working on a birth plan. If everything goes well then I'll be birthing in a squat position without any drugs, no cuts, and breastfeeding within the hour. Well it all work out? Not sure but I hope so.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Finding out the sex

Everyone asks me if I am going to find out the sex of the baby. I've always wanted to wait. I understand that it makes it easier for people to buy gifts. Easier to buy blue or pink than to find things in white, yellow or green. But for me, it's important to wait and find out when we have the baby in our arms.
Would it make life easier to know if I should by blue or pink stuff but there is so much excitement for me in waiting. I mean there are so few true surprises and even fewer good surprises! This is the ultimate surprise. Is baby bud a boy or a girl? I guess we'll be waiting close to 7 months to find out. I just hope the doctor can keep his/her mouth shut!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Early Pregnancy is a bitch

The nausea is horrible! My mom and my aunt never had nausea so I excepted that I too would enjoy the first trimester of my first pregnancy vomit and nausea free. I forgot that I'm not carrying a Mexican baby, I'm carrying a half-Mexican baby who apparently hates limes. For the most part I've only had nausea but when I enjoy a lime-based drink vomit follows! How am I suppose to not have limes? Again, I'm Mexican. I love limes. I put lime on everything. Next I'll find out that Bud hates watermelon and then I'll be perfectly screwed over by my biracial spawn.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

New Supreme Court Justice

I won't normally talk politics on my baby-blog but this one topic really seems to fit. Yesterday for the first time a Latina was nomiated for the Supreme Court. Considering that I am a Latina with post-graduate education, I have to say I feel some pride in knowing that a glass ceiling has been broken or at least is a little closer to breaking. Will I ever be asked to be a Supreme Court justice? God help us all if I ever am. I have no training and no desire but I would love to be the Librarian of Congress. That's a political position I really could see myself doing and doing well.

But anyways, how does this relate to Bud? Ray and I talked about it yesterday and it seems that Bud might grow up in a world where he/she really could be anything he/she wants to be. Bud is going to a half-Black/half-Mexican child with two educated parents. Being biracial in American isn't easy and I can't image being biracial in the deep south is going to help but Bud is going to see a world with an African-American president (well really a biracial president) and a hopefully a Latina Supreme Court Justice. How lucky is that?

I remember the night Obama was elected, Ray cried and said that now little black children really could grow up to be president. I hope he is right. I hope Bud will grow-up and no see limitations in front of him/her. I never dared to dream too big. How could a little Mexican girl in Texas ever grow up to go to college? My parents didn't speak much English when I was born and they worked so hard they often couldn't help me with my homework. Yet, I manged to get into a wonderful woman's college and go on to earn two graduate degrees. Maybe I did limit myself but I don't see limits for Bud.

I don't want to push and live out my dreams through Bud either. But when Bud wants music lessons or to play sports, I hope that my hard work will mean that I have time. Time for Bud. Time to help him/her achieve his/her dreams. Maybe Bud will be president, maybe a college professor, maybe Bud will just be a damn-good hairdresser but Bud will never have limits placed on him/her. Bud will go as far as Bud wants to go and not limit his/her dreams to what the past has said is possible. This is a whole new world and Bud will be ready for it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I think I've been having a good pregnancy. I know alot of woman have horrible nausea and puke multiple times a day; I've been lucky outside of some mild nausea, tiredness, and feeling like my stomach is always empty, I've been good.
Today however has been different. I didn't sleep very well last night. I had nightmare after nightmare. When I woke up today, I was extremely anxious. I got up to go to the bathroom, came back to bed and just started crying! I really have no clue why. I think I was so overwhelmed by the anxiousness that crying was the only relief I could find. I'm feeling a little better as the day goes on but the anxiousness is still there. I'm hoping it's just hormones. By the way today is my 30th birthday! Happy birthday to me!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Eden's the place to be

Well after my disappointment with my doc in Danville, Ray and I decided to visit Morehead Memorial in Eden NC. It was the first time that I felt that someone was really there to answer my questions! We had a wonderful tour and visit. Rather than just dismissing my questions and concerns, the nurse took 45 mins to talk with us about what we could expect and why it would be that way. Rather than tell me something was trendy and no one really does that, the nurse explained why the hospital had certain policies. Someone answered my questions!
I know that doctors and nurses are two different jobs but still the doctor could have take a minute just to say, I'm running late and I hate to leave but please write your questions down and we'll get them all answered next time you come in. Rather than tell me I was making late for his next patient.
Anyways, I like the policies that Morehead has in place. They are things I can live with. I won't be able to deliver in water but I can labor in water. I won't be tried to the fetal monitor or an IV unless it is absolutely necessary. They also offer a birthing ball, I can deliver in any position that I find comfortable, and they assign one nurse to you during each shift so no random people touching me while I labor. All things that make a 1st time mom feel better.
In order to deliver at Morehead, I'll have to change doctors but I'm okay with that. The new practice is set-up much like the one I went to in Danville, four doctors and you see all four but at least this practice delivers at Morehead rather than Danville Regional.
I do hope this is the best thing for Bud. Yesterday after our tour was the first day I felt good about the prospect of delivering a baby since my 1st doc. appointment. I guess the decision to deliver in Danville didn't sit well with me after all. Thank God for Ray. He knew what I needed and made sure I got it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dry as a desert

I woke up as dry as a desert today. I felt awful! Today was honestly the first day I wished I could stay home. I've never felt that bad before. My skin was dry. My mouth was dry. It felt like someone had squeezed all the water out of me.
I sucked down water all day. I had a powerade at 2pm and that seems to help alot. I'm not sure why I felt so bad. I slept great! I guess at least I didn't feel nauseous today.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Oh yeah, Bud's new due date!

I forgot in all the rage to share that Bud has a new due date. According to the Dr., Bud should be arriving Dec. 31st! Two days earlier than the orginial due date given.
When Bud arrives is less important that a health arrival but I know Ray wants to have the New Year's baby so we'll see. I think he'll arrive just in time to be our 8-year wedding aniversery gift, which would be Dec. 28th. Or better yet, Bud could share his daddy's birthday, which is Dec. 29th!
I know there are months and months in between here and there but it is fun to speculate!

Dr. Disappointment

Well I had my first prenatal visit yesterday. According to everything I read, it should have been the longest visit ever to my Ob/Gyn, I have to say, if that was the longest I would hate to see all of my follow-up. They only scheduled 30mins! Hello, I'm a scared 1st time mom, I have tons of questions. The doctor seems irritated that I even had questions. I know I made him run late. They struggled to take my blood and then I preceded to pass-out after the blood was draw. this takes time. I know that was something they didn't plan for. (Like I did!) But in general I was just disappointed with the whole thing. I think I'm going to give the Raliegh Birth Center a call. I'm not cool with being treated like a number. This is my child and while I believe I could have a prefectly fine birth with the doctor I saw yesterday, I think I deserve better.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sickness, morning, noon, and night

The morning sickness has started. Only it's not only in the morning, it's alike anytime of the day. Sometimes I'll feel great all day and then suddenly trying to relax at home after work I get so nauseous! I've been lucky so far. I haven't actually vomited yet. The nauseousness is bad! Sometime I think if I did vomit I would feel better but so far nothing.
I go to the doctor tomorrow! I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm scared and I'm hopeful. Will post a post-doc blog tomorrow!

Monday, May 11, 2009

I told my mom

Today I told my mom I am pregnant! She was thrilled. I started by telling her that I had bad news. I would not be able to come to Texas for Christmas again this year. (This will make 2 years in a row that I haven't been home!) But I did have good news, the reason I wouldn't be able to make it is because I'll be like 9 months pregnant. It took her a minute but she was so excited. She is making plans to come up and help when we have the baby. I'm glad she reacted to happily. I know it's her fifth grandchild so I'm sure it's not as exciting as the first but she knows I've been wanting a baby for awhile so she's happy that I'm happy.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

FEAR . . .

Okay I have to admit that I'm afraid of this whole baby thing. We still have a week until our dr. appt. and I'm so afraid the doctor is going to give us bad news. I have no reason to believe anything is wrong. I'm tired but that is normal for this point of my pregnancy and I've never been one to take it easy so slowing down a bit is not a bad thing.
I guess my fear has to do with my happiness. I'm happy. Life is good. We have a lot of work and saving to do before the baby arrives but I'm happy. Truly I am living a blessed life. I have a wonderful growing family. I've been wanting a baby for a long time and finding out that I'm pregnant was like the answer to a prayer. So why the fear? I'm so happy that I just don't think that the happiness can last. Why should I be so happy when other people are suffering? How can I be building a wonderful life when I'm such a horrible ungrateful person?
I know that God only gives us what we can handle and I think I can handle anything that comes my way but I'm still terrified the doctor will tell me they can't find a heartbeat. I'm praying that everything goes well and fingers crossed the doctor will tell me eveything is progressing well and then I'll go to worrying about things that are important like world peace.

Friday, May 8, 2009

I'm a mommy to be!

I'm 6 weeks along in my first pregnancy. I'm tired! We haven't told many people yet. Not quite sure what we are waiting for. We plan to tell our parents this weekend! We thought it would be a nice surprise for our mothers on Mother's Day. This would be the 5th grandchild for each of our parents!

Despite being married for over 7 years, we are the last ones in our families to have a child. Right now, we are just thankful that God has given us this great and awe-inspiring task.
I've not been much of a blogger before but this feels like an important thing to chronicle. I've even been writing in a pregnancy journal! My thoughts are not deep but maybe some day my child will think they were interesting.

Yesterday my husband decided to call our baby "Bud" since that is all it has right now, according to the books we reading. We'll get our first full prenatal check-up on May 18th. Then we'll hear more about Bud. I can't hardly wait!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Audrey's birth

My water broke on Monday Dec. 14th. I was getting up to go to Target to finish shopping for the baby's room and as I was walking to the bathroom, my water broke! I called my midwife and was told it could take up to 24 hours for labor to start. I was also told to stay home and wait, no more trips to Target. Little did I know what I was in for.
It would take 60 hrs for my daughter to be born.

I had many stops and starts to my labor. It wasn't until Dec 17th at like 1am that active labor really started. Boy did it start. I had horrible back labor! I could feel the pain in my back and it seemed that nothing would make it feel better. Because I had so many stops and starts, I had Ray wait until about 3am to call the midwife. She came to our house around 4am and had Ray get the birth pool to the right temperature. Once I had approval, I ran to the pool! It was instant relief! I had been contracting about every 2 minutes and was quickly losing my resolve to do this drug and hospital free.

As I relaxed in the pool, I felt my contractions speed up again. I was no longer having long relaxing breaks, it felt like all I was doing was contracting. I was told to breath deeply and to make cow sounds. Ray got in my ear and helped me 'moo.' It's funny. I do remember at one point telling Ray that I could not do this. I just kept saying it again and again. I think that must have been my transitioning. At one point Ray just whispered in my ear, "You can do this. This baby will come out."

I remember the whole room was nice and dark and warm. I really felt loved and supported. It was a little surreal. It was just me in the pool surrendering to the pain and the process. I don't remember the exact moment I started to push. I do remember that I had to push. No one had to say anything, I just knew. That's when Debbie, our midwife, and Ray both came to the poolside. They were both there ready to catch the baby. After 20 minutes of pushing, my baby Audrey was born. Ray caught her and after what seemed like forever, she was placed in my arms. I was so in love and wanting to hold the baby tight that it was 10 minutes before I would pull the baby back off my chest to see the sex. I held Audrey! I also had to, of course, birth the placenta. That actually took 25 minutes. I wasn't sure what to do and kept missing the contractions. I had a hard time focusing because all I wanted to focus on was Audrey.

Birth Audrey was an amazing experience. No drugs, no doctors, no one checking my progress. It was me in a room of love giving birth to my baby. I think the number one lesson that I can take from giving birth is surrender. I had to give up control to my own body and let it do the work. Once I did, the baby just seem to come into world.