When your summer goes sideways

 Typically, the end of the semester is exhausting.  We are running around trying to make sure students have what they need to graduate.  We are pulling together the stage and program for commencement.  We are hosting the Board of Trustees while fielding last-minute commencement hiccups.  For me, I am usually preparing to travel as part of the executive cabinet and travel as part of the hosting team for a conference or two.  Basically, by the end of May I feel spent and trashed out.  This May was going to be different.  I had amazing plans to reconnect and relax.  It was going to one of the busiest seasons for me but that was going to make June that much more relaxing.

What is the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, show God your plans"?  My May actually went off really well.  I had an amazing three days with my college bestie in Virginia.  I had a decent birthday with my family.  I had found some workable and cheap solutions for a few issues that had popped up for our conference scheduled to start June 1.  Then May 31st punched me in the face.

I was getting ready for bed when my little came and said, "Grandma is about to take Grandpa to the hospital."  I flew off the couch to get an idea of what was going on, then immediately changed clothes and flipped my internal switch from sleep to fight mode.  My dad was having pain so bad he couldn't sleep.  So that begins the debate of local or drive to Temple.  This time we stayed local but ended up at Temple anyway.  Instead of running my conference, I was running the conference from my dad's hospital bedside.  He got home from that hospital stay just in time to celebrate his 71st birthday at home.  I don't know what it is about the time around our birthdays (May 24-June 9) that makes the universe attack, but there we were.

Okay, so the conferences (I was only scheduled to work one on-site and the other long distance) were both successful; my dad was alive but with neph tubes, so I know we have a long road ahead.  While my dad is in the hospital, we have to reschedule my mom's eye appt, which was going to determine if she needed surgery on her eye.  That got rescheduled pretty easily; okay, one issue down.  GymGirl has been having some intense pain going on so we visited a new specialist in June and got a new diagnosis for her and an order to another specialist for an October visit.  

So not too bad, right?  I can still salvage my June.  I have an appt with an endocrinologist to check in on my Hashimoto's, and since that is the whole morning, I scheduled a nail and hair appt for that afternoon.  Meanwhile, my mother goes to her eye doctor appt.  Guess who definitely needs surgery?  Cool cool cool, it's summer so I can take time off without an issue really.  Let's get it on the books.

So the week of June 22, I take my dad to Temple for a follow-up, then take my mom to Houston for eye surgery.  Both of those things go well. We even got to Rose City Pride and had a great time as a family.

I relaxed.  Okay, the end of June is going to be good.  We have some unknowns, but we got this.  Why did I relax?  June 30, guess where I was?  Back in the ER with my dad.  This time we were able to stay local, but man, the level of care- well, really, it was the communication that was the issue.  Unlike stays in Temple where my dad's care is my focus, with him in Lufkin, I could and needed to keep my scheduled appts for the girls.  Eye doc, dentist, and most importantly hair!  So I was popping in and out of the hospital and having to hope I could catch the doctors.

I spent the 4th of July waiting for my dad's intestine to wake up after a blockage.  It was not fun but he did get to go home the next day.  Some people spent the 4th looking at fireworks; I was watching an ileostomy bag, praying it would fill up (it did).

Then I had to take him to a follow-up in Temple.  Cool cool cool, another exhausting start to a month but I got this.  That Thursday, July 9th, I'm on my way to a board meeting when my husband calls and lets me know Gymgirl has a new symptom with her migraines.  We are advised to take her to the ER.  This was my 3rd hospital in 7 days.  While we are there, her heart rate is sky-high, and her blood pressure isn't coming down.  She got a clean CT of her head so we are sent home.  But the heart rate thing is bothering us.  So we scheduled to see the pediatrician.  That appt is two weeks out, and in the meantime we are surprisingly good as a family and healthwise.

Now during all of this, a person I thought was a friend was moving out of the area.  I thought for sure we would have one last hang out.  But no, I wasn't important enough for that.  Cool cool cool, I figured that person had been a user, but you know, hope springs eternal.  Then the board I serve on had a major shakeup that we are still finding our way through.  

Each day of July at work is a march towards welcoming the students back.  Meetings to make sure residents' halls are ready, the admin side of things is ready, and the big campus kickoff is good to go.  I love my job, and the work I do really does line up with my purpose so I really enjoy going to work. I love the hard projects and having campus fill up.  The only issue is that I need to be at work to do this type of work.  I really don't have a remote-friendly position.  I tend to pack June with appts so the rest of the year is easy so much for that!

Gymgirl goes to her pedi appt, and we get a new diagnosis to add to the pile plus another specialist referral.  My dad has a phone dr appt that doesn't happen but does make me late for work; I really, really, really dislike being late for work and that was last Friday.  

Monday we welcomed our first-time freshman to campus!  The academic year is underway.  My Fall will be crazy busy with not only work but with my dad's appts and probably a major surgery.  I need to go back to endo for a follow-up.  I need to take Gymgirl to all of her appts.  

The point of this rambling mess?  This summer was not the summer I had planned.  This summer really wasn't fun or relaxing.  In 2026, I have been in the ER with hubby, GymGirl, LiL'Bit, and my dad.  I have been in four different hospitals in three different cities.  All I can do at this point is gird my loins and pray for a decent Fall semester.  Oh, by the way, did you know Gymgirl is a high school Senior?

The one about my birthday

I am turning 47 this year. I'm starting there because I don't want you to think I have feelings about aging. I'm aging wonderfully. I really can't complain about my aches and pains when I know I'm blessed to have seen this many years. I'm turning 47, and that is a fabulous thing. 

No, this post is about celebrating my birthday/not celebrating my birthday/feeling like I don't get celebrated at all. Maybe it is a function of age, but I also see people my age having massive blow-outs with friends, and I can literally count on my hand the number of people in my personal life that wish me a happy birthday each year and they are all family. I'm not talking about those pre-made Facebook wishes; I am talking about people who text me or see me and wish me a happy birthday. If people at work know my birthday, then they will also wish me a happy birthday.

Last year, I purposefully turned off my birthday on Facebook to see who actually knew it was my birthday. Yes, it was a trap for me to prove that people don't actually know me. I got a text from two people, one work birthday month twin and one from across the ocean. I still had a few Facebook birthday wishes since my mother made a post and actually, so did I. I forgot that Livewell, my gym, gives you a free smoothie if you go to the gym on your birthday so of course I have to post my birthday smoothie. But this isn't about Facebook wishes or texts. This is about celebration. I love my husband but he is the worst about celebrating anything. He doesn't do Valentine's day or anyone's birthday. Like he forgets everyone equally and I suspect most wives would say that about their husbands. There is a reason the husband running about at the last minute for birthday/Christmas/anniversary gifts is a trope. 

I think this is where a woman's friends come in. Someone in her circle makes sure to try and go for a celebration coffee or drink. That is what I haven't had for a long time. As I was turning 40, I decided that I would finally run a marathon. My thought was if I start my 40s with a marathon, then all of my birthdays in my 40s had to be better than that. So I did run a marathon in the Texas heat; it was over 90 degrees by the time I was done. I didn't think any birthday could be as bad as finishing a road marathon on black pavement but I was so wrong! 

 My worst birthday was my 45th. My dad was in the hospital somewhere between life and death. He wished me a happy birthday and told me he was ready to die if it was his time. I think I had over 100 Facebook wishes that year. My husband actually took me for rolled ice cream to celebrate my birthday since there was a shop not too far from the hospital. It is hard to think about yummy rolled ice-cream when your dad is on death's door. He came home a week later. Crisis averted, new birthday trauma level achieved. 

I am writing about the past to vomit it out once and for all. The "friends" who never called. The "friend" who took me for coffee only to leave me halfway through to go talk to a real friend of theirs. The "friend" who gave me a present months after my birthday but never actually wished me a happy birthday. 

Why the word vomit? Well, my life is so different today than one year ago. Since my last birthday, I feel like I actually have friends who care about me and who might actually celebrate me if given an opportunity. See, just about a month after my birthday, I joined the Pride Alliance of Lufkin (PAL). It is a group of people that I absolutely adore. I have since joined the board and even hold the distinction of founding member for my work as Treasurer. There are some long days of planning and executing, but much like my job, I love it, and seeing the impact in the community makes it all worth it. 

Back in January, I started my journey to join Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. I crossed at the end of February with six amazing sisters as a member of the ChoZen Seven. The love and sisterhood I feel each and every day is not really possible to describe in words. It is a glowy and spirit-filling kind of sisterhood. 

Honestly, both groups give me a sense of love and celebration that I haven't felt in years. So I'm turning my birthday back on Facebook, if I can figure it out (it was such a pain to figure out how to turn off). While maybe no one will call me or text me this year either, I feel like I have enough distance from my 45th birthday that I can risk that disappointment. My birthday is on a Tuesday this year and the weekend before my birthday, I'm in Virginia. While the majority of that trip is for work, I have actually scheduled myself a couple of days with my friend from college. A couple of days with a person who loves me despite all of my bullshit (and she knows all of it since we have been friends for almost 30 years) and time in the Blue Ridge Mountains. As I slide into my 50s, here is hoping I learn to celebrate myself since external celebrations are in short supply for most people.  May the lessons of the last 46 years not turn me bitter but help me be a better person.  So here's to turning 47!

Well more than one year later

 Wow, it is amazing how time flies when life is slapping you in the face.

Actually yes, life got down right awful right after my last post back at the end of April 2024.  My dad ended up in the hospital another two times in May 2024.  The first one was a fluke.  An infection that can happen with the intense surgery and recovery.  The second nearly killed him.

Without going to all of the details, I say this.  My dad was hours from septic shock when I rushed him to the ER.  Apparently, septic shock is a point of no return for most folks but my pig-headedness really did save him.  I was getting ready for work when I found him.  He was struggling to open his eyes and could not put a full sentence together.  Because he was still recovering from the Feb 2024 surgery, I had to rush him to the closest Baylor Scott and White ER, which for me was two hours away in College Station.  

Many things about that day went right and one thing that still haunts: my decision to go to College Station rather than travel the extra hour to his doctors in Temple.  It eventually meant he had to be life-flighted between hospitals.  College Station found his bladder had ruptured and he was septic.  They were not equipped for his care, so they wanted him sent to Temple.  The ambulance would be another four hours and they wanted to move him while he was stable to they decided to life flight him.  One of the hardest moments of my life was watching them load my daddy in that helicopter and then having to drive the hour by myself not knowing what I was going to find on the other end.  Knowing I was doing this by myself because my husband, mom, and girls were at home and had to drive three hours to meet me in Temple.  I still don't know what exactly held me together as I drove Texas back roads with tears running down my face and panic choking me.  

He was very touch-and-go for a few days.  It was bad enough that he was making final arrangements for himself.  It was bad.  It was made worse by the fact that it was also my 45th birthday.  Easily the worst birthday ever.

The rest of 2024 was spent running to Temple once a month for the rest of the year.  I report that by December he was really back on the mend and now he back to himself, like before the big surgery.

2024 ended with a bang!  My BlaxicanMMA turned 15!  As part of my dad's recovery, he wanted to celebrate her with a traditional Mexican quinceañera.  While not exactly all the way traditional, she did have a grand party and 100 or so folks joined us in celebrating this huge milestone.  One that BlaxicanMMA was now 15 but also that my dad was here to celebrate it with us.  Even my grandmother was there!  

Just when I started to relax, we got slapped again with my father-in-law having a stroke in January of this year.  Thankfully, hubby's brother recognized the signs and got him to the hospital before too much damage occured and I can report that he is almost like his old self again.

Now that isn't to say that the moms, mine and hubby's, haven't had their own health challenges in the last year but of course women are much less dramatic when it comes to such things.  Both moms have issues with their eyesight.  Issues that mean hubby and I have to make sure we get our yearly eye appointments in.  

Lastly, a quick update on my little bit, LalaWarriorPrincess.  She has started the viola and she loves it. 
She swept most of the academic awards for her grade this year.  She is still a joy and my heart in the world.  

I don't know how I would have survived 2024 without my husband and girls.  2025 has bucked just a bit but just last month hubby graduated with his Master of Education in Counseling!  He is waiting on some state tests before he can apply for his LPC-A but then he'll be continuing in his new career.  I am so proud of him!

That is the quick and dirtly update of the last 13 or so months.  This year I purposely pretended that I didn't not have a birthday and no one ended up in the hospital so while correlation does not equal causation, I probably won't be celebrating any birthdays in the future; I'll just magically be older.