New job and less family time

I got a job.  Y'all not just a job but the opportunity of a lifetime!  I'm the director of library services at a HBCU!  I love it.  I'm only 5 days in and things are really falling into place.  I'm making callings getting services back online and feeling like I've been reborn in my career.  So far there is only one draw back: I'm commuting close to 2 hours.

I'm not a big fan of driving but it's not the first time I've had a long commute so I don't really mind.  The problem is the lack of family time.  DH also started a new full time job on Monday and he is working 3-11 daily with Thursday and Friday off.  I'm leaving the house around 6am to be at work by 8am and then not getting back until 7pm.  My off days are Saturdays and Sunday so as you can see that is not leaving anytime with DH and my time with my girls is down to about 2-3 hours per day since I have to head to bed around 9.  Of course Baby Lala is asleep at about that time but I'm down to 2 hours with her and Gymgirl where I had been home 24/7 for close to 3 months. 

We are all adjusting.  We all know it is a big sacrifice.  When I was offer the position, I really had to stop and think about it.  The salary is bit of bump from my last job but the opportunity is worth so much more.  It means jumping into the world of Academic Libraries, which I had been struggling to do.  Basically no one wanted to hire me with very little Academic Library experience but since I had lots of supervisory experience this college was excited to scoop me up.  I've gone from feeling like the ugly duckling to a beautiful swan.  Everyone is so supportive and really pushing to help students learn! 

Of course that means less time to blog but I'll do better about writing every few weeks unlike with the old job that didn't leave time or energy for anything.  I think that is one of the biggest differences.  I leave this job tired but energized.  I love what I do.  I'm confident in what I'm doing.  I don't second guess myself as much.  I'm making it home and I'm making a difference.

Miscarriage and Assigned Soul

October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Month.  I've written in a past blog post about losing a pregnancy about 2 years after Gymgirl was born.  If you do the math, there are almost exactly 7 years between my girls.  That was not my plan but that is what happened.  I love my rainbow baby, Baby Lala, but I still think about the one lost between.  To say I spent 9 months terrified I was going to lose the pregnancy is an understatement. 

We have been watching Bones.  DH got GymGirl and I into it.  There was an episode with Cyndi Lauper as a psychic and she was helping a soul cross over.  In that episode, she mentioned to the soul, who was a young teen, all about the life he would have had including 2 children that will now have to find a new way here.  I asked DH if he thought that was the way it worked.  Do we get assigned our best life and then between free will and life itself it turns into other things?  He said yep something like that.  "Then what about the soul we lost?  Was it Lala or someone else? Will he find a new way here?"

Is that the way it works?  Was I tasked with bringing a certain number of souls across and failed at some point?  See the loss is great and doesn't go away.  So much potential, life changing, world saving energy just gone?  If energy isn't created or destroyed then that soul is still around and will find a new way here. 

I'm sure how souls work.  I just know I still the loss.  I have a couple of friends who in recent month have dealt with pregnancy loss.  They have been super open and honest on Facebook about it.  I'm so proud of then.  When I had my miscarriage, we didn't tell anyone for months and only because I had written the blog post.  There was so much shame, like I was a failure as a woman.  I know that wasn't and isn't true.  Only God knows the master plan and I'll just be patient and have faith. 

Poverty Paradox

Have you ever looked into joining a "service organization"?  Around here we have Jr. League, Rotary, and Kiwanis, maybe others too but those are the big ones.  In high school, I was a member of Interact, the high school version of Rotary.  These organizations do great work for all types of people and places in our community.   This is not a knock against any of them just an interesting observation.

I recently pulled out of joining the Jr. League because I didn't have the money to join.   The fees were only $125 but that is actually a lot of money for some people,  like me.  Rotary was way more money,  something in the neighborhood of $1000. I have no clue about Kiwanis but im sure they have a membership fee as well.  Of course upit can't forget the required volunteer hours and fundraisers .which you will be expected to buy/spend money on as well. Again,  they do great work and that requires money.

Why join them?   Well it is for networking along with helping in your community.   If you are a new business person then you want/need those connections. Now think if you are a person trying to better your life,  ie get out of poverty, you need connections and networking opportunities. The people in leadership positions in those organizations basically get their businesses "free" press with each project.  They are in the newspaper or TV news all the time.   Think of all of that exposure!  Now think about the membership fee, can you drop that money? 

I honestly can't at the moment.   God willing I'll join Jr. League next year but what about other poor people who want and need the advantages of service organizations?   I find it ironic that the organizations work to end poverty or improve lives but de facto bar the people they claim to help by not having a scholarship or trading
volunteer hours for membership fees option.  

Those organizations don't advertise much as far as growing their numbers.  They are basically you gotta know someone type of thing.  You get invited or your job forces you to go.  Those of us who grew up in poverty didn't have parents running off to Rotary so it isn't really something we think to look for.  Let's be real, they are "White" savior organizations, or at least they were.  The branches around here are getting increasingly more diverse.  As younger generations take over leadership, they are pushing for diversity.  Maybe the scholarships exist if you know the right people.  You personally have a connection and they give you the secret scholarship or membership fee discount.   Again,  it is about who you know.  You have to be in the right crowd to get access to the right crowd,  not so helpful if you are just starting out.