Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Always a winner?

Okay I am getting so sick of being told that I am always a winner. I hate that idea because to have a winner you must have a loser. I am not cool with the idea of a someone losing but anyways. I have bigger issue with the idea that I haven't worked my ass off to get myself into position to win.

So the current example is the whole getting into the doctorate program. I kept hearing well duh you're going to get in. Hello, I have two Masters degrees! I have worked my ass off. It was still not a for gone conclusion. These programs pick the personalities that match them and as me as I am, I tend to rub people the wrong way. No guarantee I was going to get in.

I really feel like the whole thing is about people either not knowing me or wanting to overlook the work. I do not come from privilege. I come from a line of hard working people and working hard is what I do best. Getting into the doctorate was the fruit of 33 years of work. Nine years in public education with at least one boss that was so awful and that hated me so much I almost got fired and was on the verge of being unable to finish my MLIS. I have worked. Unlike DH, I was not blessed with super high IQ, I have always had to work, even in high school.

So I am not a winner, I just refuse to lose. I rarely quit but when I do it is after finally realizing that my work is done and I have over stayed my welcome. I just don't give up easily, not to say that I don't give up. I am selective about what I choose to attack but fear of hard work is not usually a reason for me to not go for something. The point of the rambling: I am not a winner just too stubborn and hard-headed to give up and/or take no for an answer.

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