Wednesday, September 4, 2013

18 years and counting

So today, DH and I are celebrating 18 years of being a couple.  We met in high school health class.  The usually boy meets girl.  They become friends and then girl asks boy out and the rest is history.

It has been an amazing adventure with DH.  I could have never predicted our lives today.  When we met all of those years ago we just clicked but honestly we were just friends.  We could just chill and talk.  We went to different colleges several hours apart and seemingly forgot to break-up.  Come December we'll celebrated 12 years of marriage.  Life just has a way of working itself out.

When DH and I first started dating, we would talk about the future in fun not going to be married to you terms.  Who expects to marry their high school sweetheart especially when you are going away to different colleges? We've all heard those stories of long-distance love that grows apart.  We were under no illusion that we would end up together.  DH would talk about naming his sons Mister and Master.  I would laugh at him and tell him he would be lucky to find a woman who would agree to that.  He knows there will be no naming of a son Mister nor Master.  I wanted to be a teacher, plain and simple.  I wanted four kids, maybe five.

So here we are 18 years later.  There is only one child in our lives.  Somedays I wonder why we fought and worked so hard to get a child and then she'll say the right thing and it breaks my heart that she is still an only child.  I would have never pictured being 9 months from turning 35 and with only one child.  I do know that God's timing is perfect.  If I had tried to plan my life it would have been a total mess.  God is in control and while there are days, I know that there is no place else I want to be.  I know to DH the number of children we have does not matter.  One or five as long as we are a happy and together family our size is the least of our concerns.

Having always dreamed of a large family of my own, I have to admit there are days I lose hope.  With the magical ending age of fertility just around the corner, I have to acknowledge that I'm not super cool with the idea of being pregnant after the age of 35.  If we have struggle so much now then surely that door will shut completely then.  I know its not true.  I know it is all in my head and that my being on my period right now, right at the I will be 35+ when I have another baby is just weighting on me.  Age is nothing but a number right?  Still it feels important to say that this was my last chance to be under 35 and have another baby.  Well there is not point crying over an unfertilized egg.  God has a plan and I must just accept and understand that I might not understand the plan for a while.

Today we celebrate 18 years together.  Through thick and thin, richer and poorer, sickness and health, wheat-filled and wheat-free, two dogs to a family with only one and one beautiful blessing of a daughter, I have to say that I would be stupid to question God's timing now.

No comments:

Post a Comment