Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Beauty is in the eye of beholder and their programming

Between issues of safety (thanks, Trumpers) and being in an HBCU (historically Black college/university), I have been contemplating my "look."  I have noticed many of my non-White friends looking a bit "Whiter" these days but being at a place that promotes people of color to embrace their natural selves and beauty, I feel like my outward aesthetic needs work.

Things this post is not meant to do:
1: Be judgey.  Dude totally do you.  You have your reasons for why you present as you do.  If you like it then rock it.
2: Tell you how to look.  Do you.
3: Determine my final look.  It, as everything, evolves

So what is bothering me with my look? 

Well, I'm turning 40 this year and blessing and curse is that I don't look my age.  I usually get pegged somewhere between 30-35.  I'm in a profession were being older is equaled with experience and knowledge.  Librarianship is a greying profession and while there are plenty of young librarians out there, most aren't directing an academic library like I am.  I have 10+ years in the field of library and education but my "look" doesn't not necessarily show that.  So I do try to look a little older.  I stopped coloring my hair.  Not only do my gray/silver streaks promote the idea that I am older; it also cost me less time and money to maintain than if I keep on coloring it.  I've noticed so many Latinas with naturally dark hair going blonde, like their entire head not just streaks.  I got some blonde highlights a couple years back and I hated them!  I wanted to cut them out I hated them so much.  They were super well done.  My husband paid mega-bucks for me to have an amazing salon experience and I hated those highlights with a passion.  Why hate them?  I felt so fake.  I would look in the mirror and that person just wasn't me.  So the idea of turning my entire head blonde sounds like a good way to end up shaving my head.  I'm not sure about keeping my gray.  I had been doing a bright red and really loved it but again it makes me look younger.  Jury is still out on this one.

So again I don't really look like I'm turning 40 in May.  I have some fine lines but nothing major.  What I don't do is use base/foundation at all.  I wear lipstick to work or if I go out.  I wear some black eyeliner and that's pretty much it.  I look around and see people posting pictures of eyeshadow palettes.  People doing something called contouring.  I don't have any idea why someone needs so many eyeshadow colors and why change the shape of your face like daily?  I understand for performance or a special night out but daily?  Fuck that.  My face it okay.  I get lots of complements on my skin so I don't foresee a change to my makeup routine as of yet.  Red lips, black eyeliner for the day, remove with coconut oil, start the day with almond oil.

Everywhere I look I see women and men with their nails done up.  The guys tend to wear clear polish but they look good.  Like, my nails are weak AF!  They break if I type too hard.  In theory a cover of shellac might help.  I love having red polish on but I smudge it and chip it almost immediately so it feels like a waste of time.  I don't want to wear fake nails because I don't want long nails.  I like mine short so that I can work.  I've had the nail stuff put on, minus the tips, to help keep my nails looking good but that is a commitment.  Going in for a fill every 2 weeks, I just don't have time.  I would love to turn this into a thing I do but I don't really see it happening.

It is winter so so far toes are under cover.  I do like to have color on my toe nails.  It makes me feel pretty.  I usually see women of color with designs and such but this is the only time DH steps in.  He hates designs on toes.  I don't care enough to fight him on it so classic red it usually is.  I like to take Gymgirl for mom/daughter mani/pedis so maybe we can bring that back.

Overall you just read a whole lot of nothing!  Final thought, do you. 

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