Wednesday, May 19, 2021

What is a soulmate?

 So the topic of the soulmate has been crossing my path a lot lately.  Recently one of my younger running friends was contemplating finding a soulmate and what he is looking for in that person.  Now it was a Facebook post and I had a few minutes so I responded.  Now I'm going on almost 20 years of marriage so I'm the first to admit, I have no real idea what it is like to be dating in today's world.  I have several single friends so I get to hear all about the horribleness of the current dating scene.  But the thing about being married for almost 20 years has also opened my mind to what or who a soulmate is in my life and what it means to have a soulmate and a romantic partner.

So what is a soulmate?  Honestly, I haven't done the research but as I look around, I know I have had more than 1 soulmate.  As I think about soulmates, I stopped to think about my soul and I came to the conclusion, the soul is multidimensional.  For me, in my mind, I have a vision of a heart that is like a cut crystal so there are lots of surfaces and flat spaces.  So to me, a soulmate is a person that fits into one of the spaces/surfaces of my soul.  There is a person that fits each space, maybe they fit several spaces but I have lots of spaces so then I have lots of soulmates.

As I was thinking about my soulmates, I thought about the ones I have lost along the way.  It was hard to go over those naked scarred areas.  Remembering those who have left.  Number one is a person that I use to talk a lot about on this blog back in 2012-2014 or so.  My ex-bandmate, the person I called "Soul-sister."  She has moved on in life and she is completely out of my life at this point.  I still miss her.  She was a person that seemed to get me, understand me, and allowed me to be myself even if she hated certain aspects of my personality.  No one will be able to fit those spaces the way she did.  Honestly, there has been so much life since then that I don't think she could fit those spaces the same way anymore but she was a soulmate.  

Even now, I have probably 2 soulmates outside of my husband.  These are not romantic partners.  These are friends that I met and just clicked with.  Right now if something cool/interesting happens, outside of my husband, these are the folks I want to call/text.  I can go for a run and just tell one of these folks, like everything.  Mom stuff, professional stuff, runner stuff, growing older stuff and we can have those conversations as we are dying on the running trails or later while we enjoy some coffee.  She was a person who came into my life through a mutual friend and just felt like a sister I didn't know I had.  

A soulmate that is still dear to me but actually lives far away is the groom (see blogs from 2013 for more info on him).  I got to see him again a few years ago when I took a trip back to NC/VA area.  It was just like there had been no time apart.  When I moved to Va, he became the big brother I never had, and helping him find a wife was one of the best experiences of my life (I love his wife!).  We just clicked.  I was brand new to the school.  I never felt like I fit the program but the Groom was just so much fun to get to know and really he is like a brother.  I don't get to see him very often, I communicate with his wife more, but we still just fit together and I have a friend locally that is also like an older brother, no one else fits like the Groom.

These soulmates all help me grow and learn more about myself.  They were people with whom I just clicked.  They are people that I name in my prayers.  They are the people that when I was with them physically, it was like a warm hug even if we are sitting across a table from each other.  

Yes having a romantic partner is awesome and amazing and I'm blessed but having those other soulmates is necessary too.  My husband can't be my everything and it isn't fair to try and make him that for me.  Don't be afraid of having lots of soulmates and don't limit yourself to only using the term soulmate for the person in your bed.  

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