Wordless Wednesday: LLL wrap hammock

Happy International Babywearing Week!

Here at Wheatless Mama, we are a babywearing family.  This is a great picture by my friend Travelgirl @ Lone Star Photography.  We were at a punk rock show at The Factory here in Lufkin.  Can you guess who we were listening to?  You guessed correct!  THE HATES!

In this picture we are using an Ergo sport.  In the official blog badge we are in a wrap.  Even DH wears Ravebaby.  We highly recommend it!

Wordless Wednesday: Babydoll wearing

Ravebaby wearing her Babydoll in my new BabyEtte silk ring sling.

Wordless Wednesday: Galaxy Express & babywearing

Wordless Wednesday: babywearing win

It is amazing what you can do when you don't have a choice

So I've heard it so many times, "I couldn't do it.  I have no idea how you . . . "

The . . . can be just about anything in my life.  The wheat-freeness, breastfeeding a toddler, babywearing, co-sleeping, or the homebirthing.  I think in this country we have been TV fed the idea that we can't do things.  We can't wear a baby it's not safe you must have a stroller.  Breastfeeding, why would you do that when you can just give the baby formula.  Home birth, are you stupid?  Only a doctor is qualified to deliver a baby.  You'll die without an epidural; you can't handle the pain.  Why do we buy into all of those things?  It is amazing how powerful we are as humans, as women, as moms. 

Now I'll admit that I have chosen my crunchy wheatfree life.  Yes, I could have gone to the hospital and had an epidural.  Yes, I can stop breastfeeding and kill a hamburger.  Yes, she would cry but I could move Miss Audrey to her own bed.  Why not buy a stroller?  These are choices that I have made and therefore I am choosing to live my life this way.  But what about things that you don't have a choice about?

I have a friend who had PUP, which if you don't know what it is Google it.  She actually told me that she didn't know how I live wheat-free.  I am in awe of her.  She had PUP and let her baby be born on his own time.  Most women with PUP have an induction at 38 weeks, the stress on the body and the mental strain are incredible.  She ended up going for almost 42 weeks, a full month more than the norm.  She is incredible!  If she can do that she can do anything.  Makes going wheat-free seem so small.

So what can we do if we 'have' to?  People have super human strength when they need to save their child.  We are amazing creatures.  You could go wheat-free.  It's not that hard.  People are doing it for fun.  If your health depended on it, you could do it.  Don't even get me started on the crunchy life.  Trust me you can do it.  Life is all about choices.  My choices are my own and yes they are not for everyone but just because you didn't doesn't mean you couldn't. 

The attached parent

So this whole style of parenting thing is still on my mind.  Like I've said before I'm not into labels.  Do I fit the label of attachment parenting, yes.  I babywear, I breastfeed, I bed-share, I'm against CIO and I love my Audrey.  I dislike the idea that people who aren't attached parents are dettached parents.  The label is awful and misleading.  Like my parenting is better or more in-tune.

I think part of what bothers me is that it implies that I set out to be an attached parent.  I'm going to be honest.  If I could parent anyother way I probably would.  I mean I don't really like having a baby kick me in the kidneys at 3am but I can't image her sleepping in another room.  I didn't like leaking all over myself but I'm too cheap to spend money on formula.  I would use a stroller but I'm terrified someone would steal Audrey when I turn around to look at something.  I didn't set out to be attached; Audrey just kinda got attached. 

I can be a bit of a controlfreak so the idea that I can control my diet and therefore Audrey's diet (via breastmilk) was a need in me.  I can't trust a formula company; it is just not in me.  I can't trust people to keep their hands to themselves.  I want to know where Audrey is at all times.  I don't want people touching my kid and having her on me (literally) means no strange hands.  The bed thing, well after carrying her for 9 months in me, the idea of her down the hall just didn't work.  We tried to do the crib in room but she was so little and she cried and I couldn't handle it so she moved into our bed and has been there ever since.

So maybe I'm attached but it wasn't a choice.  It really did just happen but I am more than a label.  Like any parents attached/dettached a label is not the whole person.  We do the best we can.

Shut your pie-hole crunchy bitch

Okay, so how does one give advice to a parent that has a different parenting philosophy than you?  I don't really label myself as any one parent philosophy but let's face facts, I'm more or less an Attachment Parent.  I hate that label, makes it seem that I"m calling other parents de-ttached.

I want to share the lessons I've learned but I know that my life works for me.  I don't live anyone else's life so how can my lessons really benefit them?  I can talk in general but it is hard to give an example without making people feel singled out.  If I talk about letting a baby "cry-it-out" and how I think it is horrible then someone will think I'm talking about them.  Besides, how do you talk about something like that without passing judgement.  Yes I think letting a baby cry themselves to sleep is horrible.  How can you stand there and listen to your child cry?  But then that is me.  I can't do it.  Maybe you can and may you raise the Supreme Court justice and I raise the serial killer.  Who is really to say?

I think a classic example is babywearing.  I babywear (shocking right?).  I think there is a right way and a wrong way and there is definitely a deadly way.  Yes, there is research to support my way but wrapping isn't for everyone (most days not even for me) or MeiTeis or SSC or ring slings.  Maybe the Baby Bjorn is the best thing for that family.  Anything else could result in dropping the baby or never wearing that baby.  Which is worse?  Never wear or wear in a Bjorn?  I had a Bjorn!  I thought it was great.  Then I got my Moby and I hated my Bjorn.  Then I did research and attended some babywearing meetings.  I decided that for Audrey I would Bjorn no more.  That doesn't make me a better parent.  It made me a better parent for Audrey.  Happy Mama = Happy Baby?

Even that statement, happy mama + happy baby makes me think twice.  I would love to out drinking with my friends, getting my nails done and spending money on me.  That would make me happy.  I don't think that would make Audrey happy.  I could shove formula in her face so I can get drunk but that would not make either of us happy (I'm not a big drinker).  But there are mamas who are happier giving formula.  Breastfeeding makes them feel trapped.  Happy Mama = Happy Baby?  I just don't know.

So to the point, I will not shut my pie-hole but please don't assume I'm talking about you.  I will live my life and you will live yours.  I don't feel guilty about my choices and neither should you.  We are all doing the best we can and it is a crap shoot.  My happily attached cloth-diapered breastfed Audrey could wind up a murder on death row and your happy Bjorn formula baby could cure cancer.    I'm thinkin' it's a crap-shoot either way.