Big girl bed

Ravebaby is a co-sleeping baby.  With the exception of two nights, both NICU nights, she has slept next to me.  Even in the hospital stay during her UTI thing she slept with me in the hospital bed.  About 2 months ago I ended the side-car and moved the crib into toddler bed position across the room.  Ravebaby's been playing in the bed.  Jasmin (dog) has been taking naps in the bed; that's been a fun training exercise.

I have placed Ravebaby in the bed for a couple of naps but nothing consistent.  Tuesday I decided to put Ravebaby in her bed after she fell asleep.  It was a strange experience for me.  I was thinking about it while I put her to sleep in the mei tai.  Once she was out I made the decision to put her in her bed.  At first I okay and so was she.  I sat down on the bed, grabbed the computer and then I burst into tears!  I mean I just cried.  So wasn't the reaction I expected from myself.  I ran to DH who was on his computer in the other room and just sobbed into his shoulder.  Seriously, I was crying. 

DH took me back to the bedroom and reminded me that this was a big step that Ravebaby needed and we needed too.  He's right.  He's been wanting to move her out of our bed and depending on the night, I have too.  Ravebaby is not totally night weaned so I've been resisting but I heard several moms mention putting their child in a toddler bed in the room and letting the kid come back into the big bed at the first night nursing.  So I went for it.  Ravebaby stayed in her bed for 2 hours then woke up and walked over to our bed and went right to sleep again.  I watched her like a hawk while she was in her bed.  It worked well.  No crying barely any waking. 

So I'm going to keep trying put Ravebaby in her own bed.  The last two nights it's only been for an hour.  She tends to move around a lot and once she feels her leg hanging off the edge of her bed she wakes up and moves to our bed.  Last night was hard since she fell asleep in our bed.  I did let her get into a deep sleep before I picked her up and moved her.  Again she was only in her bed for an hour but we'll get their. 

I have to admit I like having the bed adults only even if it is just for an hour.  I'm not ready to push for her to totally night wean or push her to sleep in her own bed all night but we are both taking baby steps.  She is growing up so quickly. 

It is amazing what you can do when you don't have a choice

So I've heard it so many times, "I couldn't do it.  I have no idea how you . . . "

The . . . can be just about anything in my life.  The wheat-freeness, breastfeeding a toddler, babywearing, co-sleeping, or the homebirthing.  I think in this country we have been TV fed the idea that we can't do things.  We can't wear a baby it's not safe you must have a stroller.  Breastfeeding, why would you do that when you can just give the baby formula.  Home birth, are you stupid?  Only a doctor is qualified to deliver a baby.  You'll die without an epidural; you can't handle the pain.  Why do we buy into all of those things?  It is amazing how powerful we are as humans, as women, as moms. 

Now I'll admit that I have chosen my crunchy wheatfree life.  Yes, I could have gone to the hospital and had an epidural.  Yes, I can stop breastfeeding and kill a hamburger.  Yes, she would cry but I could move Miss Audrey to her own bed.  Why not buy a stroller?  These are choices that I have made and therefore I am choosing to live my life this way.  But what about things that you don't have a choice about?

I have a friend who had PUP, which if you don't know what it is Google it.  She actually told me that she didn't know how I live wheat-free.  I am in awe of her.  She had PUP and let her baby be born on his own time.  Most women with PUP have an induction at 38 weeks, the stress on the body and the mental strain are incredible.  She ended up going for almost 42 weeks, a full month more than the norm.  She is incredible!  If she can do that she can do anything.  Makes going wheat-free seem so small.

So what can we do if we 'have' to?  People have super human strength when they need to save their child.  We are amazing creatures.  You could go wheat-free.  It's not that hard.  People are doing it for fun.  If your health depended on it, you could do it.  Don't even get me started on the crunchy life.  Trust me you can do it.  Life is all about choices.  My choices are my own and yes they are not for everyone but just because you didn't doesn't mean you couldn't. 

The side car solution

So I'm finally posting about my side-car solution. I've been asked about how I made my side car so here is the how.

First thing is that we bought a convertible crib. We bought ours at Babies r us but that is neither here nor there. Convertible cribs are great for this purpose because they are made to be used without the front. Normally you would do that to make the toddler bed but hey it works for this too!

Second you need to measure your crib and bed and find a wall in your room so that you can use the wall as the brace for your side car. You will be placing the crib next to the wall and pushing your bed next to it. This will keep the crib from moving. (At that step alot of people will also use bungie cords to secure the bed and crib together. I didn't have bungie cords so I didn't do it.  Although, I think for a newborn this is a good step, again you can't be too safe.)

Third you need to see how much of a difference in height there is between your bed and the crib mattress. There are a couple of ways to deal with this. My solution was to use bricks under the crib legs. Many people go to the craft store and buy foam cord cut to the right measurements. It may take several layers so you'll have to measure and measure before you buy. I had extra bricks so I just used what I has on hand.

I know the picture isn't great but you can see that I have two bricks on top of each other. I have done that for all four legs.

The next step is actually pushing everything together or if you are good without the measuring tape you can measure to find the gap between the crib mattress and your bed. Remember that you have removed the front of your crib so you will have a bit of a gap. My solution was to roll up towels and placed them on the side next to the wall. That keeps the crib mattress from sliding and leaving a gap for baby to get caught in. This is super important. You cannot have a gap! The most important thing is baby's safety. I have seen that some people will create/make a special blanket that covers the seam between the crib mattress and your bed. Now that Audrey is older I don't worry about the seam but when she was younger I would lay a blanket across the seam.

Again the picture isn't great but you can see that our bed is brown and her crib is green and they are touching. It looks like there is room between the two but I think that is the crappy picture because trust me I struggle to change the sheets since it is so tight between the two.

The final step is using it. It does take time to set up but it is well worth the effort. I know many people buy an arm's reach co-sleeper and then a crib. Why spend the extra money? The convertible crib and be sidecared and then it can be your toddler bed or your child's full size bed frame. But again you have to do what is best for you.

If you have any questions or tips to add feel free to leave them in the comments and I'll try to add them to the post. Others have great write ups on putting together a side car. Google them up and see the variety that is out there. Honest it's not that hard.
So one last pic, you can see Audrey is sleeping in our bed. Most nights she uses her crib but she ends up in our bed for a few hours each night. We love it. Audrey has her space and we have ours but every night we are together.

The attached parent

So this whole style of parenting thing is still on my mind.  Like I've said before I'm not into labels.  Do I fit the label of attachment parenting, yes.  I babywear, I breastfeed, I bed-share, I'm against CIO and I love my Audrey.  I dislike the idea that people who aren't attached parents are dettached parents.  The label is awful and misleading.  Like my parenting is better or more in-tune.

I think part of what bothers me is that it implies that I set out to be an attached parent.  I'm going to be honest.  If I could parent anyother way I probably would.  I mean I don't really like having a baby kick me in the kidneys at 3am but I can't image her sleepping in another room.  I didn't like leaking all over myself but I'm too cheap to spend money on formula.  I would use a stroller but I'm terrified someone would steal Audrey when I turn around to look at something.  I didn't set out to be attached; Audrey just kinda got attached. 

I can be a bit of a controlfreak so the idea that I can control my diet and therefore Audrey's diet (via breastmilk) was a need in me.  I can't trust a formula company; it is just not in me.  I can't trust people to keep their hands to themselves.  I want to know where Audrey is at all times.  I don't want people touching my kid and having her on me (literally) means no strange hands.  The bed thing, well after carrying her for 9 months in me, the idea of her down the hall just didn't work.  We tried to do the crib in room but she was so little and she cried and I couldn't handle it so she moved into our bed and has been there ever since.

So maybe I'm attached but it wasn't a choice.  It really did just happen but I am more than a label.  Like any parents attached/dettached a label is not the whole person.  We do the best we can.