Beauty is in the eye of beholder and their programming

Between issues of safety (thanks, Trumpers) and being in an HBCU (historically Black college/university), I have been contemplating my "look."  I have noticed many of my non-White friends looking a bit "Whiter" these days but being at a place that promotes people of color to embrace their natural selves and beauty, I feel like my outward aesthetic needs work.

Things this post is not meant to do:
1: Be judgey.  Dude totally do you.  You have your reasons for why you present as you do.  If you like it then rock it.
2: Tell you how to look.  Do you.
3: Determine my final look.  It, as everything, evolves

So what is bothering me with my look? 

Hair:
Well, I'm turning 40 this year and blessing and curse is that I don't look my age.  I usually get pegged somewhere between 30-35.  I'm in a profession were being older is equaled with experience and knowledge.  Librarianship is a greying profession and while there are plenty of young librarians out there, most aren't directing an academic library like I am.  I have 10+ years in the field of library and education but my "look" doesn't not necessarily show that.  So I do try to look a little older.  I stopped coloring my hair.  Not only do my gray/silver streaks promote the idea that I am older; it also cost me less time and money to maintain than if I keep on coloring it.  I've noticed so many Latinas with naturally dark hair going blonde, like their entire head not just streaks.  I got some blonde highlights a couple years back and I hated them!  I wanted to cut them out I hated them so much.  They were super well done.  My husband paid mega-bucks for me to have an amazing salon experience and I hated those highlights with a passion.  Why hate them?  I felt so fake.  I would look in the mirror and that person just wasn't me.  So the idea of turning my entire head blonde sounds like a good way to end up shaving my head.  I'm not sure about keeping my gray.  I had been doing a bright red and really loved it but again it makes me look younger.  Jury is still out on this one.

Makeup/Face:
So again I don't really look like I'm turning 40 in May.  I have some fine lines but nothing major.  What I don't do is use base/foundation at all.  I wear lipstick to work or if I go out.  I wear some black eyeliner and that's pretty much it.  I look around and see people posting pictures of eyeshadow palettes.  People doing something called contouring.  I don't have any idea why someone needs so many eyeshadow colors and why change the shape of your face like daily?  I understand for performance or a special night out but daily?  Fuck that.  My face it okay.  I get lots of complements on my skin so I don't foresee a change to my makeup routine as of yet.  Red lips, black eyeliner for the day, remove with coconut oil, start the day with almond oil.

Hands/Nails:
Everywhere I look I see women and men with their nails done up.  The guys tend to wear clear polish but they look good.  Like, my nails are weak AF!  They break if I type too hard.  In theory a cover of shellac might help.  I love having red polish on but I smudge it and chip it almost immediately so it feels like a waste of time.  I don't want to wear fake nails because I don't want long nails.  I like mine short so that I can work.  I've had the nail stuff put on, minus the tips, to help keep my nails looking good but that is a commitment.  Going in for a fill every 2 weeks, I just don't have time.  I would love to turn this into a thing I do but I don't really see it happening.

Feet/Toes:
It is winter so so far toes are under cover.  I do like to have color on my toe nails.  It makes me feel pretty.  I usually see women of color with designs and such but this is the only time DH steps in.  He hates designs on toes.  I don't care enough to fight him on it so classic red it usually is.  I like to take Gymgirl for mom/daughter mani/pedis so maybe we can bring that back.

Overall you just read a whole lot of nothing!  Final thought, do you. 

Curly Adventures - Week 1 - I'm the world's worst mom

So last week after many weeks of watching one of my Ringsister from Hollins document her hair transformation, I just asked, "What are you doing to your hair?  It looks amazing."

I think I need to back it up a minute.  Why did I care about her hair?  One it does look amazing but two, Gymgirl!  Gymgirl has hair that is a blend between "white" people hair and "black" people hair.  Mixed kids can just end up with all kinds of hair and hair combination.  Now, my family has lots of curly hair but the texture isn't something we are use to.  I've watched Gymgirl's hair get more and more dull and tangle like crazy no matter how much product I put in it.  See Baby Lala has my hair but with gorgeous curls.  I want Gymgirl to have beautiful hair and I know I see people with curls wear their hair loose and relatively tangle free.  I needed help so I reached out.

Back to the current hair adventure.  She has switched to the Curly Girl Method (CGM).  Which basically is no shampoo and lots of moisture.  So I was right about needing product but I was using the wrong stuff.  So I read everything I can, I'm ordering the book with my next check, and watch 100s of youtubes about the different steps.  Ringsister added me to a fab Facebook Group and I read everything there, twice. 

Saturday, I was ready to begin.  Gymgirl was not sold.  So I CGMed up my own head.  I use to back in the day have lots of loose curls to super wavy hair but many years of straightening it had left it pretty flat and dull.  I want my curls back!  So I did one last cleansing shampoo then put on a thick layer of coconut oil and waited an hour.  I rinsed that out, added some Suave conditioner, rinsed that out, squeezed and scrunched my hair then added some gel.  I'm not sure I'm actually do any of the CGM right but hey it was my first time!

My hair looked good.  Crunchy but good.  My waves looked nice.  I almost left the house but instead I put on some pjs and watched tv.  Gymgirl was still not convinced. 

Sunday, Gymgirl's turn.  This child hates having her hair done.  That was my main reason for going to CGM.  They say once you get it down right, you can cut your hair time in half and kiss the tangles away.  I wash Gymgirl's hair.  I apply a thick layer of coconut oil and then let it sit of like 3 hrs.  Gymgirl hates coconut oil in her hair.  Apparently that was her number 1 issue the whole thing.  Rinse out the coconut oil, add in the Suave, finish with gel.  Her hair looked amazing.  Her curls were super bouncy and tangle free.  Success!

Not so fast.  You did read the title right.  So why am I so awful?  Well my hair is still looking good.  I've cowashed twice since Saturday and while I don't have the refresh routine down yet and my hair is still transitioning, seriously I'm very happy.  Gymgirl not so much.  You remember that Gymgirl has lots of allergies?  See I though since she had been using Johnson and Johnson Baby products without a breakout then we were good.  I was so wrong!  Tuesday, Gymgirl complained that her head was itchy.  She had a major breakout all on her scalp and  around her hair line.  Wednesday, the breakout had spread down her arms and back.  It wasn't worse yesterday but it won't better.  She won't let me touch her hair!  I know I need to wash out the products currently on it but she is fighting me.  So tomorrow, I'll wash it, then cowash it in not Suave, and use a curl souffle instead of a gel.  We'll see what happens!

You know I"ll give you a run down about how week 2 goes!

30 days down

So Saturday was Oct 1st and the first thing I did was brush my hair straight!  I had missed the look but after I did it, I missed my waves/curls.  I think the waves are going to be more apart of my everyday style.  They are easy to do and take no time at all.  It also seems more natural.  No heating up my straightening iron, no worrying about Audrey grabbing the iron.  Just towel dry, add curl creme, scrunch and go. 

So what have I learned.  That I look good with curls and straight hair isn't all that.  I think Spanish telenovelas are to blame for my obession with straight hair.  There are no "good" women with curly hair.  The "good" girl has straight hair, shiny stick straight hair.  What is up with that?  Why do we listen to TV so much?  Well anyways.  I like my hair.  I like it wavy and curly.  I think I'm going to save the straight iron for special occasions.  Most excellent way to spend 30 days, falling in love with my hair.

Hip, Hair, Hooray!

So my hip is better!  I'm stopping the ibuprofen as of today.  Not sure about running yet.  I want to see how I do without any medicine before I stop jogging again.  I guess I need to start slow.  We'll see.

I'm loving this haircut!  I just use a little water and a bit of curl creme and off I go.  It's so easy!  Why didn't I do this forever and a day ago.  I must admit I still miss the sleek look of my straighten hair but the wash and go ease of this hairstyle is hard to beat.  With a 21 month old, the whole bed head look is tops.

I had a wonderful first LLL meeting on Thursday.  I had two leaders and four moms.  I did the ABC's of breastfeeding and we had really good discussion.  Even carried the meeting on to the local coffee shop and closed them down.  It was nice to have a girl's night out.  I did miss having my Audrey but it did me a world of good to go and hang with girls.  I can't wait for my meeting next month. 

2 weeks of natural hair

So I finally got my haircut on Friday!
Before:

This is my before shot.  My hair is fine and thin.  There is a lot of natural wave but after years and years of the flat iron it tends to just be lifeless.  So no hair products or blow dryer, just plain hair









After:

I lost a few inches.  Gone is my traditional angled bob.  I love the new length and it has been easier to bring the curl out.  Stylist put Kendra Curl Creme or something like that on it. 






We'll see what the boss thinks tomorrow.  If it is professional enough for the library.  I really do like it but I'm struggling to get the curl back into the back of my head.  The front curls up very easily.  The stylist did say it might take my hair a bit to get the curl memory back after so many years of straightening.  So far so good.  I'm bringing curly back.

Finally vacation

I'm finally on vacation.  My first in three years.  My plans so far are a bust.  Thankfully I don't mind.  Instead of going to the zoo with my Audrey, we are enjoying the rain from Tropical Storm Lee.  We have been needing the rain!

My 30-day hair challenge is going okay.  I'm struggling with frizz and how to fix my hair.  I am really hoping for a trip to the hairdresser soon.  I've gotten lots of recommendations on products and am still trying to decide what to buy.  So many different things to try!

On Tuesday I will be going to the doctor to see about my hip.  My right hip has clicked since a couple of days after Audrey's birth but never in pain.  After my first attempt to go from couch-to-5K, I think I finally super injured whatever had started before.  I remember being in pain for two weeks but it got better so I was just dealing.  The clicking is worse and now painful.  The real issue is the pain at just about all times.  Not fun when you are trying to deal with a toddler.  Not sure what I am hoping hear other than rest it.  I'm thinking the worst news would be surgery or never run again.  I want to run again.  We'll see and I'll report.

30 Days to love my natural hair

So I hate curly/wavy hair.  Yeah I said it.  Yeah I know I have wavy hair.  Yeah I know my biracial child has curl beyond curl.  Yes, that is the reason I'm going natural.

I don't know why but I have always wanted straight hair.  To me wavy and curl is not professional and doesn't belong in the office.  That is a Martha issue.  I don't want it to ever be an Audrey issue.  So I'm going natural.  I'm going to love my hair.  I'm going to put up the flat iron and get over myself. 

So today was day 1, I put mousse in my hair and scrunched.  Actually came out pretty good, I was nervous about wearing it to work.  I wanted to flat iron it so badly!  I took a deep breath and out I went.  The boss actually liked it.  I did put a hair barrette in but by the end of the day I was almost digging it.

So what is the point?  Honestly, I hope to learn to love me as I am, waves and all.  I really don't ever want Audrey to look in the mirror and hate her reflection.  How can I expect that from her if I don't feel that way?  Why my hair is an issue to me I really don't know but I'm locking away flat iron and maybe even the blow dryer.  I am already discovering that I need a haircut.  I think I'll get more bounce with a little less length and a few more layers.  I'm thinking I might need different hair products too.  I'm going to do it.  I'm going to go natural and love it, right?