Friday, December 31, 2010

What I have learned this year . . .

This has been a hard year but a year full of lessons.  I've grown as a woman as I've learned to be a mother.  I've lost my rose-colored glasses but am wiser.  I've lost a friend but I'm grateful for the ones in my life.
I feel like my lesson this year was to be grateful.  Grateful for each moment.  Life is short and my next moment is not promised.  I won't let this lesson go.  I'll hold it next to my heart always.
Even when I'm tried from lack of sleep.  Even when I'm exhausted and my daughter wants to play instead of sleep.  Even when I want sex but am too tired, I know I'm blessed.  God has blessed me in so many ways.
Do I have money?  No.  Am I in lots of debt? Yes.  Do I have a car built in this century? No.  Do I own my own house? No.  Am I happy?  Yes.  Am I healthy? Yes.  Am I in love with my husband of 9 years? Yes.  Is my daughter the light of my life? Yes.
God has blessed me in so many ways and I've really learned to be grateful for all of this.  Life is good.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Late Wordless Wednesday: From Start to now

 This one is blurry but it's the first picture of Audrey.  I'm not even sure we knew it was Audrey yet.  It took us awhile to check.
Audrey's first day and right after her second time on the breast.
This is Miss Audrey's official birthday picture.  I can't believe she's one!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

48 hours and . . .

So at 6pm Wed Dec 16, I was offically 48 hrs post water breaking.  It was time for some decision to be made.  So far the baby was doing well and I was doing just fine.  I had had a few false starts to a full on active labor.  Tuesday from 12 am -2 am had me walking the floor and watching Love Actually just knowing that Bud was going to be born on Dec 16th.  No such luck, labor stopped and I headed to bed.

Apparently I was the talk of the school Christmas party.  There was much debate if my waiting at home instead of heading to the hospital was really a good idea.  I think there were a couple of times that some of my friends actually threaten to forcible take me.  But we decided to trust Debbie and to trust Bud.

Debbie was over at the house at about 6pm and talked to us.  As long as everyone was doing well and resting we could just stay at home and wait.  If I couldn't handle it anymore or if infection set in then we had to head to the hospital.  She left a doppler with us so we could check the baby's heartbeat.  Anything weird, any signs of stress and we were to head to the hospital.  I think my labor really started during that visit.  There were several times that I had to get onto my knees and breath thur the contractions.

I knew that even if my labor was really starting that there was no point to panic and for all of us to get to sleep if we could.  Debbie headed home.  We headed to bed at 9pm to sleep.  I was so tired and ready for a good nights rest.  Baby Bud had a different plan . . .

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

24 hours and

Okay so at the 24 hour point after my water broke I have to admit I was worried. I wasn't in pain. I had had just a few contractions but nothing that would make me think I was about to have a baby. I had a doctor's appointment in the morning and I knew if I went in I would end up on pitocen.

24 hours seems to be the thresh hold for broken bag of waters. At least that is what I thought. Debbie our midwife said that as long as no infection set in then I could just wait for Bud to come on out on Bud's schedule. So I called the doctor, cancelled the appointment and waited. Oh yea and she confinded me to my house, to lessen the chance of infection. Nothing left to do but rest and wait and listen everyone try to talk me into going to the hospital.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

how it all started/ended

So today at 6 pm EST one year ago my water broke. Did I panic? Did I head to the hospital? Nope I headed to Target! God what was I thinking?

So I was all of 37 weeks and a days and I was headed to Target to finish getting ready for the baby. I figured I still had a good two weeks and I had just been on the monitors at the hospital that morning and outside of a sleeping baby that won't move for the monitors everything was good. DH got home and we were headed to Target to finish getting things for the birth, waterhose and the such. I got up and headed to the bathroom and as soon as I stepped on the bathroom floor, I felt gush of water!

I didn't panic. I called DH and told him that my water broke call the midwife! Little did I know it would 60 hours before Bud showed her face to world and became Audrey,

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Okay so I have a daughter but I still want a son.  I was so convinced that I was going to have a boy!  I love my Audrey and God knew what he was doing since DH and I are currently at battle over circumcision.  Before joining the world of parents, I never thought too much about to cut or not to cut.  As far as I knew circumcision was what you did.  But now that I'm a mom and member of the crunchy community, I've started to change my mind on the whole circumcision debate.

I've talked to DH about it.  Why do we need to cut?  Research shows you don't need to do it.  We are born perfect so why chop off something immediately?  He comes down the the side of cut.  He has known many men that have had issues later in life and had to be circumcised in their teen years.  He argues that we should do it while our son is a baby and won't remember anything.  It is better to get it done now or our son will pay for it later. 

I understand that argument.  I should spare my child the pain of a adult circumcision and just do it while he is small but does every man have a problem with their uncircumcised penis?  I would think as a man of science that DH would do more research and come back to the question of circumcision but he has his mind set.  If we have a son then we will cut.  I want a son but I know the birth of a son would about world war three in my marriage. 

I can't image allowing someone to come in and cut on my son for no reason other than in the future he might could have an issue.  It feels like we should just got ahead and chop Audrey's breast buds off cause in the future she might develop breast cancer.  Or better yet lets not have anymore children since in the future they might be serial killers or work for the government.  A lot can happen in the future.  Why cause my child pain now?  Why allow for my son to be scarred for the rest of his life for something that might or might not happen?  Why not let nature takes it's course and if in the future my son needs a circumcision then we'll deal with it then?  Not sure what to do on this one. 

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Christmas do over

So we are coming up on Audrey's first birthday, which is 7 days before Christmas. So this won't be her first Christmas. But I want a do-over! Her first Christmas was spent running from the NICU to the local hospital. It should have been fun and full of love not spent under a bili-light! We were unhappy last Christmas. We had a beautiful baby girl and had a wonderful homebirth only to end up in the hospital anyways! To make matters worse, we had lost our heat when after Audrey's birth out boiler caught fire. Audrey was the only reason we got out of the house. She was less than a day old and she saved us!

But back to Christmas, there aren't any baby's second Christmas shirts and cute outfits to celebrate the happiness around bring with our family for the first time in like 5 years. I don't think Audrey will remember this Christmas either but I know I will. I'll get to hold my baby while celebrating Christmas with my mom and dad and the in-laws. It won't be her first and maybe won't be her bestest ever but I can't wait to open presents with her on Christmas day.