Happy Birthday to me! 40 & a Marathoner

So you read that correctly, I turned 40 recently.  On that day to celebrate, I ran my 1st marathon.  Technically, I ran it before I turned 40 since I finished before my birth time!

My journey to the marathon was not easy.  Actually, the marathon itself wasn't exactly easy either.  In 12 months, I went from running 5k to completing a marathon and it was all because of cancer, my dad's cancer.

I've written before about my want/need to run away from the whole situation.  I call it the summer of suck but it started back in March of 2018 really.  I wanted to be a good person and stay at a job that I felt called to do but completely burned out on.  They say when the holy spirit is speaking to you, it will move anything and everything to get you to listen.  I never listen in a timely manner!

I wonder what I would be doing had I listen when everything started to turn.  What if I had stepped away when I first felt it instead of fighting the current?  No one can say for sure, but I'm pretty sure that I would not be on this side of 40 as a marathoner.

I could make the long list of clues but it is a pretty painful and personal list.  I will say that I have lost a lot since March 2018.  I lost a lot of sleep.  I cried a lot of tears.  I swallowed my pride a lot.  I nearly blew up my marriage.  I blew up my career.  I faced the possible loss of my dad and my youngest daughter.

I'll be writing a post on lessons learned along the 26.2 miles of the Wayne's World marathon.  But for those of you who have been reading this barely legible scribble for the last 10 years, I figured you would at least like to know that I did, in fact, accomplish my goal to finish a marathon before I turned 40!

Belated Wordless Wednesday: HappyBirthday GymGirl

Happy Birthday Ravebaby

Ravebaby is now 4.  Her birthday was yesterday.  Really I should be calling her RaveChild but it doesn't have the same ring.
Time flies by so quickly.  Seems she was just a baby and now she is so grown up.  She is all of four but she is so grown for her age.
Happy birthday Ravebaby!

Wordless Wednesday: the birthday girl

Happy Birthday Ravebaby!

Today is Ravebaby's 3rd birthday.  I don't know were the time has gone!  Today also marks 36 months a breastfeeding for Ravebaby and me.  She's not ready to stop.  Not sure how much longer I am willing to go but we'll just see.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEBABY!

Guilt, tragedy, and birthdays

It feels so silly to have had a birthday party yesterday. Ravebaby will be 3 tomorrow but in light of Friday's events, I honestly felt guilty. Guilty because my daughter will be turning 3 tomorrow. I can celebrate and hug her and kiss her.

I try to live my life so that people know that I acknowledge them as people and that I respect our connection in the circle of life. I want to believe we all matter in each other's lives and Friday there was a huge disturbance in the force. I read another bloggers post about Friday and I think he out it beautifully. I don't want to see those faces, parents, children, victims, because I can't deal with the loss. The world has changed. Lights have gone out. The future is different. It is not just the lights of the children but of the parents.

Just thinking of losing Ravebaby puts such sadness in my heart that I just can image. I feel guilty for wanting to avoid it all. I want to make sure that I am giving my time and energy to Ravebaby and DH. We are all on limited time. The guilt of taking it for granted. The guilt of celebrating that it was not my kid. The guilt of feeling helpless. The guilt of knowing I am far from helpless.

Birthday gift to self: Hole in the Head

I've wanted to get my nose pierced for along time. I wanted it done in college but my mom would have freaked out. Then after I got I was working as a teacher so couldn't do it. Yesterday was my birthday so I decided that it was time to check it off of my bucket list. I've been working a lot on that list lately! (My parents still haven't seen it so I might edit later with a reaction)

5k rundown and birthday lowdown

So exactly 7 days ago I ran my first 5k.  I did well for me.  I ran 36.24!  I had set a goal for myself of 36 minutes.  Then as I got closer and it seemed I was clocking closer to 40 mins in training I back my goal to 40 mins.  I wanted to push myself but not discourage myself.  I also most hit my original goal!  I didn't use my iPhone during the run so I was running blind.  There weren't any markers for how far I had gone.  We finished on a track so I knew I only had 1/4 a of mile left and I kicked into high gear for my finish.  I felt so good!  I really couldn't believe how well I did.  I'm hooked.  I want to train up to a 10k, half marathon and eventually in the future a marathon.  I love the accomplishment I feel when I finish.  I love setting a goal for the run and then meeting it.  I don't think I'll ever be a fast runner but I am a runner.

I've been a bit MIA from blogging lately.  I've got a new part-time job plus I'm enjoying my life.  I use to blog in my free time and now I'm running or running after my Ravebaby.  Life is really good.  Yesterday I had the chance to see The Hates, a punk rock group from Houston.  I had a blast.  On Thursday, I got a henna tattoo, my first.  I had been wanting one and then someone just up and offered to do them so that people could have them for The Hates show.  I love it! 

Today is my birthday.  I've had such a good year.  I feel like I'm finally where I need to be.  I'm not working myself to death for a paycheck.  I'm reaching goals that only a few months ago seems impossible.  What will this next year bring?  God only knows.  What do I want?  I want a baby.  This baby quest has a direct effect on want #2 which is to finish a 10k.  Since I'm not running a 10k yet, I think a baby would derail the training but it's a derailment that I would gladly welcome.  I want to continue to listen to the universe and to learn to keep going with the flow of life.  I want a lot, don't I!  I'm looking forward to seeing everything that comes my way.

My henna tattoo

So much to do

So I am coming up on my busy season.  I have Audrey's birthday, Christmas, my 10-year wedding anniversary, and DH's birthday.  December just tends to cost a lot of money.  Money which I don't really have but we'll make it work somehow.  We are having Audrey's 2-year portraits done next weekend; it will be a bit pricey but we are so happy we booked AMZ Photography.  Can't wait to post some pictures.  DH and I have decided to forgo a huge party for Audrey.  We are doing a cake and a trip to the zoo with her favorite cousin. 
Christmas will be on a budget, as usual.  DHa nd I both agree that Audrey doesn't really need much so we are going to do a few presents for her.  Thankfully Audrey is a happy kid so things aren't important to her.  I have no clue what to get DH.  He wants things way out of the budget.  He wants a tablet computer but the budget is $100 so the table is out.  Wish I had won one but Rafflecopter hates me.  I haven't won anything since most people have moved over :(
DH and I also have no real clue what to do for our anniversary.  We have always talked about having a vow renewal and then big party but it just not in the budget.  I was thinking about having a "wedding" session with AMZ.  I fit my wedding dress and DH could get a tux.  My friend H took our wedding pics but we never got professional shots made so that might be an idea.  I think we could do a quick vow renewal followed by a romantic dinner.  I know DH would love to run off to Vegas but Audrey isn't weaned and I'm just not ready to leave her overnight.
So much to do and so little time and money.  So any ideas for any of these things?

Picture from the night we got engaged, May 2001.

Bittersweet Birthday

Today is Baby J's first birthday, which means it's Brianna's one year death anniversery.  As DH said, it's a bittersweet day.  When I realized what today was I had to hold back tears.  DH also pointed out how many almost bittersweet birthdays there are in our families.  He almost had a bittersweet birthday; his nephew and my brothers' too. 

I know prior to Audrey's birth, DH's father was very worried about my survival of a homebirth.  Both of his parent's mother's died in or right after childbirth.  Childbirth is natural and death is natural but that doesn't mean we don't worry. 

Today I say a prayer for all of the people with bittersweet birthdays.  Today I also plan to give my Audrey extra hugs and kisses.  I want to live to give thanks to God for Audrey and for the opportunity to raise her.  Instead of getting mad that she won't go to sleep or that she knocked my glasses off my face, I'll smile and thank God.  I know not all of us get the chance to complain about sleeplessness.  So here's to you Brianna.  With your life you taught me to be kind to the least of God's children and with your death you taught me to be grateful for each day.  Happy Birthday Baby J.