1st Roller Derby Bout

If you have stuck around my blog for the last 9 years then you know about 4 years ago I began attending practice with a local roller derby league.  It quickly went from I'm going to just see about this to Mission Pass Minimum Skills (MSTs) and actually roll in a bout (game) with the team.  Just as I was rolling into my 1st derby-versary and passing MSTs, I injured my left ankle.  It was one of those everything but break it things. A high ankle sprain that took months to heal and years to get over mentally.  Then the team I was practicing with imploded and part of the fall out was my ousting from the team.

Details are hazy even now as to what was really going on verses what was being said.  In the end the team kicked me to the curb and then imploded and while still around I am not really welcomed to rejoin.  So that was St. Patrick's Day and one month later I found out I was pregnant!  I worked hard to finish my dissertation before the baby, Baby Lala, was born.  Then just took time in general to heal.  In that time my love for derby and my want to play did not go away.  It got stronger.  I couldn't let it go.

I turned to my derby wife, who had so suffered in the team implosion, and as luck would have it she hadn't been able to let derby go either.  We did reach out to try to rejoin our former team.  We were turned away.  What are a couple of strong leaders like us supposed to do?  Start our own league!  Thus was born the Lufkin Derby Dames!  While we work to build a team, we are fortunate enough to have kept old derby connections and were invited to bout with the Gulf Coast Roller Girls from Lake Charles, LA!  We missed the first bout of the season due my dad's cancer but yesterday we rolled out.

I played in my very first bout!  While my derby wife and I weren't out their together for my first jam, she was on the bench cheering me on.  DH was in the stands cheering and filming.  Baby Lala fell asleep pretty early on and GymGirl decided she wanted time with her cousin and stayed home.

It was fun.  It was hard.  I have skills to work on.  The team won a real nail biter against the Mobile Derby Darlings.  It was so much fun.  Teams were pretty evenly matched and all of the other players were so supportive.  We hit each other.  We threw some shady hits but everyone left smiling and ready to set up another game for next season.

Before we started warming up I was pretty sure it was a mistake to have me out there but as we warmed up and I didn't completely suck at it I relaxed.  There were other ladies playing that were really new too so I had equals to compare myself too rather than just vets to be in awe of.

If you are thinking of join a roller derby league for a practice I say do it.  Strap on some skates and try it.  I can't promise you will love it but I can promise you will have an experience to build on, a story to share. Do something that scares you.  Do something that helps you grow.  Do something that changes your life.

So much life

It has been well over a year since I posted.  The last 3 months have been crazy let along the previous 20 months or so since I defended my dissertation.

I guess I'll start and just try to cover the big pieces of news:

1 - Dec 27, 2016, I gave birth to a daughter.  Her social media name is #BabyLala.  #Gymgirl loves her dearly and calls her an answer to her prayers.  Lala is amazing and so different from Gymgirl.  I love watching them interact and watching Lala develop into an amazing child.

2 - Snoopy dog was hit by a car and quickly passed on to dog heaven back in March.  Unfortunately, we were on a family walk and we saw the whole thing happen.  Gymgirl was totally lost in grief for many days.  It hurt to lose him.  For now, we are pet-less.  Which is good considering the next piece of news

3 - My dad has stage 3 rectal cancer.  We are in the process of getting him treatment but this is no easy task since he has no health insurance.  The struggle is beyond real at this point.  As a family, we are taking it in stride.  I am in charge of paperwork and making appointments.  DH is doing the majority of the driving for appointments.  The girls are surviving but Baby Lala has always stayed with my dad so being dropped off to other people for care has been hard on her.  My mom is taking it as well as can be expected.  I can see she is stressed and she is smoking more and running off to bingo to keep herself distracted.

Between the end of the school year, the start of the cancer journey with dad, and some health problems for other family members, I feel pretty drained and at a few points at my breaking point.  In the last 2 months, I have gone back to roller derby and running for stress relief.  Rather than go back to my old team, I have joined to other ladies in starting a fresh league.  It has been glorious as stress relief.  I have faith that my dad's journey will go according to God's plan and that I can survive whatever else comes my way.

I'll probably be blogging more just to give myself a way to log this new life journey.  In case you don't know, cancer sucks and the American healthcare system sucks too.

Why my daughter goes to #rollerderby with me . . .

I'm a newbie to the derby world.  Just yesterday I was telling someone that I had thought children changed everything and then derby happened.  Before derby I would have looked forward to going out on ladies nights for drinks and gossip, now I want to get more time on skates.  Before derby I coveted clothes or cool looking shoes, now I want gear!

So that is all well and good but what does it have to do with GymGirl?  GymGirl loves to go to derby.  She has made some incredible friends, other derby daughters.  She loves going to see her friends and she loves to cheer her momma on.  The second part is the big reason I want GymGirl to see me at derby.  She can cheer me on.  I'm 100% in my girl's corner.  I'm there cheering, videoing, being as supportive as possible while GymGirl does her thing.  Derby gives her the chance to do the same for me.

GymGirl sees me being strong, being weak, pushing hard, being pushed hard, working out, supporting other women, cheering other women, and the list goes on.  GymGirl knows I can't do everything at derby.  She sees me struggle and that is okay.  Struggle is a real part of life.  In the real world, the moms are strong and never let their children in on mom's struggles.  My daughter see me, all of me.  It is scary to be that raw with GymGirl.  She has seen me take some nasty falls and get back up.  GymGirl has been on the side of the rink cheering and yelling "Go Momma Go!"

We go roller skating a few times a month now.  GymGirl can not wait to be 7 and join Jr. Roller Derby.  GymGirl wants to be a rollergirl.  Derby has made GymGirl a better gymnast.  No more "I can't" instead I get "I just have to work a little harder."  She stops my negative talk and I stop hers.  We push each other to be better at the sports that we love.

Women do not often get to be in truly supportive groups.  It seems that in any group of women there is some competition going on, who is most successful, who got laid the most, who is the prettiest, who can run the longest,  and so on.  In derby, we don't have time for that.  I want each girl in derby to do her best and she wants the same for me.  If we stop to focus on who is the prettiest we are going to have our asses handed to us by the opposing team (even when that team is just our fellow roller girls).  GymGirls see women working together.  I feel like my best self at derby, even when I am on the rink floor wanting to vomit.

I want my daughter to see me at my best self, feeling like my best self.  I want to be someone she looks up to.  I want to be a hero in my daughter's eyes.  I might be a hero to her without derby but at derby I feel like a hero.  If I want my daughter to grow up knowing that she can be her own hero then I have to model that to her.  I derby for me.  Derby is for me.  Derby carries to just all other areas of my life.  After derby I keep that best self around.  Other people get to see me too.

I want my daughter to know she has the right to do something just for her.  I love having her at derby.  She loves going to derby.  Maybe one day she'll be a roller girl herself but even if she doesn't choose that path, I know seeing her mom being strong, being beautiful, being weak, being her best self, will help GymGirl feel being her best self is normal.

My derby/corset connection

Since starting derby and really committing to passing minimum skills, I started wearing a corset regularly.  You might ask what in the world does one have to do with the other?  Well let me write you the connection.

I've always played around with wearing corsets and have loved the look always!  I think girdles are more pinup but the extreme curves women can get in a corset has always made me love them over girdles.  I bought a fashion corset for performing on stage and that lead me to buying my first waist-training corset from Orchard Corset.  The first thing I noticed about wearing a real corset was that my posture was so much better.  The lifting of the boobs is one part corset shelf and one part they stick out when you stand up or sit up straight. 

I have horrible posture.  Seriously!  I love to slouch since it doesn't hurt my back.  Sitting with good posture means that my back hurts so I just don't do it.  The corset left me with no choice but to have good posture because slouching in a corset hurts! 

So the derby connection, straight back with boobs out while squatting is proper derby stance.  If you don't get into proper derby stance it doesn't take much to knock your ass to the floor.  Stay in derby stance!  Do you see my problem?  Proper derby stance hurts like a mother-fucker if you are professional sloucher.  My back hurts so badly after one hour of derby let alone two.  I've taken to wearing my corset (a wasp-sized one from Orchard and gift from DH) as a way to help support my back and create good posture muscle memory.  It is totally helping!

The corset also gives me, well accentuates, my killer curves.  Wednesday I have a body by derby and corset :)  I'm contemplating buying one of Orchards new waist cinchers for working out.  I gotta get my derby stance as second nature to get into bouting shape.  So I'm not waist training, I'm posture training!

The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Martha

So I see myself as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man, you know from Ghostbusters.  Besides sounding crazy by admitting to this feeling, I find it also limits me in the things that I do.  I'm always afraid of taking too much room.  I worry about not having enough clearance to move around people.  This is become a painfully obvious problem in roller derby.

Roller derby requires that I am in tune with my body.  I have to know exactly where my hips are, my feet, my arms, like every part of me has to be in place or injuries and penalties will abound.  The problem is that I believe that my hips are huge.  I believe that my ass is so massive that I need extra clearance room.  If I give the room to my body that believe it needs then the jammer is going to get by me.  I'm going to try to block someone and they are going to skate right around me.  How do I move my brain past the feeling of being massive and into the reality of the situation?  The fact is I'm not that damn big!  I'm 5'4", about 230 lbs, and wear at size 14/16.  I'm just not Stay-Puft big!

I can't exactly put my finger on the when I got massive in my own mind.  Maybe it was the usually grade school teasing that made me balloon in my own head.  Being told I was super huge til the point that I believed it and made it my reality.  Just today I was walking from picking up lunch and some guy, like 20 or so, said "Hey I like your dress."  I totally ignored him.  I figured he was just trying to stop me long enough to make some joke at my expense.  What is he just liked my dress?  Anyways, at some point I will have to some to terms with my body in its real existence otherwise I'll never pass minimum skills.

Roller derby makes me see myself as strong.  Roller derby makes me push myself.  Can roller derby get me over my body image issues?  I guess only time will tell.  I can't do a proper hip check if I don't know where my hips are so I better get to knowing my body!

Random #RollerDerby Craft: Team #CrossStitch

I have another roller derby craft ready! This one took forever!

You can't tell in the picture but the star and pivot stripe both have iridescent white floss.  It was a pain to work with and I don't think it shows up too well but the whole then felt incomplete without  something in the star and stripe.

As always you are welcome to download and make the pattern: Roller Derby Team.  Here is the link to the PDF: Roller Derby Team PDF.  The star is black but the pivot stripe is blank.  Play with colors and adapt as needed.  It's free so that all crafty derby girls can make cool crafty stuff! 

Any questions or suggestions drop me a line martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com

Random #RollerDerby #Craft: Knock that Bitch on her Ass

Finally got another pattern drawn and cross stitched out. I like the helmet.  In the pattern I didn't use different colors but I think it's pretty easy to make a decision on where to draw the color line.  I also filled in the star.  I found it easiest to do just a couple of lines of the helmet (the one closest to the words) and then fill in the star.  I haven't made the PDF yet but I wanted to go ahead and get this up.  Hopefully I'll get a PDF up soon.  Let me know if the jpeg is too hard to work with or any other questions or comments! martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com
Here is the link to the pattern jpeg: Knock that Bitch on her Ass!
Here is the PDF: Knock that Bitch on her Ass!

Dis Bitch Done

So the title really doesn't mean anything other than me trying to get your attention :)

It happened!  I finally got a crossover while in motion!  So if you didn't know roller derby has a minimum skills test, which you must pass before you can actually join a team.  You don't want to send someone out there to get hurt.  The test covers everything from stopping to endurance and everything in between.  You learn more at Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) website (I've linked the information on minimum skills).

Well anyways, I ain't anywhere near passing minimum skills.  I have lots of skills to work on but I've been very stuck on crossovers.  I could do them standing but not in motion.  The only way to pass the endurance/speed test is with the crossovers.  Simply can't get enough speed going without them.  I've been so stuck that I didn't think I would ever get them.  I mean up until two weeks ago I was still holding the wall to crossrover!  I got them last night! 

I know I've been very in my head about the crossover.  SoHo has told me more than once to get out of my head and just skate.  I can't help it.  Can't you tell I'm usually in my head?  I mean I blog rather than talk.  So we fall in derby.  It's derby you are going to fall.  I know I am going to fall.  I fall every week!  I was so afraid of falling while crossing over.  I have no clue why.  I kept telling myself that it is okay to fall and just get it over with already. 

Last night, I went to roller derby with a different attitude.  I requested Black Widows (2 laps sprinted followed by an exercise like push-ups or mountain climbers).  I wanted to see how far I had come.  My first time doing Black Widows I had been on skate like three weeks.  I was scared.  I was the last person in each time.  I wanted to challenge myself.  I did great!  I was ready for crossovers.  I worked up the nerve and I crossed my legs in motion and I FELL!  I fell then I got up and like magic I could crossover.  I stopped looking at my feet and they were crossing over.  The worst that could happen happened and then I was okay! 

I have long way to go to passing minimum skills but I'm tackling each skill slowly and growing as a skater.  I am going to pass minimum skills.  I'm sure people are sick of me talking about roller derby but is what I'm working on at the moment.  I love roller derby! Enjoy the DC Roller Girls singing "Play Derby With Me"

Why I wish everyday was #RollerDerby Day

I love roller derby.  I love that for once a week I don't feel so alone. I'm not sure how the rest of you feel but I feel pretty alone most of the time.  Even in a group I feel alone.  I'm not sure why but it is just my truth.  I'm the listener not the talker.  Even when I want to talk I never seem to find a listener.  I seem to have a role to play in this world and it usually involves me listening or being invisible.

Derby is different.  At derby I feel like I belong just as I am.  I don't have to pretend to be outgoing.  I don't have to pretend to be weak.  I don't have to hide.  Derby requires me to show all sides of myself.  I can't improve and get closer to passing the minimum skills test unless I'm honest about where in skill mastery I am.  I can't learn to jump in skates unless my teammates see me falling.  It is actually pretty freeing to have a place where I can really just be.

I started the year off with what I thought was solid group of friends by June I was alone.  Derby came into my life at the right time.  I wish it was derby everyday so that I could be me everyday.  I want to feel less alone.  Every Thursday I belong.  Every Thursday I fit in.  Every Thursday I feel needed and wanted.  I feel like if I missed derby Thursday, my derby sisters would miss me.  I wish it was derby everyday.

Random #RollerDerby Craft: It's Derby you are going to fall! #Crossstitch

So I created another roller derby cross stitch for the world to share.  I'm not exactly happy with it and I have a couple of mistakes in the sample but what can you do?  Oh yeah do it again only better!

The mistakes are in the second derby girl with the skirt.  I don't like the first derby girl at all so in the next one I'll be redesigning her.  I'm also going to fill in the girls.  I think there is too much white!  Keep an eye out for a reformatted version of the derby girls with a different SoHo saying!  Have fun and as always if you need advice or having something to share to make the pattern better hit me up at martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com

Here is the downloadable file: It's Derby! You are going to FALL!

Random #RollerDerby #Craft: There's No Sorry in Roller Derby #crossstitch

Here is the finish product.
Here is the link to a pdf: There's No Sorry in Roller Derby

please feel free to share and to adapt to your own needs.  I'm sorry the letters are not more clear.  I should have done them in black.  These pattern was adapted from various things I found online so please share away.  I modeled the skates after my Riedelle R3s, which don't have any white stripes so these skates don't have any.  My plates are actually black but it was too much black for this purpose :)  The pdf is on ten by ten squares graph paper, hope that helps!

 Let me know how it goes!  If you have any questions, please feel free to email martha (at) wheatlessmama (.) com

Derby girl in the making

So I started going to the local rec league roller derby when it started back in September.  I went because I was invited and DH was in San Francisco; I figured I could stay at home and cry about  DH being gone or I could get off my ass and try something new.  I got off my ass.

I was not committed at first but in the time since my first practice I've really grown to love derby.  I love the workout.  I love the different ladies that come out and practice.  The atmosphere is supportive.  I push myself.  I feel apart of something bigger than myself while being able to see that I am a vital piece.  I call it the Sisterhood of Sweat and that is exactly what it feels like.  It is a sisterhood.  Everyone pushing each other and supporting each other and working together.

So far I have bought myself some pretty elemental gear.  Derby is more expensive than running for sure but I don't think I realized how much I missed being on a team.  Running is solo work; derby is teamwork.  I have a new to me pair of Riddle R3s, which are starter speed skates.  I hope to upgrade in a few months.  I just upgraded to a Sisu mouthguard!  I'm very excited!  I have Triple 8 wrist guards.  I'm using Shawn White elbow and knee pads; these I need to upgrade next!  The knee pads don't fit at all.  I can barely keep them on.  So all in all I've spent just under $200 in gear and I'm looking at dropping another $100 or so in the near future for better pads and new wheels. 

Our rec league is affiliated with the East Texas Bombers and we are lucky to have two bombers run our practice, SoHo and MC2.  I think part of the appeal of derby for me is that for once I'm not alone in believe I can do this.  It honestly feels like each lady that comes out believes that we can all do this derby thing.  When SoHo yells at me to push just a bit harder or that I got this, I believe she means it.  I got this.  I can see where each lady fits.  I can see where I fit.  I belong and I fit in.  I love derby!

Anyways, I have no derby name yet.  I'm playing around with a few.  I think I'm going to have people vote on my derby name on Facebook just to see what happens.  Since this goes out to the whole world I won't be posting all the details of practice and such but dropping me an email or look us up on Facebook for more details and come out and play derby with us!

Wordless Wednesday: Birth of a Roller Girl

Riedell R3s!