Thursday, March 29, 2012

20 min run next to public enemy #1

Okay so it wasn't that bad.  The dude is actually very nice but today he and some really old dude had to talk about Trayvon Martin.  These dudes were white (point of fact).  They were both in agreement that Trayvon probably deserved it and that the other dude was justified in shooting.  I wanted to puke.  I had just started my 20 min run and I was struggling to push myself to run and here these guys are talking about how some kid deserved to die because he was in a hoodie in a place he shouldn't have been and that the media was using a baby picture to make the other guy seem horrible. 

I've purposely avoided talking about Trayvon.  It hurts to think about it.  I'm a mom.  My husband is black and that means, God willing, that I'll have a son who is black.  DH and I plan to live in a "nice" neighborhood.  I can't think about it without thinking it could happen to me.  I could be Trayvon's mom.  DH loves to wear a hoodie.  In fact he usually dresses as the Uni-bomber for Halloween in a dark gray hoodie.  Since when does what you wear determine whether or not you live?  Have we gotten to the point that life means so little? 

So today I ran 20 mins.  I didn't want to.  The old dudes nearly made me quit.  I had my headphones in and I pretended to be into my run.  I wanted to say something.  Between Fox News on the TV and the dudes next to me, I just wanted to leave.  How do you push to make yourself better when the world seems to only see you by the pigments of your skins?  I can't tell you how many times I've been mistaken as the cleaning lady instead of the teacher/librarian.  I didn't stop.  I kept running.  Every time I wanted to quit I pushed harder.  Rather than let someone who doesn't know me determine my life, I used it to push myself to be better.  I know these old dudes are entitled to their opinion same as me.  Life teaches us to look at things and make judgments based on our own experiences.  None of us know all of the facts in the case so me jumping on some old dude's case wouldn't do anything.  Besides I would have started crying and then I would have lost all creditability.   

So what did I learn today?  I can run 20 mins straight!  I also learned that only I can determine how I do in this life.  I might live to be 100 or die on the way home but my life is just that my life.  I can't be scared to do something because of what someone else might think.  For every person that sees me as the cleaning lady, there are just as many who's life I've changed through teaching or heck just by breathing.  I've got to do me.  Right now I am a wife, mother and a runner in training. 

Today at Standpipe after my run.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Galaxy Express & babywearing

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Music is an experience

So yesterday I headed down to my favorite local coffee, Standpipe, and had an interesting exchange with the barista I'll call Jailbait (JB).  He was saying something about changing the music up and I replied that he could put on whatever since I would just tune it out if I didn't like it.  He got a bit indignant and said music is to be experienced.  After that he put on What is Love by Haddaway.  I like the song and I was excited.  JB then called me old.  But it did make me think not about my oldness but about the idea of music as an experience and my oldness too but anyways.

I went home and started posting youtube videos for songs that have meant something to me over the years.  This morning I woke up and remembered a test for Gardner's Multiple Intelligences that I had taken several years ago that had music as one of my top areas of intelligence. Here is the chart:
My MI chart

So I have always found it interesting that music is one of my areas since I don't play a musical instrument or sing very well but I live my life in music.  Every time and place has a song or tune attached.  People have their songs in my head.  Like DH is Crazy Love by Brian McKnight.  Audrey is All my life by K-Ci & Jojo.  My mom is Triangulo by Los Babys.  Standpipe is Start wearing Purple by Gogol Bordello.  The time DH took me to the Roanoke Science Museum is You're Beautiful by James Blunt.  Giving birth is Songbird by Eva Cassidy.  Even JB has a song, Sexy and I know it by LMFAO.

Music is an experience.  JB was right.  I always have a song in my head.  I work best if I have music on.  I have Belinda Carlisle's Greatest Hit playing even now.  Music is a must in my life.  If you see me walking around I'm usually bopping to some beat.  If I'm not careful I tend to sing out loud.  Music is an experience.

Miracle-Gro Expand' n Gro

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Scotts® for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

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So I have a black thumb.  Truly I kill things.  Honestly the only time I've been able to grow anything was when I use Miracle-Gro.  So when I saw an ad for Miracle-Gro Expand ‘n Gro™, I got excited.  If I can keep things alive in regular Miracle-Gro, just wait until I get my hands on the new stuff.  You can use it in the ground or in a hanging plant.  I've been wanting to start an herb garden but the idea of spending money on plants I'm just going to kill doesn't sit well with me so the timing could not be better. 

My number one issue, I'm lazy.  If I have to remember to feed a plant then the plant isn't going to make it.  Miracle-Gro makes it easy to take care of plants.  With a formula that feeds plants for up to 6 months, how can you go wrong?  And because it's Miracle-Gro you still get the benefit of 3x the flowers and veggies vs putting them in the native soil.  3x the plants and more work than the usual, yes please, I'll take two!

As a cool factor, Expand 'n Gro actually grows.  You add water and then it expands up to 3 times!  I'm seeing a science lesson here.  I can just hear the questions now.  Why does it do that?  How does it do that?  Does all dirt do that?  Did you know they use natural fibers from coconuts (called Coir) to make the soil expand!?  Along with expanding, it actually holds water, which is a huge plus for someone like me who tends to forget to water.

So it's time to plant.  Time to get your garden ready and to see the fruits of your labor all summer long.  Right now you can get a free sample of Miracle-Gro Expand 'n Go.  Here's more information:


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Monday, March 26, 2012

Did you adopt her?

So Saturday, I took Audrey to the Nacogdoches Spring Fling.  It was a girls only trip.  I was going to support my girls from LLL of Nac and to go to the Farmer's Market which I had never been to. 

There were lots of activities for Miss Audrey and we had fun walking around and catching up with the girls.  While we were at one table a little girl came over to us and asked, very politely, "Did you adopt her?"  I had never been asked that before and I a bit stunned to be honest.  What do you say to that question?  I mean I had never really thought much about it that anyone would think that she wasn't my kid.  She looks a lot like DH but she looks like me too. 

I think the most interesting part was the woman who was across from us and her reaction.  She perked up and turned to me and said, kinda with a giggle, "Kids will say anything that comes to mind."  And then she kind of leaned in to hear the answer and I guess my reaction. 

I guess from the outside looking in, it might be fun.  What is this adult going to say?  I could go all nuclear on her.  I could be cool and ignore it.  I could have a great answer.  My answer was none of these things.  I simply looked at her and said, "Honey, she's mine.  Her daddy is dark but I had her."  Plain and simple.  Easy and truthful.  She was a child and she had a question and I was the only person who could answer. 

How would you react?  I just went into teacher/librarian mode and answered the question.  What else could I do?  I'm glad that I got the question.  I had never thought about it.   An adult would not be so nice.  An adult would ask with judgment.  So would my reaction to an adult be different?  My guess is yes.  How could I stay calm and chill when someone is making a value call on my child?  I'm use to questions/judgments on my marriage.  Can't be in an interracial relationship for over 16 years and not have a ready response to, "Why you marry one of our men?" but that is a different blog post all together.  But when it comes to my child, that is a whole different territory.

I have no clue how to start the race dialogue with Audrey.  I know she notices.  Black men are daddy.  I've heard her point to pictures and say it.  I do correct her.  No that's not daddy.  What do I say?  No honey, random black dude.  I've not heard her say it when she sees a picture of Hispanic women but then I would be with her and she could easily compare.  I know she knows there is a difference.  How do I vocalize it?  How do I explain it to her?

I remember when my niece asked about it.  DH and I been together 16 years and our oldest niece is 15 so she's always known me and I've always been with her uncle.  I'm her aunt.  She was in school like st grade I think.  Her teacher must have said something because as relied to us by my sister-in-law, our niece and came home and say, "[Uncle] and Martha aren't the same color are they?"  She didn't know because we never told her.  But Audrey is different.  Audrey is biracial/bi-cultural.  Bi-coloredness is part of her identity.  I think I'll be visiting some bi-cultural mom blogs and see how they are handling it.  I feel so unprepared for the race talk.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

5 mins of running

So today was Week 4 Day 3 of my C25k challenge and it was not easy.  I really had to reach down deep inside to finish that last run.  I had to run up a hill.  I actually grunted very loudly to get up that hill.  Some lady was looking at me as I rounded the hill.  I actually did all 4 runs.  I was slow as hell but I got them down.

I am actually a bit concerned about running on Saturday.  I'm suppose to move on to Week 5, which is 3 5 min runs.  I just don't know if I can do it.   I just feel like I really really struggled to finish that 2nd 5 min run.  How can I possibly handle 3 5 min runs?  But then again I didn't think I could handle even one 5 min run and today I finished 2.  It would actually be 1 min less of running total.

This is such a mind game with myself.  I really find myself pushing myself and talking me through each run.  After all who in the world cares if I ever run again?  This is a goal/challenge I set for me and I have to do it.  In that same vein, I am beginning to find that my hip is starting to really hurt.  I'm stretching before and after each run.  I'm taking ibuprofen.  I'm swearing off high heels.  I think I need to break down and use some ice.  I am my own worst enemy.  I am my own competition.  I am my own champion.  I will do this.  Bum hip and all . . .

Pushing through song of the day: This river is wild by The Killers

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Fuck you lazy Martha!

Today was a true test of commitment to running.  At noon, I struggled to get out of a chair so I decided I should skip today's C25k run.  Who would know?  Who would care?

Lazy Martha was working hard to justify staying home.  Get off your ass (GOYA) Martha was just not stepping up to the plate.  My hip was hurting but too badly.  My feet were sore from wearing high heels last night.  I had so many reasons to skip.  Then all of sudden GOYA Martha stepped up!  If I don't go today then I have to go Monday morning and then to work.  It makes the morning tight.  If I wait until Monday night then I'm tried from the workday.  Tuesday we have gymnastics with Audrey so no gym time.

1pm when the gym opened up I got off my ass and went to run!  I did it!  I actually ran all 4 runs from C25K.  I felt so good once I got that last run done.  So I think I put lazy Martha in her place.  My next run should be Tuesday but I'll go Wednesday morning then I'll be into week 5.  Almost half way to a 5K! 

Today's song: Roam by the B52s

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Couch to 5k - Why bother?

So I started doing Couch to 5k almost a month ago.  Yesterday I ran Week 4 Day 1.  I say I ran, I more like ran most of it and then wanted to die but finished strong!  Lets be honest, it kicked my ass. 

So why do it?  Well that is a bit more complicated.  Back in the day I ran cross country.  Strangely I ended up in class on accident and just loved the team and coach so I stayed.  I was never very good.  The girl's races were 2 miles.  I think my best time was like 18 mins or so.  I was never fast but I always finished.  I never in the 3 years quit a race, not even in the hot deep East Texas August heat.  After my last race Senior year, I was done.  I stopped running and started sitting.  About 60 lbs later, I decided to get off my ass.  I've had many many stops and starts on my way back to running.  I've started various C25K programs but always quit for one reason or another.  My last stop was an injury.  I injuried my hip; the doctor calls it bursitis.  After a few months of R&R, like close to 9, I decided to get off my ass again. 

The motivation to run is complicated.  I'm not at the runner's high part yet.  Right now it's all in my head.  I can do it!  It's me verses me.  I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  Why do I care?  I've really struggled in the last few years to find me.  I was happy in Viriginia with my little family and then we moved back to Texas and my career was thrown in a new direction.  The career thing has really had me down.  I left a job I loved and took a job I was sure I could do.  Time proved that could I take a beating but that I wasn't ready for the job.  I felt a bit out of control.  Yes, I have control issues.  How do I get back in control?  This is were the running comes in.  Going running is something I choose to do; I have to be self motivated to go.  If I miss that is on me.  I make the excuses.  I reap the rewards. 

DH has been very supportive.  We've been together since back in the XC days.  If I feel better about me then it's better for all of us.  I have more energy.  I have more self confidence.  I have more peace.  Even after having my ass handed to me by that last run, I feel great.  I ran more yesterday than the day before.  I've like quadrupaled my running from a month ago.  I'm not race ready.  The program is about 9 weeks and I might take longer.  I'm hoping to do a 5k by next b-day so I've got about 2 months.  Plenty of time to train and actually complete a race.  I'm not running for the glory.  I'm too slow for any glory.  I'm running for the peace and calm it brings me.

Oh by the way I'm using the Get Running app on my iPhone along with my Work-it-out playlist. I think I need less Dusty Springfield and more The Killers on my list. Just saying.  Below my favorite running song. 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I'm over and out of a job

okay, I decided to leave my job.  I was struggling with leaving Audrey every day.  I'm at work for close to 9 hrs a day, planning cool events for children that my child will never get to attend.  I think DH is right that I won't be able to stay home.  I've been doing some job searching.  I think I would like to work part-time.  I have no real plans at this time. 

I guess I could make this blog pay.  I'll just start taking on any paying blog topic.  I'll promote the hell out of things I don't like just so that I can pay the bills.  Actually I just can't do that.  If I don't like it, I don't like it.  I want my blog to be a place that I can just be open and honest.  We'll see what I do. 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

It's been fun

So "Wheatless Mama" is a year old.  I still remember how hard it was to decide on a new name for my blog and to take the plunge into buying the domain.  Previous to being Wheatless Mama, the blog was just Martha-mommy-to-be.  The name no longer fit since Audrey was earthside. 

It has been a fun year of blogging about not only mommyhood but the challenges of trying to be strictly wheatless.  I've learned so much about the struggles of people with food allergies.  It has also amazed me the total crap I've been putting in my body.  The extra chemicals and additives that are in processed convenient food.  I've also learned the hard lesson of asking question and not trusting restaurants.  How can I ever forget the time we got the wheat filled milkshake? 

So from this Wheatless Mama, thank you for the all of the support and comments.  I'll try to be less of a stranger and get better about actually blogging. 

My reasons for being wheatless.