Mission Tejas - Take 2ish

 About 2 years ago, I ran in my first Trail Racing Over Texas race: Mission Tejas.  I fell in love with TROT so much so that I have been a brand ambassador for them for the last year.  But Mission Tejas left me scarred.  Before the race, I had done a couple of training runs out there so I was aware of the difficulty but add heat and the race was awful.  I hadn't been back to train at Tejas since that day.  I had visited with my family, even worked a race, but no runs.

At the beginning of October, TROT put out a call for volunteers.  I signed up and then I went ahead and signed up for the 10k.  It was the 25k that had kicked my ass before so the 10k seemed like a safer distance.  I would only have to run everything 1 time.  I wanted to give myself a new Tejas story.  It went well!

I went in thinking it would take me 3 hrs and hoping for 2 and half.  I clocked in officially at 2:10!  I was super proud of myself.  I finished the race with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  It was hard.  I had forgotten about the hills.  The steep steps weren't so bad.  Don't get me wrong, I still had to stop and take a few breaks to get up the damn things but there weren't as many as I had remembered.

I need to go back and start adding distance and vert to my training.  My ultra dream is set for Sept 2022 and the vert on it is crazy.  If I can challenge myself to a 50k at Tejas at least once before Sept then I think the Sept race will be doable.  

Until I get a 25k at Tejas, I won't consider it a complete redemption.  But I took my first steps so Tejas and I are no longer nemeses.  We are more like frienemies.  I need Tejas.  Running Tejas will get me mentally ready for the challenge ahead: Golden Bears Ears!  But more on that later . . . 

Latinas Run Summit 2021

I had the privilege of attending the Latinas Run Summit 2021 in Estes Park Colorado the last weekend of July. It was a weekend full of firsts: 

• first time in Colorado 
• first time racing 2 races back to back 
• first run summit 
• first time at that elevation 
• first road race with love for the back of the pack
• first time meeting all of the women at the summit 

Needless to say this little introvert was nervous. Adding to the nerves was this was somewhat last minute. Several months ago a fellow trail runner posted about a contest for the “Run Your Own Trail” campaign by Ultimate Direction. As part of the campaign, you would win an all-expenses-paid trip to Latinas Run Summit, entry into the Vacation Races Elk Double, and a massive runners gear package. I filled it out and then forgot about it until I was contacted about being a finalist. This finalists round required a video. So I filmed myself at my desk, edited it down to the required time limit, and again forgot all about it. I honestly never thought that my run journey was something inspiring. I run/jog/walk/finish miles because it helps me cope with stress. I run on trails because it is peaceful. Anyways, in the middle of an already busy day, I get an alert for an email from Zoe at Ultimate Direction. Curious I opened it on my watch and then quickly grabbed my phone. I could not believe I had been chosen as a winner! 

Since I had forgotten I had entered, I had to quickly research what exactly I had won. So first I had to figure out when the summit would actually be happening: July 29-August 1. Well, that is going to be a problem. As a person in higher education, there are blackout dates, usually around the first day of class, exams, and graduation. Well, the first day of classes was August 2nd. So I had to contact my supervisor immediately to obtain special permission to take vacation days. Thankfully, he gave me permission immediately. He really is a great boss. With the days off taken care of came everything else, namely travel and training. 

Zoe made the process to get travel done as easy as possible. As an experienced traveler, I knew I need to fly out of IAH and I looked up the best flight options and Zoe did the rest. Training well that was a different story. How do you train for high altitude when you live at sea level? The answer is not well. 

My first issue was the races were actually road races not trail. It was honestly disappointing. I love trail so much and really try not to run road unless I have to so I knew I needed to get my head good with the road. Next how to get elevation when you live at sea level? Honestly outside of wearing a special mask, there really isn’t a way. I chose a path that I knew well that would give me hills and road surface and pushed myself to get in miles each Saturday. 3 weeks out, I had my longest run in the last few month of 10 miles and I felt so tired. 2 weeks out we had the Run For Justice, which I did virtually. Then 1 week out, I lost all my running mojo. I just couldn’t make myself get up and move. I was pretty worried about my ability to actually finish the half marathon. 

So I pack my bags and head out to the airport and this is where the fun begins, I flew out of a terminal usually reserved for international flights. I was really scared that I was headed to the wrong place but no, it was because I was flying on a huge plane, the biggest I had ever been on, 7 seats across. As we were approaching for landing, we hit some turbulence and some passengers got scared. Their flight companions were trying to calm them by praying and telling jokes. Since it wasn’t me, it was funny. It was bumpy but nothing horrible. 

It was my first time flying into Denver and not knowing the layout I was a bit worried about finding my shuttle ride to Estes Park. Luckily, I had an hour before needing to find my shuttle so I was able to get a bite to eat and relax before walking around in circles to figure the Eastside from the Westside. I did notice that as I walked around the security line was super long, which in turn made me nervous about the flight back but I’ll talk about that later down the post. 

I find my shuttle and 4 other ladies attending the Latinas Run summit were on board so I got to meet them before we got to Estes. I didn’t interact much with them as I was business looking at the scenery. Once in Estes, we made our way to the base camp cabin and checked in. I was handed 2 keys and quickly told the names of my cabin mates, which of course meant nothing to me as I didn’t know them. Off I went across the way to my cabin, claimed the smaller room on the second floor for myself, and then drank as much water as possible. The water, well staying hydrated, was the only piece of advice I got about adjusting to the altitude. As I sat down to read about the cabin and turn on the tv to relax, I had about 90 minutes before the first summit meeting, I read the second piece of advice: eat carbs so I immediately ordered a pizza. 

As I waited for my pizza, my cabin mates arrived. They were a true blessing. They knew each other, friends since high school, and were from Houston. We clicked immediately. I could not have asked for better ladies to share a cabin. 

I always pack light, 1 carry-on, and 1 personal item, usually a briefcase but in this case a beautiful new purse gifted to me by DH. As part of my commitment to packing light, I only brought my chapstick no makeup. Well, guess who forgot she was supposed to be filming her segment for Run Your Own Trail? I filmed my segment and hopefully, I’ll have that soon to share with you, with my naked face. I never wear makeup to run anyway so hopefully, I look natural and not sickly. You just never know how you will come across on film. 

Apparently, weather in/near the Rockies can be unpredictable. They had been calling for rain but then the forecast would change so preparing for the Friday night 5K, we knew we needed to plan for the possibility of running in the rain. Again my amazing cabin mates were lifesavers. They had actually rented a car so we drove over to the race. The race was actually within walking distance but between weather and thinking about dinner afterward, we decided to drive over. As soon as we pulled out of the parking lot, it began to pour. It rained so hard that it started flooding parts of Estes Park and flooded the tunnel we were supposed to take to get under the road between the start and the staging area. 

Vacation Races did a great job of communicating with the runners. They had a broadcast on the radio. Because of lighting, not really the rain, we were delayed over an hour. It was chilly and wet but the path was clear with minimal puddles considering how much and how quickly the rain had come down. There was about a mile walk between the car, staging area, and the start. My watch measured 5 miles altogether. The first challenge was just getting to the other side of the road to the start line. Since the tunnel was flooded, they had to stop traffic and we had to climb down the side of the hill. Then the long walk to the start and we could see the huge hill looming ahead. That hill was horrible! I was worn out from the start! I did actually enjoy the 5k. The view of the lake was great and I even achieved my goal of staying under an hour! Race 1 down but due to the late start and difficulty, I knew the half was going to be a bigger challenge than I originally thought. Less time to recover and if the 1 hill had kicked my ass what would the huge hills on the half mean? 

The half was hard.  There was a 3-mile ascent from mile 2 to about 5.  It was continuous but not super steep.  I went from about 7600 ft to 8200 ft.  It was tough but as long as I kept moving, I was good.  Slow and steady, which is my race policy at all times. 

I forgot the mention the start of the half!  This was the first race I have run with pacers.  You find your anticipated pace and run with that group.  I found the back of the pack, which for this race was 3:30-4:00 hrs.  As soon as I found the group I saw 2 women with the pacer and I said, "I have found my people!"  And they just took me in.  I stayed with them, well one person dropped off, the whole race.  It was this first race friend that kept me going!

Seriously, after mile 5 I thought the worse was over, I was wrong!  This race taught me that steepness matters.  Between mile 9 and 10, I struggled.  Like to the point that I was considering quitting the race.  The hill was killing me.  It was steep, very steep.  I was tired, very tired.  I stopped to catch my breath and as I did, I turned my head and saw a Virgin of Guadalupe.  For half a second, I thought I was hallucinating.  But along with the hallucination, I felt like my grandmother was with me, like she was giving me a blessing.  That was enough to steady my focus on finishing.  I gave up on finishing in under 4 hrs.  I had to stop 2 more times on this hill but I climbed it.  Oh and at my next stop, a few yards ahead, I saw that indeed we were right next to a Catholic Church so it was not a hallucination!

My race friend was pushing me the whole way.  As we climbed, we passed about 5 people.  Not to say that we were better than the folx we passed, we were just moving in a steady beat.  Once we hit the last 2 miles, which was a bit more flat and was the same as the last 2 miles of the 5k from the night before.  We walked it all.  It was hard not because of the course but because I did not plan my nutrition well.  I had my piece of pizza, which is what I use on long runs, but I just didn't eat it.  Had I eaten, I think I could have pushed in the last 2 miles and finish in under 4 hrs, barely.  Well, we finished at 4 hrs and 8 minutes.  We finished!

The finish line was crazy!  The Latinas Run group was waiting for me!  Then 1 more Latinas Run runner finished and it was like we erupted.  There was so much joy and love at that finish line.  This was unusual for a road race.  The only time I have gotten that kind of love was at TROT races.  So I love my Latinas Run group.  Honestly, I felt so good that I didn't really care I was exhausted or gross from running.  I was joyous.

After the race, I enjoyed a nap and pizza.  I was by myself, my cabinmates headed out for burgers with a larger group from the Latinas Run Summit.  It was amazing. I ate pizza and watched 80s movies.  Best recovery ever!

Okay, let me wrap this up.  Trip home:  on the drive, I was complaining that I never got to see any goats.  I saw Elk but no goats.  Then as we were rounding down the mountain, we came upon a large group stopped on the side of the road.  I was thinking it was a driver in distress but no, it was a family of goats!  It was amazing!

The airport looked super crazy.  We get there and I have 1 hr until I'm supposed to be flying out.  The security line was wrapped back over itself and looked crazy long.  It moved very quickly.  It looked worse than it actually was.  In the middle, the line turns into a huge space so that 2 people can walk side-by-side so the drug dog can walk around you.  So you have been warned, Denver airport looks scary but moves quite quickly.

Would I do it again?  Yes!

Will I do it again?  I'm saving my pennies!

It is simple but not easy - A review of Possums Revenge

 Today is May 26th and my 42nd birthday.  For my birthday I requested a trip to Possum Kingdom Lake in Graford, Tx.  I wanted to run the 17 miler held by TROT.  I wanted to run Possums Revenge!

Even now 4 days post-race, I'm still hurting and reflecting on the race.  This race was different for me from races I have done in the past.  First it was my race farthest to the West.  It was terrain I had never seen before.  You should have seen me as we drove in.  I was just in awe of the whole scene.  "This is what people think of when I say I'm from Texas and here I am 41, almost 42, seeing it for the first time."  

I knew I hadn't been running enough long distances going into this race.  I had been maxing out at a 5K since February.  It was like I lost all motivation to move.  Now I had been working on the "None to Run" program for my virtual run club that I have here at my work.  My work run partner and I figured working a program would be more valuable than just opening a Zoom room and running in a circle.  But running on the pavement has been hard on my body so my weekend long runs became 5kers.  Not a bad distance but not exactly 17 miles either.  Anyways, with that in mind, I had my plan to walk the 17 miles.

I started at the back of the pack.  I don't even bother with standing near the front.  I let the elite runners go on ahead and I move at my pace but Saturday I met a few walkers.  There were about 5 of us who all planned to walk but of course walking still comes in varying paces.  I started off much slower than I had planned.  I can usually walk about an 18-min mile and after seeing the terrain, I thought 3 miles per hour was a good target.  My first 6 miles took almost 4 hours!  But it was for a good reason, a couple of the back of the packers were super interesting and the views at the top of the first 4-mile loop were breathtaking.  If I had been worrying about my pace rather than getting to know those folks, I would have missed the best part of the race, the views!

Once I realized just how slow we were moving and that the threat of rain was very real, I started to haul ass, relative to my previous pace.  Partly I wanted to run this race after a horrendous week at work because long distances make for a good time to think so I really needed to find myself some space to just move and think.  Once I was moving alone, the terrain really started to hurt.  So many rocks and climbs, it was a hard race.  

Now twice while I was on the trail, I had 2 different "Trail Jesus" moments.  Let me explain.  As I was giving up on myself and ready to just call it quits, at 2 of those moments probably my lowest points, 2 different men encouraged me to go forward.  I call them "Trail Jesus" because honestly, I was questioning if they ever existed in real life or if it was just my brain making up a man to encourage me.  They came upon me, spread some encouragement, and then just seemed to disappear.  

The 1st guy gave me the quote that is the title to this post.  He told me to just "keep putting one foot in front of the other.  It is that simple but not easy."  He also told me to walk if I'm hurt, run if I feel good, and jog if I feel in between.  He was running so the talk wasn't long and had he not seen me closer towards the end of the race, he was going back for another loop as I was about 2 miles from the end, I would have doubted that he existed.  He even remembered me.  Like I said I was pretty convinced he didn't really exist so I wasn't looking for him but as soon as he saw me, "See, I told you it was simple." 

The 2nd man came upon me as I was in the home stretch with about a 5k left.  "If you quit now, you'll regret giving up on yourself.  You can do it.  God bless you."  He was absolutely right.  I would have regretted getting that close and not finishing.  I had set my mind to finish but it was a good reminder that while quitting is always an option when you are so close and you have done the worse part, why not bet on you?  I'm not totally convinced that he was real.  Like he completely disappeared, I looked down at the rocks and then he was gone.  Mind you, the course was winding and rolling so he could have just crested a hill and disappear.  At this point 4 days later, I don't exactly remember where on the course we were.  More than likely he was real but maybe not.

These "Trail Jesus"s helped me finish as did all of the wonderful folx that are part of TROT.  I cannot stress the love and encouragement I recieve on these trail races.  Not just from the back of the pack folx but everyone.  The elite runners who remind me to use the back of my legs for power.  The "hobby" runners who pass me all day and say "Good Job."  The hugs and high 5s from the other TROT Tribe ambassadors.  Of course the friends that first took me to the trails and that I love seeing as I cross Texas finding peace of mind as I slide down rocks, look out for snakes, and curse the life choices I have made that put me on the trails in the first place.

All in all: 5 out of 5 stars.  I 100% recommend running at Possum Kingdom, especially if you can run a TROT race.  If you are just in it for the views then I highly recommend doing the 4 miler.  You get the best views with lots of sand, elevation, and rocks but without those other 12 miles.

If you want or need more information on TROT, please feel free to drop me an email: martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com or you can go straight to the source: www.trailracingovertexas.com

I'm a TROT Ambassador!

 Happy New Year!

So I have a bit of exciting news to share!  If you read the title then you know what it is.  I am officially a Trail Racing Over Texas ambassador!  We are known as the TROT Tribe!

So what does that mean?  Basically, I get to promote TROT races and be part of a kick-ass community.  What does that mean for you?  More posts about running and racing and an invitation to join the community by running and interacting with us.  

As you lived in 2020, you probably noticed that not many races were held.  TROT actually held some live races in the Fall and even with the awesome COVID protocols, due to my parent living with me, I just didn't feel like I could risk it.  So in 2020, I ran Running the Rose (11 miles), which was a TROT race, and then the Race for Hope Half-Marathon here in Lufkin, both pre-Covid.  

Now in 2020, I more or less kept my commitment to run 40 miles per month.  I got a total of 700 miles for the year but I'll be honest, I didn't always get 40 per month. I used running to survive working from home so in May and June I got 100 each month then I more or less coasted to 700.  Had I actually kept my 40 per month then there is no telling how many miles I could have gotten?  Part of my running was I was training for my 1st 50k and then when I saw that running a race was just not safe enough for my family, I just felt like the wind was out of my sails.  Getting the TROT ambassadorship means I'm back at it.  Back to training for my 1st 50k.  I will be an ultramarathoner by the end of 2021.  Actually, I'm targeting late April at the TROT Brazos Bend 50.  

Okay back to the point of this post, I want to tell you about TROT and why I wanted to work with them.  So like I mentioned earlier, I have run a few races with TROT.  I have also run with a different trail racing company and I can tell you TROT is the best.  Rob, the race director/owner, has created a community for all runners.  So many races are focused on elite athletes.  If the back of the pack runner finishes great but the race isn't really for them.  Rob does not operate that way.  He wants everyone to run and enjoy trails.  Rob makes sure he has plenty of food and drinks at the aid stations and that aid stations aren't so far apart a runner would be in danger.  Trust me, not all racing companies worry about that.  

You know I'm a fluffy runner.  I'm a plus-sized runner.  I'm a "back of the pack", I just want to finish runner.  My run at Tejas in September 2019 is the race that made me love TROT.  Y'all I almost didn't finish. It was hot and humid.  The trail is hard.  Rob saw me come into the aid station and talked me into finishing.  He gave me tips.  He gave me encouragement.  Everybody at that race did that for me.  When I ran Running the Rose, Jan 2020, just weeks after recovering from pneumonia, I did so knowing that if it when south on me, I would be safe.  I knew someone would find me and help me get to safety if I just couldn't move anymore.  There might be world-champs on the trail but when I run with TROT, I feel like I'm an elite athlete.  I get fed.  I get hydrated.  I get love.  All of that comes from the top down.  It starts with ROB!

So run with TROT!  On January 16, from 2pm-7pm CST, TROT will be hosting a Signupathon.  25% of race entries and race credits, y'all races will be on sale but just during that time so hop on to the TROT Facebook page and join in the fun.

I hope some of you will join TROT for a race or two this upcoming season.  Races usually have a 5k, 10k, 25k, 50k, and 50 Mile+ option so there is a doable distance for everyone with a published cut off time.  You can totally do it!

If you have questions you can always drop me an email martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com  

If you live local to me then please feel free to contact me about joining me for a trail run.  Yes, it can be scary to get out there alone, especially on a trail you have never run so reach out and let run/walk/crawl a few miles together!

Pneumonia Recovery Sux: The surrender

I have been feeling really good.  The weather has been strange but warm enough for me to run.  I got 3 miles on the trails last Sunday (12/15) and then realized I'm 35 miles from 500 miles for the year.  That meant 2 miles a day until the end of the year, right?  What's 2 miles a day when I just finished 3. 
Monday (12/16), I got up and headed to the gym with the intention of cross-training and completing a warm-up mile.  Did I really only intend to run 1 mile when I knew I needed 2?  Probably not but I didn't wear my compression socks so in theory, I was setting myself up for 1 mile.  Once I got up on the running track, I set my Nike app to 2 miles.  I reasoned that after my leg numbness on the trails the day before I needed to see what my legs would do on the indoor track.  I completed my 2 miles and my legs were going to sleep.  So it is an issue with terrain or shoes, just my legs acting up again.  However, my lungs felt great.  No shortness of breath, no lung pain.  I was doing well.  I just knew I was over this whole pneumonia thing. 

Yesterday was Gymgirl's 10th birthday.  I was so excited to get home to spend some time with my girl.  As I was driving home I started to feel funny.  A tingle in my chest, kinda in the middle.  It was scary.  I tried to reason my way through it.  Maybe I'm having a panic attack from the emotion of being the mom of a 10-year-old but I didn't feel panic-y.  I was joyful and excited.  So if you know Texas highways, this feeling started around Carthage so I'm about 90 minutes from home.  Once I hit Mt. Enterprise, I decided to use my rescue inhaler.  The feeling is growing, now instead of space the size of my hand, it is down the middle of my torso.  Now I'm about 60 minutes from home.  Halfway between Mt. Enterprise and Nacogdoches, I get lightheaded.  I was to the point of praying to get to Nac because there really wasn't a safe place to pull over.  I begin conscious breathing, deep breaths because I had really and truly become aware of a lack of air in my body. 

I couldn't decide what to do.  Do I stop?  Do I call my husband?  Can the ER really do anything for me?  Do I just need to give the inhaler time?  By the time I hit Nac, I was pretty sure I needed to go straight to the ER but with about 30 minutes to go until I was home, I just kept going.  My airway started to open a little bit as I hit the Nac loop and my lightheadedness was also going away.  I was finally feeling better after I crossed the Angelina River bridge.  It was so strange to go from feeling great to feeling awful to decent in a span of 2 hours.

The weather keeps changing in extremes this season.  Sunday it was 80.  This morning, Wednesday, it was 30 when I left the house.  It is about 11am and I've hit the rescue inhaler twice today.  So you know what, I give. Pneumonia recovery really sux and it is a fucking ultra instead of a 5k.  So I surrender.  I will not make 500 miles this year.  I'll get it next year. 

Dear Pneumonia, You are really making my holiday season awful.  I want to run free and take advantage of the few beautiful days we get in the winter but you make me pay for each and every one.  Since you have decided that you are my ride or die for the moment, I need you to hear me.  I have goals to reach this next year so after I give you an amazing New Year's, you and I are over.  You hear me?  We are so over. 
Maybe we can be friends and see each other for coffee on really rainy gross days but let us not make that a habit.  We both know this is a toxic relationship.  We need to break up so that we can grow.  It is totally you but honestly, I'm a selfish bitch.  I want the freedom to run and you want to stay in bed all day.  It has been so real but not real fun.  I won't miss you. 
Bye forever, Ultra-Marathoner in Training

Introverted Trail Running - Headphones in your Ears

So I like to run trails. Up until being invited to train for Hells Hills, I only ran streets and tracks.  I don’t know why I didn’t run trails.  Looking back on some of my cross country races, many would have been trail runs.  Trails feel freer and more peaceful.

I noticed while I was running Tejas that I was one of the few runners with headphones in.  I always run with headphones, even on the street.  I need the music.

Running with headphones can be dangerous, especially if you wear both ear pieces.  Now when I run on the streets I only wear one but any other space I’m in my own little music world.  I have both ear pieces in and as loud as I can tolerate it.  I want to be in a world of music.

Now, introverts are known for wearing headphones to avoid the world and maybe that is the point with me wearing them as I run.  At least when I first started running, I know I was running with a C25K program with audio cues so I needed to be able to hear the cues.  Now after several years of running, I feel naked without my earphones and strangely more vulnerable.

If I know I’m sharing the trails, like at a race, then I turn down my music.  Proper trail etiquette requires you to move to the right to allow the faster runners to pass.  Remember trails are often single person wide and not big person wide, like narrow skinny track with very little room even on the sides to allow someone to pass you.  Since I tend to run on the slower side, I get passed a lot.  I try to keep my eyes open for a place to jump to allow the faster folks to pass me by without ending up rolling down a hill; honestly at times the options are make people wait or end up falling off the side of a hill. Now I said, I try.  Sometimes people do end up right on my butt and I have to quickly jump but usually they are calling out to let us slower runners they are coming up on us.

You should always be aware of your surroundings.  We have all heard stories about runners being attacked, murdered, and/or kidnapped while running.  I am learning to run with music set lower.  I like being able to hear my music but honestly I tend to tune it out a lot of the run.  However, I don’t want to let go of the music altogether.  I am not an elite runner.  I struggle to get out there.  I struggle to stay out there.  Music can often save my run.  At Tejas, when I wanted to quit and was so done, Erasure’s Chains of Love suddenly came into my consciousness.  I heard, “don’t give up, don’t give up.”  I took a deep breath and started running again.  During my marathon, Brandon Flower’s Crossfire took over my mind and yes, I was between heaven and hell but I wanted to finish.  Music just helps.

So yes maybe that headphoned runner is trying to avoid you but maybe they are just trying to keep going.  Of course, maybe I need to invest in a pair of earphones that play music in your skull.  I’ve read they are safer but at $200+ it will be a while before I drop the cash.

Fuck Tejas: Reflections on surviving a 25K in the Texas summer

It was already 80 degrees when we started at 7am. Just the walk from my car to the start was about a mile and I was sweating.  The sky was dark and the stars were big and bright on the East side of Texas but the humidity was suffocating.  It was in these conditions that I started the most grueling race of my life: Mission Tejas 25k.

I was supposed to be running the 50k and joining the ranks of the ultra marathoners but I had to leave for a work trip 48 hours later and the doctor didn’t want me to run the race at all so between not running and the running the 50K was the 25K.  It was seriously horrible.  People were dropping out of the race left and right.  People were cramping.  I passed several people just sitting on the trail, just trying to breath.

Mission Tejas is beautiful.  I had run close to 15 miles there in July.  If I could handle July heat then surely by the time the last Saturday of September hit I would be good to go!  Fucking hell dammit all, I was not okay.  Going into the race I knew I hadn’t really done enough training runs.  My doctor wanted me to rest.  He said my nagging leg numbing issues were from lack of rest.  I was dealing with some other issues, ie no sex drive, and that was from a lack of rest as well.  I pulled back but I needed to finish Tejas.  I had marked my summer with the end goal of finishing Tejas.  I’m way too goal oriented to just let it slip through my fingers without a fight.  What a fucking fight!

I knew that physically I could do the race.  Maybe I won’t beat my Hells Hills time but I could finish.  I knew it would be an issue of my mental state rather than my physical one.  By the time I hit the snack/water table before going into my last full loop, I was done.  I was crying, like ugly crying.  I wanted to quit.  I had done all of this twice and I needed one more loop.  I was convinced that one more loop would kill me.  People would find me half way up the steep steps and have to finish their loop in order to report me dead.  I would be in the hot Texas sun just rotting for hours.  I just knew it. I can’t do this.  I can do lots of things but this wasn’t one of them.  Then the crew of Trail Running Over Texas brought me back to my senses.  Of course I could finish.  I still had 10 hours before they called the race and only had 5ish miles to ahead of me.  Fill up your water.  Cool off in the ice and keep moving forward.  Forward I went.

My time/pace wasn’t great but I finished.  I was tougher than I had given myself credit for.  I am stronger than I thought.  I am a trail runner and I am not going to get over halfway through a race and just quit when I’m not hurt just being challenged.

I still don’t want to run Tejas again for a good while but once it cools off, like in December, I’ll go back out to Tejas.  It really is beautiful.  For sure I’ll run with T.R.O.T again; seriously they know how to run a race and the crew of volunteers were amazing.  I know as we were running and cursing the ground we were on, they kept us hydrated, carbed up, and iced up as much as they could.

Was Tejas the hardest thing I’ve done, no.  I birthed two children naturally without any medical intervention, that was hard.  Tejas was the most difficult race I have done.  I think Hells Hills was more physically taxing.  Wayne’s World took longer and it was a new distance for me.  Tejas had so many wonderful places to quit.  I passed my car before going into the hardest part of the race.  My last loop, I saw my car, started crying, and cursed myself for not having the guts to just walk to my van and leave.  Tejas broke my spirit and then I emerged a stronger person.

Challenge yourself.  Change yourself.  At the end of my life, I don’t want to wish I had tried.  I will get there and know I lined up.  I showed up for me.

Pace Shame

So I love Brene Brown and read everything by her and really try to take in the lessons on vulnerability and connection.  I struggle with belonging and that struggle means I cling to people, teams, jobs, and such.  But that is a different post, this is really about shame.  One of Brene's bits of wisdom is that if we cannot ask for help without judging ourselves then we cannot help others without judging them. 

As I was running the other day and listening to Nike call out my pace, I began to think about my pace at this time last year.  Of course, I was running like crazy to avoid my life because it sucked to be me.  My pace now is way slow by comparison but my life is so much better than I'll take the slow pace on my runs and in my life.  

Now before the marathon, I was doing my long runs on a 1-mile loop at the local zoo.  I was out there for hours at a time so I would see people come out and run a 1 mile, run 3 miles, run 10.  I just kept my intervals and shared the track.  After my 18 mile run, one of the guys that had been running stopped by to ask about my run.  He was talking about trying really hard to build distance and that he noticed I kept messing with my watch as I ran.  I told him about Galloway running and that I had kept like a 17-minute pace over the whole run.  But I said it in a way that let him know I wasn't happy with my pace.  His response when I think of it now kills me.  He looked down and said I wish I was that fast for just my 5k.  Before thinking, before I even give him a chance to be seen, I had shamed him.  I didn't mean to.  Honestly but I did it anyway.

Keeping your pace.  Keeping up with your pace.  All runners know "their pace."  I can tell you that I usually run around 13min on an indoor track, 14 min on an outdoor track, and 19 on the trails.  I do this while running 30/30 intervals.  I know that for some people looking at these numbers they think I'm so slow.  Other people looking at it go, wow that is way faster than me.  It is just my pace and I use these numbers to help me gauge my run.  Did I push today?  Did I run some recovery miles?  Am I running faster on this surface or slower?  I work hard to not measure myself against other people.  I am not running for anyone but me.  I don't care if I ever run in an elite race, ie Boston Marathon.  I don't want to end a run dying because I push so hard that I don't enjoy the run. 

So I always post my run pace.  Nike makes it super easy and I like that I can go back on Instagram and see my pace back a year ago.  People hide their pace.  Once upon a time, I would have told you that any run that I didn't beat 15 min pace was a bad run.  I don't think that anymore.  If I finished 1 mile at 20 min/miles and I finished with a smile on my face then that was a good run. 

I don't hide my pace because I want everyone to run and go out for a run.  There are so many websites, magazines, dialogue about running that is based on the idea that a runner looks like x and runs x pace.  Fuck all of that shit, if you get off your ass and run 30 seconds then you are a runner.  If all we see online, in print, or on the street/trail/track are "runners" then we, the non-traditional runners, would never leave the shadows.  Part of changing the dialogue is being seen in all aspects of running, not only our distance and sweaty face but our pace. 

I believe in you and if you seeing my big 20 min miles helps you get out there and believe in you then I will keep posting my pace.  If you ever think that you can't do it remember that pace changes based on everything: weather, terrain, mental state.  I challenge you to post your pace.  See your growth or maybe like me, you actually go backward.  No shame either way.  1 mile is 1 mile at 7 minutes, 13 minutes, 21 minutes.  Or in the case of the picture below: a marathon is 26.2 miles whether it takes 4 hours, 6, hours, 8 hours, or 20 hours.  #mypacenoshame

Happy Birthday to me! 40 & a Marathoner

So you read that correctly, I turned 40 recently.  On that day to celebrate, I ran my 1st marathon.  Technically, I ran it before I turned 40 since I finished before my birth time!

My journey to the marathon was not easy.  Actually, the marathon itself wasn't exactly easy either.  In 12 months, I went from running 5k to completing a marathon and it was all because of cancer, my dad's cancer.

I've written before about my want/need to run away from the whole situation.  I call it the summer of suck but it started back in March of 2018 really.  I wanted to be a good person and stay at a job that I felt called to do but completely burned out on.  They say when the holy spirit is speaking to you, it will move anything and everything to get you to listen.  I never listen in a timely manner!

I wonder what I would be doing had I listen when everything started to turn.  What if I had stepped away when I first felt it instead of fighting the current?  No one can say for sure, but I'm pretty sure that I would not be on this side of 40 as a marathoner.

I could make the long list of clues but it is a pretty painful and personal list.  I will say that I have lost a lot since March 2018.  I lost a lot of sleep.  I cried a lot of tears.  I swallowed my pride a lot.  I nearly blew up my marriage.  I blew up my career.  I faced the possible loss of my dad and my youngest daughter.

I'll be writing a post on lessons learned along the 26.2 miles of the Wayne's World marathon.  But for those of you who have been reading this barely legible scribble for the last 10 years, I figured you would at least like to know that I did, in fact, accomplish my goal to finish a marathon before I turned 40!

1 year ago: #cancersux

One year ago today I sat in my dad's doctor's office and heard the doctor say cancer.  My dad had been told by his PCP about 2 weeks before that this was the most likely explication for all of his symptoms but this was the official word: colon cancer. 

As of last week my dad is officially in remission!  We had to go back to the surgeon this past Monday for a finding on his CT scan but she is taking a watch and wait approach.  Apparently, the finding were normal for him and his distance from his last chemotherapy session.  So now he is in remission and ordered into recovery phase.  He still needs to rest but he won't need to travel to see a doctor for 3 months!  He gets to relax the whole summer!

DH, Gymgirl, Baby Lala, and I were with my dad when he rang the bell for his last chemo treatment!  It was pretty emotional for me.  As we drove away from Temple, I could feel my age.  The weight of the previous year seemed lifted but the effects not so much.

This journey has not been easy.  My dad was on death's door twice.  The 1st one was so close and honestly without divine intervention my dad would have died in June of last year.  Had it not been for Baby Lala's well placed kick, new MRIs, and a good surgeon, my dad would have died before we could have gotten him to the hospital.  When I think of how close it was I just can't even.

This last year was full of transitions for us.  Not only did my dad nearly die, Baby Lala almost died as well, and then I blew up my career.  I almost don't recognize my life, in a good way.

I feel like I really grew up in this last year.  I am more set in the things I will accept and demand.  I can't work at job just because.  I need to feel not only useful but respected as well.  I won't ignore symptoms of illness.  Had my dad gone to the doctor when his symptoms started he might still have his large intestine.  If I had waited 24 more hours to run Lala to her doctor she might have died before we even realized we were in real trouble.  I won't ignore my needs and just push through. 

Yes this last year was difficult.  At points I was pretty sure I couldn't make it.  I just wanted to run away and never come back.  Instead of running away, I started running.  Since my dad's diagnosed, I have run over 400 miles.  I've found that the running smooths my mind.  The crazier life gets the more important running has become to me feeling "normal."  I'm 17 days from turning 40.  17 days from completing my first marathon.  The last year of my 30s has been hard and all I can really say is, "Look at me, surviving and shit!"

#NoExcuses & #TeamTurtlePower

So I use the title hashtags when I post my running pics on IG but the other day someone posted a blog about being a mom of young children and never having time to run so don't no excuses her.  I've been wanting to write but simply have been too crazy busy and/or tired until now. 

Here is what I mean with #noexcuses: I am making choices.  See I don't run everyday.  I don't run on schedule.  I don't always make my goal of running 3 times a week and I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with choosing to not run.  See #noexcuses is about me asserting my choice to not run, to skip my workout, to run fewer miles than scheduled, and hell to fuck the time and just enjoy the run while I'm out there.  I have a 2-year-old and a 9-year-old.  So I do have a small child at home and completely understand putting your children, especially young ones, before your workouts.  Ladies, assert yourself and choose your kids!  They are little for such a short time.  My kids needed me is not an excuse it is a valid choice.  No further explanation needed for missing your workout.  I don't want to make or use excuses.  I want to choose.  I want to own my choices.  I need to own them.  So when I #noexcuses know that I 100% support you not running.  Do you!  No excuses, do you!

As for #teamturtle, I struggle with the whole being a slow runner thing.  Back in the day, as in high school, I ran cross country and I was the slow runner.  I ran somewhere between an 10:30-11:00 min mile.  I would kill for that now.  Lord can I be as slow as when I was in high school!?  Now I'm on the 13-14 min mile club.  For some reason in my mind I need to beat 15 min miles.  15 minutes seems pretty arbitrary to me but it is stuck in my mind that way.  With my trail race in a couple of week, I have found that trails runs have me averaging about 17 minute miles and I'm good with it.  But anyways, my point is I know some people would kill for my 13 minute miles.  I go around apologizing for being so slow and someone else wants to shoot me for being so fast.  Instead of being envious of the people who qualify for Boston, I want to work on being supportive of the runners who dream of 13 minute miles, 20 minute miles, just running/walking/crawling 1 mile.  We all start somewhere and we need to make sure we cheer other newbies.  Yes I will always be jealous of the thin gazelle-like runners who run 8-min miles as a slow recovery run but I want to be there cheering for my fellow runners at the back of the pack.  We are runner because we say we are and we get out there.  Our mile time does not equal our worth as runner, our value as runners, or the quality of our miles.  24 minute mile, 13 minute mile, and 8 minute mile are all a mile! 

I stopped the run . . .

On Wednesday, I went out of my weekly mid-day run.  I try to get a mile of at least walking each day and twice a week, I try to get in a run of about 30 mins or so.  I was so excited to have a pretty day and coverage for the library so I went out with a happy heart.  I guess a happy heart translates to moving with a bit more speed because Nike+ called me at 11:51/mile at .25 miles.  Then my watch also made some noise about being at less than 12 min per mile and then disaster.  My mind said, "Shit that has to be wrong.  I must have the wrong setting again."  I stopped my run.  I quit the run in the app at .41 miles with a sub12min/mile pace.  I double checked all of my settings and they were right.  Outdoor, check.  Distance: 3.1 miles, check.  Was my time really sub-12 on an outdoor run?

I restarted my run and off I went.  I was proud of myself for double-checking my settings and trying to get it right.  Then at my first .25 miles, Nike+ again called sub-12.  SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!  I had really been running a sub-12.  I was actually doing it!?  Then I lost all my will to run.  I had cheated myself.  Because I didn't believe that I could run at sub-12, I didn't.  Simply put, I didn't run because I didn't believe in me.  I did finish the run.  You can totally see on the picture that my pace was less than stellar: 13:36/mile.  I finished.  I started a 2nd time and I finished.  So actually I got 3.5 miles so it wasn't a total loss.

I have been running somewhere between 5-10 miles each week pretty consistently for about 3-4 months.  I don't run fast.  I don't need to qualify for the Boston marathon to call myself a runner.  I just move.  That being said, I do want to get faster.  Sub-12 minute outdoor miles are this year's goal for me.  I was there and I totally let it slip away.

Self-sabotage!  I don't have anyone else to blame.  No excuses to make.  I didn't believe in me so I quit.  Lesson learned.  I am better, stronger, greater than I think I am.  My mind will quit long before my body. 

Random Review- #NRC Speed Run setting

I've been using the various incarnations of Nike + Running since 2012.  It has always been fairly easy to use and I like the tracker.  I run with my cellphone to track my runs and normally that works just fine.  Pick my run goal and go.  Pop my phone into my run belt and I don't worry about it again until I'm trying to stop my run.

I love love love the guided runs.  When I was working up to the half-mary distance I started using the guided speed runs and they were great.  The coach tells you when to go, how long you'll be at that pace, usually something motivational during the run, and then when to stop/recover.  Honestly do them; they are great.  The one from Kevin Hart had me laughing out loud as I ran and let me tell you it is hard to laugh in the middle of a speed interval!

Since Sharon over at Run Blog 365 is training for a marathon in March, I decided to try Nike's new training program to be a better athlete.  I'm backing off the miles and just want to feel more fit.  The plan is 9 weeks long and has runs plus cross training workout from the Nike Training Club app too.  I'm still learning to work with the app but so far I've really enjoyed the different workouts.  Now I'm still learning to use the workout plan and I've had some unpleasant surprises too.  Namely, the runs aren't guided workouts.  Because the guided runs are so good, I just figured they would be part of the workout plan but no.

I did a tempo run per my training program and there was zero warm up or speaking by the training program at all.  I hit start and bam I was supposed to just be in a 1-mile tempo run.  Again, the coaches in the guided runs are awesome, why didn't Nike pull them in for this?  So be warned, they expect you just to go for that tempo run.

Today I had a speed run scheduled.  Again, I wasn't too worried.  I had done the guided ones and they were awesome surely this is formatted the same way; nope.  I hit the button expecting a warm-up or quick reminder about the intervals we were running today or at least a quick tutorial on how to do a speed run using the app; nothing, just the timer going.

I looked all over youtube and google for how to actually use the speed run before going out today just to give myself a heads up since the tempo run had been kinda jarring.  I couldn't find anything!  So I'm telling you how it works:

1. You hit start and it starts measuring time and your distance in meters.
2.  It does have the number of intervals you should do at the top left corner of the app (1/6) or (1/4) how ever many you have.
3.  You have to remember the distance you are supposed to go and how long you should be giving yourself to recover.  It is not marked anywhere on the screen for you.
4.  Once you hit the pause button, it will mark 1 interval and then it is timing your recovery but you have to keep an eye on it since it won't tell you to start the next interval.
5.  You hit play and your next interval starts, again it doesn't tell you how far to go, you have to remember and you have to watch the phone/app for the distance.  The distance jumps about ever 10 meters but that changes too.  Sometimes it 10 meters, sometimes its 15 or 12 or 5.  It is pretty random.

If you run with a phone and use a belt, the I don't recommend the speed interval setting.  You have to hold your phone, watch it, and mark your intervals.  I find that stressful.  I run for stress relief not more stress!  If you need a speed workout use the guided runs.  Those are truly wonderful.  I started with Simone Biles and have used it several times.  You start it, put your phone in your belt, and go.  She tells you when to run, recover, stop, and the app marks all of the intervals for you.  I love the Kevin Hart speed run as well.  He's funny and it is a good speed run. 

Well there you have it.  Nike Run Club app is nice overall.  Definitely use the Guided Runs.  Avoid the speed intervals setting unless you have a smartwatch where you can mark your intervals because it is a pain in the ass to use with a cellphone.

Running goals

I am a very goal oriented person.  I like having something I am working towards.  In theory, my running goal was to run a marathon by the time I turn 40.  I have about 5 months to go and I can totally do it but my question to myself is why?  It seems pretty arbitrary.  I am a runner.  The distance, time, pace, none of that determines my runner status.  I get off my ass and run. 

I wanted to run the NacHalf about 2 week ago.  I trained for it.  I got injured.  I sat out.  I'm slowly going back to running.  I'm covering a 5k a week.  Way less than the 10 or miles a week I was running before.  5k seems to be just long enough for a workout and to clear my headspace.  Which makes me question running a marathon, if 5k clears my head, what are the other 23 miles for?

I could train for a faster mile time.  Maybe aim for a sub 10 min mile?  Work my way back up to running a 10k without intervals, which I was doing before switching to intervals to help me get through 13-miles.  Maybe after my dad's surgery, I'll get my head back around to the marathon.  5 months is a long time and I'm not just sitting on my ass.  I am still running and moving.  If I can run 13-miles, then with some training I know I can cover 26.  We'll see. . .

Running in silence

I got a new hydration backpack as part of a Black Friday sale and much to my delight it arrived yesterday.  Now, I've been resting my hip and ankle in hopes of restarting my running so I didn't have any miles this week at all.  I was excited to try out the new pack and to try out my hip so I got myself together and hit the trail at the local zoo.  It was awful!

So what makes a run awful?  It can be lots of different things and don't worry, you'll hear all about my run of suck.  Like a said before I had a new pack which should have been my first clue that this run was going to require patience but dummy me I totally thought this new piece of equipment would make the run better somehow. Filling the pack was easy and it fits great.  I really thought I was going to be too fat for it but it is fairly adjustable and I had plenty of room to spare. 

One of the things that is essential for a run for me is music.  The only time I don't need music is if I'm running with someone, otherwise music is a must.  I also use the Nike+ running app to track my miles and tell me my pace and distance as I run.  Along with those, I also an interval timer to help me stick to my Galloway running.  I know lots of people run/walk as their body tells them but my body always says let's sit on the couch and eat potato chips so I need the timer.

As is my custom, I start my interval timer and Nike.  Nike pulls music from my phone so I just zip up my belt and go.  Today for some reason I decided to turn off my WiFi, which I did not realize would affect my Nike app.  It was an outdoor run without any WiFi so why waste the battery power?  Well, that was a mistake.

I usually use a knock-off Flipbelt to hold my phone and keys as I run but today I had my new hydration pack!  So many pockets!  I was excited but it adds a complication, I can't just drop my phone into the pack, I have to put the phone in the pack and then strap the pack on.  Nike can be set to have a 9-second delay in beginning tracking on your run.  So I set myself up for a 9-second delay instead of my usual 3 and I quickly dropped my phone in the pack and off I go.  I put in my headphones and nothing.  I forgot to pull in the headphones in my rush to get going.  No biggy.  I stop the run.

Take 2 - I plug in the headphones.  I don't worry about restarting the timer.  I know the cues and I figured I was still in my warmup anyway.  Again I move quickly to put the phone in the pack and the pack on my back.  I can hear a cheer from the Nike app.  (If you don't use Nike+, you can add friends and those friends can be notified when you start a run and they can send you cheers along the way.)  Cool, so I'm good to go, I thought.  I run my first few intervals but I notice there is no music.  I knew I had gone about 1/2 miles bases on my intervals and yet no feedback from Nike.  FUCK!

So I stop and look.  Sure enough, Nike is on and is timing me but hasn't recorded any distance at all.  So I stop the app again.  Great 1/2 mile not recorded, no music, and I notice the GPS is red, in other words, it can't find a GPS signal.  I'm in the middle of the woods.  I've run this trail several times before so I know it is usually spotty there anyways.  I'm playing with the settings.  I need music.  I want to record my run.  What do I do?

Take 3 - I turn on the WiFi, suddenly red become green.  Okay, one thing is taken care of.  I look at all of the music settings within the app and I can see it has no music.  At some point, it lost access to my music files.  I'm not wasting more time.  I change the setting to no music and start Amazon music.  I have music. I have GPS.  I reset the timer.  I quickly start my run on Nike+.  I toss the phone in, again and again, the pack on my back.  Once I'm moving again, I put in my earphones and they are blasting!  I try to turn them down on the volume control on the earphones but nothing.  No change.  What to do?  I can stop again and risk losing all of the working settings or just deal with it too loud and try to be a bit more aware of my surroundings since I can't hear anything but my own thoughts.  Fuck it, just keep moving.

After about 1/2 miles, I have a true conversation with myself.  I'm out here alone.  No one to talk to.  Haven't been on a run with anyone in over a month.  Without music, I'm too aware of being alone.  Now, I've been struggling with being alone.  I'm an introvert and shy to boot.  I like being alone unless I don't.  With my dad's surgery/cancer, new job, DH's new job, and lack of self-care due to injury, I have really needed to reach out and talk to a friend.  Someone who knows me and what is going on or at least doesn't mind hearing about what is going on.  I've ended up pretty friend-less of late.  Everyone I know is so busy.  This is when hanging out with non-losers is an issue.  They are all too busy for me, right now.  So alone I am which in my mind turns into I'm not good enough for anyone to take time for me.  I'm alone and I deserved to be alone.  I don't have friends because I'm awful.  You know the dialog.

That dialog tends to quiet down during my runs.  The longer the run, the quieter the dialog.  I recenter.  I find those good parts of me to focus on.  I thought maybe it was the running itself but after today, I think it is the music.  When I hear Brandon Flowers singing about the crossfire, I feel like someone understands me.  When I don't feel like fighting the demons inside of me, Lilli Lewis reminds me to breathe for just a moment.  If I can put two moments together then I can start moving toward putting 13 miles of moments together.  I'm not as alone when I run Fitz and the Tantrums in my ears.  Music soothes my soul.  It becomes the voice of reason when my own voice says stop fighting and just drown, no one will notice see so and so won't answer your text, see so and so never invite you to the movies and they just went, you're not worth anyone's time so just accept it and disappear. 

I won't disappear.  I think I'm finally in a headspace where I have accepted that I'm great at helping people move on from me and that that means that yes I am alone.  People move in and out of my life pretty quickly and that isn't actually a bad thing.  It is hard to accept that I have let people get to know me and then they drop me but I would rather hurt than be numb.  Right now I'm in a hurt season.  Nothing to really do but breathe, run, and blog.  Oh and let Lilli keep me moving forward.

to run or not to run, the NacHalf?

So yesterday I ran for the 1st time in 9 days.  I've been bad but I have a good excuse!  No excuse is good but here goes: my hip and left ankle have been killing me!  When I was working out with Run Life 365 a few times a week, we would make sure to stretch afterwards.  I believe it was that stretching routine that kept my hip doing well.  It had stopped crunching when I did squats and yes I would feel sore but not pain.  Well for the last few weeks, I'll workout but not stretch and now I'm paying the price.  The crunch is back in my hip so now I'm stopping myself and stretch randomly during the day.  I don't know if it my IT band or my bursitis is back, either way it hurts.

As to my left ankle, you know the drill.  Did everything but break it during derby practice back in September 2015 and so now it randomly hurts.  This time the pain isn't so random.  It is running on the street.  The NacHalf is a street/sidewalk race so I did some short runs about 2 weeks ago for a total of 5 miles over 2 days on the road.  I can normally handle short road runs without a problem but my ankle hasn't been happy since.

I did run last night with a brace on my ankle.  I can't tell if I had it on too tight or if I have the wrong type of brace on but by the time I finished my foot was numb.  Once I took the brace off my ankle felt naked and weak.  It was strange.  Maybe I just need to wear it more.  Also I was running indoors on a nice flat track so maybe the brace was overkill for the track.

So as of right now, I'm iffy for the NacHalf.  I believe I could cover the distance but I'm not sure if the cost to my body is worth it for right now.  Maybe I need to back track a bit and train back up.  This is race season so there will be other races.  I know I can do it.  Just because I haven't done it in a race format doesn't mean I can't finish a half-marry but I do want a finisher medal so I'm going to have to just set my mind and money on a race.

Half-Mary Done

Today I ran a half-mary.  Not a race but 13.1 miles and just a touch more since I had to walk back to my car so 13.31 total.  2 weeks ago I ran 12 miles with my friend from high school and it was a total disaster!  It took us over 3 and half hours and my ankle was killing me so I couldn't actually run after 7 miles.  It was so hot and I started off too fast.  It was also on the road, which really killed my ankle.

I gave myself last weekend off.  I started a new job and wasn't sure about barely being able to walk after trying to run a half-mary. 

Today I set myself for success.  I picked an outdoor track that would be nice to my ankle.  I ran in the morning so it wouldn't get too hot.  I got it all done in just under 3 hrs and 10 minutes.  I smashed that 12 mile time!  My ankle did well.  I'm tired and sore but not so much that I can't move, just moving a bit slow.

The Nac Half is in a few weeks Nd despite hearing it is super hilly, if time allows I want to run it.  But even if that doesn't happen I am still going to keep training up to a marathon.  I really believe I can get one done before my 40th birthday.  So onward and upward!

Bodypump and getting off my ass

So the last 2 weeks I have been super lazy.  Just one excuse after another for not getting off my ass.  It makes me cranky.  My head gets foggy.  I can't sit still and be okay. 

As a result I am committing to pushing myself to move.  Thursday was HIIT.  Friday I skated a few hours, no skills just moving.  Today I attended a Les Mills Bodypump and CXWORX class.  My arms feel like jello.  I like it.  I need to feel like I am growing and getting stronger.  I spent so much time just surviving, barely keeping my head above water at my last job and in that I lost sight of me.  I got lazy.  I got soft.  I got fuzzy.  I'm done with that.  I need to move.

This is race season.  The problem I'm having with race season is a lack of funding.  Races cost money.  Once you pay to run then you have travel to the race.  Depending on race time you might have to spend the night before.  Universe, I need a job!  There is the Corkscrew Half in a couple of weeks and it is within a nice drive distance but $85 to run when I can use MapMyRun and create a route for myself around my house.  I do plan to run the NacHalf so I need to start putting the money together to pay for it.  Tomorrow I'm scheduled for 10 miles, my first double digit run.  After today's class, I'm not sure I can get up and do it but I'm setting my intention and route.

Training for a Half-Marathon

So a long time ago, I wrote about training for a 5k and then a 10k. I did run those races and finished them and then roller derby and a full-time job took my focus away from running.  Then I was going to start training again and I had a baby.  So I took another long break but now I'm back!

For the last few months, I have been working with runlife365.com to train for my first half marathon in November (the Nac Half).  Then to run the Houston Marathon in January.  The work out Sharon Mayes of RunLife365 created for me is a full body 16 week plan.  Today's 8 mile run was the completion of week 9. 

Back in the day, high school days, I use to run cross country and for that training we focused on running the whole race.  After some research and talks with Sharon, I decided to start using the Galloway method of training, a run/walk combination.  It really has made a huge difference in raising my confidence and allowing me to get past my 10k mental barrier. 

Sharon's plan includes my roller derby workout with a HIIT workout included and something that I absolutely hate - strength training.  She also has something that I had never done before - Fartleks.  For the non-runner readers, Fartlek is Swedish or Finnish for speed run.  Currently I rotate between a couple different Fartleks on the NikeRunClub app.  My favorite has been the one with Kevin Hart.  I actually laughted out loud in the middle of a run; Kevin is so funny.

Now I think when you say you are a runner people want to know that your time, pace, and weight are doing.  So here is what I've done and learned so far.
1 - Indoor runs are easy compared to running outside.  If you plan to run an outdoor race, you need to train outdoors.
2 - My pace fluctuates between 11 min miles and 15 min miles.  It completes depends on temperature, run surface, and if I actually remember to eat before hand.  As to my ultimate pace goal - keep it under 15 min per mile.  Any run I'm under that is gravy!
 3 - my weight and inches do not seem to care that I'm running and training all of the time.  Honestly, I haven't changed my eating habits so I eat anything and everything (gf of course) and manage to keep my curvy shape.  I could change my eating but one thing at a time.  Right now the focus is getting the miles not changing my shape.

So there you go.  I'm a runner again.  I'm a plus-size runner.  I'm a brown runner.  I'm a fairly slow runner.  I'm a runner!

#Mamavation Monday: Nothing but a fuck-up

So I've been nothing but a total loser for the last few weeks.  Per my usual self destructive self, I got into the Doctorate of Education program, which proves I'm smart, so I immediate went into a self-loathing of my body spiral.  Why not?  Surely the only I have is a brain so my body must suck.

I'm finding my way back.  After a few pity posts and a couple of weeks of hiding from the track, my grand plan is to get off my ass.  I know the running and working out makes me feel good about me.  I feel strong and powerful.  I feel like a sexy woman.  I need to feel like a sexy woman.  I am a sexy woman?  Anyways, not quite out of the body-loathing yet but I'm better today than last week.

I don't think I am going to meet my half-mary by my birthday goal but I know that with a little work, I can run a half-mary this year.  So I'm going for it.  I might never get rid of this spare-tire around my waist but I know that I am working towards health.  So I'm getting back to running.  God-willing I'll have miles to report for next week.

Miles run this week: 0 :(

This post is sponsored by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway