Bittersweet: 3 years, 5 months, and 15 days (Breastfeeing pics included)

If you are a regular reading you will noticed that the Breastfeeding Timeline is now gone.  As of two weeks ago Ravebaby totally weaned.  My goal for nursing was 2 years.  I never imaged that I would go almost 3 and half years.

 It is bittersweet.  I am happy to have my body back.  I no longer have to worry about being able to nurse out of what I am wearing.  While it had been about 5 months since we last nursed in public and about 3 since she had nursed at anytime beside bedtime, in my mind I have always had boobs as a ready and willing tool for curing ouchies or helping her go to sleep.  We snuggle and we are both happy with it.  I nudged her to wean and then she decided it was time. 

Ravebaby weaning just in time for me to start my doctorate.  I thought she would regress.  I figured she want to nurse as soon as she saw and then stay on the boob all the time.  I think she just realized that there was lot of life away from the boobs and besides, mom's boobs don't make chocolate milk.

So anyways there you have it.  I am officially no longer a breastfeeding mom.  It is incredible to me that this one decision to breastfeed has changed me so much.  I am wheatless because I breastfed a wheatless baby.  As I sit here eating my Gluten-Free Glutino Toaster Pastery, I have to smile.   I don't miss wheat.  When DH got his "death sentence" of a wheat allergy 10 years ago, I was in shock and had no clue what to do.  When we saw the signs in DD at 3 weeks,  I went cold turkey.  Now, eating wheat makes me sick.  I can tell when I've had wheat.  I just don't miss it anymore. 

My breastfeeding journey maybe over but the wheatlessness will continue.  My blogging will be more sporadic too.  I started my doctorate classes on June 1st and I am swamped with work.  I'll be around and still glued to my computer but I might not have much blogging time.

More Boob! (Warning: Picture included)

I feel like I need to change my name to More Boob.  That seems to be Ravebaby's number one thing to say.  She has a pretty big vocabulary but when it comes to me, she says More Boob.  Sometimes she sings it to the tune of Shave and a haircut.  Most time its just a demand, More Boob!

There are times that I think I want to wean her.  I do tell her no.  I don't really want to wean her.  I want her to finish nursing when she is done with nursing but there are days when I'm touched out.  I want her to leave me alone.  I want to keep my bra in its place for longer than an hour.  I don't want to nurse her at 6 am and 9 am and on and on. 

Most days are not that bad.  She's busy and barely remembers to nurse.  Most evenings are okay too.  It's just when I have a supply dip that she seems to be on me all day.  This last week has been hard.  My period started unexpected on Saturday.  I guess I should have see it coming since Ravebaby had been in my lap all week.  Seriously, this kid just knows. 

I just tend to get touched out.  I love DD and nursing her is a great way to stay connected.  But when she's on me like white on rice, I just want to explode.  There really are days that she seem to forget to nurse at all.  She might nurse at lunch and then at bedtime.  That is part of the problem, I get use to not nursing.  When she gets into nurse all the time mode, it's a hard transition for me. 

We won't wean yet.  Even if she just nurses a couple of times a day, they are sessions that keep us connected and ultimately when she does wean I'll wish I had those times back.  God willing my daughter will live to be 100 and in the grand scheme of things, 2+ years of nursing will be a tiny speck of time.

 I've even started to let her nurse in public again.  I keep going back to nursing in public because so many people seem to be against it.  If you read Twitter, so many people get brave and diss us nursing mommas.  Really most people are too chicken-shit to say anything to you in public.  Really, I don't use a cover, I'm nursing a 2 year old and never ever have I had anyone say anything.  I guess I feel like I have to put my money where my mouth is.  If I want to be an advocate then I have to walk to the walk or in my case nurse the baby.  I mean people are really scared to nurse in public.  They are afraid someone will say something to them but if they see someone else doing it then they tend to feel more comfortable.  Really, the public in general would rather you nurse your baby than hear your baby scream and cry.  It's just a little boob.  We all have nipples.  There are men with huge man-boobs that walk around shirtless all the time so why should I care if you get a view of some boob.  My boobs are pretty fab.  At least DD thinks so :)

50% of my life

So DH and I recently crossed a milestone of togetherness; we've been together as a couple for 50% of our lives.  So half of my life has been spent as part of this couple.  Pretty cool and it makes me think about how we spend our lives.  I mean in the grand scheme of things Audrey's babyhood was a blink of an eye.  This 2 year+ of breastfeeding are nothing.  I mean if I live to be 100 and then I would have spent like 4% of my life breastfeeding Audrey (if she weans by age 4).

Time has been on my mind.  I'm not that old, all of 32, but I don't want to be old one day looking back and going I waste x amount on my life hating my job or caring about what person x thought of me.  I'm in a good place.  I love what I do.  I love my family.  I am still madly in love with my husband.  Is my life prefect?  No but I'm happy.  Good days and bad days, I think all balance out to 75/25 when it's all said and done.  So 50% of my life has been with DH.  I guess from here on out everyday tills the balance to more DH than no DH.  Interesting.

Breastfeeding Goals met

So if you look at my breastfeeding timeline at the top of my blog, I have met my breastfeeding goal.  When I found out I was pregnant and thinking about breastfeeding, my research brought me to the idea that I wanted to breastfed my child for at least 2 years.  2 years is the minimum recommended by WHO.  I had read and heard from other moms that toddlers are picky eaters and breastfeeding would mean that I would know my child was getting the right food.  So 2 years was my goal. 

DH was not thrilled but as a researcher himself, he understood my reasons for setting the goal.  Like everything else with my parenting style, he just goes along as long as DD is happy and healthy.  Now it's been a few months that we passed the comfortable with breastfeeding in public phase.  It kinda wigged us both out for a bit but after seeing so much controversy surrounding NIP, I think we're both back on the NIP bandwagon.  If you want to say something to my big black DH go for it.  So we're NIP to help other couples with NIP.  So I proudly breastfeed a 2-year-old in public without a cover. 

At this point, DD and I are still nursing.  My mom told DD no more boob and DD had a total meltdown!  I mean a serious panic attack.  Needless to say she's more attached to the boobs than before.  So I don't think we'll be weaning anytime soon.  In case you are wondering, DD nurses about 5 - 6 time a day.  Perfectly normal and totally do able.  Some days she might nurse just 4 times, some days it can be like 8.  Everything from here on out is golden.  When will we stop nursing?  I have no clue.  Moving forward it's all on DD.  We'll stop when she is ready.  I met my goal so now I'll just listen to my DD.

Photo taken by AMZ Photo of Lufkin, TX.

All breastfeeding ends

So with this being World Breastfeeding Week, I've been thinking alot about breastfeeding (shocking I know).  I was thinking that all breastfeeding ends.  As you can see by my breastfeeding timeline, I've been nursing for close to 20 months.  That means I'm starting to get looks and have been getting comments like really, gross, well different strokes for different folks.  I don't mind the last one.  I mean everyone is different and for everyone breastfeeding ends.  If you go 1 week, 1 year or until baby/child stops it all ends.  Nobody breastfeeds forever.

So that brings me to my breastfeeding journey.  My plan was to make it to 2 years.  24 months is the minimum recommendation from the World Health Organization.  So I've always wanted to make it to two years but past that I really don't know.  I know many women who are comfortable with a 3 year breastfeeding but not many that go past 4 years.  Where is my comfort level?  I want to be the momma that lets Audrey decide when to stop.  I want to be okay with going 4 years plus but I just don't think I'm that woman.  I think once we start pushing 4 years, I will begin actively weaning.  Does that make me a hypocrite?

If I preach baby-led weaning does me actively weaning mean I am not practicing what I preach?  I mean my feeling might change.  I might not actively ever wean.  Audrey could quit tomorrow.  You would think that I would be actively trying to wean Audrey even now.  I've been wheatfree for a year!  But don't think the thought hasn't crossed my mind.  No one would blame me for weaning.  No one would think twice about me telling Audrey to get over and shoving a doughnut in my face but I wouldn't be able to look at myself.  When my Audrey was born I looked at her and said I would give my life for her and that is what I'm doing; granted for now it's wheat but you know what I mean. 

So anyways, yes Audrey is still breastfeeding.  At lunchtime, when I get home from work, and a few times at night.  Very normal for a toddler her age and nothing I can't handle.  I know there will be a time when I offer and she'll turn to run after the dogs instead (heck she does that even now).  I won't see it coming or maybe I will.  I might even actively pursue it.  After all all breastfeeding relationships end at some point.