Bittersweet: Cherry Bomb

Recently a friend asked to borrow my copy of Atlas Of The Heart, figuring I would have a copy as a devoted reader of all things Brene Brown.  I, of course, have a physical copy and an audio version.  As I pull out my copy of Atlas,  I started to wonder where my other copies of my Brene books where.  Most I own the audio version so those were easy to locate in my Audible account but one book was noticeably missing:  Braving The Wilderness.  I immediately used my September credit to buy it.  As I drove home today, I started the book.  The theme of the book: true belonging.  I'll spare you my watered down version of her point. UT you at least needed the setup for what happened next.

I stopped the book at Chp 3.  I needed time to digest the 2 chapters I had just heard and needed some music to help soothe my mind.  What should happen to play: Cherrybomb by The Runaways.  Great song but one of the most bittersweet songs in my world.  Why?

Cherrybomb was the first song Sould Sister ad I ever choose for our band.  We were at a function, on opposite sides of the room when the dj played this song.  It was like kismet, we both instinctively went to find the other to say this song is for us.  It wasn't our best song but it was a song that made me feel like a real bass player.  The last time we performed it, at Punk Rock Prom, right before our friendship and then our band imploded, I felt my hottest, series, coolest self ever.

It is bittersweet because I don't believe I'll ever have that feeling again.  The trifecta I always want but always fall short of achieving. The bestie band mate that gave me cool by proxy is what I miss most of all.  The sense of belonging to a band but most of all to myself.

When the song finished I cried.  Grieving the loss of Soul Sister all over again but really grieving how I felt that last performance. Yes, I am hot, at times, and sexy , at times, but never cool.  Today I'm a tired mother of 2 trying to find my way as an academic librarian. I feel miles away from the woman who performed at the Punk Rock Prom.

This past weekend, I played bass with someone. It was the first time I played with another person in 8 years.  I'm rusty.  I struggled. Honestly, it felt pretty crappy.  He wanted to yell out notes but I know bass tabs.  I struggled to understand what was being asked of me.  It was like starting all over again.  I hated it.  I hated him.  I hated the shame I felt.  I put my bass away feeling like a failure.

You would think this was a negative experience but it was the fresh start my bass and I needed.  I can't go back to Punk Rock Prom.  I'm beginning all over again.  I have an opportunity to make new memories with music.  After 8 years, I don't want the old me.  I want this me to play bass, badly especially at first.  I doubt I will ever play bass in public again but I can relearn the bass cleft again and not freeze when someone says play an "E".  I can play Cherrybomb with new people and smile at the memories of that old me, not today, not yet, but I am well on my way.

7 days til infamy

So what will I be doing in seven day that will lead to infamy? I or rather I should say we have our first gig. We being Rockerwife and myself. We are an all girl punk-jazz fusion band. So far it is just me on a bass guitar and Rockerwife on the drums. We have fun and for the last 6 months or so we talked about playing in front of people. Well on Friday at Factory 16 we will do just that.

Why the infamy? I like the word. I don't think we are going to get a record contract from our three song set or anything like that. We have fun and we want the challenge of preforming in front of a crowd. I think it helps that we know the venue owner, who is also Rockerwife's husband and my bass teacher. You would think that meant we were shoe ins for a spot on the band list but it doesn't. We were told to practice 6 days a week for one month and he might think about putting us on. We stepped it up and have been practicing 6 days a week. Our set gets tighter and better each practice. Ravebaby knows just about the entire set by heart, lyrics and rhythm.

I can't believe I said at the beginning of the year, I want to play a gig and here we are April and I'm going to do it. Now what am I going to do with the rest of the year? I guess expand from three songs to 10 and headline at some point.

Oh by the way the band is Red Shoe P? The P keeps changing. I think we have settled on a dirty word in Korean but I have no clue how to write it. Anyways we kick ass and Friday everyone will get to see us play.

Girl power

So as of late I have been thinking a lot about why I decided to play bass. I mean not like I've grown up with super women bassist. Outside of the Go-Gos and the Bangles, are there any women bassist on stage? I found a list of top 100 rock bass players and there are like 3 women on it, see for yourself.

So why the bass? The answer is pretty simple, I met a female bassist and she kicks ass. She goes by Medusa and plays for the the Rusty Shacklefords. I've had the chance to see them perform several times and each time is she kicks ass. Sometimes she's totally glam and others low key but always kick ass. I want to do that. I want that confidence. I want my daughter to see me do that. I also go to see No Love Less, they too have a kick ass woman on the bass. I want to be the kick ass woman on the bass.

Anyways back to Ravebaby. She as of late wants to play bass. She says, "I play bass!" And will run to grab her plastic guitar. It is not weird to her. Chicks on guitar is nothing new but it seems the bass and drums are the final frontier. I want my daughter to be anything she wants. I want her to not stop and think about it but just know she can be it. I know the bass is a small thing but every stereotype that she sees busted is another one that doesn't keep her from reaching for the stars. Be president, be a doctor, be the best drummer ever, be the best rock bassist ever just never let the idea that it's not what girls do stop you!

Ravebaby on stage with The Rusty Shacklefords. She is copying Medusa's rocker stance!

Wordless Wednesday: Mama is learning bass

Got this great pic from Social Bliss frontman, Max. You can see Ravebaby playing drums with PunkWife. We had fun. All we need is a lead guitar and we can hit the road!