Mamavation Monday: Scale disappointment and a reality check

So I went to the doctor last week because I decided to go running in 32 degree weather without a hat or jacket.  Yep, I let the sunny looking day lull me into thinking it was warm and totally did not plan accordingly for a freezing north wind.  I only ran a mile but it was one of the hardest of my life.  My ears were hurting so badly I almost went to the ER.  I had never had pain like that in my life.

At the doctor's office they had me step up on the scale.  That evil evil scale!  Why do they start the visit that way?  The horrible number 227!  FUCK!  So at this point I have to options I can pretend I didn't hear or care or I can melt down.  I saved my meltdown rant for later on the safety of Mamavation sistahood.  I hate to admit it really got me down.  For all of the 10k training I had not lost a single pound.  Focus on the positive, right.  I ran a fucking 10k in the middle of December after earning a 4.0 in my doctorate work.  Super positive and yet that damn number is stuck in my head.  227 and suddenly I'm a failure. 

I know I'm far from a failure.  I know I can look at my life and see the good I am doing and yet I'm struggling to shake the number.  Here is the thing, I also know that if I didn't lose I also didn't gain too much.  When Ravebaby weaned at the end of May I gained about 10 lbs.  I also started my doctorate and I was sitting more and more.  If I haven't gained more than the initial weight then I know I'm doing well.  Before I had Ravebaby 4 years ago I was 250 lbs so I'm still better today than 4 years ago.  I'm wheat-free and moving towards more whole foods and cooking more.  As a family we have set a goal for ourselves to try new fruits and vegetables at least twice a month.  We started with butternut squash and this week we'll pick up some parsnips.  We are doing better food wise and I know that will translate to a healthier me no matter what the scale says.

So the reality check is I have a long way to go in learning to cook more of a variety of  food.  I'm also not as cool with the number on the scale as I thought I was.  I know it is a number and yet I feel like it is a judgement on my being.  I'll move forward with the help of my sistas!

Measurements for the start of the year:
Bust: 46
Underbust: 38
Waist: 44
Hips: 49
Weight: 227
Longest distant run: 10k

#Mamavation Monday: Weight loss makes me look old

So my only complaint about weighting less is that I am losing weight in my face. Normally people would be very happy to drop their super-sized cheeks (the ones on their face) but I've had huge monster cheeks always. The problem with losing fullness in my face is that my wrinkles are showing! I know I am 33, almost 34, and that I am going to start showing the living I have done. I don't expect to look 16 forever but the wrinkles are bringing me down. I remember a good friend telling me, "gaining 10 lbs is an instant facelift." Now I look like a deflated balloon.

The funny part is of course in my line of work, teacher/librarian, looking a bit older is helpful. I can't tell you how many times people have threaten to send me to detention for walking the hall. People have this image of a librarian as old lady with grey hair so to have a 30-something as a librarian doesn't fit the image and people tend to overlook me as a real librarian. (For the record, sexy young librarian, yep that's me, lots of sex in the stacks. :) ) I stopped coloring my hair when I found out I was pregnant and really grew to like my grey, not that I have much. Now with the wrinkles beginning to show I'm thinking of going under the hood. We'll see.

On Wednesday, I have my interview for entry into a doctorate program in Education. Most EDds are older, 40+. This also gives me pause for coloring my hair. Looking older might not be such a bad thing. But I'm still not a fan of these new wrinkles. Wish me luck for my interview and I hope to announce soon if I'll be working towards becoming Dr. Wheatless Mama.

This post is sponsored by Touch Within Coaching and Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway