Sunday, January 5, 2014

Mamavation Monday: Scale disappointment and a reality check

So I went to the doctor last week because I decided to go running in 32 degree weather without a hat or jacket.  Yep, I let the sunny looking day lull me into thinking it was warm and totally did not plan accordingly for a freezing north wind.  I only ran a mile but it was one of the hardest of my life.  My ears were hurting so badly I almost went to the ER.  I had never had pain like that in my life.

At the doctor's office they had me step up on the scale.  That evil evil scale!  Why do they start the visit that way?  The horrible number 227!  FUCK!  So at this point I have to options I can pretend I didn't hear or care or I can melt down.  I saved my meltdown rant for later on the safety of Mamavation sistahood.  I hate to admit it really got me down.  For all of the 10k training I had not lost a single pound.  Focus on the positive, right.  I ran a fucking 10k in the middle of December after earning a 4.0 in my doctorate work.  Super positive and yet that damn number is stuck in my head.  227 and suddenly I'm a failure. 

I know I'm far from a failure.  I know I can look at my life and see the good I am doing and yet I'm struggling to shake the number.  Here is the thing, I also know that if I didn't lose I also didn't gain too much.  When Ravebaby weaned at the end of May I gained about 10 lbs.  I also started my doctorate and I was sitting more and more.  If I haven't gained more than the initial weight then I know I'm doing well.  Before I had Ravebaby 4 years ago I was 250 lbs so I'm still better today than 4 years ago.  I'm wheat-free and moving towards more whole foods and cooking more.  As a family we have set a goal for ourselves to try new fruits and vegetables at least twice a month.  We started with butternut squash and this week we'll pick up some parsnips.  We are doing better food wise and I know that will translate to a healthier me no matter what the scale says.

So the reality check is I have a long way to go in learning to cook more of a variety of  food.  I'm also not as cool with the number on the scale as I thought I was.  I know it is a number and yet I feel like it is a judgement on my being.  I'll move forward with the help of my sistas!

Measurements for the start of the year:
Bust: 46
Underbust: 38
Waist: 44
Hips: 49
Weight: 227
Longest distant run: 10k


  1. *hug* That scale kills me! I almost went on a "no scale moment" for the whole year. I definitely think measurements mean more but damn, it would be nice to see those numbers go down!

    All in all, you did rock that 4.0 and 10k...there aren't many people who can say that. You will succeed!

  2. I hate the evil scale.... It is so temperamental I like measurements better

  3. I have learned not to be so concerned about the scale but to see how clothes fit me. Good luck

  4. It's so messed up how much control that scale has over us, isn't it? I know you know intellectually you're not a failure, but that doesn't change that horrible sinking feeling when the scale's not where you want it to be. Your physical accomplishments are another way to benchmark your progress, though . . . I like to focus on getting stronger, being able to get thru a workout I previously wouldn't have been able to do, etc. Your 10K is awesome, and the PhD GPA is amazing! Measurements tell more than the scale, anyway . . . 'cause you can be losing fat but not losing weight - so keep measuring and don't lose hope!

  5. I am not a fan of the scale, but I need to do what you did and take my measurements soon for the #2weekchallenge and I am deathly afraid.

    I try to only weigh myself once a week just to see where I am at, then I try not to cry based on what I see!

    Hugs to you!

  6. You can do it! It's ok to not be ok with the number and want to get to a lower one. It does not define who you are though. You are a wonderful person doing great things! Keep it up and the scale will eventually show you some love. You will figure this out.

  7. You definitely are not a failure. You rock! Approach your health the way you have been approaching your studies and set your foundation now. You did not get into your doctoral program overnight, it also took small steps.

  8. Not a failure! I know. It is so hard when that stupid scale doesn't move. I am so there. However, I'm trying to look at all the positives. No gain. Better blood test results. Being able to move better. Hang in there!

  9. so not a failure!! You got this, and we sistas have your back!

  10. The scale is a jerk. I'm so proud of you for running that 10k! Wow!! Here I am just hoping to run a 5k!