Saturday, December 12, 2009

Fears, regrets, and doubts

1. Black people hair - Ok there I said it. I'm afraid Bud will have his dad's hair. I know I've had 8 years to prepare but instead I've sat in fear. I have no clue what to do with black people hair. Ray has never had to do much to his but get it cut. Basically if we have a girl with black people hair then I'm screwed.
2. Snoopy and Jasmin - My dogs have been my babies for the last two years. I do worry that the adjustment will be too big for them. I know Ray is ready and willing to get rid of them but that would just leave me broken hearted so I'm hopeing for a smooth transition.

1. No pictures of me pregnant - there are no actual pictures of me pregnant. I go to the doctor's office and I see these wonderful portraits of couples with their hands on the pregnant belly and I really regret not getting any done. We tried but everytime we would schedule something it would fall thur. Oh well maybe next time.
2. No journaling enough - I haven't kept a super good record of things. I've kept this blog but with the carpal tunnel, I haven't been writing as often in this last trimester. What if I forget everything?

1. That I can be a good mom - I'm just worried that I've spend all of my mothering on kids that aren't my own and that now that I'm about to have a child I don't have anything left.
2. That I'll be able to balance motherhood and work - I think all new working mothers have this one. How can I do both well? I guess my job will just take a back seat to being a mom.
3. Caring for a newborn after I go back to work - thanks to the required rest from my doctors, once I do go back I will have no sick, vacation, or personal days. How will I handle appoints for the baby? What will I do if the baby gets sick? February til June is a long time to go without any days to take off.

That's the short list. The things that are keeping me up at night, aside from being kicked in the ribs by Bud's little feet.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Oh what a day

So today has been full of adventure! It actually started Tuesday. I started seeing little white flashing floaters in my vision, which I told Ray about. He sent me to the nurse to have my blood pressure checked. Once I finally got to the nurse my blood pressure was 142/92. Not good but the nurse recommended I rest and that we would take my blood pressure again in the morning, basically don't freak-out just rest and we'll see. Once we got home we called our midwife. She told us to eat heavy proteins to cut out early preeclampsea and to rest.
So Wed, I get up and my feet aren't swollen and I'm feeling good. No headache or swelling outside of my hands. I'm thinking life is good. I had my blood pressure checked at about 8:45 or so. I had basically just gotten to work and had just turned on lights and computers, nothing heavy. My blood pressure was 156/101 then 143/100 then just to make sure the nurse took it a third time 132/99. Okay now it's time to worry. She sent me to call my OB immediately. I left a message with all the info for the OB and got a call back telling me to report to the doctor's office at 11:15. Once I got to the doc's office my blood pressure was better, 152/80 but that is still high. So I was sent to the lab for blood work and then home to rest.
So today, I was to have a follow-up visit for a plan of action, if needed. I was again feeling good but hungry. As Ray and I head out the door, I begin to vomit. Not a big deal, no food for hours does tend to make me nausea so I clean up and get to the car. Guess what! We have a totally flat tire. So we head to the gas station, the dang tire won't hold air. So we put on the spare and head to buy a new tire. I do have to give Sears a shout-out. They checked the tire found a nail in it, patched it up, put back on the car and sent us on our way with-in one hour!
So we are like 75 mins late for the doctor. Once we get back to the doctor, we get hit with some news. Hey your liver looks good but your platelet count is low. So we were sent to the hospital! We had more blood work done, blood pressure checks for like 2 hours, and a non-stress test.
I was teriffied. It was very scary. I was being poked and basically told these test would determine if I was going to be having the baby sooner rather than later. Listening to the baby's heartbeat was soothing but the blood draw was awful. I was stuck three times for three tubes! It hurt really badly. After everything, I was told that my platelets had come up a little and my blood pressure was lowering to normal so I was to go home and rest. I will have to go back to repeat the tests on Saturday. I'm hoping for good news and expecting that Bud and I will be given the all clear to return to work.
I'm still eating proteins like crazy and trying to keep my feet up. I have to much to do and orders to do nothing!