Saturday, December 12, 2009

Fears, regrets, and doubts

Fears:
1. Black people hair - Ok there I said it. I'm afraid Bud will have his dad's hair. I know I've had 8 years to prepare but instead I've sat in fear. I have no clue what to do with black people hair. Ray has never had to do much to his but get it cut. Basically if we have a girl with black people hair then I'm screwed.
2. Snoopy and Jasmin - My dogs have been my babies for the last two years. I do worry that the adjustment will be too big for them. I know Ray is ready and willing to get rid of them but that would just leave me broken hearted so I'm hopeing for a smooth transition.

Regrets:
1. No pictures of me pregnant - there are no actual pictures of me pregnant. I go to the doctor's office and I see these wonderful portraits of couples with their hands on the pregnant belly and I really regret not getting any done. We tried but everytime we would schedule something it would fall thur. Oh well maybe next time.
2. No journaling enough - I haven't kept a super good record of things. I've kept this blog but with the carpal tunnel, I haven't been writing as often in this last trimester. What if I forget everything?

Doubts:
1. That I can be a good mom - I'm just worried that I've spend all of my mothering on kids that aren't my own and that now that I'm about to have a child I don't have anything left.
2. That I'll be able to balance motherhood and work - I think all new working mothers have this one. How can I do both well? I guess my job will just take a back seat to being a mom.
3. Caring for a newborn after I go back to work - thanks to the required rest from my doctors, once I do go back I will have no sick, vacation, or personal days. How will I handle appoints for the baby? What will I do if the baby gets sick? February til June is a long time to go without any days to take off.

That's the short list. The things that are keeping me up at night, aside from being kicked in the ribs by Bud's little feet.