Thursday, March 29, 2012

20 min run next to public enemy #1

Okay so it wasn't that bad.  The dude is actually very nice but today he and some really old dude had to talk about Trayvon Martin.  These dudes were white (point of fact).  They were both in agreement that Trayvon probably deserved it and that the other dude was justified in shooting.  I wanted to puke.  I had just started my 20 min run and I was struggling to push myself to run and here these guys are talking about how some kid deserved to die because he was in a hoodie in a place he shouldn't have been and that the media was using a baby picture to make the other guy seem horrible. 

I've purposely avoided talking about Trayvon.  It hurts to think about it.  I'm a mom.  My husband is black and that means, God willing, that I'll have a son who is black.  DH and I plan to live in a "nice" neighborhood.  I can't think about it without thinking it could happen to me.  I could be Trayvon's mom.  DH loves to wear a hoodie.  In fact he usually dresses as the Uni-bomber for Halloween in a dark gray hoodie.  Since when does what you wear determine whether or not you live?  Have we gotten to the point that life means so little? 

So today I ran 20 mins.  I didn't want to.  The old dudes nearly made me quit.  I had my headphones in and I pretended to be into my run.  I wanted to say something.  Between Fox News on the TV and the dudes next to me, I just wanted to leave.  How do you push to make yourself better when the world seems to only see you by the pigments of your skins?  I can't tell you how many times I've been mistaken as the cleaning lady instead of the teacher/librarian.  I didn't stop.  I kept running.  Every time I wanted to quit I pushed harder.  Rather than let someone who doesn't know me determine my life, I used it to push myself to be better.  I know these old dudes are entitled to their opinion same as me.  Life teaches us to look at things and make judgments based on our own experiences.  None of us know all of the facts in the case so me jumping on some old dude's case wouldn't do anything.  Besides I would have started crying and then I would have lost all creditability.   

So what did I learn today?  I can run 20 mins straight!  I also learned that only I can determine how I do in this life.  I might live to be 100 or die on the way home but my life is just that my life.  I can't be scared to do something because of what someone else might think.  For every person that sees me as the cleaning lady, there are just as many who's life I've changed through teaching or heck just by breathing.  I've got to do me.  Right now I am a wife, mother and a runner in training. 

Today at Standpipe after my run.