Saturday, December 13, 2014

Why I wish everyday was #RollerDerby Day

I love roller derby.  I love that for once a week I don't feel so alone. I'm not sure how the rest of you feel but I feel pretty alone most of the time.  Even in a group I feel alone.  I'm not sure why but it is just my truth.  I'm the listener not the talker.  Even when I want to talk I never seem to find a listener.  I seem to have a role to play in this world and it usually involves me listening or being invisible.

Derby is different.  At derby I feel like I belong just as I am.  I don't have to pretend to be outgoing.  I don't have to pretend to be weak.  I don't have to hide.  Derby requires me to show all sides of myself.  I can't improve and get closer to passing the minimum skills test unless I'm honest about where in skill mastery I am.  I can't learn to jump in skates unless my teammates see me falling.  It is actually pretty freeing to have a place where I can really just be.

I started the year off with what I thought was solid group of friends by June I was alone.  Derby came into my life at the right time.  I wish it was derby everyday so that I could be me everyday.  I want to feel less alone.  Every Thursday I belong.  Every Thursday I fit in.  Every Thursday I feel needed and wanted.  I feel like if I missed derby Thursday, my derby sisters would miss me.  I wish it was derby everyday.