at reading other people. I'm a sucky person reader. Seriously, Jeffery Dahmer would have been my best friend. I would be the person on tv, "Like he seemed really nice. Quiet but nice. We would talk and he seemed normal. I guess you just never know." Dude I never know!
DH would say I collect crazies. I say I just like to talk to people. I very rarely meet a person I don't like. I trust everyone. I'm surprized I'm not dead yet. I know that there are people in this world that are out to hurt others but I guess I just believe that God will keep them away.
I don't really have a problem with my lack of character judgement. Like I said I just trust God is putting people into my life for whatever reason and go with the flow. But I'm beginning to wonder if this is a good trait to pass on to Audrey. DH is a good judge of character. He can always tell when someone is about to turn on me; he knows how a friendship will end; he tries to keep the bad people out of my life. So I hope that Audrey takes on some of his skills. I don't want anyone to hurt my Audrey but DH is also mistrustful of just about everyone and I'm not sure that is good for Audrey either. I don't want her to think that everyone is out to get her. I don't think everyone is out to get people. So how do I help strike the right balance? Teach her to trust people but keep her safe. Teach her to be cautions without teaching her to be afraid of everyone.
I'm a horrible judge of character. Some people just suck at reading other's intentions. All the way back to middle school, I've had trouble picking friends. I have one best friend that dates back to 7th grade, I think she's another reason I've made it so far. She tended to keep the bad folks out of my life too. I think she has the right balance. She has lots of friends but knows how to keep the "crazies" out of her life. Maybe with the move back to Texas, Miss Audrey will have a good model afterall.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Do you need a man?
I was reading a blog this morning that really pointed out the difficulties for breastfeeding mothers. This blog focused on one mother's struggle in Iowa. It was sad to hear that a woman was harassed for breastfeeding her 5-week old at the mall. The mall was bad enough but once the media got a hold of the story the comments from the public were horrible and people were harassing her.
That was all really bad stuff but then I got to talking to my husband and I said something I never would have thought I would have said. "I bet if her husband was with her, no one would have said anything." Which got me to thinking, do you really need a man to protect you if you are breastfeeding?
I'm not usually one of those I need a man to survive sort of woman. I've gone clubbing by myself. I'm the main bread winner in the family. I can survive on my own. Now that I'm a mother I find myself needing a man, well my man. I have so much respect for women who do this on their own, being a married mother with good backup is hard, I can't even image the stress for single mothers!
When I breastfeed in public I try to be discreet. Using covers and the such when needed but there is a part of me that really prays that no one says anything. I don't want to fight. I'll be super passive-aggressive but I'm not one to look for fights, I usually run and usually fold just to avoid confrontation. I like to talk about other peoples drama but I don't want any myself. So the idea of being told to quit breastfeeding really kinda scares me.
I have to be strong for my daughter. Breast is best. Breast is normal. So why do I feel the need to have Ray with me? Why do I think that I'm more powerful with my man? It wasn't til I thought it, "they wouldn't any say anything if her man were there" that I realized just how weak I am or at least how weak I feel. I know there is power in numbers. The more people who seem to accept something then the more likely other will accept it too. But should women feel like breastfeeding is a strange thing? What is there to accept? Breastfeeding is normal. People don't harass mothers that are bottle feeding. Do I really need a man to protect me while I feed my baby? As you can see this just brought up some weird thoughts and issues for me. Maybe I do need man, does that make me less of a woman?
That was all really bad stuff but then I got to talking to my husband and I said something I never would have thought I would have said. "I bet if her husband was with her, no one would have said anything." Which got me to thinking, do you really need a man to protect you if you are breastfeeding?
I'm not usually one of those I need a man to survive sort of woman. I've gone clubbing by myself. I'm the main bread winner in the family. I can survive on my own. Now that I'm a mother I find myself needing a man, well my man. I have so much respect for women who do this on their own, being a married mother with good backup is hard, I can't even image the stress for single mothers!
When I breastfeed in public I try to be discreet. Using covers and the such when needed but there is a part of me that really prays that no one says anything. I don't want to fight. I'll be super passive-aggressive but I'm not one to look for fights, I usually run and usually fold just to avoid confrontation. I like to talk about other peoples drama but I don't want any myself. So the idea of being told to quit breastfeeding really kinda scares me.
I have to be strong for my daughter. Breast is best. Breast is normal. So why do I feel the need to have Ray with me? Why do I think that I'm more powerful with my man? It wasn't til I thought it, "they wouldn't any say anything if her man were there" that I realized just how weak I am or at least how weak I feel. I know there is power in numbers. The more people who seem to accept something then the more likely other will accept it too. But should women feel like breastfeeding is a strange thing? What is there to accept? Breastfeeding is normal. People don't harass mothers that are bottle feeding. Do I really need a man to protect me while I feed my baby? As you can see this just brought up some weird thoughts and issues for me. Maybe I do need man, does that make me less of a woman?
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Censorship
I did a bad thing. I censored speech. I've censored comments on my Facebook and even on my blog. I try to be open to whatever someone has to say to me but screw them, it's my blog and Facebook, I decide.
With that said, I'm a librarian by trade so censorship is a touchy issue for me. I want people to express themselves. Good, bad, ugly, everyone has the right to express their thoughts. But in a school, I have to censor. I can't let kids call each other "bad" names and I hate to hear them refer to each other as the "F" word. Where does censorship end?
I censor myself alot. I think many things but express few. Sometimes is about other people (good thing to keep to oneself), sometimes its about myself (might should express those so I can change) and sometimes its just conversation I don't dare have (mostly with DH). I try to own whatever I say. I hate it when people hide behind their words. I think blogs are a really good place for it. You can just get on, write what you please, and hide. I try not to hide but I'm sure that I do. Hiding is just so easy these days.
I read lots of "mommy" site and "anti-mommy" sites. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to raising Audrey. She's my first child so I know nothing. I more or less parent on instinct. I didn't really decide to co-sleep, it just happened. There are some hateful anti-homebirth site out there. It's scary to me the hate you can find. People are passionate. I guess it's good that people believe so strongly in things. I've heard it said that there is alot of apathy in the world but I think kids tend to bring out the passion in people.
I'm crunchy but I try to understand creamies too. I know that a homebirth isn't for everyone. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work out. Co-sleeping in the wrong situation can be deadly. So I try to be open and understand that other people are different from me. I try not to attack others for what they do or think since I don't want others to do it to me. But it is hard to be nice all the time. Sometimes people just suck. Sometimes I can't help but to think that a person shouldn't have child while other people who would be great parents don't have any children at all.
It's hard to censor. I want to support everyone even the people I don't believe in. But it is so much easier said than done.
With that said, I'm a librarian by trade so censorship is a touchy issue for me. I want people to express themselves. Good, bad, ugly, everyone has the right to express their thoughts. But in a school, I have to censor. I can't let kids call each other "bad" names and I hate to hear them refer to each other as the "F" word. Where does censorship end?
I censor myself alot. I think many things but express few. Sometimes is about other people (good thing to keep to oneself), sometimes its about myself (might should express those so I can change) and sometimes its just conversation I don't dare have (mostly with DH). I try to own whatever I say. I hate it when people hide behind their words. I think blogs are a really good place for it. You can just get on, write what you please, and hide. I try not to hide but I'm sure that I do. Hiding is just so easy these days.
I read lots of "mommy" site and "anti-mommy" sites. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to raising Audrey. She's my first child so I know nothing. I more or less parent on instinct. I didn't really decide to co-sleep, it just happened. There are some hateful anti-homebirth site out there. It's scary to me the hate you can find. People are passionate. I guess it's good that people believe so strongly in things. I've heard it said that there is alot of apathy in the world but I think kids tend to bring out the passion in people.
I'm crunchy but I try to understand creamies too. I know that a homebirth isn't for everyone. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work out. Co-sleeping in the wrong situation can be deadly. So I try to be open and understand that other people are different from me. I try not to attack others for what they do or think since I don't want others to do it to me. But it is hard to be nice all the time. Sometimes people just suck. Sometimes I can't help but to think that a person shouldn't have child while other people who would be great parents don't have any children at all.
It's hard to censor. I want to support everyone even the people I don't believe in. But it is so much easier said than done.
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