Finishing the last VA project

In 20 days were going to Virginia to be at the wedding of two really good friends. It will be exactly 2 years to the day we left Danville, VA. I've been really looking forward to the trip. I've also been avoiding my thoughts of my friend Briana. Next month will be the two year anniversary of her death in childbirth. I've been thinking a lot about her lately, especially when I run. As I've written before, Briana's death has been very difficult for me to deal with and going back to VA and knowing I won't see her is almost more than I can handle.

The groom is actually a good friend and co-worker of Briana and me. I remember having long conversations with her about trying to find the groom a wife. I know she would have been sitting beside me being that the groom was finally getting married to the perfect woman. I know there will be other coworkers from our old school there for the wedding and I know we're going to be feeling the hole her death left.

I was talking with DH about it today and he said that this wedding the end of our Danville life. It was the last project we had to finish and then we could close that chapter. The groom's wedding has been a long journey in faith for all of us. Faith that God has in the right place at the right time. We never wanted to live in Danville. We moved there with the plan to leave ASAP. 8 years later our Danville adventure was over. I know the only reason the groom met his lady was because I found her. As soon as I met the Lady, I said to myself she's perfect for the Groom! 2 years later I finally got them to meet up and the rest is history.

DH is right; this wedding is the last thing. I have a goddaughter and lots of friends in Southside Virginia but this was my last reason to go back. Ravebaby is from Danville and I'm sure we'll go back again to show her her hometown. This trip feels final. A final goodbye to that chapter of my life. A finally goodbye to Briana. A final goodbye to the girl that I was and a final acceptance of the woman I am.

The stripper inside

So in the last 12 months I seem to be on a quest to check things off of my bucket list. I've eaten snails, drank expensive scotch, got a henna tattoo, got my nose pierced, and run a 5k race. Suddenly like divine inspiration I found out Lufkin has a gym offering pole dancing classes. Cool right? I was all like I'm totally going to do it and the was like dude no way I'm going to do it. That lead me to why don't I want to do it? What exactly am I afraid of? I've been on a quest to get my sexy back for the last 2 years, why run the opposite direction now? So I signed-up for Attitudes Intro a 90 min classes that covers floor, chair and pole dancing. You know a introduction for beginners, stripping 101 if you will.

Since I'm so private about everything, I posted on Facebook. I know people think I over share but hey that is why you read my blog, the over sharing and pictures of my boobs. But this time the sharing was about accountability. I am chicken. I'm yellow. I run in face of danger. I am in a deeply committed relationship with my comfort zone. So if I post it I have to do it. Do I really want my friend razing me of my chicken-ness?

I had so much fun! Really it was a greats atmosphere. The instructors were nice and easy to get along with. The rest of the ladies in the class were all supportive and we bonded. (My only complaint was that I was by myself; everyone else had a friend with them.) It was also a really good workout. The class was two days ago and my arms are still sore from working the pole :) I had fun. I was timid but by the end I was okay. I was letting go and getting into the groove. I just signed up for a Sultry Chair class tonight. Really I need the workout. I like running but I hate weights and stretching and this makes me do both with really doing either. I highly recommend going to Attitudes and/or checking out class in your area. If I can do it then anyone can.

I'm going to attempt running and the strip classes in a every other day type of rotation. I'll have to see what my budget and my schedule will allow.maybe I can even talk a friend or two into going with me.

Mama failure

I sent an ugly tweet into the public sphere about Jailbait teasing Ravebaby with a cookie. I called him a jackass and I was wrong to do it. But after a bit I started thinking about why it bothered me so much. Ravebaby sees people eating yummy looking wheat filled things all of the time. So why did this bother me?

Honestly just the day before DH and I had a serious discussion about Ravebaby's skin reactions. Seems like this nasal allergy season has made the food allergy go into overdrive. I hate giving Ravebaby medications. I want her on nothing. We had stopped giving her her allergy med over the winter and it seemed she was doing well. We aren't totally wheat free but the amounts of wheat are tiny. Her skin was clear and no itches. Now her elbows and stomach are covered. We give her the maximum amount Zyrtec that she can have. I treat the spots with Angel Baby Bottom Balm from Earth Mama Angel Baby. We keep it pretty controlled with just that. So far we haven't had to use the steroid cream and I'm trying to avoid it. I just don't want to overload her system. But I'm beginning to think it's time to change our approach. Her skin is not getting better.

Ravebaby keeps saying that she is eating bad cookie; my dad loves cookies and he's not wheat free, we call them the bad cookies. DH thinks that she might be telling us the truth. We can't control everything she eats since we are not with her 100% of the time. I know he is right. I know my parents aren't going wheat free anytime soon so the mixed house is here to stay.

Her skin is making me feel like a failure. On top of that is my inability to get Ravebaby to take a nap. She will got up to my mom and say Nap time! She'll settle right down and nap. What is the problem with me? Why can't I get her to sleep? Even bedtime is starting to become a problem. She has always gone to bed late. Typically she has a 10:00 pm bedtime, that is when the routine starts. She will usually fall asleep around 11:30 pm. That is so late! I really struggle to stay up long enough to see her go to sleep. I've tried to start the routine earlier but we just start earlier and go to sleep at 11:30. I'm lost. I'm a failure at being a mom. That is all.