Two classes left for semester 1

So just a quick check-in.  I'm doing pretty well in my classes.  They are not easy and I'm learning, reading and writing so much that my brain hurts.  I'm really enjoying myself.  The members of my cohort are great people and we have very lively discussions.  I'm still waiting for the first real fight or for someone to cry.  You know the things that really bind a group of people together!

It is so hard to believe that this semester is almost over.  I've gotten the major papers in but there is still so much work left for these last two weeks.  After July 26th, I'm on break for almost a month!  Hopefully I'll get a chance to write more blog posts then.

As for my personal life, it is up and down.  DH and I strong as a unit which means fighting as we both learn to deal with my new life as a doctoral student and his own project that is still under wraps for the moment.  DD is finally getting into the new groove too.  She was extremely clingy at first on the weekends but she has calmed down.  I think my resolution to work hard at school and then come home and just be mom has helped there. 

As far as my own mind is concerned I'm expanding my vocabulary and trying to learn to be one of those smart people they uses quantify in a sentence instead of just saying measure.  Or my favorite, I am writing a personal narrative instead I'm writing a story.  So yes, I'm going to try to smarten up my blog post simply because I need the practice.  Besides I can run the discourse on this blog any which direction I want :)

Bittersweet: 3 years, 5 months, and 15 days (Breastfeeing pics included)

If you are a regular reading you will noticed that the Breastfeeding Timeline is now gone.  As of two weeks ago Ravebaby totally weaned.  My goal for nursing was 2 years.  I never imaged that I would go almost 3 and half years.

 It is bittersweet.  I am happy to have my body back.  I no longer have to worry about being able to nurse out of what I am wearing.  While it had been about 5 months since we last nursed in public and about 3 since she had nursed at anytime beside bedtime, in my mind I have always had boobs as a ready and willing tool for curing ouchies or helping her go to sleep.  We snuggle and we are both happy with it.  I nudged her to wean and then she decided it was time. 

Ravebaby weaning just in time for me to start my doctorate.  I thought she would regress.  I figured she want to nurse as soon as she saw and then stay on the boob all the time.  I think she just realized that there was lot of life away from the boobs and besides, mom's boobs don't make chocolate milk.

So anyways there you have it.  I am officially no longer a breastfeeding mom.  It is incredible to me that this one decision to breastfeed has changed me so much.  I am wheatless because I breastfed a wheatless baby.  As I sit here eating my Gluten-Free Glutino Toaster Pastery, I have to smile.   I don't miss wheat.  When DH got his "death sentence" of a wheat allergy 10 years ago, I was in shock and had no clue what to do.  When we saw the signs in DD at 3 weeks,  I went cold turkey.  Now, eating wheat makes me sick.  I can tell when I've had wheat.  I just don't miss it anymore. 

My breastfeeding journey maybe over but the wheatlessness will continue.  My blogging will be more sporadic too.  I started my doctorate classes on June 1st and I am swamped with work.  I'll be around and still glued to my computer but I might not have much blogging time.

Always a winner?

Okay I am getting so sick of being told that I am always a winner. I hate that idea because to have a winner you must have a loser. I am not cool with the idea of a someone losing but anyways. I have bigger issue with the idea that I haven't worked my ass off to get myself into position to win.

So the current example is the whole getting into the doctorate program. I kept hearing well duh you're going to get in. Hello, I have two Masters degrees! I have worked my ass off. It was still not a for gone conclusion. These programs pick the personalities that match them and as me as I am, I tend to rub people the wrong way. No guarantee I was going to get in.

I really feel like the whole thing is about people either not knowing me or wanting to overlook the work. I do not come from privilege. I come from a line of hard working people and working hard is what I do best. Getting into the doctorate was the fruit of 33 years of work. Nine years in public education with at least one boss that was so awful and that hated me so much I almost got fired and was on the verge of being unable to finish my MLIS. I have worked. Unlike DH, I was not blessed with super high IQ, I have always had to work, even in high school.

So I am not a winner, I just refuse to lose. I rarely quit but when I do it is after finally realizing that my work is done and I have over stayed my welcome. I just don't give up easily, not to say that I don't give up. I am selective about what I choose to attack but fear of hard work is not usually a reason for me to not go for something. The point of the rambling: I am not a winner just too stubborn and hard-headed to give up and/or take no for an answer.