If you didn't know I love The Killers and my Spotify is chalk full of them. When I first heard The Way It Was, I thought it was a sweet ode to a love lost due to growing up and growing apart. How many times have I wished that DH and I could just go back to the way things were when life and love was easy, i. e. before marriage and growing up got in the way. In the time since I first heard the song several of my friends marriages have split or hit on a rough patch. Marriage is hard and we all struggle at some point or another but anyways I stopped and really thought about what was being said and I got angry and here is why.
1. This is someone being a totally immature asshole! Just go back to the way it was. You only want to stay with me if I promise to go back to the way it was. Dude you go back and then you end up right here again! You are not trying to solve the problem just hide it. In the words of Thomas Wolfe, "You can't go home again!"
2. The love you remember wasn't real. We all look back and see just the good sides of thing especially when we are hurting. If only this had not happened or if only we could just forget and go back to the beginning. The song speaks about "did you forget all about those golden nights?" and really don't we all remember the golden nights of courting and falling in love but if you want to survive and have a lasting relationship you have to move past just falling in love. Staying in love is work. It is not easy! Stop whining and start working!
3. Is it really over or are you just tried of working at it? I think this is the one aspect that bothers me most of all. Brandon Flowers sings, "Back then this thing was running on momentum, love and trust, That paradise is buried in the dust." So you don't love me anymore? You don't trust me anymore? You think we are standing still? I love that it is all my fault! I'm growing up and moving forward and you want to reverse all of that work so you can feel good about the fact you refuse to grow up! Maybe we have an issue with trust but if you don't want to work on it then there is nothing to go back to 'cause it all leads back here.
Don't get me wrong people. I love this song but it is because Brandon Flowers' voice is amazing. I was listening to the song on the way in to work today and I started crying because it makes it all seem so easy. Just go back. Just rewind and we'll be okay. That is simply just not the way it works. If you go back without working on it then you end up right were you are again.
Not too long ago I told DH, after listening to this song, I love him and when I see him I see the 16-year-old boy I fell in love with but I don't want to be married to that kid. I love the man I'm married too. The one that has allowed me to grow and turn into this better person. It is easy to think that if we could just go back then the work would go away but why travel the same road twice? Don't wish away the person you have now for the one in your memory. I assure you that person never existed in that way. Work or don't work but don't think going back is the easy solution.
|The Way It Way - cira 1998|