Friday, March 5, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Return from Wheat Exile
Well, I've had a dietary break-thur! Audrey is almost able to handle wheat! That means the slow return of wheat to my diet. Soon I'll be able to eat wonderful white bread and cake and so many other bready thing that I have been missing for the last two months.
Audrey isn't totally able to handle wheat yet. She still gets very gassy but she's able to push it out. I don't think I've ever been so happy to hear a human being fart. But now that she can actually push the gas out, I can start eating wheat again.
I'm adding it back slowly so it won't overwhelm her system but yesterday for the first time in weeks I had gravy! It is amazing how good it tasted! I think it will still be a few weeks before I brave a hamburger on a regular bun but just being able to eat something breaded without worrying that I've just cost myself a night's sleep is good.
Hopefully, she won't develop any other digestive issues. I'm scared about introducing solid foods but at least it will be another three months before I have to worry about that. They say that breast-fed babies don't usually have allergies but since Ray has like 100 of them I'm worried that Audrey will be doomed to boiled chicken and rice. Well that is a worry for another day. For now I will celebrate the ending of my exile!
Audrey isn't totally able to handle wheat yet. She still gets very gassy but she's able to push it out. I don't think I've ever been so happy to hear a human being fart. But now that she can actually push the gas out, I can start eating wheat again.
I'm adding it back slowly so it won't overwhelm her system but yesterday for the first time in weeks I had gravy! It is amazing how good it tasted! I think it will still be a few weeks before I brave a hamburger on a regular bun but just being able to eat something breaded without worrying that I've just cost myself a night's sleep is good.
Hopefully, she won't develop any other digestive issues. I'm scared about introducing solid foods but at least it will be another three months before I have to worry about that. They say that breast-fed babies don't usually have allergies but since Ray has like 100 of them I'm worried that Audrey will be doomed to boiled chicken and rice. Well that is a worry for another day. For now I will celebrate the ending of my exile!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Guilt
I think guilt is every mom's cross to bare. At first I was thinking it was my good old Catholic guilt just kicking in but this guilt feel different. This guilt hurts and sits on my chest so that I can't breath.
I work all day and Ray stays at home with Audrey. Once I come home I take Audrey and feed her and play with her and in general spend time with her but no amount of hours at night can make up for the daytime hours I am not with her. The time I spend with other people's babies making them the best they can be while my own child grows up without me. I can see why so many women quit working. I'll never get this time back.
I think for the most part I'm okay with it. At least Audrey is with her dad and she is cared for by someone who loves her and thinks she is the best baby in the world. Honestly, Ray could not be a better father. But then my guilt gets replaced with jealousy. Why does he get to have all the fun? She looks for Daddy for comfort. She only sees me as food. It's hard to be away.
I think the guilt is also so bad because I want time to myself but I feel like I'm not entitled to it since I do work outside of the home. How can I possibly deserve time to myself when my baby needs me? I want to take time to go to Target and buy a new nursing tank but I feel guilty for wanting to go without Audrey.
Guilt is a horrible thing. You don't want to talk about it. It's like admitting you are doing something wrong, otherwise why are you feeling guilty? I think I'm also struggling with loneliness. I don't have any physically close best-girlfriends to hang out with and my friends that are close by don't have kids so they probably won't understand and I don't want to be the friend that only talks about their kid. I love Audrey and she is my whole world but sometimes I do long for the big world. Again, that is a horrible thing to say! What mother doesn't want to spend every waking hour with their child? I don't know maybe it's all normal but it sure doesn't feel like it.
I work all day and Ray stays at home with Audrey. Once I come home I take Audrey and feed her and play with her and in general spend time with her but no amount of hours at night can make up for the daytime hours I am not with her. The time I spend with other people's babies making them the best they can be while my own child grows up without me. I can see why so many women quit working. I'll never get this time back.
I think for the most part I'm okay with it. At least Audrey is with her dad and she is cared for by someone who loves her and thinks she is the best baby in the world. Honestly, Ray could not be a better father. But then my guilt gets replaced with jealousy. Why does he get to have all the fun? She looks for Daddy for comfort. She only sees me as food. It's hard to be away.
I think the guilt is also so bad because I want time to myself but I feel like I'm not entitled to it since I do work outside of the home. How can I possibly deserve time to myself when my baby needs me? I want to take time to go to Target and buy a new nursing tank but I feel guilty for wanting to go without Audrey.
Guilt is a horrible thing. You don't want to talk about it. It's like admitting you are doing something wrong, otherwise why are you feeling guilty? I think I'm also struggling with loneliness. I don't have any physically close best-girlfriends to hang out with and my friends that are close by don't have kids so they probably won't understand and I don't want to be the friend that only talks about their kid. I love Audrey and she is my whole world but sometimes I do long for the big world. Again, that is a horrible thing to say! What mother doesn't want to spend every waking hour with their child? I don't know maybe it's all normal but it sure doesn't feel like it.
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