Wheat filled panic

Last Friday I had a moment of panic followed by a moment of being overwhelmed.  We were at the indoor playarea at the mall.  Since Audrey doesn't go to daycare I try to take her places where she can meet other children and play and with the Texas heat it needs to be indoors.  She loves the slide in the area and just climbs and slides, climbs and slides.  Love to hear go "WWEEEEEEEE" during each slide and of course the instant clapping and fit of giggles. 

So the panic was this, there is a TV area where Audrey likes to see and watch herself on camera.  I noticed and then she noticed that there was something orangy on the floor next to her.  First thought in my head "goldfish."  I instantly grabbed it to make sure she didn't pop it in her mouth.  Now how long this orangy thing had been there I have no clue.  It was a top, no wheat but nothing something that any child should be eating.  I panicked; I dashed; I tried to make sure my baby would be okay.  After a moment of relief, I just had a moment of being overwhelmed with the whole allergy thing.  I hated that I was so worried.  I hated that no other parent had freaked out and grabbed this thing.  I hated that it felt so unfair.  I should have worried that she would choke on a piece of plastic not that she would eat a damn goldfish.  I hated the whole situation.

After my little pity party, I got some clarity and then later a true reality check.  I mean I am so lucky.  Audrey's allergy isn't going to kill her.  There are so many moms that have to deal with deadly allergies and all I have to worry about is a horrible stomach ache and broken out skin.  But it is a big deal to me.  I don't want my daughter to hurt.  If I can prevent the pain then I try to.  Later that night on the way home we got milkshakes.  No big deal, right?  Well Audrey and DH both spent the night in agony.  So there I had been worried about a goldfish and the turned around and fed her wheat anyways.  I didn't even think to ask about the milkshake base.  Yeah, I worry and things still get by me.  I guess you can say I'm still learning the ropes.

1 year wheatfree

So Audrey and I are celebrating our one year anniversary of being totally wheat free.  Which means it's been a year since Audrey was released from the hospital for a UTI.  While the doctor never said so (since she's a twit and doesn't believe in the food/body connection) I totally believe it was our eating wheat like it was going out of style for the two months prior that lead to the UTI. 

To be honest, I had been ignoring the signs of her allergy.  The broken out skin, the gas, the night fits, I had my head in the sand.  Thinking back now, I don't know why or how I could do that.  I was upset about the move and all I wanted to was feel normal to eat like a normal person.  So I did.  So we did.  So Audrey paid for it.  All my fault.

Once we brought our baby home I went totally wheat-free.  With the exception of communion each Sunday, I've had no wheat for the last year.  I do miss wheat.  There are times I watch people eat doughtnuts or hamburgers and think man I really want to eat one.  Just one bite can't hurt.  But it does so I don't. 

I got a Facebook comment from a momma who is going gluten-free for her child.  I could hear the stress in her comment and it made me realize that I don't talk too much about my wheatless life, anymore.  Once I came to see it as my normal, once I stopped fighting it, I just stopped talking about it.  I'll try to remember to talk about the struggles.  To remember that helplessness I felt when I first when wheatfree and the joy/calm that still comes over me when I meet other wheatless folk.  So I'll try to share tips and reviews and the such. 

So tip number 1, if you have just gone wheatless/gluten-free know that you are not alone.  Know you can do it.  Know that it is okay to morn the loss of wheat. 

Wordless Wednesday: I think I like your bed better