So I am a horrible person. Hear me out. I don't mean in general but in one specific area. I am not happy for one of my friends. I am trying to be happy for him but the harder I try the harder I find it.
This friend of mine is B's husband. As you might remember B died in childbirth just a little over a year ago. I have really struggled to come to terms with her death. Everytime I think I'm "over" it, something just snaps me back to how not "over" it I really am. Just an example, I got an Averett University magazine. B and I both earned MEds there. Just flipping through the mag and got to the "Deaths" secetion and there was her name. It's been a year but it hit me like it was yesterday. I dropped the mag and cried. So not over it.
So back to B's husband. He's getting married. I'm sure she is a wonderful person. He is a good man and I have no clue the pain and struggle he has had. To lose your wife on the day your first child is born. I can't even image. So I should be happy that he is happy. I am happy for him. I really am. Baby J will have a great mom. But it feels bad to happy for him. Like I'm giving up on B. I don't really know how to describe it. I want to go on his Facebook page and congratulate him but I can't. Everytime I try I just backspace it all and close the page. I don't know how to be happy for him without feeling like I am betraying my friend. She can't be there. She is gone and he deserves to be happy. I am horrible person. When will I be okay with it?
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Super dirty baby
Okay yes I am a lazy mom. If you have read any of my other posts, I fully admit and accept that about myself. Along with being lazy, I think I'm a pretty good mom. My child is by my side and she is filthy. She is happy. She is calm. She is giving me kisses. I too am filthy; covered in fingerpaint and sweaty from teaching Audrey to play catch with our dogs Jasmin and Snoopy. Oh yeah I forgot we both have bubble solution in our hair since I ran the bubble machine. Filthy and happy. I like it. Okay, I love it.
I don't understand moms that refuse to let their children get dirty. I feel bad for children who get yelled at for playing with dirt. (My own nephew has a mother like that. Kid just about has a nervous breakdown when he gets dirty.) Growing up I got to get dirty. I'm thankful for parents that understood and appreciated the value of a good mud fight.
I could keep Audrey inside all day. I could hide all of the pens and pencils and refuse to buy her fingerpaint but what would that really do? Kids need dirt! So I have a super dirty baby. I have a wash and wear baby. It is amazing the things soap and water can clean :) Let your kids be kids. Bring on the dirt!
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