So I am a horrible person. Hear me out. I don't mean in general but in one specific area. I am not happy for one of my friends. I am trying to be happy for him but the harder I try the harder I find it.
This friend of mine is B's husband. As you might remember B died in childbirth just a little over a year ago. I have really struggled to come to terms with her death. Everytime I think I'm "over" it, something just snaps me back to how not "over" it I really am. Just an example, I got an Averett University magazine. B and I both earned MEds there. Just flipping through the mag and got to the "Deaths" secetion and there was her name. It's been a year but it hit me like it was yesterday. I dropped the mag and cried. So not over it.
So back to B's husband. He's getting married. I'm sure she is a wonderful person. He is a good man and I have no clue the pain and struggle he has had. To lose your wife on the day your first child is born. I can't even image. So I should be happy that he is happy. I am happy for him. I really am. Baby J will have a great mom. But it feels bad to happy for him. Like I'm giving up on B. I don't really know how to describe it. I want to go on his Facebook page and congratulate him but I can't. Everytime I try I just backspace it all and close the page. I don't know how to be happy for him without feeling like I am betraying my friend. She can't be there. She is gone and he deserves to be happy. I am horrible person. When will I be okay with it?