Time for me

I just got a haircut.  It had been a good 5 months since my last haircut.  Strangely, I felt a bit guilty taking the time to do it.  Like, I shouldn't be in a stylist chair but next to my DH watching Audrey play.  I have to get over it.  Audrey is getting to be more independent.  I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  She has never been a high needs baby but we do love to be together.  I work full-time; I"m away all day 5 days a week.  I need to spend time with my child but at the same time I need to spend time with myself and with DH.  How do moms with more than 1 kid do it!? 

I have been talking with DH about stepping back in my career once he finishes his Masters.  We want to homeschool and I want to spend time with Audrey without the pressure of work.  I want to be a mom.  DH points out that I have never been good at taking time off.  I have to have my time filled up.  He thinks staying at home would be the death of me.  Maybe he's right.  Can I be happy just being a mom?  But would I just be a mom?  I want to step up my commitment to LLL. I want to teach my daughter.  I want to work more on my blog.  Oh yeah and have more kids.  I think my day would be full.  I also want to go back to college and take some classes but that is a back-burner kind of thing. 

We'll see what happens.  Right now, I'm trying to balance what I have. 

Breastfeeding Goals met

So if you look at my breastfeeding timeline at the top of my blog, I have met my breastfeeding goal.  When I found out I was pregnant and thinking about breastfeeding, my research brought me to the idea that I wanted to breastfed my child for at least 2 years.  2 years is the minimum recommended by WHO.  I had read and heard from other moms that toddlers are picky eaters and breastfeeding would mean that I would know my child was getting the right food.  So 2 years was my goal. 

DH was not thrilled but as a researcher himself, he understood my reasons for setting the goal.  Like everything else with my parenting style, he just goes along as long as DD is happy and healthy.  Now it's been a few months that we passed the comfortable with breastfeeding in public phase.  It kinda wigged us both out for a bit but after seeing so much controversy surrounding NIP, I think we're both back on the NIP bandwagon.  If you want to say something to my big black DH go for it.  So we're NIP to help other couples with NIP.  So I proudly breastfeed a 2-year-old in public without a cover. 

At this point, DD and I are still nursing.  My mom told DD no more boob and DD had a total meltdown!  I mean a serious panic attack.  Needless to say she's more attached to the boobs than before.  So I don't think we'll be weaning anytime soon.  In case you are wondering, DD nurses about 5 - 6 time a day.  Perfectly normal and totally do able.  Some days she might nurse just 4 times, some days it can be like 8.  Everything from here on out is golden.  When will we stop nursing?  I have no clue.  Moving forward it's all on DD.  We'll stop when she is ready.  I met my goal so now I'll just listen to my DD.

Photo taken by AMZ Photo of Lufkin, TX.

10 years of wededness

Dec 28, 2001, I married DH. So we are celebrating 10 years of marriage. I think we have both worked our asses off when it comes to staying married. We both look at marriage as a job. Like any job, you have days that are wonderful and days that are off. Days were you can't believe you have the privilege of being with this person for the rest of your life and days were you can't believe you are giving this person the privilege of being with you for the rest of your life.

Marriage is marriage. We both have said that divorce is off the table. We will make it work or die trying. I find this mentally has worked very well for us. When times have been hard I don't look for the out; I don't toss out divorce to get my way. I know the bad times are not forever. If we work at it the good times will come back around.

I think the best advice on marriage I ever got was to "move away from home and learn to cling to each other."  I've heard it from couples who's marriages/relationships didn't make it. "We just did learn to depend on one another. We always turned to other people first.". So DH and I moved to Virginia in July of 2003. It was the best decision we ever made! I had to trust that DH had my back because I had no one else. We became a family. I know that if we hadn't have made that move we would have been divorced a long time ago. So even though we are back in Texas and back with family, we know that our first family is now each other.  Home is where we are and family is us.

Senior Prom '97

So today I celebrate 10 years of marriage.   They have been everything DH promised they would be: good/bad, sickness/health, rich(relatively speaking)/poor, funny/sad and so much more than I could have or would have thought.  The gift of our Audrey 2 years ago and the addition of Snoopy and Jasmin 3 years before that just added to the love in our family.   I think we both would like to expand the family with a few more children but we're learning to let God be in control and just enjoy the ride.

So to DH:  I love you.  I thank you for everything.  We've gone from 16-year-olds with nothing but dreams to 33-year-olds with a real family of our own.  I know we don't always see eye to eye but as long as you're willing to work at it I'm willing too.  I promise you I'm more stubborn and will always win at the "willing to work at it" game.  We celebrate 10 years of marriage but I hope that when we are looking back from our 50th that we'll see just how stupid and childish our views of ourselves were and how we have finally grown-up.  I look forward to many more years of dancing and singing and in general embarrassing of Audrey.  I pray that God blesses us with more children.  I can't wait to see the things that God has in store for us.  Love you always, Martha