Song response: Emblem3 - Chloe (You're the one I want)

If you don't know this song then look it up.  It is fun and pop-py and sounds like a wonderful idea.  You are just you and I love you for you but listen and it quickly turns into the backhanded complement of the year!

Lyrics:
Chloe, I know your sister turns everyone on
But you're the one I want

No talk about Chloe being hot.  Nothing about Chloe at all.  We know her sister is hot but what about Chloe?  Is she the fat one with a great personality?  What about her turns you on?  I think you just hope the fat chick will put out.

Lyrics:
I love the way that you like candle light

Why the candlelight?  So that you don't have to see my face?  Seriously!

The video is even worse for the back-hand!  They won't let in the models but the Chloes are all model without makeup on!  Where are the girls that look like me?  Actual curves and a spare tire?  I'm fucking hot and turn people on too, right?  Well according to Emblem3, they just settle for me.  I'm not that hot but maybe I'll put out for the right complement.  I don't like this song.

Statistics and me

I have another confession to make and it is one that I have made freely to people but I don't think I've really talked about it here.  I'm afraid of statistics.  I know that is a common fear but it is one that has kept me out of my professional/educational path for a long time. 

See I have two Masters degrees.  When people hear that they are always so impress or think I'm crazy but the reason I have two Masters degrees is statistics.  Rather than face the challange of learning statistics, which I knew I would need for a doctorate, I took the easy way out and earned another Masters degree.  It's a bit crazy.  Fear is a bit crazy in general.

Why talk about this now?  Well it has come to a head.  I have declared myself for the Research and Evaluation cognate for my doctorate in Ed leadership which means statistics!  I'm terrified.  I'm in a catch-22 at the moment.  I have no background in statistics but I'm too advanced in my studies for an elementary stats class.  As a fellow doctoral student told me, "You are too smart.  They teach to the lowest person in the class.  You'll be bored and feel like you've wasted your money."  I know she's right but I'm just so afraid since I'm already coming in behind.  I've decided to work my way through the elementary statistics book so that I can get a foundation in stats and then I'll be jumping into the deep end of the pool with a stats class at the Masters level.  I already said I was scare right? 

If I am going to dare greatly then I have to risk failing.  I don't want to take the easy way out and just choose curriculum and instruction for my cognate.  I want to be a researcher and statistic just can't get the better of me.  I think that would be my deathbed regret if I don't go for it.  I never tried to learn statistics and go for my real dream of being a researcher.  I don't want to chicken out.  I want to stand strong and maybe fail in a huge way going for my dreams.  So I'm daring greatly.  I'm entering the arena.  Courage or comfort, never both, right? 

Embarrassing times in red underwear

Embarrassing is such a hard emotion for me.  Usually embarrassment turns to shame pretty quickly but on Tuesday I actually dared greatly and reached out before it took an ugly turn. 

This is the facebook message I sent to my band mates:

Okay have to share an embarrassing story with you girls. I decided to wear a dress today and on my way to my office I did not know that my backpack would cause my dress to ride up in the back. I was almost at my building when I felt a cool breeze. Yes my ass was all out Good thing I was wearing my red Charlotte set! So I guess I was advertising for Golden Pear.

Yes ladies and the random dude looking for boob pics, I walked in front of the library with my red panties showing, like my ass was all out.  So why tell you good readers this?  I love the work of Dr. Brene Brown and after rewatching some of her Oprah's Lifeclass on Sunday, I am working to dare greatly and identify shame in my life.  

One of the lessons from Dr. Brene Brown is that shame cannot survive being spoken.  If I had told no one then I would have turned that into a shame spiral for myself.  It would have gone from me calling myself stupid for wearing a dress in the first place to body shame to the effect of no one noticed because no one would want to look at your fat ass.  See shame is an ugly thing but rather than sink into the hole of shame, I did what Dr. Brown said and I reached out.  I called my husband and told him.  He made me see the funny side of it.  Then I sent a message to my girls from Red Shoe P&*%.  No one told me I was fat or ugly or how awful or how they would have died on the spot.  Everyone helped me see the funny aspect and the great opportunity for selling underwear and the punk lifestyle I had created for myself.  

Yes it was embarrassing.  It still is embarrassing.  There is no telling what you will think or how you will want to shame me but I hope this helps someone else reach out too.  It is amazing how many people have had experiences similar to those we go through and they wish they had someone to talk to too.  There is an old saying that says there is nothing new under the sun.  If that is true then someone else on this planet is or has gone through something similar to us and we all want to be able to connect and share with someone.  There is no reason to carry shame with us.  Share your story.  

AD TIME:
I was wearing this set which is available at Golden Pear or your local Parfait by Affinitas store. (Hey why not sell some set for my girl at Golden Pear :) )