My daughter is black and I am not.

In case you didn't know, Audrey is half-Mexican and half-Black. I usually don't notice the whole color thing. My husband and I have been a couple for close to 15 years so you just stop noticing but the other day I was playing on the computer and taking pictures of Audrey and I together and I was struck by the fact that my daughter is black. She will probably be able to "pass" as a black woman without anyone questioning her background. Even with her "Mexican" hair, people will just think she has good black people hair with a perm or the ever famous, she's got some Indian in her family.
The problem I have is I'm not black. How do I raise a strong black woman, when I'm not one? How do I raise my daughter to be proud of her Mexicaness, when she will be able to deny it so easily? I'm lucky to have so many strong black woman in my life, my best friend Hithia is an incredible woman and I know she'll be an excellent role model for Audrey. And my mother-in-law and sister-in-law also can't be beat. But shouldn't learning to be a woman come from me? I know she'll get her raising from me, God willing I'll live to see her grow up but tomorrow isn't promised. But I can't help but to worry that I'll miss something vital. Maybe it has nothing to do with blackness and I'm just worried about being a good mom. I guess time will tell.

In her own crib?

Well, last night was a strange night in our house. Miss Audrey did not want to sleep with mommy and daddy. Audrey and I go to bed together at about 9pm. I'm usually exhausted so 9pm is the perfect bedtime for me. I usually nurse her as she drifts off to sleep and I watch her until I'm asleep. It works for us. I'm happy she's happy, Ray gets alone time until he comes to bed around midnight.
Well last night Audrey did not want anyone to touch her or be near her. I nursed and nursed but she would not go to sleep so Ray took her so that I could get some sleep. She fell asleep on the couch next to Ray but she had to be spread out in a huge "y". Every time he would try to bring her to bed, she would wake up and cry. Finally around midnight she came to bed nursed a bit and went to sleep. When I woke up around 4 to check on her and nurse her she was spread in a huge "y" and Ray and I were both barely hanging on to the bed. After her 4am feeding she curled up with me and slept. She was finally so milk drunk that she didn't care if mommy was touching her.
It was strange. I felt so rejected by my own daughter. She's only 3 months old and that seems very young to move her into the crib and away from us. I think I'll be exploring the sidecar option. I don't want her in another room but I want her to have space. What is a mother to do?

I have a booby baby.

I breastfeed my daughter. I believe that it is the best thing for her. I also believe that in America we have a problem with breastfeeding. It seems that many American's have bought into the idea that spending money on their child means better care for their child. That some how the TV is right and formula is just as good as breastmilk so the more expensive the formula the better for baby and the better parent you are.
I don't want to be militant about it. But we are a country of extremes. Either things are all good or all bad and if you have a voice in the middle you are basically lost. I do know there are women that for one reason or another cannot breastfeed but formula is still not the next best choice. However, I also understand that the next best choice, someone else's milk, can be difficult to find.
Formula is so easy. You go to Walmart, or where ever, pick it up, put in a bottle, add water and shake. Feeding can be accomplished. If that is too difficult, you can buy premixed formula that you just add to a bottle.
For me, breastfeeding was the only option. Why should I line the pockets of formula manufacturers? Formula is expensive! I'm not poor, thank God, but I'm not rich either and spending my hard earned money on formula when I can make milk for free just make sense to me.
I have the right and in my own opinion the obligation to breastfeed my child to the best of my ability. Even just an few ounces of breastmilk is better than no breastmilk. I say stick to the man and booby feed your baby. Come one people if Kendra from Girls Next Door can do it with implants then those of us with real jobs and real boobs can do it too!