1 year since

I have been working on a movie of Audrey for my family. It's been fun to go back over the last year of pictures to see the changes in my life. On Saturday 4/26, was exactly one year that we found out we were pregnant. I still remember that pink plus sign like it was yesterday. I also have a picture of it so I can still look at it! It really doesn't seem that long ago and yet I have a four-month old daughter.

I've also been thinking a lot about the people in my life and out of my life. Audrey's birth has really shaken up my circle of friends. I've been able to reconnect with several college friends thanks to the momma connection. And yet even with a wider circle of friends I feel like I've lost a very important friend along the way. This friend was hurt by my carelessness. I have to admit that my actions weren't fair and were thoughtless. She was newly married and had bought a new house and I should have taken the time to acknowledge it. I know that a simple card was all that I needed but at the same time now that I've had time to process and grieve the lost of friendship I'm kinda glad. I took ownership of the failure and now I'm trying to make sure I don't lose other people that are important to me. I don't think I'll ever get over the attack on my husband, she said he would be a horrible father, nice thing to say to a woman that is 8 months pregnant. But again, if that is how she felt I'm glad she expressed herself rather than continue being my friend and feeling that way. Right?

I miss having friends that are close by. Talking to my best college friend last night reminded me of just how far apart everyone is. The internet makes everything seem close. I have 24hr access to people and yet I don't have anyone to get a pedicure with. It's amazing how lonely I feel sometimes. I'm not overwhelmed by motherhood but I feel physically isolated. I know that I can email with other mommas, I can "chat" with them but I don't have one to just hang with. I'm looking forward to returning to Texas because at least I'll have my family around.

Anyways sorry for the downer of a blog today but it's been on my mind and I just need to write it out.

My left boob is an overachiever

I like to come with funny titles for my blogs. It's almost the best part. Maybe that is why people use Tweeter. Its short and sweet.
Anyways on to today's topic. So I'm pumping and noticing a huge increase in production. Okay so like 2 oz doesn't seem huge but it is. I've gone from 10 oz a day to 12 + oz a day. I'm not sure if Audrey is ramping me up for a growth spurt or if I need to put away the Milky Tea.
It doesn't seem that I have much extra milk since Audrey is eating thur everything I leave for her but I want to reach my goal of 150 oz in the freezer so I can donate and so far I'm at 130. The problem I'm having is that only my left boob is ramping up. I don't think I'm too lopsided yet but I'm starting to get a little self-conscience about it. I can't produce an extra 2 oz out of one boob and it not be noticeable, right?
I'm not sure if that means anything that lefty is out producing righty. I try to feed her off both in a normal switching rotation. I drink my Milky Tea on both sides of my mouth. Both boobs are in a bra. I have no clue why the change! But if I start leaning to one side when I walk I'll blog about it!

To cover or not to cover, that is the question of the day.

Audrey hates to eat with anything on her head. So I usually try to feed her without covering up. I mean I would hate to eat with a blanket on my head so why should she? We do find ourselves out of the house pretty often on the weekends so I'm having to eat her in public. Personally, I've gotten over my shyness and besides I have to feed my daughter. Most of the time I can use my wrap to cover my actual breast while feeding so that nothing is placed on Audrey's head but there have been times that I break down and cover the whole operation. It's those times that Audrey eats the least and fights eating. I know she's hungry but she just doesn't do well with anything over her head.
The other day, I was out with a friend and she was the one trying to cover me up. I didn't have my wrap on so I ended up using a blanket to cover up. Audrey just gave up eating. Later that day, after I put my wrap on and used just the side cover, Audrey couldn't get enough. I want people to feel comfortable but I'm getting to the point that I just don't care. Audrey must eat, they don't have to look.
Why are people so scared of boobs and nipples? Everyone has nipples. Just because mine has a baby attached doesn't mean that mine is now dirty or a horrible thing. Men walk around all day without a shirt on (most are super gross looking) and that's okay but if I have a little nipple showing people run. One of Ray's friends barely noticed me feeding Audrey and totally freaked out and ran the other way.
So to cover or not to cover? At this point I find covering pointless. If I cover she doesn't eat so there is no point to covering. I'll keep using my wrap to provide cover but it's just a boob. If you have a problem with it, then you are the boob!