Monday, April 26, 2010

1 year since

I have been working on a movie of Audrey for my family. It's been fun to go back over the last year of pictures to see the changes in my life. On Saturday 4/26, was exactly one year that we found out we were pregnant. I still remember that pink plus sign like it was yesterday. I also have a picture of it so I can still look at it! It really doesn't seem that long ago and yet I have a four-month old daughter.

I've also been thinking a lot about the people in my life and out of my life. Audrey's birth has really shaken up my circle of friends. I've been able to reconnect with several college friends thanks to the momma connection. And yet even with a wider circle of friends I feel like I've lost a very important friend along the way. This friend was hurt by my carelessness. I have to admit that my actions weren't fair and were thoughtless. She was newly married and had bought a new house and I should have taken the time to acknowledge it. I know that a simple card was all that I needed but at the same time now that I've had time to process and grieve the lost of friendship I'm kinda glad. I took ownership of the failure and now I'm trying to make sure I don't lose other people that are important to me. I don't think I'll ever get over the attack on my husband, she said he would be a horrible father, nice thing to say to a woman that is 8 months pregnant. But again, if that is how she felt I'm glad she expressed herself rather than continue being my friend and feeling that way. Right?

I miss having friends that are close by. Talking to my best college friend last night reminded me of just how far apart everyone is. The internet makes everything seem close. I have 24hr access to people and yet I don't have anyone to get a pedicure with. It's amazing how lonely I feel sometimes. I'm not overwhelmed by motherhood but I feel physically isolated. I know that I can email with other mommas, I can "chat" with them but I don't have one to just hang with. I'm looking forward to returning to Texas because at least I'll have my family around.

Anyways sorry for the downer of a blog today but it's been on my mind and I just need to write it out.