Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Breastfeeding makes me feel like a slut . . .

Okay not really but at the same time yes really. I don't look at clothes the same way. Now I look for clothes that give easy access to my breast. That's kinda slutty, right?
Before baby, I was a pretty shy and usually pretty covered up. I'm not one to show a lot skin. But now I have to have access to my breasts in order to feed my daughter. It's kind of a mind shift. At first I didn't really think about what I was wearing and then I would be stuck with my belly all exposed because the only way to feed Audrey was for me to pull my shirt all the way up. Even now I catch myself pulling on my shirt to see if I can get a boob comfortably out the top.
After some great advice I wear nursing tanks so that even if I have to pull my shirt up I don't feel all exposed. I'm learning the right things to wear.
What I still struggle with is how to nurse in public. There is a part of me that just wants to let it all hang out and just wipe out my boob and feed my daughter and then there is the part of me that is shy and I want to be discreet about it. But then who am I protecting? Audrey needs to eat and people who bottle feed just wipe out the bottle and don't think twice. Why should I care? Everybody has nipples so surely seeing mine won't be a big deal.
Sometime I try to put myself in Audrey's position. Would I like to eat with a blanket on my head? Heck no. So far I have dropped the blanket cover unless I have a bad vibe. For the most part Audrey's head covers my nipple and I usually use the Moby to cover my boob but not her head. I can tell she does much better that way. I'm pretty good at getting her into position without anyone noticing. I'm pretty bad at putting myself back together without anyone noticing. I seem to my boob just hanging out while I get my nursing pad back in place and my tank back together. I'm getting better and I love breastfeeding. I feel like a mother, a good mother. I might not be a great mom in other areas but at least I know I'm meeting my daughter's nutritional needs, even if it does require a walk on the slutty side. :)