Girlfriends

One of things I'm learning about motherhood is that it can be very isolating.  If your friends are living the sex and city life then they don't really have time for talks on birthing/breastfeeding/or baby poop.  I don't blame them one bit.  But I am also finding that I can find new moms to connect with too.  I have about 5 blogs I read faithfully.  They are blogs from moms that are just doing the best they can and sharing their experiences along the way.  I had also found a wonderful group in Greensboro called Triad Tot Toters that was amazing but now that we living in Texas, I'm back to being by myself again. :(

This weekend I was finally able to go see my bestest friends in the whole world.  One has been my BFF since 7th grade, so like almost 20 years!  The other has been a BFF since college so only about 10 years.  They finally got to meet Audrey and Miss Audrey of course charmed them.  It was fun to talk to the girls about their lives, see their new homes, share how my life has changed in the time since I saw them last.  We laughted, we cried, we shared and we made promises to see each other real soon.  I can't wait to see them again. 

I miss having people I can just go out with.  I think you can see a theme for me, loniness.  I wish the girls lived closer, they are both still about 5 hours away.  I take a weekend and go down there but I still wish I could just show up and go and have a fun girls night and then sleep in my own bed.  Just plan a last minute nail appointment or something simple like just picking them up and head to the movies. 

Does that life even exist for me anymore?  Now I have to make sure that someone can watch Audrey.  No more just running off.  While I miss the girlfriends, I think my trade off for Audrey has been worth it.  Maybe I can't just jet off to Paris but to be honest I never did before so why would I now?  I think I really need to just get a new cell phone with unlimited text and email so my girls and I can keep in better contact.  We have all gotten so busy we can't even find time to talk.  But I think the occasional, "You're awesome" text might be kinda nice.

Fever dreams

Audrey was released from the hospital yesterday.  We finally saw her pedi after she ran a fever for 3 days straight.  Her highest was 104.6 but the pedi's answering service recommended just staying home and giving Tylenol.  When we finally saw the doc, she sent us straight to the hospital.  It was a bit scary.  She was talking about spinal taps and how we should have been to the emergency room.
The doc ordered so many tests and procedures.  Honestly it was very difficult to watch them hurt my baby to try to make her better.  I know I should be happy that Audrey is better but I really wonder how much was really necessary.  As I write I'm listening to her breath and think she might be wheezing a little but I'm too scared of the doctor to really considering going just a for quick follow up.  We need a new doctor for Audrey.
We have talked to several people in the area and we get the same thing, well all the doctors around here are the same, they all suck.  Surely that can't be true.  There has to be one decent doctor in the Lufkin, Tx area!  I hope. 

Weaning

Today's topic at La Leche League meeting was weaning.  We wrote weaning stories for our children.  Some from experience, some of us for the future and others with stars in their eyes and babies in their bellies.  They were beautiful and touching.  You could hear the pain in the stories.  The acceptance of letting their children grown up and ending the breastfeeding relationship.

I dread the idea of weaning Audrey.  I love breastfeeding her.  The closeness and bond we share.  The private mommy and baby time that no one else can ever have with her.  I'm hoping we'll make it to 2 year for Audrey.  DH and I have talked about trying to have another baby after Audrey turns one, which would mean tandum (sp?) feeding and bfing during pregnancy, two things I had never thought about doing.  Feed two babies at one time when they are different ages the thought had never crossed my mind.  I had always thought breastfeeding during pregnancy was dangerous.  So many things to think about! 

For now Audrey and I are dealing with thrush.  I hate thrush.  I honestly think it hurts worse than childbirth!  so we'll continue treating with Grapefruit Seed Extract.  It is clearing up just not gone all the way.