Strike a pose(r)

So the discussion of what it means to be a poser has been swirling around me as of late.  I think it mostly has to do with the idea of being authentic.  If you are living your most authentic life then you don't have a time/need to pose as something you are not.  However, if you have never had a "Come to Jesus" talk with yourself then how in the hell do you ever stop posing your life away?

As part of my doctoral journey, I've had to come face to face with some painful truths about myself.  I've had to face fears and grow.  (I don't like the work change, I prefer to grow like a seed.)  I am noticing that many people in my cohort seem to resist growth or at least in calling a spade a spade.  I don't tend to use a filter and I speak pretty bluntly.  I think many people find me short and cutting but I just don't see the need to bs people.

Anyways, so back to posing.  How do you know you are a poser?  I mean if you live your life as a hipster what defines you as a hipster instead of a hipster poser?  I'm using hipster since according to DH, I am a hipster.  This goes to the whole idea of identity.  I don't identify as a hipster.  I really do prefer pop music with an edge of alternative music.  I prefer to homeschool/unschool my child.  I shop at goodwill because I'm poor not trendy.  I drink my coffee at an independent coffeehouse because my husband owns one.  I'm gluten-free because my DD and DH are both allergic to wheat.  I don't live a hipster lifestyle in my opinion but if I look up "Hipster-subculture" you might as well put my picture there.  So am I poser without even realizing it?  Is it possible to be viewed as a poser without even noticing since you are just being your authentic self?

Why the need for labels?  Is it an American thing?  Do other cultures require labels?  In Mexico you are poor or rich.  I don't know that outside of social status there are many other labels.

Why pose?  Why hide under the clothes of another person?  How do you expand your mind without the wearing the clothes of posing at some point?  Is posing bad?

I think as some point we all pose.  I think of myself in school.  I posed as the all-american girl trying hard not to be Mexican, like I could ever out run it.  Once I had my "Come to Jesus" talk with myself about my identity I started embracing my Mexican-ness and I can breath better.  I don't understand posing as a life-style choice (well as an all-life encompassing life-style choice).  Don't it weight you down to carry so many lies?  Don't you get tried of running from yourself?  Does digging deep into your pain really scare you to the point you would rather die as any person but yourself?

Randon Recipe: #Glutenfree Pancakes

I've tried lots of pancake recipes and mixes and I've hit on one that I really like so here it is:

1 1/2 cups of brown rice flour
2 tsp. of baking power
1 egg slightly beaten
1 cup of milk
pinch of salt

Optional (depending on your taste)
1/2 cups of sugar
1 tsp of vanilla

I say play with the sugar and vanilla amounts.  I like a sugar cookie-like pancake but I think you make this more savory by changing up the add ins.

Mix up the ingredients.  put it on the hot griddle til they are ready. 

You might need to add more rice flour if they are too running.  Most recipes start you with 1 cup of flour but that ratio seems to running for gf pancakes.  This recipe gave me fluffy pancakes which is what I missed most from regular pancakes.  Enjoy!

 

The pancake on the left had 1 1/2 cups of flour and the one on the left only had 1 cup.  

#Mamavation Monday: Strength training

So this week's topic is strength training and I'll be honest I usually avoid it.  I'm not confident I know what to do and I'm afraid I'll hurt myself.  I am also usually alone and I don't think we're suppose  lift alone.

Okay with my excuses aside, I do try to  lift dumbbells and I have the Mamavation 2-week challenges to thank for the confidence and routine.  I keep the Mama Guns routine as my go to for lifting and when I started I struggled with 15 lbs weights and now I'm up to 20 without much problem.

I do have an idea in my mind that I would love to be strong enough to do an unassisted pull up.  I know I can build strength and I just need to commit to building my strength to reach my goals.  I'm toying with the idea of setting up a few private training sessions so I can set up a strength building routine that will lead to my goal.  Right now I'm toning up and I can see a real change.  My arms are looking great but now I"m up for the challenge of building some major muscle power!

#WordlessWednesday Low Ropes

#Mamavation Monday - The Stairs

So I have been taking the stairs instead of the elevator!  My office is on the fourth floor and I'm slowly keeping my breath more and more.  The first day I lost my breath on the second floor.  Now I'm good until the 3rd floor.  I'm recovering pretty quickly but recovery has never really been a problem.  I have no clue why I seem to sweat like a pig and lose my breath very easily and then recover in 30 seconds flat.  It makes me feel like I don't workout hard enough but then I push until I can't push and still recover quickly.  I've lost 2lbs since making the switch to the stairs and my ass is getting rounder so this is a total win-win for me :)

Anyways, I conquered the high ropes the week before last.  I tried all three challenges and I only fell off of one!  I didn't really fall off, I just could not find a way to stand up on the pole for the leap of faith so I just let go.  The hardest part of the whole thing was on the first challenge were I was reaching from vine to vine and suddenly the whole ropes course started to shake.  I just knew I was going to fall.  I held fast!  I was shaken as much as humanly possible at the moment.  Shaking and 30 feet in the air and I held fast.  I'm taking that lesson into my life in general.  I can survive anything!  I can be shaken and I can survive!

Gym Mom: What the flip just happened?

Ravebaby (okay let's change it to GymGirl from here on out) just made the gymnastics team. She's four and they have a new pre-competition squad; basically they are being groomed for the tougher "real" team. We started at Tall Timbers when the gym first opened almost 2 and half years ago. GymGirl is one of the original students. I remember when she would be told to jump and she just lifted her heels. The office lady said it the other day, "from diaper bug to team, she's come a long way." GymGirl is super excited about team. I'm not so excited about the cost but for GymGirl I would do just about anything. I never saw myself as a Gym Mom. I excepted a daughter who wanted to do karate or be a drummer and I know there is still plenty of time ahead for those things. I'm nervous about the commitment we've all made. Not just money but time. Meets are on Saturdays (GymGirl will have 5 next Spring so much for pre-competition) and I'm still working on this doctorate. I'm also looking at returning to work full-time which complicates homeschooling a bit. I know everything will work itself out. I must trust in God's plan but I'm still wondering What the Flip just Happened!

Diaper Bug 2012

First Day of Team Try-outs 2014

Team Try-outs

Last Day of Team Try-outs

Team T-shirt

Fat Martha

I originally posted this on my tumblr but the more I thought about it I realized it belonged here. Why hide on tumblr? I've always been open and honest so here is another open and honest piece. So DH keeps getting on to me about calling myself fat. He tells me I’m beautiful. I believe he is telling the truth according to his view point. He asked why I still don’t believe it. So why don’t I believe I’m beautiful? Good question and here are some thoughts: 1. If I’m beautiful then why didn’t anyone look like me on tv? I would think as least one show would feature a lady that is beautiful like me instead of just skinny hags. 2. If DH could only see the kids I get when I’m not next to him. The looks of disgust on many a person’s face. The whispers about how dare I wear x or y. 3. My mom on my birthday this year called me fat. This is pretty much a weekly occurrence, in my childhood it was closer to daily. It is so fucking hard to take that voice out of your head. So I’m beautiful, okay. I know many realities exist at once. In DH’s reality I’m beautiful. In my mom’s reality, I’m fat. In my reality, I struggle. Just a side note, my mom is great. I love her dearly and most of the time being called fat is more of a term of endearment. Being Mexican being called "Gordita" means more like I see you and love you the way you are instead of just meaning Fatty (which is the literally translation of the word).