What is a soulmate?

 So the topic of the soulmate has been crossing my path a lot lately.  Recently one of my younger running friends was contemplating finding a soulmate and what he is looking for in that person.  Now it was a Facebook post and I had a few minutes so I responded.  Now I'm going on almost 20 years of marriage so I'm the first to admit, I have no real idea what it is like to be dating in today's world.  I have several single friends so I get to hear all about the horribleness of the current dating scene.  But the thing about being married for almost 20 years has also opened my mind to what or who a soulmate is in my life and what it means to have a soulmate and a romantic partner.

So what is a soulmate?  Honestly, I haven't done the research but as I look around, I know I have had more than 1 soulmate.  As I think about soulmates, I stopped to think about my soul and I came to the conclusion, the soul is multidimensional.  For me, in my mind, I have a vision of a heart that is like a cut crystal so there are lots of surfaces and flat spaces.  So to me, a soulmate is a person that fits into one of the spaces/surfaces of my soul.  There is a person that fits each space, maybe they fit several spaces but I have lots of spaces so then I have lots of soulmates.

As I was thinking about my soulmates, I thought about the ones I have lost along the way.  It was hard to go over those naked scarred areas.  Remembering those who have left.  Number one is a person that I use to talk a lot about on this blog back in 2012-2014 or so.  My ex-bandmate, the person I called "Soul-sister."  She has moved on in life and she is completely out of my life at this point.  I still miss her.  She was a person that seemed to get me, understand me, and allowed me to be myself even if she hated certain aspects of my personality.  No one will be able to fit those spaces the way she did.  Honestly, there has been so much life since then that I don't think she could fit those spaces the same way anymore but she was a soulmate.  

Even now, I have probably 2 soulmates outside of my husband.  These are not romantic partners.  These are friends that I met and just clicked with.  Right now if something cool/interesting happens, outside of my husband, these are the folks I want to call/text.  I can go for a run and just tell one of these folks, like everything.  Mom stuff, professional stuff, runner stuff, growing older stuff and we can have those conversations as we are dying on the running trails or later while we enjoy some coffee.  She was a person who came into my life through a mutual friend and just felt like a sister I didn't know I had.  

A soulmate that is still dear to me but actually lives far away is the groom (see blogs from 2013 for more info on him).  I got to see him again a few years ago when I took a trip back to NC/VA area.  It was just like there had been no time apart.  When I moved to Va, he became the big brother I never had, and helping him find a wife was one of the best experiences of my life (I love his wife!).  We just clicked.  I was brand new to the school.  I never felt like I fit the program but the Groom was just so much fun to get to know and really he is like a brother.  I don't get to see him very often, I communicate with his wife more, but we still just fit together and I have a friend locally that is also like an older brother, no one else fits like the Groom.

These soulmates all help me grow and learn more about myself.  They were people with whom I just clicked.  They are people that I name in my prayers.  They are the people that when I was with them physically, it was like a warm hug even if we are sitting across a table from each other.  

Yes having a romantic partner is awesome and amazing and I'm blessed but having those other soulmates is necessary too.  My husband can't be my everything and it isn't fair to try and make him that for me.  Don't be afraid of having lots of soulmates and don't limit yourself to only using the term soulmate for the person in your bed.  

I'm a TROT Ambassador!

 Happy New Year!

So I have a bit of exciting news to share!  If you read the title then you know what it is.  I am officially a Trail Racing Over Texas ambassador!  We are known as the TROT Tribe!

So what does that mean?  Basically, I get to promote TROT races and be part of a kick-ass community.  What does that mean for you?  More posts about running and racing and an invitation to join the community by running and interacting with us.  

As you lived in 2020, you probably noticed that not many races were held.  TROT actually held some live races in the Fall and even with the awesome COVID protocols, due to my parent living with me, I just didn't feel like I could risk it.  So in 2020, I ran Running the Rose (11 miles), which was a TROT race, and then the Race for Hope Half-Marathon here in Lufkin, both pre-Covid.  

Now in 2020, I more or less kept my commitment to run 40 miles per month.  I got a total of 700 miles for the year but I'll be honest, I didn't always get 40 per month. I used running to survive working from home so in May and June I got 100 each month then I more or less coasted to 700.  Had I actually kept my 40 per month then there is no telling how many miles I could have gotten?  Part of my running was I was training for my 1st 50k and then when I saw that running a race was just not safe enough for my family, I just felt like the wind was out of my sails.  Getting the TROT ambassadorship means I'm back at it.  Back to training for my 1st 50k.  I will be an ultramarathoner by the end of 2021.  Actually, I'm targeting late April at the TROT Brazos Bend 50.  

Okay back to the point of this post, I want to tell you about TROT and why I wanted to work with them.  So like I mentioned earlier, I have run a few races with TROT.  I have also run with a different trail racing company and I can tell you TROT is the best.  Rob, the race director/owner, has created a community for all runners.  So many races are focused on elite athletes.  If the back of the pack runner finishes great but the race isn't really for them.  Rob does not operate that way.  He wants everyone to run and enjoy trails.  Rob makes sure he has plenty of food and drinks at the aid stations and that aid stations aren't so far apart a runner would be in danger.  Trust me, not all racing companies worry about that.  

You know I'm a fluffy runner.  I'm a plus-sized runner.  I'm a "back of the pack", I just want to finish runner.  My run at Tejas in September 2019 is the race that made me love TROT.  Y'all I almost didn't finish. It was hot and humid.  The trail is hard.  Rob saw me come into the aid station and talked me into finishing.  He gave me tips.  He gave me encouragement.  Everybody at that race did that for me.  When I ran Running the Rose, Jan 2020, just weeks after recovering from pneumonia, I did so knowing that if it when south on me, I would be safe.  I knew someone would find me and help me get to safety if I just couldn't move anymore.  There might be world-champs on the trail but when I run with TROT, I feel like I'm an elite athlete.  I get fed.  I get hydrated.  I get love.  All of that comes from the top down.  It starts with ROB!

So run with TROT!  On January 16, from 2pm-7pm CST, TROT will be hosting a Signupathon.  25% of race entries and race credits, y'all races will be on sale but just during that time so hop on to the TROT Facebook page and join in the fun.

I hope some of you will join TROT for a race or two this upcoming season.  Races usually have a 5k, 10k, 25k, 50k, and 50 Mile+ option so there is a doable distance for everyone with a published cut off time.  You can totally do it!

If you have questions you can always drop me an email martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com  

If you live local to me then please feel free to contact me about joining me for a trail run.  Yes, it can be scary to get out there alone, especially on a trail you have never run so reach out and let run/walk/crawl a few miles together!

Even if it cost you everything: Jeannie Gaffigan

 Depending on what you view for entertainment, you may or may not know who Jeannie Gaffigan is.  Hopefully, you know her husband, Jim Gaffigan.  Both are known as strong family values people and are openly Catholic.  So what does that have to do with anything?

Let me take you back a couple of years to a guy named Colin Kaepernick.  He was a pro-football player who refused to stand for the National Anthem.  He chose to kneel.  He was working to bringing attention and change to police interactions with the Black community.  He lost his job.  He lost his career.  He put it all on the line and it cost him.  Nike, the shoe company, then ran an ad campaign around not just Mr. Kaepernick but his sacrifice was the kickoff point.

Again, what the hell does that have to do with the Gaffigans?  Jim's career has been built on him being a good Christian dad.  Jeannie is an amazing writer and the brains behind his career moves.  They have granted lots of interviews and seek opportunities that are on-brand for them.  They don't go out and do un-Christian things.  They are so not-Hollywood.  It is more important to be true to themselves than to make money.  Like the Gaffigans are everything we want Hollywood Christians to be.  They appeal to Catholics.  They appeal to Christians.  They appeal to pro-family values folks.  In other words, their audience is a bunch of Trumpers, but not exclusively and in fairness, they haven't courted Trumpers, it just happens that those are the people who connect to them.

Oh hell, Martha, what is your point?  Well, a few months ago, they made the decision to come out in favor of Biden/Harris.  Jim released videos blasting Trump.  Jeannie tweeted Biblical and Catholic doctrine reasons for why as a Christian you can't vote for Trump.  Y'all, two people who didn't need to say a damn thing and who know that it could very well cost them everything spoke up because it was on their hearts.  They put their safety on the line.  They put their careers on the line.  

Keep in mind, they are not known for being political.  Their fan base could have turned on them completely.  They knew they could stay silent.  They could cast their vote privately and let people just assume who they would be voting for but no they stood up for what is right.  They got hate for it.  They lost some opportunities for it.  They never backed down.  Even today, they are getting threats and hate.  They are not backing down.

So what?  I was publically supporting Biden/Harris but I was very careful to not make any statements that labeled me a "Catholic for Biden" because I knew the hate that would come my way.  But when I saw the Gaffigans stand up, I did too.  I changed my Twitter profile to include that I am a #CatholicForBiden and man did the hate wave come my way.  I'm a nobody and I got hate.  I can't imagine what they got.

Why am I singling out Jeannie?  She is a mom.  She is a Catholic mom who is truly a role model for me.  I've been reading her tweets.  She is smart and funny.  She educates without insulting.  She quotes the Bible and Catholic doctrine not just responses with feeling.  She is amazing.  I hope to one day be able to put the perfect quote that shows caring and research.

Thankfully Biden won.  I'm more hopeful than I have been in the last four years.  I hope that more people stand up and keep Biden moving in the right direction.  The work is far from over.  As we keep moving forward, I just wanted to stop for a second and acknowledge Jeannie Gaffigan for being a role model.  She stood up when she didn't have to.  She risked everything for her beliefs.  In a world that praises making money and physical beauty above all, be Jeannie.

Switching focus for a better outcome: Pahla B's 31 Day Workout Challenge

So I'm switching my workout routine and goals. If you have been reading me for a while, then you know I'm a runner and have actually completed a marathon along with a few 25k trail races.  I have been working towards running my 1st Ultramarathon, a 50K trail race, which was scheduled for the end of September.  Well, my race was canceled and is now virtual.  What I love about trail running is the trail so running it virtually does not really float my boat.  I could actually go out to the trail, it is only 45 minutes from my house and run the race but I'm not feeling that either.

I am a very goal-oriented person.  I need to be working towards something and with my 50k postponed until at least 2021, I have decided to change my focus.  Ever since my marathon, I have been experiencing perimenopausal symptoms.  My OB/GYN said that the long-distance running makes the symptoms worse but naturally I ignored him and have been adding lots of distance.

Well, I run/walked 330 miles (runs measured in Nike so even more than that hitting 10,000 steps regularly) since April 1st.  Basically running became my escape during the quarantine.  What I didn't realize until last week was how bad my perimenopause was getting.  I have been having lots of "heart flutters."  Now I'm not proud to admit this but I've been hiding it from my husband.  I don't want to go to the doctor to be told it's nothing.  I went the ER last summer thinking I was having a heart attack and my heart was in excellent shape.  Basically, I'm one of those lucky women with a hormone-induced irregular heartbeat.  It wasn't until someone in a forum posted about that being a thing that I was able to pinpoint the issues for myself.  Remember I have been ignoring my doctor's advice for almost a year.  

I'm all of 41 and I'm not a fan of the heart flutters, lack of sleep, micro-hot flashes, and the lack of weight loss.  Now before we move forward, my heart is strong and my blood pressure is great.  I did notice that my LDL cholesterol number was up and my HDL was down, which after a bit of research could be linked to my perimenopause, which the extra miles seem to be making worse.  

So where does that leave me?  I'm dropping back the miles.  I'm changing my focus.  Instead of working towards the 50k, I'm going to get strong.  No more excuses and I'm going to really diversify my workouts.  I'm starting with Pahla B's 31-day workout challenge.  I found her channel maybe 3 weeks ago on Youtube and really enjoy her approach to working out.  She has an e-book to go with the 31-day challenge and all of the videos are on Youtube.  I have the 1st one embedded in this post.  

One of the most interesting tidbits, I have found with Pahla B has been the idea of working out too much stressing your body and actually keeping you from losing weight.  Like the exact point, my doctor made last year.  The exact thing my body and labs keep pointing too: moderate working out is what I need.  As if to underscore the point, I ran a 5k in the high-noon Texas heat on Thursday and it wiped me out, like mild heat exhaustion wipe out.  I could not sleep.  My heart flutters were bad.  My stomach stayed in knots.  So Friday, I did some Pahla B active rest day yoga and then nothing this weekend.  Last night, Sunday was the best sleep I had had in a few days.  My body wanted rest instead of a 10k, which was on my plan.  So that's it.  I'm pulling back on miles and I'm going the Pahla B revolution for the next 31-days.  

Schooling in the time of Covid

So in March, our lives basically imploded.  For many Texas children, they went home for Spring Break and then did not go back to school.  We are day 120-something of social distancing and quarantine.  I know for me it feels chaotic.  I imagine for the children watching all of us grown-ish folx, this is a very confusing time.   

Now, if you remember correctly, my doctoral dissertation was written on unschooling, and pretty close to 100% of my writing and research during my doctoral studies were focused on homeschooling.  To say that my views and recommendations have been in demand is an understatement.  Now, I haven't gotten any media attention, thankfully, but many friends and family members have been reaching out.  So I'm going to give my perspective on the current situation.  I'm going to avoid the politics of it; that may become a post over on Wetback American since I try to keep my politics over there.  

Things to keep in mind as you read:

1 - I was a public school educator for 9 years.

2 - I was a private school administrator for 3 years.

3 - My oldest child, Gymgirl, has been educated with a mixture of private school and homeschooling.

4 - I believe in the power of children and as such, I am a firm believer in unschooling.

5 - My own education has been a mixture of public and private schools at the k-12 level and in higher education.

Okay so you don't feel mislead or like I'm hiding anything.  I will also admit, I have a lot of issues with public schooling, namely, it is schooling and not education.  Again, I'm going to leave the politics at the door but if I'm not transparent then I feel like I'm trying to hide something or that I'm ashamed of something.

Now the meat of the issue:

Where should I put my children next year?  The only real answer is to do what is best for you and your family.  That is the beginning and the end of the conversation.  You can take what I say and other experts say into consideration but the decision is yours and yours alone.  

Things to consider:

1 - Can you keep your children at home, safely?

    Who can provide supervision?

    If my children are old enough to stay by themselves, who can be your backup if suddenly your children need help?  Last-minute illness?  No electricity?  Other safe spaces for them?

2 - What kind of learner is your child?

    Does your child need lots of structure?

    Do they go to bed late?  Are they early risers?

    Does your child have special learning needs?

3 - Does your child seek/need routine?

    This is especially important in light that school may close and open randomly throughout the semester.  

4 - Are you a seeker of routine?

    I love routine.  I need to know basically what my day is going to look like, my meetings or if I am on-campus or off-campus.  Honestly, sick days ruin my whole week.  I need a routine.  Public and private schools are more than likely going to have to close and reopen a couple of times.  Do you have a plan?

5 - What is your backup school plan?

    Like I have mentioned above.  Public and private schools are going to have to respond and follow state and local guidelines.  If your area becomes a hotspot and you are an essential worker, what is your plan for your children?  If there is an exposure and schools close for a day, week, month, what will you do?

6 - Does your child have any special medical needs/conditions?

    If your child were to get Covid, is there any reason for you to think your child would be hit harder, ie is your child high-risk or medically fragile?

7 - Is there anyone in your household or back-up household, who is high-risk/medically fragile?

    Again, this isn't a disease that is generally fatal for healthy people so it is possible that your household can get Covid and everyone does just fine.  You need to consider things like an older parent in the house, someone with a chronic health condition, and not just in your household but in the household of whoever is your backup in case of a shutdown.

    

As you can see this is an ultra-personal choice and frankly it is nobody's business.  If you are sending your children to school here is advice:

A - Prepare them with positive viewpoints of the situation.  Your hatred of mask, Trump, Covid, none of that is the teacher or school's fault.  Your children will reflect your attitude so fix it now!

B - Be prepared for chaos, especially at first.  So talk to your kids.  This is a brand new situation to all of us.  Yes, the first day will be strange and difficult. Again, it is not the teacher or school's fault.  

C - Prepare your sometimes people die talk.  I am praying that you never need it but get it ready.  More than likely your child will know someone who has lost someone to COVID and they'll bring that talk home.  Be ready.  If the health officials are correct, we will lose teachers and students.  Be ready.  It is a tough topic.  As an administrator, sharing bad news was always hard, and watching the effects on the class, students and teachers, was heartbreaking.

D - Find out the district's plan for exposures.  This is the hardest one really because there are so many unknowns.

E - Support teachers and school staff.  This is hard on everyone.  As school personnel, we love our students.  We want to get back to normal.  There isn't a teacher around that want to infect a child with COVID.  We are also human and have to work with the system and the rules set forth.  

Finally, my recommendations:

If you need to keep your child at home, I suggest looking into online computer-based schooling.  In Texas, we have a few companies.  I highly recommend K12.com  I have known people who worked for them and have seen a few students transition to this program pretty well.  Teachers and administrators are certified so the curriculum mirrors that of the public schools.  Before you pick an online school, check out their requirements for their instructors.  Not everyone requires a teaching license or previous experience.  This is nice option since your child has to log-on to do their work so they can create a routine and have support from a real person.

Also, you don't have to pick an online school.  You can unschool.  You can buy a prepackage curriculum like Seton Home Study (Catholic) or Abeka Homeschool (Baptist) if you want something with worksheets and books but not on screen.

No tee, no shade, you have to do what is best for you and your family.  It takes a village to keep your kids at home and not everybody has a village full of retired teachers ready to teach the neighborhood kids.  If you need more information or want to just talk it out, email me (martha (at) wheatlessmama (dot) com).  We can set up a zoom meeting.  This is hard.  You are not alone.  It feels like a political statement no matter what you do but seriously, keep your politics out of it and focus on what works best for you and your kids!

100 miles for Trans-gendered Rights

So today is July 8th and I have had a few days to think about my June miles.  Along with time to think, I have really been enjoying not forcing myself to get in a run daily.  I love rest days!

I currently have a student who is sharing her journey through the transiting process via her social media.  She has shared some hate that has blown her way.  At one point, she shared a tweet asking if her life mattered?  As a Black Trans-gendered Woman, her life is in so much danger.  I'll remind you that in 2019 - the Human Rights Campaign reported that of the 26 murders they reported, 90% of those were Black Trans-gendered Women.

I spent the month of June trying to educate myself and learn what I can do to make this world a safer place for all LGBTQIA folx but especially Black Trans-gendered Women.  Just like working on making myself less racists, I had to start with what do I know, what have I been taught, and forgive myself for falling short for so long.

Much like my anti-racist self-work, I started with Netflix.  I binged watched Pose.  I cheered for Blanca.  I danced with Damon.  I cried with Pray Tell.  I tried to understand what it is about being Gay and Black that is so wrong and what made being trans-gendered and Black so dangerous.  I still have so many questions.  I have next to no answers.  After watching, Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen, I felt privileged.  Not just in my cis-gendered, heterosexual female-ness but because I know and have known trans-gendered people.  

Disclosure opened my eye to the privilege of actually knowing someone who was trans.  If I remember correctly, 95% of Americans have never met a person who is trans-gendered.  My experience with trans-gendered people is as a teacher/librarian.  I have worked with students who eventually disclosed themselves as trans.  So my experience has been watching people bloom into adults who are happy in their own skin.  Who wouldn't want that for people?  Why would you want people to hurt and hide?

The "what" makes life as a Black Transgender Woman so dangerous still feels so nebulous.  As best as I can glean, the hate is rooted in power.  This group, Black-Trans-Women, has the least power so other people who feel less powerful exert their frustrations on them.  Will the police protect them?  If they don't have "family" who will fight for them?  Did you know that they can be denied health care by medical professionals if the "professional" feels it is against their religious beliefs to be trans!?  This group is completely on the fringe of society.  Alone, abused, powerless and the rest of us laugh when someone makes a "tranny" joke.  I want to punch myself for all of the times I said nothing.

Transgendered women are real women.  If you are a man who is attracted to a transwoman, you are not gay because that is a woman you are attracted too.  But also, there is nothing wrong with being gay so get over that!  We all need to work to make this world safer.  If we make it safer for Trans Women, then it is safer for all women.  I have two daughters and I want them to be safe but first, we have to make sure those with the least power are protected.  

This is the list of each person I honored on my June journey:

June 1 - Dana Martin

June 2 - Monika Diamond

June 3 - Tony McDade

June 4 - Nina Pop

June 5 - Jazzaline Ware

June 6 - Ashanti Carmon

June 7 - Claire Legato

June 8 - Muhlaysia Booker

June 9 - Michelle Tamika Washington

June 10 - Paris Cameron

June 11 - Chynal Lindsey

June 12 - Chanel Scurlock

June 13 - Dominique Remmie Fells and Riah Milton

June 14 - Zoe Spears

June 15 - Brooklyn Lindsey

June 16 - Dena Liberries Stuckey

June 17 - Tracy Single

June 18 - Bubba Walker

June 19 - Kiki Fantroy

June 20 - Pebbles Ledime Doe

June 21 - Bailey Reeves

June 22 - Jamagio Jamar Berryman

June 23 - Itali Marlowe

June 24 - Brianna BB Hill

June 25 - Yahira Nesby

June 26 - Mia Perry

June 27 - Layleen Polanco

June 28 - Kenna Mattel AKA Kelly Stough

June 29 - Tydida Nasbury

June 30 - To the unknown, unreported, misgendered Trans-gendered murder victims

 

Say their names.  Honor their memories with work.  Each person listed was a human being.  Straight people, we need to do more.

P.S. - I am working on being a better ally.  If I have misspoken, please help correct me.  Sometimes we have to say the wrong thing before we can get right.

#PrideMonth Challenge - 1 mile everyday in memory of a murdered #transgender person

The month of June is usually "Pride" month; a month when the LGBTQIA community celebrates their history as a community and hosts events and parades to celebrate all things LGBTQIA.

This month I challenged myself to walk a minimum of 1 mile each day in memory of a murdered transgender person.  I have been using the work of the Human Rights Campaign.  They track the murders can publish a list as well as release a yearly report on the status of the transgender community.

While I knew people who are trans have a harder time in the general population than perhaps the rest of the LGBTQIA community, the numbers are staggering.  In 2019, there were 26 known murders of transgender people.  Of those 91% were Black women.  81% were under the age of 30.  Maybe less surprising, 65% were in the South.  

So what?  Why focus on transgender people?  Well simply, it matters.  Trans lives matter.  I have taught and worked with several people who transitioned or identify outside of cis-gendered norms.  Of those students, there isn't a single one that I believe is an extra or unworthy human life and therefore would be okay to murder.  If the Black Lives Matter has taught me anything, it is that silence equals implied consent.  I will not stay silent.  Transgender Lives Matter!

On June 21, I did my walk in memory of Baily Reeves, who was only 17 when she was murdered for being transgendered.  Her mother reached out to me the next day and thanked me for walking in her memory.  Honestly, I cried when I saw the message.  She took time out of her day to thank me.  Like my 5k walk is really as close to nothing as I can do and yet the small gesture seemingly meant a lot to her.  Her little girl was not completely forgotten.  

I have done 24 walks equaling 80 miles or so.  I have listed 25 names (I did 2 on one post) and there are still names to go.  I'm focused on all Black trans people murdered in 2020 and 2019.  The list is too long.  Our silence is way too loud.