Friday, August 7, 2009

Feeling out of sorts

I think that is the best way to put it. I just feel out of sorts. I feel like I don't know myself anymore not that I have a baby growing inside of me.
I can't eat what I want or drink what I want. I have to think about Bud. I can't sit for too long, stand for too long or lay down on my back or stomach. I have to think about Bud. I have pain in my back and pelvis but I'm afraid to take anything. I have to think about Bud.
Bud is just about the only thing on my mind. I wonder if all first-time moms feel that way. It's hard enough to take care of me but it's not just me anymore. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I don't have anything to wear but I can't seem to find anything to buy. I want to feel sexy and confident like I did before Bud.
I think the strangest part is for all of the anxiety that I feel about being pregnant, I'm most afraid I'll wake up tomorrow to find out it was all a dream. That Bud was all in my head and I'm still in the middle of a struggling to get pregnant.
I'm a ball of hormones. I don't think I ever expected that pregnancy would be this hard. I guess I just didn't know what to expect.