Thursday, September 30, 2010

Big plans for a little baby

So Audrey is all of 9 months old but already people are asking about her birthday.  What are you going to do?  Where are you going to have her party? 

I am unsure of how to handle this.  She is going to be a year old.  She doesn't really have friends so who do you invite?  This lack of friends is beginning to be a problem for Audrey.  She wants to interact with other kids.  She wants to do this during mass, not exactly the best time.  I took her to my aunt's house so she could play with my cousin's son.  He was willing to play but he is about 5 months old and got tired of waiting for Audrey to get going.  But at least she met someone new. 

I want her to have friends.  I don't want to hold her back from becoming the social butterfly she seems to want to be but how do I get her new friends when I don't have any here?  Either I'm finding moms who stay at home and therefore have daytime playdates or it's women with no children.  I really am at a loss.  I know part of the reason I'm holding back on making/finding local friends is that I have one foot out of the door.  The plan is to move to Austin in a couple of years so that Ray can work on his PhD.  Once I decided to stop planning for the future I know I'll find people but I just don't want to.  The last time I finally let my guard down and starting looking for friends, I found group of incredible woman (the Triad Tot Totters).  They were wonderful and I could relate to them and we could hang but then as soon as I found them we moved to Texas.  So I"m a little gunshy.  I want friends, I hate being by myself all day but I'm making friends just to leave them.  What is the best thing for Audrey?  I know the answer is to get off my ass and find some friends so I guess that is my next task.  Anyone in the deep East Texas area want to hang?

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fear of birth

I have a friend that has entered the anyday now phase of pregnancy.  Well really she's not due for about 5 more weeks but babies have their own plans.  So anyways, I find myself praying for her and fearing the phone call.  I still feel so raw from the shock of B's death, I can't help but to fear the next phone call.  Also in fairness, I also had a friend lose a baby about three weeks ago, which is also still floating around in my head.

You know I had a homebirth.  You know I worry about going to hospital no matter what the cause.  After B's death the fear of birthing in the hospital is so on the surface.  I know K is ready and willing and begging for a c-section.  She also knows quite well my feelings on cutting.  But above all I believe in anyone's choice to birth or not as they please.  I think I've just has the rose-colored glasses removed from my eyes when it come to the hospital birth.  I guess part if just naivety on my part.  I have always felt that good people deserve good things and that God will protect them.  But honest to goodness B was as close to a saint as I had met and she didn't make it thur child birth.  I know good people die.  I know that good vs bad doesn't really matter to death.  So if my faith in fairness is shaken and smaller then what has filled the space and the cracks, fear. 

I love K, much like I did B.  I want to hear/read on her facebook all about the wonderful surgery and how her gallbladder scar and c-section scar make a smiley face.  But I'm afraid I'll be receiving a call from Leann letting me that things are not good.  I'm afraid too for my other friend who will giving birth in the same hospital and with the same practice as B.  That hospital has a reputation for death, especially maternal death.  So I guess all I can do is pray and celebrate and gift like everyone will be there for me to see in the summer when I finally return to Southside Virginia.

Baby J will be a year old, B will not be there.  Baby A will be close to 10 months old, I have faith K will be there to tell me all about the horrible things that Baby A has done.  D will have a 5-month old Baby B and tell me all about how I worry too much and to get advice on breastfeeding a baby with teeth.  A lot can happen between here and there.  I guess I could end up dead, only God knows.  Hopefully we'll be going up there to celebrate a wedding for Leann and a second baby for me.  Only time will tell.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Real Men

So the other day on Mothering.com I read an article entitled "Real Men Co-sleep."  It was interesting.  I like that the father was trying to pin down what a real man is.  That a real man is a man that tries to be a good dad.

Back when I was working as a teacher on the detention home I heard a guard tell a kid that he considered him a man since he had a kid.  Does the ability to reproduce make you a man?  Does having sex make a boy a man?  I think we are suffering from a real lack of real men in our world.  If we had more examples of real men then we would have less punks out there making babies and running away.

DH is working late a few nights a week now.  It really makes me appreciate when I have him around.  I can't believe that there are women that do it alone.  It is so hard just for a few hours.  I'm glad I have a real man by my side.  I'm glad my dad stood up and showed me what a real man was so that could spot one.  Where have all the real men gone?  I know there are some out there.  My friends seem to be catching the last few.  I hope my Audrey will be able to find one when her time comes.  

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Return to wheat exile

So after much debate and looking at several poopy diapers, I have to admit my daughter is wheat sensitive if not out right allergic.  Back when Audrey was about 3 weeks old, I noticed she would spit up alot and have horrible crying fits of painful gas.  At the time we deduced it was wheat since, she was still very little and DH has a confirmed allergy to wheat, among many many other foods.  Once I went wheat free Audrey was so much better.  We even put up the gas drops.  After about a month, I slowly started to let wheat back into my diet.  A cracker here, a burger there and she seems to be okay so I thought I was in the clear.

Because DH is allergic to wheat, it has been a small part of our diet.  He has never phased it out completely but we try to allergy free meals a few time a week and minimal allergy meals the rest.  Audrey seem to do fine but once we moved back to Texas, we stopped being careful.  Since we live with my parents and they always have bread and flour tortillas in the house, I've just stuffed my face.  This has also been the start of Audrey's move to solids.  I say that because I"m trying to remember when I first noticed a big change in her poop. 

I know solids poop and EBF poop are different from each other and in general it seems that people say as long as there is poop the color, texture and smell will vary so don't worry.  But I noticed that her poop was starting to have a jello like texture.  The color was very dark even if she didn't have anything dark to eat and the super green poop was uber weird.  It smelled awful.  She was clearing the room.  Audrey is eating solids but I would say that about 80% of her diet is till breastmilk.  So why the changes? 

Well it all came to a head this week.  Two nights we had to find gas drops because she was in so much pain.  She was asleep but doubled over and crying.  She had also been diagnosed with eczema, which can be caused by allergies.  The light bulb went off.  The wheat!  I hit the wheat hard over labor day weekend.  Hot dogs for like 3 meals a day for 3 days straight.  I love hot dogs!  I couldn't ignore it anymore.  So I went off the wheat Thursday and Friday and the change was huge.  The first night she was a bit fitful but not screaming gas pain.  The second night, she only cried to eat.  Her poop went from dark brown and jelloy to yellow and just slightly thicker than her EBF poop has been.

I guess she had been suffering this whole time :(  I feel like an awful mother.  How could I hurt my baby like that?  I should have known better.  So I am returned to wheat exile.  Now we start experimenting.  How much wheat can she tolerate?  Does she have any of Ray's other allergies?  I think we're going to skip the allergist for now and just kinda try stuff on our own.  I'm going to miss bread but it's either give up the bread or give up the breastfeeding.  Strangely I never even considered the last option. 

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I like cloth diapers

Okay so I'm the first to admit that I was late to the cloth diaper game.  My Audrey was 4 months old before I ever bought a cloth diaper and it wasn't until we moved to Texas that we switched her full-time.  I wish I had switched her earlier!  She seems to be more comfortable in her cloth diapers, like she can feel the softness on her tush instead of the faux-cotteny feel of the disposable.

Our switch has not been without perils.  First was the seemingly never ending rash, which turned out to be the fault of the soap I was using.  Then was the never ending laundry, which I cured by going on a buying spree.  People were not kidding about the whole addiction thing.  While I'm far from addicted, I do like to "window shop" on the diaperswappers FSOT boards.  Goodmama's are so cute and I just want to keep buying!  While I would still like to buy about 5 more Goodmama's to help rotate my stash, we are able to wash every other day, which helps this mama out a lot.

Our latest issue has been thrush but I think finally getting the diagnoses of eczema will help out a lot.  It helps to treat the right issue rather than thinking it is one thing and getting no results.  Turns out Audrey has sensitive skin like her daddy.  It was amazing the difference just from switching her to the Aveeno lotion.  Her skin is so soft and clear!  While we thought we were dealing with thrush we kept switching to disposables.  The number of blow outs sky-rocketed!  Why do they blow so much?  My GM's just seem to hold and hold. 

I'm thinking I need to buy a diaper sprayer to finish rounding out my cloth diapering world.  My parents (who watch Audrey during the day) and Ray leave all of the laundry for me.  That was part of the compromise for the switch, they would be supportive as long as I did the laundry.  I'm happy to do it but I'm finding it is much hard to clean the poopy ones now that she's getting in a far amount of solids and then everyone just mixes the diapers up so I can't tell which ones are wet vs poop.  I think the sprayer might help with the removal of the extra. 

So I like cloth diapers.  Audrey likes cloth diapers.  The amount of baby trash I put out is less than half of what it use to be under the disposable regime.    Now if I can just find a good deal on a few more GM's.