Sunday, January 29, 2012

Feeling fat

so yesterday I went to Victoria's Secret.  Needless to say I now feel super fat.  Since losing weight with the wheatfree diet, I've been having a crisis of body image.  Strangely, I was more comfortable being bigger.  I felt sexy.  Now I just don't know how to feel about me.  I'm about a size 16.  Basically I'm back to my high school size, not my high school weight but size.  I feel too fat for "regular" sized clothes but the "plus" sized stuff fit too big.  I'm in a no woman's land. 

As part of my trying to reclaim me, I'm trying to evolve my personal style.  I want to be a bit more pin-up and less sweatpants mom.  I want to feel sexy, strong and beautiful all the time instead of feeling so slouchy.  The make-up I can totally handle.  While I tend to be more clean faced, I love eyeliner.  I am in search of the perfect red lipstick but that is a blog for another day.  I am struggling with the clothes.  I want to wear things fitted but then my muffin top shows.  I want to wear things that are breastfeeding friendly.  I've actually had a lot of luck with that.

One area that is actually working for me is shoes!  Since I have to wear pumps and "fancy" shoes to work, I am finding for the first time in my life I can wear high heels without a problem.  So this leads me to Victoria's Secret.  I love wearing a garter belt and stockings.  They feel sexy.  They are classic pin-up.  It's like a sexy secret since it's under the dress and only I know I have it on.  None of my old garter belts fit and I don't have any stockings so off I got to buy some.  I headed to the Secret in hopes of finding something.  Instead, I left with my ego super bruised.  I feel fat.  Oh well, I'll feel sexy another day.

Scary ain't it :)