Monday, January 30, 2012


DH and I had a long discussion yesterday after my "Feeling Fat" post.  He of course argued that men don't feel like that.  They don't allow the media in like that.  He's a big guy and if the clothes don't fit he just moves on.  Okay, but men also don't have really have the skinny vs fluffy debate to deal with.  If I want something sexy I have to go to a specialty store.  Big Girls 'R Us ain't on every corner.  A fluffy girl has to know where to shop.  We can't just go into any store and expect to walk out with something.  If the store doesn't have a "Plus-size" "Today's Woman" "Womens" or another random for the fluffy girl term section then you are shit out of luck.  With men tending to buy big, thanks to the horrible show your underwear fashion, they can usually find something even if it is just undershirts.  Not true for the fluffy girl.  If I want something other than perfume, Victoria's secret is not for me.  By the same token, if you want something from Lane Bryant and you are under a size 14, they go nothing for you.  Women are set up in a vs fashion.  Skinny bitches vs Fluffy goddesses; what is up with that!?

Anyways, I'm still on the hunt of a garter belt and stockings.  I've gone to the interwebs and have found a lot of stuff.  I'm a bit worried about the budget but only because I found some to die for steel-bones corsets.  Too bad I don't blog toward fashion or might could talk some of these companies into letting me try and review.  LOL.  The quest continues.

I am sexy.  My clothes don't really mean anything.  My feelings about myself are all in my head and on this blog.  Yes, there are times I feel fat.  There are also times I'm walking around thinking I'm the hottest thing ever.  Most days I'm just happy in my own skin.  So with or without the corset, garter belt, stockings, and sky-high pump, I'm sexy and I know it!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Feeling fat

so yesterday I went to Victoria's Secret.  Needless to say I now feel super fat.  Since losing weight with the wheatfree diet, I've been having a crisis of body image.  Strangely, I was more comfortable being bigger.  I felt sexy.  Now I just don't know how to feel about me.  I'm about a size 16.  Basically I'm back to my high school size, not my high school weight but size.  I feel too fat for "regular" sized clothes but the "plus" sized stuff fit too big.  I'm in a no woman's land. 

As part of my trying to reclaim me, I'm trying to evolve my personal style.  I want to be a bit more pin-up and less sweatpants mom.  I want to feel sexy, strong and beautiful all the time instead of feeling so slouchy.  The make-up I can totally handle.  While I tend to be more clean faced, I love eyeliner.  I am in search of the perfect red lipstick but that is a blog for another day.  I am struggling with the clothes.  I want to wear things fitted but then my muffin top shows.  I want to wear things that are breastfeeding friendly.  I've actually had a lot of luck with that.

One area that is actually working for me is shoes!  Since I have to wear pumps and "fancy" shoes to work, I am finding for the first time in my life I can wear high heels without a problem.  So this leads me to Victoria's Secret.  I love wearing a garter belt and stockings.  They feel sexy.  They are classic pin-up.  It's like a sexy secret since it's under the dress and only I know I have it on.  None of my old garter belts fit and I don't have any stockings so off I got to buy some.  I headed to the Secret in hopes of finding something.  Instead, I left with my ego super bruised.  I feel fat.  Oh well, I'll feel sexy another day.

Scary ain't it :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

50% of my life

So DH and I recently crossed a milestone of togetherness; we've been together as a couple for 50% of our lives.  So half of my life has been spent as part of this couple.  Pretty cool and it makes me think about how we spend our lives.  I mean in the grand scheme of things Audrey's babyhood was a blink of an eye.  This 2 year+ of breastfeeding are nothing.  I mean if I live to be 100 and then I would have spent like 4% of my life breastfeeding Audrey (if she weans by age 4).

Time has been on my mind.  I'm not that old, all of 32, but I don't want to be old one day looking back and going I waste x amount on my life hating my job or caring about what person x thought of me.  I'm in a good place.  I love what I do.  I love my family.  I am still madly in love with my husband.  Is my life prefect?  No but I'm happy.  Good days and bad days, I think all balance out to 75/25 when it's all said and done.  So 50% of my life has been with DH.  I guess from here on out everyday tills the balance to more DH than no DH.  Interesting.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

100 things to eat before you die - my turn

So this list has been making the rounds for a few years.  I got from Chew on That blog.  So I'm marking things in red if I've eaten it, plus making my own random comments.

1. Venison - we call this deer meat
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros - I'm Mexican so yeah, I've eaten this most mornings.
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile - I've had alligator, does that count?
6. Black pudding - I'm not a fan of blood things.
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari - I miss calamari.
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses (A French cheese)
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns  
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (one of the hottest peppers in the world)
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - I've have both but not together
33. Salted lassi - I've had mango lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - Again had both but not together
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects 

43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Single Malt whiskey
46. Fugu 
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea Urchin 
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal - Grew up on these but those days are long gone.
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst  
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkil
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef - they called it Kobe beef, not sure if it was.
86. Hare - Same as rabbit?
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish 
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake - I honestly don't remember

My total = 54 things.

I like the list.  It includes simple everyday stuff and them some harder to find things.  I'm hoping to cross off more this year.  DH has 70 or so on the list.  His family traveled the US when he was younger.  I have a I'll eat it once philosophy.  I think part of it is growing up poor.  I don't come from people that turn their noses up at food.  If I'm hungry then I'll eat.  We'll see how many more I get to cross off!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Time for me

I just got a haircut.  It had been a good 5 months since my last haircut.  Strangely, I felt a bit guilty taking the time to do it.  Like, I shouldn't be in a stylist chair but next to my DH watching Audrey play.  I have to get over it.  Audrey is getting to be more independent.  I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  She has never been a high needs baby but we do love to be together.  I work full-time; I"m away all day 5 days a week.  I need to spend time with my child but at the same time I need to spend time with myself and with DH.  How do moms with more than 1 kid do it!? 

I have been talking with DH about stepping back in my career once he finishes his Masters.  We want to homeschool and I want to spend time with Audrey without the pressure of work.  I want to be a mom.  DH points out that I have never been good at taking time off.  I have to have my time filled up.  He thinks staying at home would be the death of me.  Maybe he's right.  Can I be happy just being a mom?  But would I just be a mom?  I want to step up my commitment to LLL. I want to teach my daughter.  I want to work more on my blog.  Oh yeah and have more kids.  I think my day would be full.  I also want to go back to college and take some classes but that is a back-burner kind of thing. 

We'll see what happens.  Right now, I'm trying to balance what I have. 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Breastfeeding Goals met

So if you look at my breastfeeding timeline at the top of my blog, I have met my breastfeeding goal.  When I found out I was pregnant and thinking about breastfeeding, my research brought me to the idea that I wanted to breastfed my child for at least 2 years.  2 years is the minimum recommended by WHO.  I had read and heard from other moms that toddlers are picky eaters and breastfeeding would mean that I would know my child was getting the right food.  So 2 years was my goal. 

DH was not thrilled but as a researcher himself, he understood my reasons for setting the goal.  Like everything else with my parenting style, he just goes along as long as DD is happy and healthy.  Now it's been a few months that we passed the comfortable with breastfeeding in public phase.  It kinda wigged us both out for a bit but after seeing so much controversy surrounding NIP, I think we're both back on the NIP bandwagon.  If you want to say something to my big black DH go for it.  So we're NIP to help other couples with NIP.  So I proudly breastfeed a 2-year-old in public without a cover. 

At this point, DD and I are still nursing.  My mom told DD no more boob and DD had a total meltdown!  I mean a serious panic attack.  Needless to say she's more attached to the boobs than before.  So I don't think we'll be weaning anytime soon.  In case you are wondering, DD nurses about 5 - 6 time a day.  Perfectly normal and totally do able.  Some days she might nurse just 4 times, some days it can be like 8.  Everything from here on out is golden.  When will we stop nursing?  I have no clue.  Moving forward it's all on DD.  We'll stop when she is ready.  I met my goal so now I'll just listen to my DD.

Photo taken by AMZ Photo of Lufkin, TX.