So maybe not so dramatically but it felt like it.
Last week I walked in to find Ravebaby enjoying the mess out of a cup of microwaved Kraft Mac&Cheese. I think for many parents this would have been a cute sight. A wonderful picture opportunity to share on Facebook. A cute yellow covered face with a huge smile and the perfectly place cup in that beautiful little hand. For me, my blood ran cold and I went into panic mode. Yes my beautiful wheat-allergic daughter had just consumed a huge amount of wheat!
I know I was showing my panic. My mother and father, who had been watching Ravebaby at the time, were freaking out. Ravebaby started to freak out and yell at her grandmother for giving her wheat. I had to take a deep breath and start calming down at least outwardly. I was honestly freaking out. First few thoughts, is she breathing okay? Should I take her to the ER? Do I call DH? What do I do now? Why didn't I throw that stupid cup of mac and cheese away a long time ago?
Once I could think again, I got Ravebaby her allergy meds and called DH because I needed to hear from someone that I had done the right thing. Ravebaby was fine. I think we were more freaked out than hurt initially. The first day there wasn't any real reaction. Maybe she had outgrown the allergy? Could it be? Was my daughter ready to join the ranks of the "normal" kids? Yes, I love her just the way she is but I'm a mom and "normal" would still be nice.
Anyways, the hope gives way to night terrors! A big huge fuck you and your hope too to me. It has been a week since the mac and cheese and she has been sleep walking and waking up at least five times a night. Her attitude stinks; mostly due to lack of good sleep, I think. So far outside of losing sleep, nothing else has really reacted. No horrible skin break outs. No sickness. She has living on gas medicine but otherwise pretty good overall.
I know plenty of wheatfree mamas out there have guilt and stories similar to mine. I'm sharing so you know you are not alone. I watch what Ravebaby eats but I'm not with her 24/7 and she is getting older and pulling food for herself. She is going to eat wheat. She has done it before and she'll do it again. All I can do is take a deep breath and be ready to give her her allergy meds and gas meds and lose sleep. I'm so lucky it is not worse. I don't know what I would do if this ever turned deadly. So far so good. No point in worrying about a bridge before I get to it, right?