Friday, December 14, 2018


Several years back I was talking with someone at the coffeeshop about needing to make some money but I'm too chunky to make any money as a hooker.  This person then told me that I would make an excellent escort.  According to him, the men who call escorts are generally lonely and looking for companionship not sex.  The guys after sex go to streetwalkers.  Escorts provide the girlfriend experience and that with my personality I would be perfect for that.  "All you have to do is talk, maybe shake your titties a little bit and come home with money."

Well I feel like I learned a lot in that conversation.  One that streetwalkers don't need to talk and two that my listening skills might in fact be profitable.  If you are a long time reader then you know that I'm a shy introvert with an energy that calls the hurting.  DH say I draw in the crazies.  I hate calling strangers crazies but they do tend to tell me all of their dark secrets so maybe crazy is the right name for them.  I tend to try to hide in a corner (everybody puts Martha in a corner) and yet somehow I will end up listening to the deep dark secrets of random strangers.  But that is the topic of many other blog posts back to this one.

So all of that to get to Friendscorts.  I was recently rewatching Pushing Daisies and I rediscovered the "Frescorts" episode.  Basically, the episode is centered around a rent-a-friend business.  I really like the idea.  I'm in a friendless era at the moment (okay I have friends they just all live 4+ hours away or are so busy being winner that I can't get facetime with them) and you can't make friends by staying in your house but I'm so shy I can't make myself go out by myself.  Well, I'm actually okay going to do something by myself but I'm not going to be out and about in a way that means I meet people.  I go to things like the movies or skating or running.  Basically, if I leave the house I'm doing so while actively avoiding meeting people.  With a "friend" I feel more open to meeting people.  Basically I need a friendscort so I can attempt to make friends.

If  I know I'm meeting someone then I go into places/events with a mind to meeting and talking to strangers.  People like to talk to me but I have to be in the right mindset to actually talk to them.  If I'm paying someone to hang out with me then I know they will show up.  No lame excuses or running so late I'm on my way back home and have to turn around.  If I'm paying then I expect you to be on time.  When would I call a friendscort?  These would be last minute calls.  I'm bored and have a free hour, time to call the Rent-A-Friend and go for a run.  I'm feeling sad and want to go dancing - call Rent-A-Friend!  I don't want people to mess with me while I am writing at the coffee shop, I need Rent-A-Friend! 

Friendship requires work and an investment of time.  Brene Brown writes about how important it is to respect people's time because it is our only personal non-renewable resource.  Time is something that is limited for all of us.  Because I'm shy and an introvert, I don't always have the energy for people at the right time.  I want to leave the house and go dancing, skating, running, rock climbing, drink coffee, have pizza, or go bar hopping but everyone I know locally and elsewhere is busy and working their asses off.  I don't have any loser friends that I can call at the last minute to do something.  The people I know require plans, dates, and appointments.  I don't think there is anything worse than forcing myself to go out on a planned date when I just want to sit and read.  Actually that's not true, it is worse to be sitting at home wishing someone would invite me to something at the last minute and instead spiralling into shame that I'm such an awful human being that no one even thinks to invite me to things. 

I need a Rent-A-Friend.  No long term commitments or investments just someone to hang with.  It sounds so easy.  Unlike real friends, with a Rent-A-Friend I know I have a "friend" for as long as I pay for.  No one telling me I suck because I cancel plans or I'm too mean or I don't have enough good points to make up for my bad ones.  The expectations are known and met.  The Rent-A-Friend contract spelled out clearly.  No expectations for band practice later, no feeling guilty for not attending some party the next day.  Rent-A-Friend is here and now.  Tomorrow is a different person, a different mood, a blank slate.  Okay, there is also no real connection, no real courage used, just empty conversation but sometimes you get to the point where an empty container still feel better than an empty hand.  The effect is the same but it does feel different.

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